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November 6, 2008

Fug the Cover: Ashley Tisdale

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Wow, I already forgot that A. Tis used to be blonde:

When she went darker, I was all, "A Tis! Stay blonde! It's so cute on you!" but looking at this, I'm like, "A Tis! Those extentions! They appear to be made of straw! Call your Extension Dude immediately! Also, aren't you cold in that? It's NOVEMBER. Put on a SWEATER. PS: you CAN'T get hot abs without working out, no matter what the cover here says." So maybe going back to her natural hair-suit was a wise move. Mea culpa, Ashley. Mea culpa.

August 8, 2008

Fug the Cover: Miley Cyrus

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Seventeen

It must be really kind of hard to be Miley Cyrus: you pose in a sheet, and people FREAK OUT. You send sort-of-but-not-really provocative camera phone pics to your boyfriend, and people FREAK OUT. You make kind of snide remarks about said boyfriend's new girlfriend and people FREAK OUT. But who is there to freak out when Seventeen magazine Photoshops you until your head appears to be floating over someone else's body -- someone whose elbows have been surgically attached to her dress? I AM. I have commenced FREAKING OUT for you, Miley. You can thank me later.

July 7, 2008

Fug the Cover: Blake Lively

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Good morning Upper East Siders,

Just down grabbing a latte and spied a certain blonde bombshell looking, shall we say, less than on the cover of a magazine you probably stopped reading in seventh grade. Even the haters -- and S has a few -- have to admit that she's irritatingly gorgeous in person, like an certain Marc Jacobs bag I've been visiting at Barney's. The question is, then, who over at Hearst has it in for our golden girl? She couldn't possibly look this bad without serious technical intervention. Is it possible that one of the magazine's newest interns (let's call her V), who has made it her mission this summer to make life hard for S as possible, called in a certain favor with a publishing exec who will never forget an afternoon spent with V in the coat closet of a particularly boring Hamptons pool party? You know I'll never tell.

xoxo

Gossip Girl

April 8, 2008

Fug The Cover: Amanda Bynes

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Seventeen

So, riddle me this, Seventeen: Is one of the "amazing style secrets" of Amanda Bynes that you're suggesting we steal, "Put on more makeup than the inaugural victim of an unskilled, blind-ish Avon lady, and then ADD SOME MORE"?

Yeah, that's what I figured.

January 31, 2008

Fug the Cover: Rachel Bilson

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Seventeen

It's no secret that I am a huge fan of Rachel Bilson's style lately. She goes out to get some ice cream and I want to pop up and hand her a Well Played. I just think she's been dressing so well lately. And she's so tiny, but never shows up looking like she just stepped off the midnight train from Stumpyville. So why did Seventeen decide that it would be an awesome idea if she recreated a Seventeen cover from when I was in 8th grade?

SO 8Os. The only way I will approve is if the inside ALSO recreates the Seventeen of my youth, specifically including a photoshoot I have never forgotten despite the fact that it is probably nearly twenty years old: Johnny Depp, wearing a striped shirt, holding a puppy. You know how they say that when you die, one of your loved ones comes out of the light to escort you to heaven? I think it's very possible that when I finally fatally overdose on chalupas or whatever, Johnny Depp is going to emerge from the sky with that puppy to carry me home. In other news, I imagine overdosing on chalupas isn't the #1 Secret to a GREAT BODY, as per that headline, but what are you gonna do?

Results tagged “Seventeen” from GoFugYourself

Fug the Cover: Ashley Tisdale

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Fug the Cover: Miley Cyrus

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Fug the Cover: Blake Lively

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Fug The Cover: Amanda Bynes

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Fug the Cover: Rachel Bilson

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