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July 7, 2009

I Fug You, Beth Cooper

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Well, Hayden, it comes to this: I like your hair.

[Photo: Splash News]

As for the rest of it, let's just say that if you told me that you'd tried to leave the house in a see-through dress that looks like you're halfway through getting a full-body tattoo, and your mother caught wind of it and screamed, "I did NOT carry you for NINE MONTHS just so you could go on LETTERMAN and be PRACTICALLY NAKED," and haphazardly splashed your vital bits with shoe polish to create the illusion of modesty... well, I would believe it. In fact, were that true, I might even send her flowers and a cheesecake.

In other news, please thank the lady who sprays you with self-tanner, because she made it so very crazy-shiny that it almost obscured the white bra and thong that appear to be peeking through all that lace.

I said ALMOST.

April 20, 2009

Fugoes

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Here we go again: Another red-carpet event, another opportunity for Dania Ramirez to pull her best J.Lo face and look like she wants to kill us all in a fit of contempt.

Unless Dania here is looking in a mirror, then I'm really not sure why she's so mad at US. SHE is the one wearing a silk top over knee-length leggings, the likes of which Lindsay Lohan would have worn in 2007 back when the fad of always being ready for a bike race to break out at any moment was actually NEW-ish. That is not my fault, and also... yawn. Next time she should find a way to do the blouse and shoes proper justice and not just treat them like jazzercise props.

March 4, 2009

Final Fugstination

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I am not an Ali Larter fan, as regular readers are aware. She is certainly very pretty, but I don't think she's nearly compelling enough on Heroes to justify their refusal to allow her character (in whatever iteration) to stay dead -- at least, for as long as I was watching, since I quit Heroes one and a half episodes into this season and have never been happier. I've also (a) personally witnessed her acting like an ass to a journalist at a press opportunity and (b) have literally never heard anything nice about her via ye old grapevine. Which is not to say that she ISN'T totally amazing as a person, but merely that perhaps her PR honchos ought to consider having her rescue a puppy from a burning building on the 405 at rush hour, just to get that balance of popular opinion back in working order. So, suffice it to say, it doesn't particularly pain me to direct your attention to this:

I had no idea the Joan Collins Primarily Peignoirs line was so multi-use.

November 13, 2008

Fug or Fab: Ali Larter

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Heroes,
purple

So, what do we think: elegantly unusual and romantic...

... or a somewhat overwrought, overstitched excuse to have a neck pillow stapled to her shoulder?

poll by twiigs.com

September 3, 2008

Hayden Fugettiere

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Listen, I know Hayden Panetttttttttiere probably feels some pressure to dress really maturely, so that people can trick themselves into being less wigged out that she's dating her 31-year old co-star. But I think she's taken that a bit far.

[Photo: Splash News]

I mean, is she a cute young starlet, or is she Krystle Carrington, fresh from some rigorous flower-arranging in the main hall and headed upstairs to don a floor-length satin nightie so she can shower her husband Blake with motionless, tight-lipped kisses before letting him take her on on the bearskin rug in front of the library fireplace?

It's even creepier from the side:

Continue reading Hayden Fugettiere.

August 11, 2008

Heroes: Fugians

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I don't think it's particularly revolutionary of me to note that Heroes totally sucked last season. Everyone was in totally different countries (and TIMES) and every new character brought with it a new, terrible fake accent. But of all the developments that I hated -- and there were many -- I most hated Dania Ramirez, who traveled around with her brother accidentally killing people by crying black tears when she got mad, kind of like the Hulk meets the black-oily-eyed virus on The X-Files. Anyway, it was boring, and she was shrill and I spent the whole time wondering what Jack Coleman was up to and why I wasn't spending any quality time with him anymore. So what I'm saying is that I have no patience for Dania and am not willing to cut her any slack here:

Don't look so coy. We both know you're wearing cuffed, capri, super high-waisted jeans, and by my count, that's at least two trends too many. It's a good things I can't kill people when I cry, because this has got my eyes watering.

July 21, 2008

Dania Rafugrez

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Heroes,
ruffles

"Hola, bitches! Um, it's... me! Jennifer Lopez! See how I pout and thrust out my chest! I can only glare at you with my eyes full of Sexy while you cower in fear of the power of my ruffles! My husband, dear sweet Matt... I mean, Mike... Marc? MARC. Marc wants me to dress like the night because... because... um... I hate you Ben Affleck! You are so...

"Crap. Forget it. This isn't working. Nobody is going to believe I am really Jennifer Lopez. I'm just so SICK of people asking me when I'm getting written out of Heroes, that I thought maybe if I wore a dramatic enough thing and slicked back my hair and pouted, I could pass myself off as J.Lo and maybe get a break. And a free limo ride, and maybe my own vampire or something. Sigh. And you know what the REALLY annoying part is?"

