Go Fug Yourself: Because Fugly Is The New Pretty

Madame Fugssaud's

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Oh honey NO

Apparently, Madame Tussaud's is pulling out some waxworks to fete the life and mourn the death of Michael Jackson. Which is a very fine idea, except ... well, see for yourself:

[Photo: Splash News]

The outfit, which I'm sure is based on a real one, somehow comes off more like what a figure-skater would wear to perform a program set to England's most popular songs of national devotion. And that's because the face and hair... listen, every time I look up at this, I see a brunette Marcia Cross, which is something I PROMISE -- mostly to Marcia -- that I NEVER SAID or even THOUGHT during MJ's lifetime when I viewed him in the flesh. So it's not great for her, and this terrible thing really is the final indignity for a dude who, let's face it, suffered a lot of them because he was troubled. Not exactly the kind of memorial I would dream of, would you?

Before this thing's hideousness shuts down our brains entirely, then, I think it's time to check out for the GFY Birthday Long Weekend. Okay, so maybe for most people -- and, say, the government -- this long weekend has more to do with the birth of the United States of America, but whatever. WE KNOW THE TRUTH. Have a great one. Watch some fireworks, eat some grilled hot dogs, chug some beer, and above all, stop trying to imagine this waxwork MJ sitting in front of a mirror and ripping off her wig.

See you on Monday!

The Fugist

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So, about a week ago, I totally misread a story on Movieline and got it into my head that Adam "Seth Cohen" Brody was making some movie about being in prison. And I was VERY EXCITED by the prospect. So you can imagine my woe when I realized that ONCE AGAIN I misread, and it was actually ADRIEN Brody. (If you're following our Twitter, you don't have to imagine it because I think I posted something that included wails and gnashing of teeth.) And here he is, to rub it in:

[Photo: WENN.com]

DUDE. Just as two wrongs don't make a right, a vee-neck cardigan and a freaking BANDANNA do NOT MAKE A SHIRT. You're FREAKING ME OUT here. Put on. Some clothes. You fool.

There's Only So Many Way You Can Insert "Fug" Into "Kate Moss"

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lace,
Leg City

Listen.

[Photo: Splash News]

At a certain point, why even bother with shorts? Just go out in your boots and bed-jacket and be done with it.

Scrolldown Fug: Whitney Port

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I don't understand -- did Whitney think it was International From-The-Waist-Up Day? Or that Independence Day weekend meant freeing yourself from the itchy binds of well-matched outfits?

[Photo: Splash News]

I could handle how haphazard that belt is with the vest, because what she's trying to achieve is identifiable, but I'm not sure how to account for the fact that she's wearing her very favorite pajama shorts, unless this whole thing is actual, tangible proof that she's sleepwalking her way through shooting The City. But that's no excuse for being a walking variation on a mullet -- business up top, party everywhere else -- and it makes her look like she's going to set up Lucy Van Pelt-style booth of legal advice at some outdoor music festival. Which I would MAYBE give her a pass for if she promised to yank a football away from that idiotic Jonas/Bee Gee hybrid she fake-dated on the show, or even, nay especially, if she did it to Olivia Palermo. But ONLY then.

The Secret Life of Fugs

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dumpy sacks

Okay. So Sophie Okonedo is so pretty. There is no question about that. But I do have some questions about this:

Namely, from which hospital did she just escape, and why didn't she ask her getaway car driver to bring her a change of clothes?

Fug or Fab: Jessica Simpson

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red,
stripes

I wish I had a more complete set of these photos (you can see them in greater detail at Celebuzz), but you guys are smart. You can work with this. The question is, CAN J. SIMP?

