Bai Ling Archives

March 19, 2010

Fug Madness 2010, Round One Continued: Bjork Bracket

(1) LEIGHTON MEESTER vs. (16) ELISABETH MOSS

La Meester worked really hard this year to ditch the Blair Waldorf persona and adopt one of Lady Solangaga Perry. The one picture I DESPERATELY want to print here is the one I can't legally use. It's this one (go to slide #3, if it doesn't take you there automatically). LEIGHTON. HONEY. Those pants look like she had several terrible lady accidents and one awkward encounter with watercolors.

I can, however, show you this:

Those pants are kind of half-Waldorfian, half-Jenny Humphrey -- it's like what Blair would counsel Little J to wear the night she loses her virginity: Just wrap up your crotch like the precious gift it is, but in leather, to preserve the Jenny Humphrey "It Should Have Been Me In The Runaways So I'm COMING FOR YOU, FANNING" aura.

If you click on Leighton's archive, you'll see so much more fug from which to choose. Like this:

Continue reading Fug Madness 2010, Round One Continued: Bjork Bracket.

December 8, 2009

Fug Ling

Fug file:

She's baaaack. And tackier than ever, thank God. Bai Ling's short flirtation with sartorial respectability was both boring, and bad for her brand. This is more like it:

[Photos: WENN.com]

That's right. She's wearing a tutu with a fur stole. With ONLY a fur stole. I imagine this is what Carrie Bradshaw is wearing in the credits of the porn version of Sex and the City, called... Sexx and the City. And, like the the rest of Fug Nation, I couldn't help but wonder, how does one dance when one is wearing naught but a fur stole as a top? Can one do that without flashing one's nipples to all and sundry? Let's find out. I fear it is a spoiler to note that the photo after the jump is not safe for work:

Continue reading Fug Ling.

November 30, 2009

Bai Fug

Fug file:

feathers,
sequins

Of the many things for which I expressed thanks this past weekend, this woman is clearly the most creatively attired:

Also, I think she's got some feathers from the turkey I hoovered stuck in her vest. I just hate it when that happens.

October 9, 2009

Fugrophobia

Fug file:

All I know is, BAI LING IS BACK, BABY:

And I've NEVER been happier. Sure, she looks crazy. But Bai Ling OUGHT to look like this. Her brief, recent foray into respectability made me confused and nauseated. Bai Ling is not Bai Ling if she isn't wearing a skirt the size of an Ace bandage and seventeen different accessories she may or may not have accidentally borrowed from Forever 21. THIS is the order of things. The sun sets in the west, Diet Coke is fizzy, Paris Hilton will attend the opening of an eyeball, and Bai Ling dresses as though she's attempting, like a black widow, to lure the likes of Jon Gosselin into her web of youthful, devil-may-care, Ed-Hardy-adjacent skankwear. THAT IS HOW THINGS OUGHT TO BE. And, if all goes well, and Bai Ling DOES date Jon Gosselin, I feel that we can all rest assured that MAGICALLY and MAJESTICALLY she will somehow render him impotent and invisible to the rest of the known world. Suddenly, readers, I know, with complete certainty, that this is her fate. Bai Ling is a famewhore, yes, but I feel confident that she is not without a moral center, and if dating Jon Gosselin will both render her more famous AND she can do us a public service by, say, BEWITCHING HIM into entering a cloistered monastery away from the prying eyes of, oh, EVERYONE CURRENTLY ALIVE ON PLANET EARTH, I trust that she will do so. And if tattooed leggings and a shirt the size of a lobster bib are what's required of this task than I am sure you will all join me in wishing her a hearty GOOD LUCK. How do I know this is her fate, you ask? Well, I didn't get any sleep last night and I'm out of coffee and I'm pretty sure this weird feeling is what it's like to be psychic.

October 8, 2009

Crank II: Fug Voltage

Fug file:

way too much going on

What psychedelic publication hired Bai Ling to be its papergirl?

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I MUST KNOW. Because clearly I need to read it.

July 29, 2009

The Return Of Your 2008 Fug Madness Champion

Fug file:

not a shirt

"I'm BACK, bitches."

"You thought I'd left. You thought I'd sent all my little mind-sprites back to the petting zoo. But no. I only dropped them off at the groomers for a while, and now they are back, telling me what to wear and living on my shoulder and in my ear and occasionally in my hair when I forget to brush it. And someday, probably in 30 years, when EVERYONE is wearing satin bibs as shirts and skirts are illegal if they are longer than seven inches, you will understand that I am not crazy today. I am just ADVANCED. So drink in my sparkling drama cocktail and look forward to the day when the whole world dresses like me. Of course, by then, I will be dressed like Bea Arthur. But I will blow your mind with that one another day. You're not ready now."