"It's going to take me THREE HOURS to scrape off all this body oil, or else it will get all over my sheets. DAMN that J.Lo. How does she DO IT?"

May 19, 2008

Fugoes

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I am mildly concerned that Dania Ramirez appears to be wearing a dress cobbled together from wrapping paper I saw at Target and a hot pink tutu.

And I am really rather perplexed by the fact that her right boob apparently needs to be thrust up so much farther than her left. Did it win something?

But above all, I can't help being VERY worried that her presence at Upfronts parties this spring means we are stuck seeing more of her annoying character on Heroes. And I can't handle that. I would take an entire season more of Ali Larter and/or Lovestruck Hiro Mooning Around Feudal Japan (Not To Be Confused With 'Mooning Feudal Japan,' Which Would Be More Of An HBO Show) if it meant not having to watch Wonder Twin #1 act like a complete idiot and then gasp awkwardly while the special-effects guys turn her eyes black. Granted, none of that is necessarily Dania's direct fault, but she is the one who dredged up all those feelings by attending Happy Fun Fall Schedule parties in a dress that I'm pretty sure is something Paris Hilton would've worn to a birthday party -- or, indeed, even as pajamas -- when she was ten. And possibly twenty.

February 28, 2008

Fug the Ad: Hayden Panettiere

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I first saw this ad on a plane trip, and it was all I could do not to turn to one of the strangers on either side of me and say, "WTF? Have you seen this?"

[Photo: Splash News]

I mean, it's not like Candie's is known for deeply artistic and emotionally evocative ads that art, art history, theatre, English and photography students are going to rip out of their copies of W and stick on their dorm room cork boards between black and white photo spreads of Morrissey and the complete collection of those infamous Calvin Klein "Wow, These Turned Out Pornier Than Usual" ads, or whatever artsy college students are putting up in their rooms these days. (In addition to these cultural touchstones, my dorm-mates played a lot of Rent. I presume that slot is currently being occupied by Once soundtrack. Ah, college. Smoke all those cloves while you still can.) I mean, this is the company that ran an ad featuring Jenny McCarthy on the toilet:

And as much eye-rolling I did at that one back in the day, I'd venture to say that the McCarthy ad is almost cuter. It's a youth-oriented brand, and at least Jenny looks sort of fresh-faced and charmed by the fact that you're snapping a photo of her on the can. Hayden, on the other hand, looks like a Paris Hilton impersonator on her way to the 7th Annual Slap-Off, an event at which local entertainers compete to see who can put on the most make-up without his or her face actually sliding off. If I were feeling particularly bitchy, I might add that she also looks like she might be tempted to earn her Slap-Off entrance fee by putting in an extra hour on her regular corner. But that just seems mean.

February 8, 2008

New York Fugshion Week: Days Six and Seven

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You know, it looks like we might get out of this city without an arctic blast, after all. We were afraid to hope.

This woman is afraid of nothing.

I would be afraid, for instance, of: Diet Coke, marinara, city grime, potato chips, fruit, energy bars... pretty much anything. It takes a lot of guts to wear that much glaring white. Of course, it also takes guts to wear high-waisted jodhpur-like pants. With a belly shirt. I'm pretty sure they stuck poor Tiffani Thiessen in stuff like this both on Saved By The Bell AND on Beverly Hills, 90210, and so all Ali's really done here is a) look really dated, and b) remind us of an actress we like a whole lot more. Also, I can't figure out why Ali Larter wears so much white -- she does it with dresses, too, and it's not that flattering to her skin tone. I suspect this all began with Varsity Blues, when she wore that whipped-cream bikini and decided to make that her style inspiration for the rest of her life.

Also, Ali Larter acted sort of rude at Calvin Klein.
Poor Vincent Gallo -- no, really, we just said "poor Vincent Gallo" -- might've gotten quietly dissed by a little girl at Anna Sui.
Thank God for Mariska Hargitay, or else we'd have had nothing to file from Vera Wang.
We had a total fangirl geek-out moment at Cynthia Rowley... over Lindsay Price. Yeah, we know. But she was REALLY CUTE on 90210! Believe!
Tommy Hilfiger's show brought us to our knees. For real.

Results tagged “Heroes” from GoFugYourself

I Fug You, Beth Cooper

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Fugoes

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Final Fugstination

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Fug or Fab: Ali Larter

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Hayden Fugettiere

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Heroes: Fugians

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Dania Rafugrez

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Fugoes

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Fug the Ad: Hayden Panettiere

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New York Fugshion Week: Days Six and Seven

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