Results tagged “Grey's Anatomy” from GoFugYourself

It's not that often you see someone going Full Orange in a way that does not involve a mishap at Mystic Tan.

I actually LOVE this color on her; she's radiant. It makes me want to drink a tall glass of OJ, spread some marmalade on a croissant, and then eat a creamsicle -- in the very best way. In fact, the only reason I'm even remotely "feh" on it is that the fussy little thigh-length drape in the front seems a bit unnecessary, as does the train. Also, my eyes keep mistaking the the Celtic-knot detail on the chest for a big blurry spot in the photo, and I prefer evening gowns that DON'T inspire me to duck into Lens Crafters.

Last week, after we'd had that pretty fierce run at Katie Holmes and her pants, someone e-mailed me to suggest that I was picking on her for no reason because I don't like her -- to which I responded truthfully that, no, I was picking on her because she'd clearly had a mental break while standing in the middle of Tom's walk-in closet, and that I actually am kind of rooting for her to keep it together and speak for herself and kill it on Broadway.

However, I do have bias problems with Katherine Heigl. Like Jessica with Sarah Paulson and Studio 60, I can't separate Katherine Heigl from... well, the version of herself that is Katherine Heigl, The Actress, Who Comes Off Like A Spoiled, Conceited Brat In All Her Interviews. Ergo, I admit freely that I am totally unable to view this outfit objectively.


[Photo: Splash News]

I feel like, in THEORY, it's probably fine? I don't know. It's a little bit like something I expect Pam Anderson to wear -- you know, tiny sandals, skintight skirt, and cheap-looking shiny satin top that juices the grapefruits as much as possible. And while empirically I can admit that it shows off Heigl's figure just fine, the rest of me -- the part that wants her to exile herself to a shed in Siberia for three months so that we can have a break -- can't help thinking rather savagely that Katherine looks kind of desperate and obvious. And overtanned. Also, I really hate her hair in that style, that length, and that overprocessed color, and I hope the Grey's Anatomy writers reward her "outspokenness" not by killing her off (and thereby giving her what she wants), but forcing her to appear in every single scene with only pointless lines, like, "Here is your ten blade," or, "Hey, has anyone seen George?" or, "OK, Meredith, so I'm working on this really interesting patient, and... oh, never mind, I'm going to go take a nap."

Wow. Cranky! But, the point is, I am totally biased here, and that is why I need you people to provide a dose of perspective.

Insert the usual blah blah about Kate Walsh here: She was great on Grey's, but turned into a weird Ally McBeal clone on Private Practice to our great dismay, we all miss the redder hair but this ain't bad, boy is she in good shape YADDA YADDA YADDA:



I just want to know why she's popped up wearing something that used to be a light fixture at the Bellagio.

[Photo: Flynetonline.com]

"Why did that kid  just tell me he loved Dukes of Hazzard? Was he implying I ought to be wearing short-shorts? I'm so confused. Ever since I got my hair cut, people have been acting SO WEIRD. Like that girl at Cost Plus yesterday who told me she thought my sister was way more talented than I am.  I thought maybe my sister put her up to it, but how would she have pulled that off...?  She didn't know I was going to buy another set of woven seagrass wastebaskets today. And then there was that dude at the gas station this morning who told me to say hello to Tony....who the hell is Tony? Does he think T.R's name is actually Tony? IS T.R's name actually Tony? I better check. Then there was that old lady who told me I never should have let Nick go....who is NICK? What is going ON around here? I need a cigarette."

I know I was out of town for a while, but I'd think I would have heard the news that Katherine Heigl was joining the cast of a new sitcom about six sassy sexy singles living together in a big city, trying to make it it big while living in an expensive loft and working at a series of glamourous, unrealistic jobs like: magazine editor, model booker, fashion designer, wedding planner, TV producer, and personal chef (because NO ONE on television is ever, like, an account manager at an insurance company or a paralegal or works for the county or something). I feel like I DEFINITELY would have heard the news that she was taking over the role of the sassy Mona-Robinson-esque downstairs neighbor/landlady, formerly played by Ellen Burstyn:

"You kids! I came up here to tell you to keep it down, but you're just too cute for me to stay mad at! Regale me with tales of your romantic problems, so I can respond with comments that are too comically graphic for my advanced age, in the hopes that this will evolve into the sort of part where the studio audience claps with barely-contained glee at all my entrances! Pass the Ensure!"

