Bai Ling

October 7, 2005

Fug Ling, Part Infinity

Bai Ling likes to call this ensemble, "Window of Opportunity":

I like to call it, "I Owe My Sanity -- And My Retinas -- To The Heroic Inventor of Underwear."

July 26, 2005

Bai Fug

Fug file:

I mean, on one hand, I'm thrilled she's wearing clothes. You shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, right?

But the horse is just so ugly:

One sleeve! Crazy boots! A formal shorts set that appears to be courtesy of my grandma's kitchen curtains! And, of course, a bright red purse and a bright yellow cap. Of course.

I dunno. I kinda liked her better naked. At least everything was coordinated.

May 9, 2005

Unfug, Refug

We are as surprised as anyone when Bai Ling shows up somewhere looking, well, human. So we would be remiss not to throw her a bone for the following ensemble:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

See how easy it can be when you embrace things like fabric? Maybe Bai Ling went on a modesty kick after claiming she was cut out of Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith because of her upcoming Playboy spread -- forgetting, of course, that we've already practically been there and seen that, and besides, in the words of Lucasfilm, "It was only one scene" that got sliced a year ago, and you probably did it all for the Wookiee, the Wookiee, anyway, so CRAM IT, Bai Ling.

Ah, but for every crest, there is a trough; for every sensible outfit, there is an insanity binge:

She looks like Little Ho Peep. Even Scarlett Johansson, who is wearing riding boots with those pants for God's sake, is all, "Fine, I'll pose, but if she asks me to help find her sheep, I'm gonna rip off that wig and slap her with it until she cries."

April 28, 2005

Fug Wars: Attack of the Fug

Fug file:

Finally, Bai Ling has found a collection of people who think she is rather well-dressed:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Do you think any of these people in the now-famous Star Wars line outside Grauman's Chinese Theater are even aware that she's supposedly famous? They probably just think she's a Netflix PR rep who is dressed up as a Mos Eisley alien.

But, I think we've made a love match:

March 30, 2005

The Least Climactic Playboy Spread Ever

Word hit the wires today that a longtime source of GFY bafflement, alleged actress Bai Ling (okay, we know she's been in stuff, but still -- Sky Captain blew), will be posing for Playboy.

According to the linked blurb, Ms. Ling has said she was "shocked" by the idea but that she is willing to make "sacrifices for the sake of art."

And so we ask: What, exactly, is she sacrificing?

Certainly not the the zeal with which she guards her breasts' privacy. Certainly not modesty. Indeed, certainly not terribly many clothes.

Perhaps she's just concerned about forsaking her right to wear a satin potato sack. Either way, Playboy isn't going to do much that a stiff breeze probably hasn't already achieved.

March 17, 2005

Yadda Yadda Fug

Fug file:

visible undergarments

Dear Bai Ling,

We get it.

Now, put on some pants.

February 28, 2005

Oscar Post-Party Fugshion: Bai Ling

Fug file:

WTF,
yellow

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

After her nip-slip, Bai Ling may merely have wanted to be safe in the knowledge that her girls were under control when she chose this dress. But I can't help wishing that she could find a way to cover herself without opting for a billowing, barely tailored striped sheath that looks like a Victoria's Secret shopping bag as reconceived by Lance Armstrong's rubber-bracelet people.

Is she hiding Courtney Peldon in there? There's certainly enough room.

February 25, 2005

Celebrity Nipple Watch: Fug Ling

Hold onto your hats, guys (unless they are trucker hats, in which case, discard them with a quickness): Bai Ling is -- gasp -- clothed:

Look! She's relatively covered! None of her sexual organs are hanging out for the world to see!

It's a mirac...

[Photos by Daily Celeb.]

Oh.

Figures. And to think, I was all atitter. ... Er, atwitter.

January 6, 2005

Fug Ling

In the absence of a strong, crotch-exposing breeze, Bai Ling has chosen to make sure other things could potentially pop out as well.

Actually, this is downright demure for The Ling. But sadly for her, strapless tops that start about an inch or two above the waist are generally incredibly unflattering on a woman, because it makes the chest look flatter than Hilary Duff straining for a high note. Bai Ling, generally appropriately petite-of-cup for her frame, is no exception: She looks like she doesn't have breasts, so much as knobs.

November 19, 2004

Wonderfug, Your Newest Superhero

Fug file:

It's too bad she didn't have this dress at Halloween, because Courtney Peldon could have gone as a broken bottle of Pepto Bismol:

Hey, Courtney, nice move with the massive cutout in your dress -- that bra endorsement deal will come through in no time. Unless it's not deliberate, and in fact the fashion police really did show up on the red carpet and attempt a violent arrest. But, no, sadly, this getup smacks of carefully wanton exhibitionism, so we're going to have to wait another day for Officer HolyGodWeDon'tWantToSeeUpYourWomanPocket to whip out his truncheon and sic the attack dogs.

What could be better than a Peldon fug?

A Peldon-Ling extravaganza:

[Both photos courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Courtney's hole has gone from being a careful side-skimming affair to being an escape hatch for her right breast. She is probably so excited and aroused by the fugocity of Bai Ling's hot pants, yellow heels, and electric blue legwarmers that she can't keep the ladies in check. Her breasts are clearly lesbians.... Or fugbians.

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Bai Ling

Fug Ling, Part Infinity

Bai Fug

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Unfug, Refug

Fug Wars: Attack of the Fug

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The Least Climactic Playboy Spread Ever

Yadda Yadda Fug

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Oscar Post-Party Fugshion: Bai Ling

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Celebrity Nipple Watch: Fug Ling

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Wonderfug, Your Newest Superhero

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