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August 5, 2009

Fugslam!

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I can see why it's tempting to wear a floaty white shirt-dress on a hot summer day. In fact, I was so warm the other day, I was feeling sympathy for anyone in the world who has ever attempted to wear a swimming-pool raft as pants (and I'm sure such people are numerous), because the idea of being ready to jump into any body of water whose path I crossed sounded very appealing indeed.

However:

To me, this is less, "My, what a refreshing shirt-dress," than, "I totally hooked up with Captain Jack Sparrow last night after we split four flagons of rum, and I woke up this morning and found out we cut up my clothes and turned them into his-and-hers pirate do-rags, and so I had to go through his closet and find something to wear to this talk show, and HOLY CRAP all he owns are ruffly shirts and it seems very impractical to engage in actual mortally dangerous swashbuckling swordplay when you have billowy sleeves flapping around all over the place getting caught on your hilt or scabbard." All double-entendres totally unintentional. Mostly.

June 1, 2009

MTV Movie Awards Fug-or-Fun Carpet: Monique Coleman

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On first blush, I said of this outfit, "WHOA." Eloquent, right? But seriously, look at this photo:

There is a LOT going on with Ms. Monique Coleman here, with the hair and the aluminum foil and the black tutu, and for a second I was overwhelmed.

But... come on, I am not made of stone. She looks like she's having such a good time, in that awesomely costumey and ridiculous Center Stage final performance way, where in two seconds someone will pan away from her and then pan back and she'll be in head-to-toe crimson with different eye makeup and streamers in her hair and then she'd start twirling while all the eligible dudes present tried to get her attention by doing a lot of jumping. And who wouldn't want to see THAT in real life? Not to mention that Monique's new afro is kind of sassy. It reminds me of when Tyra Banks made F'ing Yaya get one on Cycle 3 of ANTM, and it was so huge and fantastic and full of personality and RESPEITO that F'ing Yaya totally rocked it all the way to the finals and enticed Tyra to show up to one judging in a giant 'fro of her own that ALSO looked kind of glorious and I swear to God I had some serious Sass Envy that day.

So in sum: Cheap-looking prom shoes aside, I cherish the spirit of fun this look embodies. But I'm still putting it up to a vote, because I realize my reaction may have a lot to do with my taste in TV and my own personal affection for whimsy and possibly even the fact that I had a really tasty chicken-parm sandwich this weekend that put me in a really good mood for, like, two days. Seriously. Sandwiches are powerful.

poll by twiigs.com

April 22, 2009

Vanessa Fugdgens

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Hey, Vanessa?

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

You don't have to get the pants home first before you can wear them. You do know that, right? Or are you just... wait, I don't have to clarify for you that SHIRTS are not pants, do I? Is THAT where we are as a society? Because if so, then I quit Earth.

April 20, 2009

Fug The Cover: Zac Efron

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We have gotten a lot of e-mails about this cover, most of them inquiring about when, exactly, Zac Efron became his own bobblehead.

Now, I would've thought Zac Efron didn't need a continuing education in which he's taught not to hire strippers. And as much as I appreciate GQ's attempts to give him a grown-up five o'clock shadow -- or, well, maybe more of a lunchtime tincture -- it doesn't take away from the fact that he's dressed like he's hosting a '60s sock-hop for TV. I mean, the kid was in Hairspray. We've been there, done that, and watched several 13-year old girls scream themselves into a dead faint over it.

But it's ALSO totally true that Zac's head looks rather too big for his body. What is he supposed to learn from that? Not to get a huge ego? Not to agree to Zac Efron Bobblehead Night at Dodger Stadium? I suppose "Smart Clothes for Tough Times" might be a very handy primer for Zac on how to cope sartorially with this wrenching, emotional phase in which his skull is ballooning to sizes unforeseen, but I suspect this is all just a big clue not to pose for GQ any more.

February 24, 2009

Oscar Fug Carpet: Vanessa Hudgens

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On the red carpet, Vanessa Hudgens told Ryan Seacrest that when she first picked out this Marchesa dress, it was cocktail-length and they extended it for her. But E!, as was the problem almost all of the night, never panned down to show us the proof.

Even as a cocktail dress, it looks a tiny bit like a crow and a dove made a suicide pact to fly smack into her torso. But also, is that not the laziest way ever to turn a short dress into a gown? I'm sure Georgina Chapman was a little knackered from getting her Fashion Week collection together, but still: "Oh, sure, we'll just... hmm. GOD, I need a nap. But I can't keep putting off Harvey by telling him I have to work, or I have a headache, or my appendix is throbbing... Blast. Well, I think I have a yard or three of black left over from making the Fall 2009 collection, I'll just bung that on the end and we'll call it a fishtail so maybe I can get some shut-eye before he comes in with the blindfold."