Oh, Miss Tyra, you do amuse us so. We like to call this touching portrait A Girl And Her Twinkie:

Gotta respect a woman who not only puts greasy baked goods in her mouth, but thinks it's fun for it to happen on camera. And also, I know some people out there want us to stop yapping about Miss Tyra's wig or weave or whatever we feel like calling it that day -- it could be both, or neither; it is all things, and yet it is nothing -- and we do feel you. We do. But seriously, HOW do you expect us to do that? How? We are but mortal. We adore her crazy hair. It's impossible to resist discussing something that looks so heavy and itchy and as if it was recently shorn from the business end of a horse. So, with apologies to those non-congratulators, we not only can't not reference it, but in fact, it gets its own affectionate section in our book  -- which, shameless plug ahoy, hits stores today. The City of New York is courteously throwing a parade to honor the occasion, although I think there is some nonsense about us sharing the party with Michael Strahan and Eli Manning. Pish. We call shenanigans on that.

Here's what we were up to while Tyra was romancing her snack cake:

• Ellen Pompeo seemed very pleasant in perilous circumstances at Y-3.
• Chloe Sevigny barely conceals her distaste for Miss Sixty; Milla Jovovich at times doesn't even try.
• Angie Harmon is a smart girl, getting a hair wrangler to make sure everything was in place before her photo op at Carolina Herrera.
• We wish Tim Gunn could've stopped the rock at Catherine Malandrino. That music was scary.
• What happens when a fashion show starts on time? Some celebrities miss it, that's what.
• Do you think Betsey Johnson gave attendee Joan Jett another dime to put in the jukebox, baby?
• Maybe Eliza Dushku can figure out what the hell the gift was at Ports 1961.

I'm not sure what's up with turning your boobs into a befuddling curiosity. It's not as if most people don't find a lady's bustline interesting in and of itself -- no, now it needs a gimmick. First Kate Hudson glides down the SAG carpet looking like a pigeon has flown headfirst into her sternum, and now Sandra Oh is joining the fray:

Actually, I just noticed that the black fabric has splotches on it that almost look like very organized raindrops, so staring at those is a diversion in and of itself that is terrible for my brow furrow. Mostly, though, I find the massive bow growing out of her chest sort of confusing. As if all this time, we never realized that all those gigantic ribbons people stick on their brand-new Lexus-- the one they secretly bought their partner for Christmas, drove home under apparent cover of deep night, and parked in the driveway, all totally unbeknownst to their unsuspicious and probably a tad unobservant spouse/parent/significant other -- are actually manufactured straight from Sandra Oh's mammaries. Once it's done you just clip it off and another one starts to form in its place. Kind of creepy from an anatomical point of view, but as performance art, it's a pretty impressive side gig.

** Okay, so this is what we get for being in midair during the SAGs, and cross-eyed with jet-lag today -- apparently Sandra is paying homage to traditional Korean garb called a hanbok. So I will resist the urge to strap her to a brand-new vehicle and gift it to someone by burying the keys in a pile of pancakes, and instead applaud her for getting in touch with her heritage while apologizing for the fact that I am out of touch with my non-pop-culture references. Next thing you know someone will show up in a bodice shaped like Eiffel Tower and I'll be all, "Hey, look, it's that casino in Las Vegas!" And then Jessica will have to behead me. It'll be so tragic.

First of all, a little housekeeping: thanks for your patience this morning while the site was partially down. It was a snafu on the Typepad side of things, but everything seems to be up and running now!

So let's get down to business:

Now, look.  Katherine Heigl is beautiful. She was beautiful when she was some kind of alien-girl on Roswell, and she's beautiful now. And as anyone who watches Grey's Anatomy knows, she's got a totally smoking Real Girl body (and no, that's not a euphamism for "fat," the way "curvy" is in People magazine.) Girl is hot.

So I am very confused as to why she would wrap said body in what appears to be kitchen curtains covered with some kind of terrible Salute to Split Pea-colored tulle overlay. I'm not against ladylike, retro clothes, at all. When done right, they work beautifully (see Parker, Sarah Jessica and Witherspoon, Reese). But this dress is like an Homage to Pleasantville Told Through The Assorted Fabrics of  My Grandma's Sitting Room, and that, my friends, suits no one.