Search Results

November 9, 2009

Real Housefugs of New York

Fug file:

Have I totally lost the plot, or is Kelly Bensimon walking down the street wearing her bath mat?

I'm serious. And this is honestly not even that surprising. Having watched many an episode of every Real Housewife franchise -- because I have no shame -- I can truthfully testify that Kelly Bensimon DOES seem to be the sort of person who might look down at her bathroom floor and think, "THIS. I'm going to wear THIS." I mean, she also jogs down 5th Avenue. THE STREET SECTION. NOT THE SIDEWALK. Wearing a bath mat probably seems neither bizarre nor questionable to the mind who doesn't see anything weird about forcing traffic to follow her at low speeds while she trots through the streets of New York. We should probably be glad it isn't her shower curtain.

October 13, 2009

Sheree Whitfug

Fug file:

Sometimes, people ask us why we harp on jumpsuits so much.

This might be Exhibit A in defense of our position.

July 14, 2009

The Real Housefugs of New York

Fug file:

I have to thank The Real Housewives of New York for one thing -- well, other than for entertaining me while I do things like work on this here Web site. Anyone who watched this past season surely recalls the episode where Kelly Bensimon here yapped about keeping up her fitness whilst jogging... THROUGH THE STREETS OF NEW YORK. No. LITERALLY. IN the street. Not on the sidewalk or in the park. In the CENTER of a LANE in the ACTUAL STREET with, like, taxis trailing her patiently. Girl, please. If the Bravo cameras had not been there and arranged that entire shot, you KNOW those cab drivers would have run her skinny ass down. As it was, that scene was HILARIOUS. And every time I myself go jogging -- on the sidewalk like a normal person -- I think of it and giggle. So thank you, Kelly, for giving me one brief moment of levity during my runs. And thank you for giving me some material for today:

I happen to be wearing those shoes right now -- holla at your J. Crew! -- but the rest of this is a total misfire. Leaving aside the fact that it MIGHT be a romper, it's DEFINITELY not supposed to be belted thusly, any more than your swimsuit cover-up requires belting. The fabric is cute, but Ms Kelly might a little too old to fully pull it off. Although I probably shouldn't say that too loud. Anyone who will blithely run in front of a taxi wouldn't have any problems with pushing me in front of one.

June 12, 2009

The Real Fugwives of Fug Fugk

Fug file:

Apparently, in my frustration-fueled jumpsuit roundup of yesterday, I missed one.

[Photo: Splash News]

I didn't realize people were making trouser versions of tank bathing suits from the Land's End summer catalog. Do we think the entire thing is swimming-friendly? I don't suppose anyone would be up for chucking her in the drink to find out...?

May 22, 2009

Bethenny Fugkel

Fug file:

Okay, FINE, we're looking. At EVERYTHING. Congratulations.

May 14, 2009

Fug or Fab: Jill Zarin

Fug file:

Heather is a stronger woman than I am in many ways, and one of them is that she has managed to avoid getting sucked into the Bravo programming black hole that is The Real Housewives of Wherever. I watch them ALL. It is my SHAME. In fact, I was driving home from somewhere yesterday and I found myself ruminating on how I think it's kind of surprising that Bravo hasn't phased out The OC for Malibu or Beverly Hills, because apparently this is how I'm using my brain power now. (I also just want someone to explain to me why all of those specific members of the franchise look like their wardrobes have been exclusively obtained from Forever XXI. No offense to FXXI -- I've gotten many a piece of disposable fashion there -- but when you've shelled out for Gucci, you don't want it to look like it cost $12.99 and can be returned only for store credit and yet they are all always flouncing around in shiny jewel-toned halter tops with giant diamond brooches on them and I do not understand where else they're even getting those any more.) I do not know why I watch these shows so religiously. I just know that I do. I don't even want to question it. I just let it wash over me. But anyway, RHNY was pretty entertaining this past season, and Jill Zarin here was, I thought, possibly the LEAST crazy of all the ladies in the cast:

Although I would also argue that Alex is not crazy either. She is ECCENTRIC, but not crazy. But we could be here all day talking about these women, you know? Let's just say that after much thought, I decided Jill was probably the best-adjusted. Maybe. Although...never mind. Let's table this discussion of the varying mental healths of the women of this show and talk about her outfit. I feel that while the silhouette is flattering, I may have seen it on the person playing Guenevere in a Las Vegas revival of Camelot in which everyone was also wearing roller skates. I suspect that it's a bit much of a muchness, as a former boss of mine used to say.

poll by twiigs.com

May 4, 2009

Fug Housewives of New York

Fug file:

