GoFugYourself

Fug the Cover: Debra Messing

2008-08-19T20:25:07Z

Hee. Don't get me wrong. DebMess looks amazing here. But I find it hard to believe that Town and Country didn't have a workable shot in which she didn't look like she just got poked with a cattle prod. She just looks so....startled. Aren't all T&C cover girls supposed to look like they just rolled out of their Daughters of the American Revolution meeting and are now en route to eat tiny sandwiches and complain about the help? Although, in fairness, I once had a job at a very traditional and fancy company that we'll call The Button Factory. The Button Factory had no internet access, paid me very little but expected me to dress as though my parents had given me a huge clothing allowance (they had given me, in fact, no allowance at all, as I was a grown woman), did not allow me to wear pants, and had nearly nothing of interest for me to do most days. The Button Factory did, however, have a subscription to Town and Country, and I spent many, many days pretending to work but actually reading it because OH MY GOD I WAS SO BORED. So: thanks for that. Don't poke me with that prod for this.

Phoebe Price TerrorWatch: Part I

2008-08-19T19:40:08Z

Let me refrain from beating around the bush: P-Squared is starting to look like she spends her evening drinking the blood of virgins, and not in that "she must have made a deal with the devil, she looks so beautiful kind of way." More like, "if a zombie and a vampire had a baby, 45 years later, this is what she would look like:"

Photo: Splash News]

PHOEBE. GIRL. LESS IS MORE.

The House Fuggy

2008-08-19T18:10:00Z

[Photo: Splash News]

ANNA FARIS: Hi Katharine! Congratulations! How exciting.

KATHARINE MCPHEE: Thanks! But, what for?

ANNA: The baby!

KATHARINE: Oh, I'm not pregnant. Those pictures going around are from a movie set. It's fake.

ANNA: What pictures? I'm talking about your shirt. Why the hell would you wear that shirt if you're not actually pregnant?

KATHARINE: I don't know. It's summer. Rumer, what do you think?

ANNA: Who is Rumer?

KATHARINE: The girl standing next to you. She was in the movie with us. Rumer Wil--

ANNA: I don't know what you mean. There is no one standing next to me.

KATHARINE: But...

ANNA: NO ONE. Anyway. Maybe if you stood up straight, it would help. Are you SURE you're not pregnant?

KATHARINE: Yep. See? Check me out later:
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ANNA: Huh.

KATHARINE: Not pregnant.

ANNA: Well, color me shocked. Although we might want to talk about those pants.

KATHARINE: There's no pleasing you, is there? I mean, I like YOUR dress. Where's the love?

ANNA: Life is hard, kid.

RUMER: Tell me about it.

ANNA: Um, Katharine? Did you hear something, or is the baby kicking too loud?

KATHARINE: I give up.

ALMA Awards Fug: Eva Longoria-Parker

2008-08-19T17:29:57Z

So, after it turned out that Eva Longoria had to cut her hair for her role on Desperate Housewives, I figured sooner or later we'd see her doing something a bit more stylish with it.

In fact, I rather like it now. And this dress isn't bad, either -- I think that's actually a necklace laying over it, which in a weird way kind of works, especially because it's way less Fun Ship Cruise than most of what Eva wears. Seriously, if she worked at Friday's, she'd totally be that girl who not only managed to fit a thousand pieces of flair onto her uniform, but has a completely different batch for every weekday.

At the ALMA Awards, though, things went downhill from here. Jessica and I were just talking about how stupid this tradition is of having your awards-show host swap clothes every two seconds. The first big one I remember is when Sarah Jessica Parker hosted the MTV Movie Awards in 2000 and they made a huge deal out of the fact she wore 15 different things, and now, it's just not a party if there aren't double-digit costume changes. And since Eva L-P not only hosted the ALMA Awards but also served as the executive producer, you'd think she'd at least procure herself a rack of AWESOME clothes to change into -- but you'd be wrong.
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"Greetings, gentle viewers. Now, you might think bad things happen when you watch Sex and the City reruns while you're high on NyQuil and potato vodka. But me, my sewing machine, and this bangin' purse-dress beg to differ. I can fit a cell phone, a lip gloss, AND a snack in my boob pouch. Drink it in, QVC. I'm ready for you."

"Um, could we speed this up? I have a Disney wedding to get to, and this dress turns back into a Pepto Bismol bottle at midnight."

"My apologies, everyone. In order to borrow this dress from Joan Collins, I had to let her choke me for five minutes and then slap a martini glass out of my hand. It was all I could do to get this damn wig back on before my entrance."

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming tonight -- in a moment, we'll hand out the final award of the night, but first I'd like to get out my harp and play you a few selections from my forthcoming album, There Ought To Be Clowns: Eva Longoria-Parker Sings The Hits Of Judy Collins. Enjoy!"

