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November 19, 2009

America's Next Top Fugger... IS...

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ANTM,
pink

Last night, a new America's Next Top Model was crowned, and as usual, the poor kid was stuck trying to enjoy her victory in a severely cracked-out dress. Now, since the finale was JUST last night, I will put the following photos behind the jump, just to forestall any angry e-mails from readers who were stuck at work/on a plane/busy burying a body and could not watch the episode in a timely fashion. So be forewarned: Don't click if you don't want to see who won. But DO click if you don't care, you saw it already, and/or you are a cat and Curiosity is chasing you through the house with a large kitchen knife.

Continue reading America's Next Top Fugger... IS....

November 18, 2009

NY Fug.com: Handicapping the Top Model Finalists

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ANTM

Like the swallows returning to Capistrano year after year, so can we count on one thing in this crazy life: just when you think you can wait no longer for a new CoverGirl, Tyra Banks anoints one. Yes, friends, the ANTM finale is tonight. REJOICE! As per tradition, we handicapped the finalists for NY Mag.com:

"The contest could potentially come down to intangibles like relatability, which CoverGirl loves and country-girl Laura has in spades. She positively oozes down-home quaintness, prone to twanging things like "We don't have a lot of oceans in Kentucky" and sporting clothes made almost exclusively by her grandmother. She's also got the better backstory: If you don't hear the phrase "castrating bulls" at least three times in tonight's episode, referring to Laura's job before the competition, we'll go neuter one ourselves. (By which we mean we'll consider forgoing our nightly Diet Coke.)"

But who do we really think will actually win?! WHO? Pop over to NY Mag to find out. I know the suspense is killing you.

October 22, 2009

NYFug.com ANTM's D-List Judges Undermine the Short-Model Concept

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Those poor short models on this season's ANTM. First, they're short, so they're never ACTUALLY going to be models. (Ladies, I feel you. I have to ask people for help getting things off the top shelf at the market. Um, not that that's the only thing keeping me from modeling. You know what I mean.) Then TyTy makes them be judged by the likes of Kim Kardashian. WHITHER JANICE? WHITHER?!

"Kim Kardashian can apply makeup, yes, and delivered a very touching performance on her sex tape; however, considering that she couldn't even convince us she was surprised when that hit the Internet, we can hardly trust her evaluation of performances in CoverGirl commercials."

Who's with us? Light your torches! To the barricades! Defend the shorties! All this complaining -- AND MORE awaits you at NY Mag.com.

July 17, 2009

Fug Model

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Apparently, it's WTF ANTM Day here at GFY. Because Eva Pigford wasn't the only Top Model winner running around this week. The sad truth is, we're featuring my three favorite winners today. You already saw Eva, but here's poor CariDee:

She doesn't look utterly wretched. But we've GOT to talk about this hair situation. I don't know what's going on with the actual CUT, but the styling makes her look like She-Trump with an accessories fetish.

And then, like Maude, there's Jaslene:

Continue reading Fug Model.

July 17, 2009

Eva Fugford

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I am distressed to see that Eva "Changed Her Last Name To Marcille But I'm Not Buying It" Pigford is blowing her Young and Restless paycheck in the toddler section of Gymboree.

[Photo: WENN.com]

I don't care how leggy it makes her look. That thing is meant to be worn on a hot summer day by a pig-tailed moppet, not a Pigford strumpet who is still wearing her arm bracelet from last night's club.

It also tweaks me that Eva has reverted to the blonder hair color Tyra Banks picked for her, because Tyra has as stellar a record with makeovers as I have pitching no-hitters in the big leagues. But I AM deeply amused that Eva has found herself a purse that looks about as much like a hair weave as those nasty-ass things Tyra forces her models to get. In fact, I would not be at all shocked to turn on ANTM 13: Shorties On Parade to find that exact purse being sewn to some poor 5'7"-or-under girl's head, about 23 minutes before she struggles in the photo shoot and then is cut for a) not being able to pretend she's tall enough to model, and b) not understanding how to rock a cranial handbag.

