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November 20, 2009

How To Be Fugmous

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[Photo: PacificCoastOnline.com]

HEIDI: Come on, Spencer, pose for the photo with me. It'll be a wonderful thing to show our children.

SPENCER: Say WHAT, jive turkey?

HEIDI: Oh, please. You know this is coming. I've been fake-nagging you about it on The Hills all season, but you didn't think it wasn't going to HAPPEN, did you?

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Stay strong, Spencer. DO NOT PROCREATE.

SPENCER: Listen, little lady, nobody can pin me down. I'm Grease Lightning.

HEIDI: Don't you think it would be just ADORABLE to have a little girl I can dress in a tiny version of this outfit? She'll be so glamorous! Like Suri Cruise crossed with a prostitute!

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: This can't be allowed to happen, for the good of humankind.

SPENCER: Shut it down, woman. T-Birds like me need to fly free.

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Should I take out one of them? Is this my "What If" moment?

HEIDI: Spencer. Do you KNOW how much more rich and famous we'll be if I get pregnant? That's like seven months' worth of photo opportunities, plus baby-shower pictures we can sell, PLUS the birth photos and the first family photos, a guest-hosting spot on The View...

SPENCER: We'll be so rich we can pay someone else to raise it!

HEIDI: Exactly!

SPENCER: So let's do this thing. You're not as dumb as you look, baby girl.

HEIDI: I'm not as dumb as YOU look, either. Seriously, lose the greaser bouffant. And don't ever call me a "jive turkey" again or else I'll refuse to let us hire a nanny.

SPENCER: OH GOD NO. Consider it lost.

HEIDI: I thought so.

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Please, God, let him be shooting blanks.

November 19, 2009

Fug The Cover: Clint Eastwood

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GQ,
Man Fugs

I understand that the whole point of this is that Clint Eastwood is a badass.

[Photo: Splash News]

But Clint Eastwood is a badass by nature -- by the glint in his eye, the twitch of a brow -- not because he knows how to make himself turn purple while the vein in his forehead pulses. So while I'm relieved to see that, my awards-show-based fears to the contrary, Clint CAN still move his face, I do wish GQ had decided to let him be his regular innately fierce self as opposed to suggesting he act constipated. While sitting on a stool. (Oh, come on, it had to be said.) THAT'S NOT OKAY.

November 19, 2009

Fug the Photoshoot: The Dudes From Glee

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Man Fugs

This photo -- part of People's annual (and DELICIOUS) Sexiest Men issue -- makes me laugh EVERY TIME I SEE IT:

Matthew Morrison? Sexy. Mark Salling? Sexy. Corey Monteith? He's more adorable than a basketful of puppies on Glee, but here he looks like he just stumbled into frame after cracking his head -- HARD -- on the hand dryer in the men's room. Bless his heart, I hope someone's publicist is on the phone about this right now, and, yes, the sound you just heard were thousands of fanfic writers opening their laptops to begin work on their epic, explicit masterpiece in which Melrose Place's Ella Sims represents the men of Glee, with SEXY RESULTS.

November 18, 2009

True Fug

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As I have said before, Sam Trammell is SO cute on True Blood. I spent much of the last season worried he was going to get killed off, especially those times when he turned into a bug. Perhaps the stress got to him, too, because he looks like he's just emerged from a week-long bender:

Oh, Sam. If you liked me, then you would have run a comb through it.

Let's see what the rest of that get-up looks like. I pray there are no sweatpants involved:

Continue reading True Fug.

November 16, 2009

Brangefugn...Zzzzzz...

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BRAD: This artwork is so... right here.

ANGELINA: If I look for ten more seconds, is that polite enough?

BRAD: Boring.

ANGELINA: Must remember to blink.

BRAD: I hope I didn't leave any dinner in my beard.

ANGELINA Thank God, I look sufficiently boring and skinny. No one's going to pay attention to me when Brad is growing goat hair on his face.

BRAD: This thing itches. I wonder if it's rude to scratch it.

ANGELINA: Shoot, did I leave my sex-swing on?

BRAD: And I have that Miley Cyrus song in my head. Resisting... urge... to sing...

ANGELINA: I hope I didn't forget to take my knives out from under my pillow.

BRAD: Hurry up, Angie, walk away so that I can, too.