90210: The New Fug

2008-08-19T16:46:10Z

Can we talk about the ads for the new 90210? They are ALL OVER Los Angeles right now and my blood boils every single time I see them. Let's take a closer look:

From left to right:

Dude at the Bottom of the 0: Do you have a porn 'stache, or is that just an unfortunate shadow? Because, frankly, I can't decide if hipster facial hair would be a terrible, terrible hair and make-up choice here, or if having a high school student/TV heartthrob with a big ol' mustache is funny enough that it's worth it.

Dude Holding AnnaLynne McCord: Are you supposed to seem smarmy? I'm okay with that. I mean, Chuck Bass is smarmy and I love him deeply, truly and without reservation (other than about the fact that he's fictional. Also, kind of a psychopath/turtleneck enthusiast). But I suspect that you, sir, are no Chuck Bass. On the other hand, you appear to have good arms. Carry on.

AnnaLynne McCord: Tyra would be so proud of you for doing what she once deemed "the booty tooch." As are, I'm sure, the horny old exes at The WB. Er, The CW. Wow, I just fell over and landed in 1998 for a second there, didn't I?

HEADBAND: This is where the rage begins. What kind of dumbass girl wears a hipster scarf headband that MATCHES HER BATHING SUIT into the pool? A girl whose face seems to long to make the acquaintance of my fist, that's who.

That Kid Who Was in The Wire: My anger subsides. Tristan Wilds is too cute to be rage-adjacent.

The Other Girl: How long do you think it'll take before this poor kid is shipped back to Degrassi so The CW can afford to pay Shannen Doherty's on-set acupuncturist? At least she can take comfort in her good hair.

And it's not like the ad think-tank at The CW doesn't know what to do with a provocative television show of hot teens who occasionally find themselves in a swimming pool:

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So I guess I don't see where it all went wrong across the hallway, you know?

ALMA Awards Fug Carpet: Christina deRosa

2008-08-18T20:37:31Z

We have featured Christina deRosa before, and I couldn't figure out who she was then, much less why she'd be invited to the ALMA Awards now. Apparently she's been in Playboy? I feel like that can't be it. Maybe it was because the event organizers were like, "let's see. We really need someone who will show up looking like Princess Leia if Han Solo broke up with her and her friends dragged her out to meet someone new and forced her to wear the hooker shoes that came with her gold bikini but she previously deemed 'too much.'"

Bingo!

Big Fug

2008-08-18T19:57:13Z

When I first saw this picture in thumbnail form, I thought the wee hem of her shorty shorts was actually the band at the bottom of an extremely short blouse-y dress and I was about to reiterate our "kids today! wearing shirts for dresses! listening to that loud rock music!" stance.

We're in a pretty pickle when a pair of ratty short shorts provides such marked relief. But smile, Daveigh Chase! You are not going to flash anyone your undies! At least, not by accident. There's no need to look so grim!

Fug or Fab: Katherine Heigl

2008-08-18T19:13:06Z

Last week, after we'd had that pretty fierce run at Katie Holmes and her pants, someone e-mailed me to suggest that I was picking on her for no reason because I don't like her -- to which I responded truthfully that, no, I was picking on her because she'd clearly had a mental break while standing in the middle of Tom's walk-in closet, and that I actually am kind of rooting for her to keep it together and speak for herself and kill it on Broadway.

However, I do have bias problems with Katherine Heigl. Like Jessica with Sarah Paulson and Studio 60, I can't separate Katherine Heigl from... well, the version of herself that is Katherine Heigl, The Actress, Who Comes Off Like A Spoiled, Conceited Brat In All Her Interviews. Ergo, I admit freely that I am totally unable to view this outfit objectively.

[Photo: Splash News]

I feel like, in THEORY, it's probably fine? I don't know. It's a little bit like something I expect Pam Anderson to wear -- you know, tiny sandals, skintight skirt, and cheap-looking shiny satin top that juices the grapefruits as much as possible. And while empirically I can admit that it shows off Heigl's figure just fine, the rest of me -- the part that wants her to exile herself to a shed in Siberia for three months so that we can have a break -- can't help thinking rather savagely that Katherine looks kind of desperate and obvious. And overtanned. Also, I really hate her hair in that style, that length, and that overprocessed color, and I hope the Grey's Anatomy writers reward her "outspokenness" not by killing her off (and thereby giving her what she wants), but forcing her to appear in every single scene with only pointless lines, like, "Here is your ten blade," or, "Hey, has anyone seen George?" or, "OK, Meredith, so I'm working on this really interesting patient, and... oh, never mind, I'm going to go take a nap."

Wow. Cranky! But, the point is, I am totally biased here, and that is why I need you people to provide a dose of perspective.

poll by twiigs.com

ALMA Awards Fug Carpet: Paula Abdul

2008-08-18T18:10:22Z

When American Idol isn't on the air, I kind of miss Paula Abdul's nonsensical natterings about how whichever poor slob is up to bat really made the song her own and truly spoke to the soul of the unicorns who live in her swimming pool and is a sparkling jewel in the firmament of paradise but was a little off-key. I also miss her tendency to show up wearing, like, a choker as a bra and a pair of jeans on her head. Which is why this pleases me:

Remember this look, ladies, because you're going to see it again come fall. Or, technically, come January 1st, because I am pretty sure it's the prototype for one of the Rose Parade's floats this year.