June 4, 2009

America's Next Top Fugger

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ANTM

We have gotten a few emails over the last week about CariDee English here, former ANTM champion and current spokesmodel about town:

Namely, they are along the lines of, "WHAT HAPPENED TO HER FACE?" or "I was in a cab last night and CariDee was on some ad on the TV in the cab and I was like, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" And there IS something different about her face and I'm scared it's Botox or fillers or something -- she's so shiny, and she might just be shiny, but it might also be the weird shine you get when you've been screwing with your face, medically -- but I can't figure it out. I am, needless to say, a little concerned. However, in my attempt to try, I found photos of her at a Super Bowl party in 2007 and she is wearing THIS EXACT SAME WRETCHED SHORTS SUIT....except without a shirt. So even if she is messing aroung with Dr. Frozen Face, at least progress has been made SOMEWHERE. By 2012, we might even see her in pants!

May 14, 2009

NYFug.com: Dissecting the ANTM finale

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ANTM

If you haven't seen it yet, we won't spoil it for you, but Top Model finished its twelfth cycle last night and per usual, we gabbed about it for New York magazine. Here is a pleasantly vague excerpt, edited for GFY to try and prevent our foreign and/or DVR-reliant readers from getting mad:

Jessica: [Contestant Name Redacted] also got to take a break from walking at the end to indulge in some interpretive dance.

Heather: You mean the high-fashion mud-wrestling? For a second there, I thought we were watching a really strange bachelor party.

Jessica: I feel like Nigel may have appreciated that development more than anyone else in the room.

Heather: There is a "long lens" joke here that I'm too much of a lady to make. But only barely.

Click here to see the rest of the piece if you are unafraid of spoilers, or you watched the show and want to join in the fray.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Paulina Porizkova

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Well, I love Paulina Porizkova, and I think however she's doing her aging has been a magnificent choice for her. I also wish she and Janice Dickinson had gotten the chance to be on the same ANTM judging panel. Neither of them mince their words but it'd give us so many genius squabbles because while Paulina's critiques can be stern, Janice is Janice, and YES.

However:

She looks like the hottest woman in the Polyphonic Spree, whose day job is at an Orange Julius stand and who brushes her hair about 400 times a day.

And for those of you who craved a Mischa/Paulina comparison a week or so ago, let's go ahead and stick 'em side by side:

Continue reading Met Ball Fug Carpet: Paulina Porizkova.

April 10, 2009

Still In the Running Towards Becoming America's Next Top Fug

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I think I am on record as saying that Jaslene here is my favorite winner of America's Next Top Model (although I liked CariDee, and who doesn't agree that Yoanna probably had the most amazing face of them all?). I stand by that. AND YET:

GIRL. I love you....but I don't want to love THAT MUCH of you. PRITHEE look into something less breezily crotchtacular.

November 20, 2008

NYFug.com: Tyra Is Our Own 'National Treasure: Book of Secrets'

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ANTM

And now Top Model is over. Our Wednesday nights at 8 just got a little less booked (thank god: juggling Pushing Daisies, Top Model and Bones was starting to get to me. What kind of monster expects you to choose between Tyra Banks, David Boreanez, and baked goods?). Too bad this cycle didn't go out with much of a bang. Well, unless you're counting Tyra's spectacular finale wardrobe. And we are:

"Heather: And the SECOND ONE, with the sharp shoulder pads ... somebody wants to be Joan Collins.
Jessica: I also thought she sort of looked like she had just beamed down from the mother ship."

I know what you're wondering: But how did National Treasure: Book of Secrets play into this? I wish I could explain that myself. It just DOES. Read and comment here, my gentle readers.

Results tagged “ANTM” from GoFugYourself

America's Next Top Fugger... IS...

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NY Fug.com: Handicapping the Top Model Finalists

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NYFug.com ANTM's D-List Judges Undermine the Short-Model Concept

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Eva Fugford

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America's Next Top Fugger

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NYFug.com: Dissecting the ANTM finale

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Met Ball Fug Carpet: Paulina Porizkova

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Still In the Running Towards Becoming America's Next Top Fug

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NYFug.com: Tyra Is Our Own 'National Treasure: Book of Secrets'

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