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November 20, 2009

The Fug Who Stole Christmas

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In our last piece on Taylor Momsen, which was complimentary, Jessica entreated her to "enjoy the [lack of wailing] as long as it lasts."

Well, I hope it was a soothing four days for her. Although the thing is, I don't even think I have that much of a problem with the dress -- it's kind of funky, if alarmingly boobalicious on a kid who isn't old enough to vote, much less drink. But the MAKEUP. DEAR GOD. The words to that song are engraved on my brain. It goes to the tune of "Where Are You, Christmas?" which Taylor up there ought to know since she sang it on film.

Where are you, light switch?
Why can't I find you?
Why have you gone away?

It's too dark to tell
Whether I look like hell
Is my makeup putrescent and heavy?

Where are you, face wash?
Do you remember
The girl you used to clean?

You can undo my errors
So I'm not a terror.
Did I lose you
Or did you leave?

November 18, 2009

Leightfug Meestfug

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Leighton Meester gave me almost more than I could handle over my breakfast this morning.

It did not start with this, but this is part of it:

The eye makeup is ... intense. I know Leighton fancies herself a rock-star now, but she has the kind of eyes that look a lot smaller when you pile on the makeup, to the point where it kinda makes her look puffy and tired no matter what she's doing. The dress, well, I've never really understood wanting to make it look like you're wearing a tube top, and I certainly hope she had a car take her to this party, because otherwise I don't know how she would sit down on the subway or in a taxi without catching something unpleasant. But, whatever. At least the tube-top is keeping the girls in place, and even though I hate the art-deco mules she's wearing, I can deal with where she was going with this.

Perhaps that's because BEFORE I looked at this dress, I saw what Leighton wore inside the party to perform. It grieves me that we don't have legal access to put that photo on our Web site, and I PRAY that this link does not expire, because you need to see this, because OH MY GOD, when did Leighton Meester become Solange?

Just as bad is her new music video:

Continue reading Leightfug Meestfug.

November 16, 2009

Unfug It Up: Blake Lively

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Ah, good ol' Boobs Lively. She never disappoints.

Boobs Lively is a fairly apt nickname. They ARE lively. She has great boobs. Let's be frank: The world would see a lot more of mine if they were that awesome. But I'm not sure I'd do it in a top that's quite so "Excuse me, Groomsman No. 3, but the Mother of the Bride would like to see you in ladies' room. Bring champagne, LEAVE THE PANTS."

Of course, I highly doubt anyone in a wedding party, however voracious her appetite for spry man flesh, would have finished the outfit thusly:

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Blake Lively.

November 4, 2009

Fug or Fab/Unfug It Up: Leighton Meester

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You might think I would object to this dress on the basis of the giant flower alone.

[Photos: WENN.com]

Not true. There is potential in that flower. It has gumption. It would walk into a CEO's office, straight past the protesting assistant, and demand to be considered for a promotion. No, more than that, it would impersonate its boss while said boss is recovering from a broken leg sustained during a skiing accident, borrow liberally from the boss's wardrobe, arrange a major deal with Harrison Ford that involves crashing a dude's daughter's wedding just to convince him to take a meeting with you, get a horrendous haircut that's supposed to be more chic and professional than her teased-up ferry-proof hair, dump stupid cheating Alec Baldwin, and then win the day and an office of her own when the boss returns and tries to claim the brilliant deal idea as her own -- all while delivering its lines with the diction of a 13-year old girl who accidentally drank a glass of scotch. That flower has moxie.

But those shoes have a giant blackhead. And the blue print blossoms on the skirt are kind of distracting, like the dress fell down hard and bruised itself. Not to mention that Leighton's lank mane is kind of competing with the bloom that's growing from her torso. There is a lot going on here, and what I'm saying is, I don't think all blame can be pinned on the very dramatic chest flower.

In the interests of full disclosure, or at least as full as I can make it, here is a photo that shows the back:

Continue reading Fug or Fab/Unfug It Up: Leighton Meester.

October 22, 2009

Fug or Fab: Blake Lively

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We've been a bit hard on Blake Lively for the flesh parade she likes to throw for herself every time she goes outside. It's not that we don't understand the temptation to show off what you've got; we just tend to believe it's okay to, say, skip the all-you-can-eat buffet in favor of a tasty sit-down dinner that's filling, yes, but also leaves you wanting to come back for more.

Ergo, I think this is sort of cute.

