Results tagged “TRL” from GoFugYourself

November 17, 2008

Fug, Inc.

Hilary Duff and I have been through a lot together. There was the time I saw her making out with Aaron Carter at a local bowling alley about six years ago, the subsequent and inexplicable fight over him with Lindsay Lohan, her excessive necklaces phase, the whole thing where she pretended she didn't have a neck at all, and of course that time she got the really obvious veneers and her lips couldn't close around them for a while and we all thought they were going to come for us in our sleep. Then finally, Hilary came out the other end with fairly normal hair and a healthy body weight, and I thought maybe the worst was behind us. But alas, I feel like even Hilary Duff herself can't explain this, nor does she seem interested in trying.

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Judging by the way she's standing, maybe it's a very elaborate system of lumbar support. But I suspect it's just a strange decision. Her whole face is like, "I know. No, really. There is nothing you can say that I haven't already scribbled in my diary in red pen. I KNOW."  In a way, though, it's very apt -- she's at a farewell party for TRL, and what better way to bid that crackfest a fond farewell than by making me stare at her for fifteen minutes trying to figure out if she's drunk?

I almost wonder if she's decided to pick up that feud with Lindsay again. They're sporting similar hair these days, and neither of them seem overly fond of lipstick that doesn't make them look frost-bitten. And this outfit feels like what you'd wear if you decided you had a pants allergy and your sensible mother burned your last pair of leggings, so you broke into Mood and stole a few yards of organza. Ergo, maybe Hilary will come out with a line of pointless sheer sheaths -- Witchy Stuff By Hilary Duff, or something -- that they can sell at Kitson for $300 next to all of Lindsay's dishevelled leggings, thus requiring some sort of retail cage-match to settle things once and for all.

August 27, 2008

I Fugged

Solange Knowles' reign of terror continues, and her legs are paying the price! Behold:

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I enjoy that all of the men in the background are very, very studiously NOT looking at her, like if they were to look directly at her tights, their faces would melt off like in Raiders of the Lost Ark. However, I must speak out on behalf of that leg-wear for a brief moment (from afar, it appears to depict rats, but they are horses and elephants, I believe). While they are... most bizarrely heinous on her legs, I rather suspect they'd make for adorable wallpaper.  So at least there's that!

No such back-handed compliments can be applied to this, however:

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I hear you. You're saying, "But, Jessica! That dress is cute! Whatever do you mea- ACK! MY EYES! MY PRECIOUS SIGHT! SWEET GOD, WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?!"

Let's take a closer look, shall we?
How ironic that the girls who could most use a pair of magical, thought-free, perfect-fitting pants are in fact the stars of a movie about a pair of magical, thought-free, perfect-fitting pants.

First up: Blake Lively, who -- let's get this out in the open right now -- is wearing a romper. And yet, despite my distaste for rompers, I almost let her slip by since she seemed to look so generally (and comparatively) adorable.

Almost.

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Are we sure this wasn't a dress that she stapled to her underwear so that she wouldn't flash anyone? I realize that putting metal prongs that close to your promised land is not for the faint of heart, but I'm not sure how else to explain the unsightly bunching. Or, perhaps it's that I don't WANT to understand it, because there is no explanation that doesn't make me wince. I guess the bright side is, she has awesome legs to distract people from the crotch crater; hey, when your romper has cleaved to your inner thigh, there had better be SOME kind of silver lining.


And then there's Amber Tamblyn. First she betrayed our faith with that jumpsuit, and now she's betraying herself with this:

July 28, 2008

Fugbrey F'Fug

Seriously, is Aubrey O'Day bored? I thought she was taking a break from Danity Kane to do Hairspray. Are you telling me she has no time to work with the band that made her famous while she's on Broadway, but she DOES have time to hang out at TRL and chit-chat all the time wearing dresses with built-in capes?

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Maybe not the best use of her time. I'm just saying.

This is, however, better than any of the t-shirts, headbands, and briefs Aubrey is selling (because these days pretty much any person with a Mystic Tan account also has a clothing line). We should all say a quick prayer of thanks that Aubrey has decided not to run around town hawking her own wares. But the tragedy of it is that ANTM winners Jaslene and Caridee were dragged into the fracas. It's like Aubrey's only editorial directive was that all the girls should hang open their mouths in a semi-drugged stupor:
July 22, 2008

Aubrey O'Fug

In the scheme of things, I'll admit this isn't the worst of all the garments into which Aubrey O'Day has stuffed herself.