June 12, 2009

Unfug It Up: Bai Ling

Fug file:

ill-fitting,
yellow

Bai Ling is trying really hard. Like, REALLY hard. You almost never see her in Ed Hardy bra tops and tiny frayed denim skirts any more, which I personally think is a tragedy -- it's like she's keeping her panda sprite in a bottle in the sofa of her psyche, or whatever -- but which clearly is important to her in an effort to be taken seriously as a person who understands what it means to get dressed.

Here is her latest effort, and despite the title of this post, I'm not completely mad at it:

I appreciate the attempt here. I do. She almost looks like she's trying to be a Disney princess -- maybe there's a job open on a cruise line and she's gunning for a few free trips to St. Croix. And It's always nice to see someone trying to work canary yellow, because that's a hue that strikes fear into most people's hearts, although again -- maybe she just heard that cats eat canaries and she was looking for a rough-and-tumble good time. With all the different forces at work within Bai, it's impossible to say. But all in all, whatever the reason, she's trying to work it without being 90 percent naked and I appreciate that.

But here's the thing: I'm pretty sure that dress doesn't fit.

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Bai Ling.

May 13, 2009

Where's The Fug?: Bai Ling

So, we'd heard rumors that Bai Ling has been trying to spiff up her act and tone down the outrageous clothes, in an effort to scoot herself off the D-list. And I'm really afraid that might be true, because check it out:

Okay, so it's not PERFECT. I think I see a nipple, although maybe I'm hallucinating because the Bai of Yore would've made SURE it was partly visible. But overall, she looks kind of trendy and funky, as opposed to saucily half-clad and proud of it.

Can this metamorphosis be happening? Will her first Fug Madness win be her LAST? People, I need my Bai Ling with a heaping plateful of insanity. She may have been low on Hollywood's list of priorities, but Bai Ling was never on the D-list of my HEART. With every crazy ensemble, her fame (infamy?) grew on this Web site, apace with my affection for her bra tops and tiny denim skirts and backless mini-dresses and sequined Spider Woman capes. Without the promise of those in my future, I don't know how to feel. Other than frightened. And cold. Like my pet unicorn just tore off its horn and stabbed me with it, then ran off with a pack mule so it could live quietly in the wilds of Wyoming.

If this happens, we are going to need each other now more than ever, Fug readers.

poll by twiigs.com

April 20, 2009

Nipfugs

Fug file:

For a woman whose book is allegedly titled Nipples AND who says she shot, directed, and starred in a movie called Nipples: Secrets of my Dreams, this outfit isn't focusing on the part of Bai Ling that I assumed it would:

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Bai still whipped out that fantastic royal-wedding-caliber hat and some serious leg acreage. But if she is going to get that book published -- and PLEASE let that happen, because I need a copy, like, yesterday -- you'd think Bai would be doing a little more aggressive promotional work.

Right?

Right:

Continue reading Nipfugs.

April 15, 2009

Fuggles

Fug file:

Things of Which You Should Make a Note:

1) Bai Ling may be the only person in the world who could show up somewhere in taxicab yellow short shorts and an aggressively colored/patterned shiny button down and my reaction would be, "aw, Bai Ling looks cute!" This is the consequence of living a life wherein you become known for wearing, like, coconut shell bras and Saran wrap pants. You show up in something that is the loud/crotchtacular version of Palm Beach As Interpreted Via Clothing and I think you look kind of secretly adorable.

2) How cute is Bai when she's all smiley? I feel like for the last four years, I've only ever seen her make CRAZY faces or SEXY faces and her smiley face is really rather charming. Yes, years of exposure to me have made me sort of love her. It's basically Stockholm Syndrome.

3) OKAY. This is the important part. According to our friends at the San Francisco Chronicle, Bai Ling's forthcoming book is called....seriously, I hope you're reading this sitting down....NIPPLES.

YES.

(PS: You need to read that interview, by the way. It is kind of amazing. [OMG, so is this one. Please treat yourself.])

I can not, of course, find anywhere to buy NIPPLES or pre-order NIPPLES or check NIPPLES out from some kind of intergalactic library. But I hope it goes without saying that I NEED TO READ THIS BOOK. RIGHT NOW.

Bai Ling

Fug Madness 2010, Round One Continued: Bjork Bracket

Fug Ling

Fug file:

Bai Fug

Fug file:

Fugrophobia

Fug file:

Crank II: Fug Voltage

Fug file:

The Return Of Your 2008 Fug Madness Champion

Fug file:

Unfug It Up: Bai Ling

Fug file:

Where's The Fug?: Bai Ling

Nipfugs

Fug file:

Fuggles

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