There's a HINT of cleavage, and plenty of leg. I'm sure if she turns around we'll find out there's no back and that her rump equator is showing, or something, but for now let's assume that's not true. There IS something sort of 1994 Amanda Woodward Goes To Work about this -- minus the mules, thankfully -- but I would also like to point out that Amanda Woodward was, is, and shall always be a total badass. I mean, what if Blake was doing the whole Alison Gets An Ill-Conceived Bob And Turns Into A Boozy Bitch Who Also Wears Mules thing? Or the Jane Mancini Bowl Cut of 1993? As Melrose Place influences go, this is really not so bad.

poll by twiigs.com

October 21, 2009

FugFug, Fug Fug, Gossip Fug

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Gossip Girl,
SIGH

Well, this didn't take long. Ms. Momsen extracted a compliment from the jaws of doom yesterday, but later on at the same event, she ditched that dress in favor of something a little more typically Taylor:

With the candles and the curtains and the thigh-highs and the sheer bits, she fully looks like she's inviting you to the back room for a lap dance. For which you would be arrested, BECAUSE SHE IS SIXTEEN OH MY GOD HOW MANY TIMES IS SHE GOING TO GIVE ME THIS SAME ANEURYSM CHILD PLEASE YOU ARE TURNING ME INTO A SHRILL OLD HARPY I JUST WANT YOU TO STOP PLAYING COURTNEY LOVE AND HOLY CATS I HAVE GOT TO HAVE A DIET COKE IN THE NEXT TWENTY SECONDS.

Twenty-five seconds later...

Well. Even Diet Coke didn't help. I think I need a 12-step group to cope with her pathological need to skip out on her youth. Sweetpea, trust me, you will miss that when it's gone. Don't try to be in your twenties now, because then you'll be in your thirties when you're actually 20, and although I have had a great run in that decade so far, I am pretty sure I would love another ten years in my twenties to do better moisturizing. So please don't grow up so fast.

October 14, 2009

The Fugfather

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Why are you running from us, Taylor?

What are you hiding? Because, you know, I can see the tights, which -- God help us all -- might even be STIRRUP tights, judging by the nugget of heel flesh baring itself to the world. What are you concealing from me that could be worse than stirrup tights?

Continue reading The Fugfather.

September 30, 2009

Jenny Fugphrey

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Look, I know the people on Gossip Girl are fake, but come on -- would Rufus Humphrey really be okay with this?

[Photo: Splash News]

Assuming my eyes do not deceive me, that is Little J's shirttail hanging out from her skirt. Which means she's wearing bottoms that are not as long as her top. And I know Rufus is kind of caught up in his own drama, what with Lily being out of town and them having a secret love child together that they think is dead, and all the time he clearly has to spend nurturing his Man Bangs and writing '90s-era rock songs about how gnarly it is when your stepdaughter drops out of college and turns into a tabloid-baiting -- albeit also amusing -- asswad. And I know he's kind of into being to his kids what the principal who announces he's your "princi-PAL" is to high-schoolers. But even amid all that, I'm pretty sure Rufus Humphrey would take one look at Little J trying to leave the house in this, or ANY of her terrible ensembles, and be like, "Jenny, your crotch is not an accessory. GO TO YOUR ROOM." So could we get on that please, Gossip Girl? It's not going to WORK, but he should at least TRY.

September 16, 2009

Confugsions of a Teenage Fugga Queen

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LINDSAY: I'm hungry.

TAYLOR: No, I am.

LINDSAY: I'm disaffected.

TAYLOR: No, I am.

LINDSAY: I'm really into eyeliner.

TAYLOR: No, I am.

LINDSAY: I'm wearing nine yards of cheap fake hair.

TAYLOR: No, I am.

LINDSAY: I'm bleaching the hell out of it, too.

TAYLOR: No, I am.

LINDSAY: I'm wearing an insect ring.

TAYLOR: No, I am. ... Wait, no, I'm not.

LINDSAY: I'm wearing thigh-highs.

TAYLOR: For once, I'm not.

LINDSAY: I'm all messily orange and shit.

TAYLOR: Not I!

LINDSAY: I look like I got punched in the lips.

TAYLOR: Nope.

LINDSAY: See? We're nothing alike.

TAYLOR: NOTHING.

September 15, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet Scrolldown: Leighton Meester

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At least Leighton Meester keeps it interesting. At first you see the tousled hair and cute minidress and think that's all there is to see, and then... and THEN:

Those shoes are many things -- aggressive, likely to cause unusual blisters, the footwear of choice for cocktail waitresses at King Tut's Falafel Pyramid -- but dull is not one of them. However, I don't particularly think the shoes and the dress work together: The patterns fight, and something about the height of the ankle cones cut off her leg at the worst point and makes you wonder if she's sprouted some cankles. (I am certain she hasn't. Blair Waldorf would never allow it.) Still, on a night where not much of interest happened that didn't involve Lady Gaga scaring the bejeesus out of me and Eminem, I applaud her for giving my fingers ample reason to pound on this keyboard. Otherwise, the bastards would be banging out the URL for eBay and searching on "Louboutin" and that might end badly.

poll by twiigs.com

Results tagged “Gossip Girl” from GoFugYourself

The Fug Who Stole Christmas

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Leightfug Meestfug

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Unfug It Up: Blake Lively

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Fug or Fab/Unfug It Up: Leighton Meester

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Fug or Fab: Blake Lively

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FugFug, Fug Fug, Gossip Fug

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The Fugfather

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Jenny Fugphrey

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Confugsions of a Teenage Fugga Queen

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VMAs Fug Carpet Scrolldown: Leighton Meester

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