Well, since Kelly Bensimmon's Real Housewives of New York rival, Bethenny Frankel, got it earlier today, I thought it was only fair to spread the love around a bit. (Speaking of which, I wish those two would just make out and get it over with. CAN'T THEY SEE THEY'RE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?!) Behold Kelly at her own birthday party:

Um. Wow. Thanks for making an effort? I feel like UGGs in 2009 on the red carpet at your own press-covered birthday party is like the shoe version of screaming, "I COULD NOT CARE LESS ABOUT THIS EVENT" in all of your guests' faces, slapping them, and then setting the venue on fire. Add in the mega-distressed jeans -- I know they're au courant, but surely not for evening, with UGGs or UGGs-esque slipper thingies, and a poncho that looks like it was attacked by a deranged flock of rabid sea gulls -- and she might as well have rolled to this event in her bathrobe.

May 4, 2009

The Fug Hatters

Fug file:

This weekend, my visiting sister and I spent some time hanging around various places in L.A. and doing what we call Hat Watching -- which is to say, people-watching with a particular zoom on rampant asshats. You can imagine this is fairly specHATular in Los Angeles, although frankly, it's a meal pretty much anywhere in the world.

But today, thanks to the Kentucky Derby -- and its proud tradition of encouraging people to wear awesomely crazy things in the name of tradition, a la Royal Ascot and other big horse-racing events -- we get to do some Hat Watching that involves actual HATS. The wackier, the better. It's hard to judge people's headgear when they're EXPECTED to go nuts, but giggling at it is all part of the experience, which I remember from going to Royal Ascot and being too young to wear a spectacular accessory of my own but fully appreciating all the drunk people staggering around in king-sized hats full of wackitude.

So, let's get to some hats. Which anagrams to "shat," which has nothing to do with anything really, except that it would've been a perfect segue if somebody had worn millinery that looked like a creature had relieved itself messily on his/her (most likely her) hair. The first time I looked at Lynn Whitfield here, I flashed back to the last time I was in the gift-wrap aisle at Target, looking for the biggest and most obnoxious ribbon I could find to adorn the tiniest Christmas present I had to give.

But I suppose I could also argue that a Fraggle emptied its bowels onto her coif.

As for what happened to Niecy Nash here, I do not know:

Continue reading The Fug Hatters.

March 6, 2009

Fugx McCord

Fug file:

I am totally the wrong fugger to be writing about Alex McCord, since I don't watch the Real Housewives shows -- yes, that's right, I cherish Tool Academy from the bottom of my soul, but somehow the mere idea of the various Housewives soaps gives me hives. But I did read that Alex McCord and her husband are in the midst of redecorating their townhouse, or something? Listen, I don't know that I would trust this woman to decorate anything ONCE, much less do it again:

I mean, okay: She's decorated her arm with Aiden Turner, who is a cute Irish soap actor currently on All My Children, where he's in love with a mental patient who once killed her brother and most of whose past love interests are either dead, "dead," or have left the show. So McCord gets points for the man candy. If she'd JUST taken a little more time in adorning herself... I'm sure this is just a drab black dress and a medically necessary stomach sweater, to prevent her tragic case of Abnormally Freezing Abdomen Syndrome from flaring up at the middle of the party. But it sure LOOKS like she is wearing a sweater tube-top over a mangy tutu, and Turner got caught making out behind that rack of skirts, which is why it's peeled down to expose her flimsy strapless support garment. I'm not sure which is better: On the one hand, you get a terrifically soapy medical scenario which could end in a revolutionary ab-transplant surgery; on the other, DRAMA. Unfortunately for her, this outfit is involved in both, though, so I guess there's no winning.

September 25, 2008

The Fug Housewives of New York

Fug file:

So, apparently, you can either use your FEED bag to carry your groceries...

... or you can use your FEED bag to, ahem, carry your groceries.

Perhaps she is just begging someone to FEED her. In that case, the entire female cast of 90210 should go to Prom in this dress.

Results tagged “The Real Housewives of Wherever” from GoFugYourself

Real Housefugs of New York

Fug file:

Sheree Whitfug

Fug file:

The Real Housefugs of New York

Fug file:

The Real Fugwives of Fug Fugk

Fug file:

Bethenny Fugkel

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Jill Zarin

Fug file:

Fug Housewives of New York

Fug file:

The Fug Hatters

Fug file:

Fugx McCord

Fug file:

The Fug Housewives of New York

Fug file:

Search

Fug Favorites

Featured Fugger

The Book of fug

Subscribe to GFY