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November 11, 2009

Stephanie Fugcobsen

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Stephanie Jacobsen is on the shockingly watchable new Melrose Place as the Med Student Who Pays The Bills With Prostitution (not a spoiler, since she turned to the oldest profession in the pilot). And she is much prettier than this:

That dress is a very, very sad sack. It could even be an ugly shirt over a mini-skirt. All I know is, she has no business wearing a glorified lobster bib to a party unless her date is a man-sized crustacean.

She also needs to learn a thing or two about short skirts and posing. This is safe for work, so no fear:

Continue reading Stephanie Fugcobsen.

October 22, 2009

Fug or Fab: Blake Lively

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We've been a bit hard on Blake Lively for the flesh parade she likes to throw for herself every time she goes outside. It's not that we don't understand the temptation to show off what you've got; we just tend to believe it's okay to, say, skip the all-you-can-eat buffet in favor of a tasty sit-down dinner that's filling, yes, but also leaves you wanting to come back for more.

Ergo, I think this is sort of cute.

There's a HINT of cleavage, and plenty of leg. I'm sure if she turns around we'll find out there's no back and that her rump equator is showing, or something, but for now let's assume that's not true. There IS something sort of 1994 Amanda Woodward Goes To Work about this -- minus the mules, thankfully -- but I would also like to point out that Amanda Woodward was, is, and shall always be a total badass. I mean, what if Blake was doing the whole Alison Gets An Ill-Conceived Bob And Turns Into A Boozy Bitch Who Also Wears Mules thing? Or the Jane Mancini Bowl Cut of 1993? As Melrose Place influences go, this is really not so bad.

poll by twiigs.com

October 19, 2009

NYFug.com: Melrose Place's Katie Cassidy Is the Next 'It Girl'

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Melrose Place

We're sort of digging Katie Cassidy lately. She's kind of awesome on Melrose Place and her outfits are never boring -- even if we don't always love them, at least they never put us into a boredom coma. We take a look at them for NYMag.com...I'd say this week, but this actually went up Friday afternoon. Let's call it, "recently."

"Someone loves herself some animal print. Again, the makeup feels like overkill -- there's just too much of it -- and the purse looks like something Katie bought out of a car trunk, but the dress itself is a hit. It's toeing the line between "awesome" and "the '80s called; it wants its wardrobe back," but the otherwise simple cut and fun short sleeves save this from disaster."

Bet regular readers can picture that outfit, since I believe we put it to a poll here a while ago. Read the whole piece, and see how many you recognize.

October 13, 2009

Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

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At first, I thought this photo was going to be of Blake Lively. You can probably guess why:

Mountains of hair, low cut, lots of leg, and -- which you'll see after the jump -- an open back:

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy.

September 28, 2009

Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

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I can't remember if we've discussed this on GFY yet, or just on our Twitter, but the new Melrose Place is seriously pretty good, especially Katie Cassidy here:

In addition to looking very Amanda Woodward 2.0, she sort of acts like Amanda Woodward 2.0, although she hasn't yet shamed anyone into alcoholism or suicide. I look forward to her interactions with Amanda Woodward: Original Flavor once Heather Locklear makes her sure-to-be-triumphant return to the building. Speaking of which, I was just thinking last night that Amanda Woodward is totally the Don Draper of the early '90s. Think about it: extremely good at advertising; sleeps around (occasionally for work purposes but often just for fun); can not be bested by mealy-mouthed, bratty underlings (Allison/Pete) regardless of the effort put into said weaselly machinations; concealing a secret and unflattering past; dabbles in intermittent substance abuse; in an office full of people wearing suits, is easily the hottest; has noteworthy hair. If this pattern holds true, then I fear season four of Mad Men is going to involve Joan ripping off a wig and then blowing up Sterling Cooper, after Roger Sterling accidentally-on-purpose kidnaps Peggy and she sort of likes it. Just to forewarn you.

But Miss Cassidy here, while seriously pretty awesome on MP, needed a little styling help over the weekend, am I right? I actually don't mind either halves of her look independently. It's just that together they make a total Fashion Plates moment, making her look as though she's had a terrible accident where the top half of her body has been mistakenly grafted onto someone else's bottom half, which, as I understand it, happens all the time.

Now, if I were her stylist, I would have just given her...wait, this isn't about me. What would YOU do? (Remember, please be nice and stay on topic.)

September 4, 2009

Melfug Fugce

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Remember the first season of Melrose Place, when there was an entire story arc based on whether Billy would give up his independence and take over the family carpet store?

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Apparently they're going down that avenue again, except this time, Katie Cassidy is going to run her own Mexican food franchise called Nacho Mama, where for an extra $5 you can eat your food out of her hat. And for an extra $20, you'll get a bottle of Colt 45 in her shoes. That might seem expensive to most of us, but for foot fetishists it's probably a real bargain.

August 24, 2009

Melfug Place

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ASHLEE SIMPSON: SIGH.

KATIE CASSIDY: Right? Another day, another boring Melrose Place junket.

ASHLEE SIMPSON: I KNOW. But I'm glad to see you're keeping things fun by making a joke out of it.

KATIE: Me? YOU are the one making a joke out of it.

ASHLEE: Uh-uh, babe. I'm not the one dressed as a gymnast at the Olympics closing ceremony dance.