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But I can't look at it without feeling suspicious that the last time I played The Sims, I bought this rug for my caddish French brothers Jacques and Croque Monsieur and put it right by the pinball machine and the big-screen TV, the better to try and steal the mysterious Bella Goth away from her oddly disinterested husband Mortimer. It probably had a description like, "For the totally undiscerning man who wants his decor to say, 'I am desperate. For YOU. Or anyone.'" And when Croque led Bella over to the rug and tried to lay a handsy hug on her, I believe she shook her head violently, conjured a thought-bubble full of an airplane and a typewriter and a giant red X or something, and made the same noise a real human would make while chewing a mouthful of tripe. In other words, the rug Croque-blocked him. I can't decide if seeing it on Aubrey means my poor tragique Sim has a soulmate after all, or that she shops at a store for the totally undiscerning woman -- or both -- but I'm pretty sure that wherever Bella Goth is, she's having some SERIOUS red-X-typewriter-airplane flashbacks right now.
July 9, 2008

Fug Intentions

We got several emails from readers this morning, bewailing Ms Selma Blair's recent TRL ensemble:

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All howlers noted that Selma is very cute (true) before bemoaning that she appears to have gotten lost on her way down to a matinée of 42nd Street (also true) / en route to tap class (true again) / coming back from a Roaring Twenties party (yes) / returning from a bout of time travel to the actual 1920s (yep). We concur with the general public.
June 13, 2008

Fugshanti

Lordy, I think everyone in the TRL green room yesterday had been passing the flux capacitor on the left-hand side:

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No wonder Ashanti looks cranky. Not only does it seem like she can't breathe in those, but the entire outfit is horribly unflattering, and I expect her crotch is five minutes away from filing a malpractice suit. Retro flair is fun, and all, but it's just not worth it if you leave us all wishing we could go back in time to before we knew this photo existed.
June 13, 2008

Katy Fugry

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"Wait, what? Where am I? How did I get on TRL? Hang on, so, okay, I was eating dinner at my house, and then I got that e-mail from Zooey Deschanel asking me to dye my hair green or else she will sue me for custody of her DNA, and ... I guess the last thing I remember is doing three shots of absinthe before climbing into bed with a copy of the Sears-Roebuck swimwear catalogue from 1952. I guess that was a bad idea...? Oh, God, why are people staring at my ass? What did I do? I'd better turn around..."

I don't know about you, but every time I see an ad for Denise Richards: It's Complicated, I fly into a foaming rage. It's NOT complicated. You had a brutally wretched and acrimonious divorce during which both you and the MaSheen said incredibly disturbing things about each other, and then you hopped into the sack with your best friend's husband before either of you were even legally single. That isn't complicated. Physics is complicated. Brain surgery is complicated. Figuring out what color shoes to wear with a navy blue dress is complicated.  I would have accepted Denise Richards: It's Embarrassing, or Denise Richards: It's Awkward or even Denise Richards: I'm Disgusting, but Denise Richards: It's Complicated I reject wholly. Don't pretend your life is gloriously and fascinatingly complex in a way that wasn't totally engineered by your own actions, and I won't pretend I don't hate your hat: 

I hate your hat. And those shoes with that dress. And this entire look. And the fact that someone decided we all wanted to watch Denise Richards in her day-to-day life. Not everything needs to be on camera, and I say that as someone who actually watched all of Paradise Hotel 2.

I think I've mentioned how much I love Greek before. And I do. It's so funny. Just this week it actually featured a "Donna Martin Graduates!" joke that made me laugh out loud. Seriously, it's like my favorite new show. Other than The Amazing Adventures of Chuck Bass, I mean. Anyway, Spencer "Spawn of Kelsey" Grammer here is the female protagonist and she is really very charming:

But while I actually think the dress is quite summery and fun, I don't know if I would have quite gone so matchy-matchy with the shoes.  On the other hand, I like a bright shoe. On the other hand, there's a lot going on in the dress itself. On the other hand, I need to stop dithering here.

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