Exhibit A:

[Photos: Splash News]

Exhibit B:

Skin-tight, calf-length horizontal stripes are ballsy for anyone. If I thought she was savvy enough to be credited with this sort of forethought, I'd almost imagine that Jessica Simpson is wearing this to say, "people, I could not be happier with my body, so BUZZ OFF." Because you don't wear something this body conscious unless you think you look super hot -- or you're dying for attention. And you know what? I wish it was maybe an inch shorter, but I think she's kind of working it. I can't believe that, over the last five years, I've gone from "JESSICA SIMPSON, GO AWAY," to "Oh, leave Jessica Simpson alone! God! She's PERFECTLY FINE!" But there here we are.

poll by twiigs.com

Hmmmmmmily Played: Giuliana Rancic

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polls

There's nothing wrong, on a basic level, with what Giuliana is wearing.

But methinks she's currently learning the hard way that twigging the paparazzi to your TOTALLY SPONTANEOUS bowling date with your husband, then wearing a perky little sundress with a semi-fitted skirt, is not the smartest idea if you plan on actually playing the game -- because now she has to hurl that thing down the lane with enough form not to hurt herself, but without flashing anyone, ripping the dress or generally making a klutz out of herself. This is why normal people don't bowl in perky little sundresses with semi-fitted skirts.

Then again, she could just be struggling to count the number of pins out there. Math IS hard.

poll by twiigs.com

Fugs Aloud

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So, I guess it was recently Cheryl Cole's birthday. She's in the Brit girl group Girls Aloud and is an X Factor judge and married to dreamy footballer (did I just use that term correctly? "Footballer," I mean. I am quite confident in my use of the word "dreamy.") Ashley Cole. And while I am generally of the belief that you should wear WHATEVER YOU WANT on your birthday, I didn't exactly mean this:

[Photo: Splash News]

Um. Wow. Ashley looks so sharp, and Cheryl looks so... well, maybe I need to see it from another angle?

Continue reading Fugs Aloud.

The Fugliful Life

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Oh, Mischa. You are right to be afraid.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Just LOOK AT YOURSELF. You resemble ten miles of rough road that leads straight to a biker bar with a Forever 21 in the back room. Which actually might be kind of delightful on a night out, but not if it means wearing cheaply beaded hot pants and a bowler hat. That's too Cabaret Recessionista for me.

Fug The Cover: Sandra Bullock

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In Style

I find Sandra Bullock a bit fabulous. Once, I saw her at a hockey game with her husband, and they randomly were sitting next to Kid Rock and his Pammy-lite date having a gay old time in totally arena-appropriate casual clothes, and she and Jesse helped out a kid who took a puck to the head by getting him some water or something -- I don't know, the memory is fuzzy, as if maybe it was ME that got walloped on the head -- and the whole thing was endearing. She seems like she'd be incredibly fun to go get a beer and some BBQ with, while we talk about how jumpsuits are stupid and maybe get shouty over some sports on the TV and end up having to call cabs home because, oops, that was one too many pitchers of Shiner Bock.

So I wish this cover had done her more justice:

[Photo: Splash News]

At least UK In Style agrees that I'd like to grab a meal with her, but is this really the best picture of Sandra's face? There is something so aggressive and overly intense about it. Like she was on a break during the photo shoot, and the photographer came up to her and said, "Look, I'm having a really bad day -- I just ate a cat for breakfast and I'm pretty sure my underwear is on backwards and my cousin just came back from the dead after a tragic decapitation accident," and Sandy paused for a sec, hoisted her leg up on a chair, leaned forward and said, "You're shitting me, right?" And of course then the photographer would scream with joy and snap a photo, because clearly that mixture of barely suppressed revulsion, confusion, disbelief, and one squished boob is SO 2009.

Madame Fugssaud's

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The Fugist

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Ashley Greene—and Her Little Dog, Too

There's Only So Many Way You Can Insert "Fug" Into "Kate Moss"

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Scrolldown Fug: Whitney Port

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The Secret Life of Fugs

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Fug or Fab: Jessica Simpson

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Hmmmmmmily Played: Giuliana Rancic

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Fugs Aloud

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The Fugliful Life

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Fug The Cover: Sandra Bullock

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