KATIE: I'M not the one who looks like she murdered a zebra. But hey, as long as you DIDN'T, then PETA won't come after you and everything will be fine.

ASHLEE: Oh, shut up. Admit it: I look kind of cute.

KATIE: Yeah, you do, actually. It's true. And so do I.

ASHLEE. I wouldn't go THAT far.

KATIE: Huh?

ASHLEE: You also kind of look like you're auditioning to play Julianne Hough in some Disney Channel movie all about how she first learned the paso doble.

KATIE: That's rich criticism coming from a girl who is vag-hugging everyone tonight.

ASHLEE: I don't know what you mean.

KATIE: Don't you? Well, allow me to illuminate.

Continue reading Melfug Place.

January 8, 2009

People's Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Lori Loughlin

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Let's discuss for a second how RANCID the new 90210 is. They pick up and drop plotlines like a serial dater. Drunkface still cannot act, and delivers 90 percent of her lines at warp speed. None of the relationships or friendships are remotely interesting. The clothes aren't even amusing enough to make me love-hate them. I seriously think it's being run by blind monkeys on downers. Lori Loughlin deserves better. Listen, Stamos is going to be available soon, now that ER is ending -- she and he need to figure out a way to recreate that old Uncle Jesse/Rebecca magic and save her from this toilet bowl.

She also deserved a little better than this dress:

It's not... I mean, it could be worse. But unless she's planning to get married to a basketweaver after the show in a small ceremony officiated by one of the valets, I'd rather have seen her in something a bit less twee. And which didn't expose the fact that she forgot to loofah the Mystic Tan off her legs.

As for her show, I just have one word for The CW: Step the hell off Melrose Place unless you get someone there who knows how to pull crazy from thin air. I have serious, serious reservations that they will be able to recreate the mad genius of the time Kimberly Shaw Ripped Off Her Wig. Or when she tried to kill herself with pills just to lash out at Michael Mancini, but when he found her, he just smiled, turned on some classical music and poured a glass of wine. Or Kimberly's split personalities. Or that time Priscilla Presley almost gave Jack Wagner a lobotomy,Amanda Woodward incited her boss to hang himself over his desk, Sydney became a hooker, or Sydney joined a cult that counted Traci Lords as a member. Odds are, it will be more like the tedious first season of Melrose -- WILL BILLY QUIT DRIVING A CAB TO WORK AT HIS FATHER'S CARPET STORE??!?! -- and in that case, what's the point? Just rerun the original. Heather Locklear could use the cash. Hell, with the exception of Gay Matt, Kristin Davis, and maybe the resurrected Grant Show, they all could.

poll by twiigs.com

December 16, 2008

Fugsa Rinna

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When I noticed Lisa Rinna did not wear anything made of leopard print and/or a corset to this party, I seriously just about threw my hands to the heavens, praised whatever higher power is hanging out up there eating bon-bons and sorting through an Inbox full of prayers, and then passed out from the shock of it all.

But then once Intern George revived me with his special home brew of smelling salts and Jif, I realized something else:

Yes, she's not wearing animal print, but she's ALSO not wearing pants. That is not an okay compromise. Lady, you own a boutique; presumably you know the difference between a turtleneck shirt and a dress. If you don't, then I suspect your shop is not for me. Which is not to say Lisa Rinna isn't in great shape; clearly, she is. If I could swap my legs for hers right now, it would be kind of awkward, but I'd totally do it. However, I sort of feel like there's a point in our lives, possibly the moment we all graduate from diapers into big-girl pants we can change on our own, where the threat of exposing our crotches -- even if it'they have panty-hose seams running over them -- becomes unseemly. If that thing were like four inches longer we'd STILL get the point that she has great gams, but without looking quite so desperate. You can make a statement without skipping straight to vulva-skimming hemlines, okay, Lisa? I PROMISE.

poll by twiigs.com

October 2, 2008

NYFug.com: The Aughts Have Not Been Kind to Heather Locklear

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Melrose Place

As I'm sure you can imagine, Heather and I are very upset by the news that Heather Locklear is having some kind of downward spiral. We LOVE Heather Locklear. And Amanda Woodward doesn't have downward spirals, she CAUSES them:

"It takes a unique actress to drive her employees to alcoholism and her fictional boss to hang himself over his desk, yet still have us rooting for her character (despite doing it all in micro-minis, terrible roots, and clunky mules). Even Gay Matt probably thought twice about tapping that."

So what next? Click through and read the rest of the column on NYMag.com. Do it for Amanda Woodward! She would...well, let's be honest. She would not do it for you. She would probably chuckle grimly about your issues and then start plotting how best to steal your boyfriend while you were wrongly imprisoned in a mental institution where she had bribed the doctors to give you a semi-unneccessary lobotomy. But do it anyway!

Results tagged “Melrose Place” from GoFugYourself

Stephanie Fugcobsen

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Fug or Fab: Blake Lively

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NYFug.com: Melrose Place's Katie Cassidy Is the Next 'It Girl'

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Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

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Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

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Melfug Fugce

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Melfug Place

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People's Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Lori Loughlin

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Fugsa Rinna

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NYFug.com: The Aughts Have Not Been Kind to Heather Locklear

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