ANGELINA: Come on, Brad, move along. I'm waiting.

BRANGELINA: YAWN.

November 10, 2009

Fug Moon/Better Played, Kristen Stewart

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ROBERT PATTINSON: Come on, everyone. I DARE YOU.

KRISTEN STEWART: Dare them to what? Ask if we're sleeping together?

TAYLOR LAUTNER: Oh, please God, no. I so don't care if you're sleeping together.

K.STEW: Right? BORING. I'm not even interested in whether we're sleeping together, at this point.

R.PATTZ: I'm so bored of us that my boredom comes back around to being arousal.

K.STEW: Ew. Not mine.

R.PATTZ: No?

K.STEW: LOOK AT YOU. I am not sleeping with you again, by which I mean for the first time, until you shower and shave.

TAYLOR: THANK YOU. It had to be said.

R.PATTZ: Well, I'm not sleeping with YOU ever again, or for the first time, until you go back to wearing Converse and tight jeans and not brushing your hair. You look like you're playing dress-up in Zoe Saldana's closet.

K.STEW: I think I look nice. And clean. And event-appropriate. AND CLEAN.

R.PATTZ: No no, I like my girls to look troubled and ill-rested and as though they're still coated in the sweat from our fervent horizontal joyride. You know, like me.

TAYLOR: SERIOUSLY. PLEASE STOP SENDING ME TO THESE THINGS WITHOUT DAKOTA FANNING. I AM NOT JOKING.

November 5, 2009

MTV European Music Awards Fug Carpet: Pete Wentz

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Well, this was unexpected.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Do we think Pete Wentz, after a few too many cocktails, had a "Eureka!" moment in which he finally married his twin passions of A Clockwork Orange and Sharpies? Or do we think he passed out and his bandmates drew on his face? Either way, Ashlee will be so pissed. She didn't get fired from Melrose Place just to sit around the house scrubbing his eyelid with cold cream.

Perhaps Pete will give us a clue as to what inspired this. Pete? Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Continue reading MTV European Music Awards Fug Carpet: Pete Wentz.

November 4, 2009

Infugreious Bastfegs

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Can we all just take a second to absorb what Brad Pitt has done to his facial hair?

[Photo: Splash News]

Yes. I believe those are wee goatee ponytails. Or maybe he's considering making an attempt at face-dreads? Am I allowed to pretend that this is either leftover from Halloween, or that he lost some crazy bet with Pax? Yes. Yes, let's all make a pact to agree that this is the off-spring of a bet. Oh my god, I feel better now.

October 30, 2009

Quiz Fug

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I don't know about you.

But I am DAMN RELIEVED that Rob Morrow managed to get back from his archeological expedition -- AKA, his adventure fighting the Nazis in a race against time to recover a sacred and possibly cursed artifact -- in time to attend this event. Little known fact: it's very rare to return from playing Indiana Jones (Rob's version is actually named Michigan Smith. Details.) in time to change before you go out. You just have to hope your scarf is sufficiently jaunty and get your ass on that red carpet! Ah, the life of an adventurer.

October 19, 2009

Reservoir Fugs

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I wish I had a dollar for every time in the last few years that I've muttered to myself, "WHAT is Quentin Tarantino WEARING?"

At first, I was like, "surely, there is a reason for this. Maybe he's paying awkward, ill-fitting tribute to David Carradine via an homage to something someone used to wear in Kung Fu, which I never saw despite the fact that it sounds sort of awesome in a way that is deeply historically inaccurate and maybe slightly weird?" But then I read that Q was presenting a salute to George Romero, so maybe he believes that, when the zombies come, they'll be deeply into frog closures, and thus not eat his brains? Or is it possible that he overslept and ran to the Spike Awards having forgotten to change out of his pajama top? Because the truth of the matter is, I love the idea of QT wandering around his house in these jammies that look like this. It just sounds so RIGHT.

Results tagged “Man Fugs” from GoFugYourself

How To Be Fugmous

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Fug The Cover: Clint Eastwood

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Fug the Photoshoot: The Dudes From Glee

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True Fug

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Brangefugn...Zzzzzz...

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Fug Moon/Better Played, Kristen Stewart

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MTV European Music Awards Fug Carpet: Pete Wentz

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Infugreious Bastfegs

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Quiz Fug

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Reservoir Fugs

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