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July 24, 2008

I Fug to Believe

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SPECIAL AGENT DANA SCULLY: Mulder. You made it.

SPECIAL AGENT FOX MULDER: Hey, Scully. God. Wow. Yeah, I jogged all the way here.

SCULLY: I can tell. Did you even shave today?

MULDER: You're not my mom. Speaking of, is that my baby?

SCULLY: Well, considering that I recall an incident in which you stole my ova from a shady and poorly-lit government facility and decided the best place to keep them was in YOUR FREEZER at your APARTMENT, I haven't the foggiest idea HOW I got pregnant.

MULDER: Didn't we have a baby toward the end of that last thing we did together?

SCULLY: Please, no one watched that. Personally, I'm hoping it comes out looking like Deputy Director Skinner.

MULDER: But...I'm so dreamy! We've shared so many moments where we ALMOST kissed, before being attacked by bees or any number of things!

SCULLY: Yes, but look at you now. You look homeless, Mulder. What is going on?

MULDER: I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed. I miss Krycek. And the Lone Gunmen. And all the other moderately interesting people from the series that have been killed off, thus dooming us to appear in a movie with a bunch of tertiary characters that no one cares about.

SCULLY: I see your point. I'm sorry. Maybe I'm just cranky, because I haven't eaten since six o'clock this morning and all that was was half a cream cheese bagel. And it wasn't even real cream cheese. It was light cream cheese.

MULDER: Let's go get you some popcorn.

SCULLY: Let's go get you some shampoo.

May 16, 2008

Fug the Future

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"Oh, CRAP," Gillian Anderson seems to be thinking, "I'm still wearing my towel, aren't I?" I'm sorry, Agent Scully, but it seems that you are. But take heart! It appears to be a very, very expensive towel, and you can just tell everyone that you were forced to wear this as part of a black ops government experiment involving black oil, guys with bionic arms, super soldiers, your ova, a chip in the back of your neck, a guy with a wicked nicotine addiction, and a variety of little green men. That sounds like a pretty good excuse to me.

October 1, 2004

The Fug Files

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Oh my God, what happened to Assistant Director Walter Skinner? [Also known as actor Mitch Pileggi.]

Clearly, he's finally been tossed out of the FBI and is now living in Washington's alleys and vacant lots, on the run from shadowy mystery men who need information that only he has, information that will help them bring down the X-Files, forever. No, for real this time. Yes. Really, this time. Actually, for real. Forever, seriously, you guys. And so he's on the run! Wearing an unsightly baseball cap that he appears to have rescued from the gutter! Rummaging through dumpsters for food! Failing to shave regularly!

Or he decided this was a good look for the WB's Rock the Vote party. You know, one or the other.

I ask him, please, Mitch -- rock the MACH3. You look like a vagrant. Agent Mulder looked better when he was dead. All the times he was dead.

July 18, 2004

The Fug Is Out There

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The X-Files

Oh my God, what happened to Fox Mulder?

Remember when he used to look like this?

I sure hope this new look is for a role, because it otherwise it appears that he has gone out and gotten himself a weave. I don't know who told him that was a good idea, but Duchovny would do well to remember the principle tenent of the vehicle that made him a star and trust no one.

Of course, even giving him the benefit of the doubt and believing that the flat-ironed bob he's sporting is for a movie offers no explanation for that jacket-thing he's wearing. He seriously looks like he barely escaped from 1983 with his life.

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