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November 12, 2009

Fug Fug Fug Fugged Fug

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These Lindsay Lohan pieces are starting to write themselves.

It all starts with a gallery of pictures on pretty much any site, called something like, "Lindsay Lohan [insert variation on "staggers"] out of [insert name of Hollywood club] looking [insert synonym for deranged, sad, or 'the worse for wear.']"

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Then comes the part where I throw up my hands and decry her lack of pants, and how she looks rumpled and tragic -- here, because she looks like she just bedded a pirate and then stole his wardrobe for the walk of shame.

Next up, of course, is the obligatory jump to a closer look at her face:

Continue reading Fug Fug Fug Fugged Fug.

November 12, 2009

CMA Awards Fug Carpet: Nicole Kidman

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KEITH URBAN: Psst. Nicole?

NICOLE KIDMAN: Yes?

KEITH: Things had been going so well.

NICOLE: I don't understand. Isn't this color so lovely? Isn't this dress pretty?

KEITH: Yes, but...

NICOLE: And isn't my hair redder than it's been in years?

KEITH: Totally, which is...

NICOLE: Then what? What more do you people want from me?

KEITH: How about circulation in your boobs?

NICOLE: I don't know what you mean.

KEITH: That might be because you can no longer feel them.

NICOLE: But isn't cleavage sexy?

KEITH: Not when it looks a mangled stress toy.

NICOLE: WELL. I wasn't going to say anything about how you're wearing a shirt that's unbuttoned to your sternum -- AGAIN -- but since you're being all huffy...

KEITH: Nice try. But people expect to see my waxed chest. They DEMAND IT.

NICOLE: Riiiight.

KEITH: But they DON'T expect YOUR chest to look like it melted while you were sleeping.

NICOLE: Can we just go inside and get this over with? Now that you mention it, I DO feel like my boobs are about to burst.

KEITH: The open bar will fix that.

NICOLE: Bless.

November 9, 2009

Fug Lieutenant: I Don't Feel Like Looking Up the Bad Lieutenant Subtitle

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So, can we assume that Eva Mendes has flown the Rachel Zoe coop? Because no matter what you may say about RZ -- insert a lengthy screed here that includes the words, "literally," "I die," "skinny," "bananas," "sandwich," and "caftan" -- I don't know that she would actually do this to anyone:

Sister, that is a lot of sideboob and while I'm not opposed to the sideboob in theory, like a nuclear warhead it must be deployed with great caution and only in the most serious of circumstances. Sure, that level of boob poking out from a button-down is fine if you're in a shaving cream commercial wearing your husband's shirt and gazing at him while he shaves, thus proving that Mac117 or whatever not only removes hair from one's face but is also A BABE MAGNET. And it's fine if you're playing the role of Teacher in any kind of Hot for Teacher Scenario. And of course it works when you're in the midst of shaking out your hair and taking off your glasses in a ploy to elicit a, "why, Miss [Whatever], you're BEAUTIFUL" in a B-movie from back when people said things like,"why, Miss [Whatever], you're BEAUTIFUL." But I think Eva here would be well-served by maybe buttoning ONE more button. Because instead of being sexy, from the front this thing turns into kind of a mess:

Continue reading Fug Lieutenant: I Don't Feel Like Looking Up the Bad Lieutenant Subtitle .

October 28, 2009

The Celebrity Fugprentice

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Carol Alt is in great shape but OH MY GOD LADY PUT IT AWAY.

That is not a top. That is a BRA. And in comparison to the totally innocuous jeans and coat, it is DEEPLY ALARMING to look at the place where a SHIRT should be and see FULL-ON, FREDERICK'S OF HOLLYWOOD UNDERWEAR. The only explanation I can think of for this is that, in a Seinfeld-like scenario, one of Carol's friends gave her undergarments in a passive-aggressive move to force her to wear some, and this is how she retaliated.

And you know what happens when you go out wearing a bra with no top:

YOU'RE FLOUTING SOCIETY'S CONVENTIONS, CAROL. I can't really say it any better than Jackie Chiles.

October 19, 2009

Reservoir Fugs

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I wish I had a dollar for every time in the last few years that I've muttered to myself, "WHAT is Quentin Tarantino WEARING?"