You Know You Fug Me

2008-08-18T17:24:18Z

I'm willing to bet Taylor Momsen spent most of the night with her fingers wrapped around the hem of this "dress," tugging it south.

[Photo: Splash News]

She's only 15; her crotch should NOT be a spectator sport. And yet here we are, under serious threat of being flashed because of an ill-designed shiny silver bag with loose straps stapled to it. It's bad form when you're a character on a hot teen soap that's always in the spotlight for its fashion, yet you're stepping out in something that's ripped straight from that terrible Project Runway challenge where the models bought the fabric and none of them picked out enough, resulting in a lot of very fancy napkins. Maybe this is promoting a plot point of the season in which Taylor's character, the horribly annoying aspiring designer Jenny Humphrey, has decided to use her internship with Blair's mother to come out with her own line of glamorous gynecological smocks. Good luck with that, Little J.

Random Fug

2008-08-15T20:49:30Z

You know, I was just thinking earlier that it seems like no one ever goes out in teeny tiny feathered showgirl outfits anymore. But behold:

THANK YOU, Annabelle Gutman! I loved you as "Sweet Girl" on CSI, and who could forget your stint as "Waitress" on Desperate Housewives? But my favorite of your roles is obviously the seminal "Actress" on V.I.P. I am assuming that, like RDJ's 'stache, this is for a role? You're playing...a bird? On Las Vegas? Or "satisfied waxing client" on the new show Sunset Waxing (which I just invented)? Or "Hungry Client" on my personal favorite show, Sandwiches Are So Delicious? Whichever, I can't wait to treasure it like your other roles!

Fugged Over Lady

2008-08-15T19:59:23Z

It is no secret that ANTM's delicious Jade is one of our favorite reality show contestants. Anyone who spontaneously erupted into spoken-word poetry accompanied with snapping fingers as she exited the show is a treasure to be cherished. As is this particular ensemble:

A spangled bra top, perhaps nicked from a belly-dancing costume, worn as casually with jeans as a tank top? I feel a haiku coming on:

Amuse me, Jade Cole
Bra top with jeans? Whatever
You want. Please snap now.

Fug or Fab: Blair Waldorf

2008-08-15T19:05:24Z

It's been a while since we checked in with those rapacious young scamps on the Gossip Girl set, and since it feels like everyone in Hollywood is still in bed sleeping off four consecutive nights of really late gymnastics competitions, let's take a squizz at Queen B.

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

That is a gorgeous shade of green. I might love the dress if it were sleeveless, or cap-sleeved, but those beaded, belled crazies are leaving me undecided. On the one hand, they're campy majesties; on the other, they're just Dynasty enough that I feel like she resembles less an Upper East Side social butterfly than the most powerful mother in the Emerald City PTA.

poll by twiigs.com

NYFug.com: Which Olympians Could Be Anna Wintour's New Arm Candy?

2008-08-15T18:18:09Z

Let's face it. We've all been home all week, holed up in front of the television until some ungodly hour, watching the Olympics. And why? Well, there's the whole majesty of sport, tradition of excellence and camaraderie of the games. And then there's the whole part about how every single one of those athletes can do totally awesome crazy mind-blowing stuff with their bodies. And then, of course, there are their bodies. Come on, we're not the only ones who find ourselves transfixed by the magic of Olympian abs. In fact, we'd bet money that even editrix supreme Anna Wintour has found herself on the sofa saying, "I'd like one of those, one of those, and one of those," and she's not talking about their shoes. This week, we use our NYMag.com column to speculate which Olympian Ms Anna might handpick to be her newest piece of arm candy:

"Ryan Lochte, swimming: Thanks to NBC's daytime Olympics coverage, we recently learned that the U.S. swim team's second-hottest medalist does not shy away from excessive bling, including a faux grill he sports for laughs. Imagine the good times he and Anna could have in Vogue's accessories closet."

So race on over to read the whole column, if you so desire, and feel free to dive into the comments (see what we did there? With "racing" and "diving"....oh, shut up. I was up until 2 a.m. watching gymnastics).

Random Fug: Alice Dellal

2008-08-15T17:45:09Z

Google tells me this sometimes-model is mainly a "punk rock party girl." I would say that's apt:

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

This is one of those photos that I would put in a 2008 time capsule, so that in 30 years people will go, "Ripped nylons as pants? Are you f'ing KIDDING ME?" And I'll be like, "I KNOW, it didn't make any sense THEN, EITHER, and yet it HAPPENED." Too bad Alice didn't leave it back in 2005, which is where the Olsens buried this trend; it's doubly weird because the top half of her looks like she popped in for a day of home-building do-gooding on, like, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, and then shacked up with Ty Pennington and crawled off in his coat.

But here is my real question: If a tree falls in the forest, and you're not around to see it because you're too busy finding a pair of shorts that will be completely obscured by your pastel plaid shirt, do they still count as shorts?