December 15, 2008

Z100 Fuggle Ball

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So, help me out here, Ashley Tisdale:

[Photo: WENN]

Why the leggings, child? If it's warm enough for a sleeveless dress and peep-toe shoes in New Jersey -- which, I hear from reliable sources, it actually may have been -- then why are you hedging your bets with those stupid things? You don't need them! They are evil! Have we not learned? Are we not, as a nation, past this bit of sartorial madness? Did you forget to shave? Because I have news for you: Leg hair WILL burrow through those, and then you will spend the rest of the night absently running your hand over the prickles and wondering if they are catching the light. Trust me.

On a separate note: Is it just me, or is the pattern on this dress eerily reminiscent of the kind of desktop photos that come standard on a lot of PCs? I'm relieved it's not just a giant scarf she poked her head through -- which is what I thought when I saw this photo in thumbnail size -- but now I can't escape the urge to decorate it with iTunes and Snood shortcuts.

November 11, 2008

High School Fug: Fug Year

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VANESSA HUDGENS: I am a VISION IN WHITE!

ZAC EFRON: I don't know why I always look slightly covered in a light sheen of perspiration.

ASHLEY TISDALE: Are they marrying me and Vanessa off to Zac tonight? What's with all the white gowns?

VANESSA: This is my SULTRY look. What do you think?

ZAC: Did you hear that I'm starring in a remake of Footloose? Certain internet bloggers are ashamed to admit that they might go see that in the theatre.

ASHLEY: No, seriously. Is this some kind of Big Love-esque group marriage, and if so, why did Vanessa get the goddess dress? WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO TELL ME? Oh well. At least my legs look good.

November 6, 2008

Fug the Cover: Ashley Tisdale

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Wow, I already forgot that A. Tis used to be blonde:

When she went darker, I was all, "A Tis! Stay blonde! It's so cute on you!" but looking at this, I'm like, "A Tis! Those extentions! They appear to be made of straw! Call your Extension Dude immediately! Also, aren't you cold in that? It's NOVEMBER. Put on a SWEATER. PS: you CAN'T get hot abs without working out, no matter what the cover here says." So maybe going back to her natural hair-suit was a wise move. Mea culpa, Ashley. Mea culpa.

October 22, 2008

Senior Fug

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MONIQUE COLEMAN: I know I've had this bob for a couple of months, but it's still REALLY CUTE ON ME!!

ASHLEY TISDALE: Sigh.

VANESSA HUDGENS: I can't even LOOK at A. Tis right now.

MONIQUE: Seriously, am I not CUTE WITH THIS HAIR!?

ASHLEY: I knew this hair was a mistake. I look so boring now.

VANESSA: Did Tis get that dress from Forever 21...in 1987? I have totally seen old people wearing it in, like, pictures of the olden times. It's so sad!

MONIQUE: Things are GOOD!

ASHLEY: I mean, brunettes are hot. Look at these two. But me...I might be better as a blonde. I feel sort of....blah with this hair. And the cut is kind of blah. So very blah. I'm not even wearing lip gloss. I just feel....blah.

VANESSA: Whereas my hair is so lustrous, and my boots so very naughty. I feel so young and vibrant.

MONIQUE: I just want to go outside and TWIRL AROUND!

ASHLEY: Am I wearing a headband? Blair Waldorf isn't blah. What's wrong with me, America? WHY AM I SO SAD?

VANESSA: Poor Ashley. She's like the Boring Meat in a sandwich made of Adorable Bread and no one wants to eat her. Or something. You know what I mean.

October 10, 2008

Fug Or Fab: Ashley Tisdale

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We already zapped Li'l Tisdale with a fug-or-fab once this week, but it seems like she's making a habit out of "sort of cute, maybe" outfits.

There's plenty of okay elements here but, for me, the whole isn't worth the sum of the parts. I don't know. Perhaps it's that the bodice line seems awfully low. Or that the bling on the belt and neck looks a tad chintzy .It could also have to do with the fact that the entire dress makes her look oddly square. But I suspect my malcontent was spawned by the winged, fussy shoulders -- which I don't object to in principle, but in practice they make it look like Ashley is either shrugging or just incredibly stiff and tense. If she bobbed her head down a touch more, she'd be Hilary Duff circa 2004. Even Hilary Duff would probably react to that with a shudder. She knows.

poll by twiigs.com

Results tagged “High School Musical” from GoFugYourself

Fugslam!

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MTV Movie Awards Fug-or-Fun Carpet: Monique Coleman

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Vanessa Fugdgens

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Fug The Cover: Zac Efron

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Oscar Fug Carpet: Vanessa Hudgens

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Z100 Fuggle Ball

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High School Fug: Fug Year

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Fug the Cover: Ashley Tisdale

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Senior Fug

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Fug Or Fab: Ashley Tisdale

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