At first, I was like, "surely, there is a reason for this. Maybe he's paying awkward, ill-fitting tribute to David Carradine via an homage to something someone used to wear in Kung Fu, which I never saw despite the fact that it sounds sort of awesome in a way that is deeply historically inaccurate and maybe slightly weird?" But then I read that Q was presenting a salute to George Romero, so maybe he believes that, when the zombies come, they'll be deeply into frog closures, and thus not eat his brains? Or is it possible that he overslept and ran to the Spike Awards having forgotten to change out of his pajama top? Because the truth of the matter is, I love the idea of QT wandering around his house in these jammies that look like this. It just sounds so RIGHT.

October 12, 2009

V.I.Fug

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Well, on the bright side, she's not wearing solely a man's sheer white Hanes t-shirt:

On the, er, dark side, what IS Pamela Anderson wearing here? It appears to be a tattered and well-used duvet cover she has thriftily transformed into something that is nearly a dress, but is also -- surely by design -- about two seconds away from falling off her. Which: snore. Call me when you're wearing something that ISN'T about two seconds away from flashing the Famed Anderson Goodies, Pam. Like a turtleneck, or a burka.

Let's take a look at the back:

Continue reading V.I.Fug.

October 8, 2009

Leigh Fugzark

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WOW.

WHAT is HAPPENING here? I feel a bone deep and profound, dizzying confusion, the sort you're supposed to call your doctor about if it happens while you're on medication. Let's take stock. We've got:

Sheer leggings, through which I can see panties.
A sheer tunic-y top, though which I can see bra.
An enormous gray felt BRA with giant, attached embroidered SLEEVES, which are PINNING HER ARMS TO HER SIDES. That CAN'T be right, can it? I mean...that's not possible. That can not be true. So, maybe it's...
A...weird-ass cape?
The ugliest vest IN THE WORLD?
Uh? I.... No, seriously. I really can't figure it out. I haven't been this confused since Alegbra II. SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.

October 7, 2009

Leifug Lezark

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Well, I may have figured out what Leigh Lezark does for a living.

It would appear she's starring in an interpretive dance production of Felix The Cat, in which the titular character sells his soul to Satan and audience members are encouraged to huff superglue during intermission. Although, how any of that got her invited to Chanel's Spring 2010 show in Paris -- or why that show took place near a "Riding Off Into The Sunset" cowboy-themed senior prom photo backdrop -- is as yet unclear.

October 6, 2009

Fugber Rose

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Here are my questions:

a) Who does Amber Rose think she is: Lady Gaga, or Grace Jones?

poll by twiigs.com

b) Which one, if either, could she take in a fight?

poll by twiigs.com

c) Is this a jumpsuit, or are we looking at a horrifying leggings/one-armed mock-turtleneck combo?

poll by twiigs.com

d) WHY?

poll by twiigs.com

September 30, 2009

612fug

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This photo comes courtesy of the Twitter feed for Lindsay Lohan's "lifestyle brand," 6126.

This is allegedly one of the publicity shots for her newest batch of leggings and leggings-related items.

I will give you a moment.

Yes. Yes, she appears to be warming up for her appearance in a Whitesnake video. Or perhaps for a performance in a Whitesnake cover band -- let's call them Darklizard. Or perhaps for her TURN ON THE POLE. Jesus, lady. Do you EVER want to be taken seriously EVER AGAIN?

No? Okay, then, carry on. You're doing an AMAZING job, in that case. We're all so, so proud. Between this, and the fact that you're in debt to the man behind the film Oragami So Horny and you're suspected of potentially orchestrating a burglary of your own home, then at the very least, I think we can all agree that the E! True Hollywood Story of your life set to be produced in approximately 2025 will be one hell of a barn-burner. So thanks for that, in advance, and try not to wear that thing out on any street corners. I think you know why.

Results tagged “I'm Scared” from GoFugYourself

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CMA Awards Fug Carpet: Nicole Kidman

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Fug Lieutenant: I Don't Feel Like Looking Up the Bad Lieutenant Subtitle

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The Celebrity Fugprentice

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Reservoir Fugs

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V.I.Fug

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Leigh Fugzark

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