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July 23, 2009

Fug or Fab the Cover: Katherine Heigl

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In Style

Katherine Heigl? Pretty. The dress? Pretty. This picture? Pretty...AWKWARD. AM I RIGHT, LADIES? THANKS EVERYONE, I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK!

poll by twiigs.com

July 2, 2009

Fug The Cover: Sandra Bullock

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In Style

I find Sandra Bullock a bit fabulous. Once, I saw her at a hockey game with her husband, and they randomly were sitting next to Kid Rock and his Pammy-lite date having a gay old time in totally arena-appropriate casual clothes, and she and Jesse helped out a kid who took a puck to the head by getting him some water or something -- I don't know, the memory is fuzzy, as if maybe it was ME that got walloped on the head -- and the whole thing was endearing. She seems like she'd be incredibly fun to go get a beer and some BBQ with, while we talk about how jumpsuits are stupid and maybe get shouty over some sports on the TV and end up having to call cabs home because, oops, that was one too many pitchers of Shiner Bock.

So I wish this cover had done her more justice:

[Photo: Splash News]

At least UK In Style agrees that I'd like to grab a meal with her, but is this really the best picture of Sandra's face? There is something so aggressive and overly intense about it. Like she was on a break during the photo shoot, and the photographer came up to her and said, "Look, I'm having a really bad day -- I just ate a cat for breakfast and I'm pretty sure my underwear is on backwards and my cousin just came back from the dead after a tragic decapitation accident," and Sandy paused for a sec, hoisted her leg up on a chair, leaned forward and said, "You're shitting me, right?" And of course then the photographer would scream with joy and snap a photo, because clearly that mixture of barely suppressed revulsion, confusion, disbelief, and one squished boob is SO 2009.

October 23, 2008

Fug The Cover: Nicole Kidman

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Sigh. I got spoiled, guys. When Nicole Kidman was pregnant, she looked so much more like her normal, pre-Botox, To Die For self and I guess I hoped it would stay that way. Because I am naive.

Look at her back in April, though:

Seriously, is that a FACIAL EXPRESSION I detect? Traces of actual movement in her brow? SMILE LINES? I thought she'd blitzed those off her face completely.

Compare that with the RoboKidman on the cover of this month's Australian In Style:

Continue reading Fug The Cover: Nicole Kidman.

September 5, 2008

Fug The Cover: Uma Thurman

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In Style

It's not that Uma looks BAD, per se...

But doesn't this photo make you wonder what, exactly, happened to Uma during her "wild year"? Based on her facial expression, I suspect that she strained her neck in the middle of yoga class -- and while she was laid up on the couch, her kids fed her enough Skittles to give her a raging cavity and then put gum in her hair everywhere but in the very back, forcing her to cut it all out and leave nothing but an awkward rat-tail. And poor Uma hasn't been able to make it to the dentist, her hair salon, OR her massage therapist because she's been too busy shopping for a bra that will fit her now that her left boob has migrated out toward Armpit Country, so she's just working through the pain and hoping no one will notice. And the In Style people were all, "Well, whatever, it's the Fall Fashion Fever issue -- it'll just look like she's the throes of a particularly debilitating case. MAKEUP! Let's get her looking flushed, people. Can you grit your teeth a bit harder, Uma? PERFECT."

Of course, that's all a guess. Maybe she just rediscovered her love of calculus and got a crick in her nape falling asleep on her open textbook, or found an old Bangles cassette and threw her neck out trying to walk like an Egyptian. Or she forgot to get a manicure and needs to hide her nails. But whatever it is causing that tension in her face, it definitely doesn't make me want to shop for pants, no matter what miracles they want to work on my thighs.

March 19, 2008

Fug Or Fab: Fug the Cover?

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green,
In Style

I just don't know anything anymore.

Is this good? Is this bad? Has Renee always used that accent over the second E in her name (Wikipedia says "yes," IMDb says "sometimes," I say, "huh, I never noticed")? Also, why is In Style using the same accent over the E in "decor"? I mean, if Elle Decor doesn't need an accent, why does In Style? Is it just to seem FANCY?! And why do I care? The real question is: does Renee look better than usual? That color is nice on her. But that haircut, it's excruciating still. Right? RIGHT?

polls by twiigs.com...

February 29, 2008

Fug The Cover: InStyle and Eva Longoria

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Admittedly, I haven't bought or read InStyle in a long time, because it's a little too rich for my blood -- I don't walk by Banana Republic and think to myself, "Aw, how sweet, a bargain-basement store" -- but this past weekend I snapped up the March 2008 issue with Eva Longoria on the front, because it was wickedly hideous and I had to have it.

Inside she says, "It makes me feel old, but I love it," and she's referring to being called "Mrs. Parker" when they're in Texas, but it might also refer to the cover photo.

Seriously, that doesn't even really look like her face to me. It's so... sharp. In my mind's eye, that's actually a Miami Beach socialite in her late thirties who just got fresh cheek implants, and is about to start a gig on a cruise ship opening for Kathie Lee Gifford at the Lido Deck Lounge.

Even InStyle clearly felt so concerned that you wouldn't recognize the pursed lips and cocked brows that the designers chucked any reference to the story inside (a peek inside her closet, which offers almost nothing interesting or surprising except MAYBE that she owns an entire wall full of black shoes and a minimum of $7000 in Louboutins), in favor of slapping her name over the picture in the biggest font size possible, as if to be like, "No, SERIOUSLY, it's HER. WE'D GET SUED FOR THIS IF IT WEREN'T, SO IT HAS TO BE." Although frankly, if I were her, I might sue them for it anyway.

Results tagged “In Style” from GoFugYourself

Fug or Fab the Cover: Katherine Heigl

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Fug The Cover: Sandra Bullock

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Fug The Cover: Nicole Kidman

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Fug The Cover: Uma Thurman

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Fug Or Fab: Fug the Cover?

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Fug The Cover: InStyle and Eva Longoria

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