Dear Nikki Reed:
It's called "going up a size," and it's totally legal.
It's called "going up a size," and it's totally legal.
1
KRISTEN: TAYLOROHMYGOD.
TAYLOR: It's okay, we're in this together.
KRISTEN: I forgot how intense this is. I think some 40-year old mother just asked if she could feed my hair to her sick child.
TAYLOR: Where's Rob?
KRISTEN: I'm not doing photos with him tonight. It's too intense.
TAYLOR: What is? The pandemonium? Or the urge to rip off his clothes?
KRISTEN: EW. TAYLOR. Rob is like FAMILY to me.
TAYLOR: Sorry.
KRISTEN: The kind of distant-second-cousin family that it was okay to marry back in Elizabethan times.
TAYLOR: So...
KRISTEN: Just shut up and tell me I look pretty.
TAYLOR LAUTNER: I am going to be as clothed as I can be for the rest of this tour.
KRISTEN STEWART: My hair claw and I are going to stand as close to Taylor as we can for the rest of this tour.
ROBERT PATTINSON: I am going to use as many natural bodily fluids as I can to style my hair for the rest of this tour.
TAYLOR: I am more than a body, world! Don't objectify me!
KRISTEN: I am totally not rocking the bed mambo with that dude, world! Don't be grossed out by me!
ROBERT: I am filthy and rank, world! Don't stalk me!
ROBERT PATTINSON: Come on, everyone. I DARE YOU.
KRISTEN STEWART: Dare them to what? Ask if we're sleeping together?
TAYLOR LAUTNER: Oh, please God, no. I so don't care if you're sleeping together.
K.STEW: Right? BORING. I'm not even interested in whether we're sleeping together, at this point.
R.PATTZ: I'm so bored of us that my boredom comes back around to being arousal.
K.STEW: Ew. Not mine.
R.PATTZ: No?
K.STEW: LOOK AT YOU. I am not sleeping with you again, by which I mean for the first time, until you shower and shave.
TAYLOR: THANK YOU. It had to be said.
R.PATTZ: Well, I'm not sleeping with YOU ever again, or for the first time, until you go back to wearing Converse and tight jeans and not brushing your hair. You look like you're playing dress-up in Zoe Saldana's closet.
K.STEW: I think I look nice. And clean. And event-appropriate. AND CLEAN.
R.PATTZ: No no, I like my girls to look troubled and ill-rested and as though they're still coated in the sweat from our fervent horizontal joyride. You know, like me.
TAYLOR: SERIOUSLY. PLEASE STOP SENDING ME TO THESE THINGS WITHOUT DAKOTA FANNING. I AM NOT JOKING.
[Photo: Splash News]
TAYLOR LAUTNER: I'm so excited to be here to promote New Moon.
KRISTEN STEWART: New Moon? I thought we were here for a screening of Newsies.
TAYLOR: No.
KRISTEN: Are you sure? Why else would I be dressed as an urchin?
TAYLOR: Maybe you just want to pick a pocket or two.
KRISTEN: I kind of AM in the mood to rob a bitch. And then break into a totally spontaneous choreographed dance routine that ends with me picking my teeth with a tire iron, or something.
TAYLOR: I really wish they'd send me to these things with Dakota Fanning.
Results tagged “Twilight” from GoFugYourself
November 20, 2009
The Fuglight Saga: Fug Moon
November 18, 2009
The Fug List
In high school I had a friend who one night forgot he was wearing these slippers, and showed up at a party without changing his shoes. I have a sneaking suspicion something similar happened to Elizabeth Reaser:
Of course, she's also accidentally wearing a dress in a pattern I think was on sale at Limited Express in 1992, except it was a skort. Let us thank heaven for the small mercy that this one does not appear to be. But the real issue is why Elizabeth left on the fur-lined clogs that she clearly only owns to be worn in secret, say, around the house when her feet are cold and/or she's catching up on FLASHFORWARD (which I am incapable of uttering without whispering slightly and doing jazz hands) on her DVR with a bag of Doritos before running out to put the garbage cans by the curb. If this were Kristen Stewart, we'd be inundated with e-mails from angry Twilight fans arguing that clogging is so hot right now and insisting that if you have ever stood within four feet of anyone who is on his or her feet all day for a living -- like a food-service professional, or a nurse, or a really unpopular hooker -- then your feet will hurt so badly in sympathy that you TOO will wear shoes like this all over town. But since Elizabeth Reaser is in the lesser category of Twilight stars -- the ones where you go, "Oh, RIGHT, I forgot about him/her," kind of like with Peter "Mr. Kelly Taylor" Facinelli -- then I think maybe a couple of them will just worry that she banged her head on an open kitchen cabinet and maybe start writing a concerned e-mail to her agent that they will forget to finish.
Of course, she's also accidentally wearing a dress in a pattern I think was on sale at Limited Express in 1992, except it was a skort. Let us thank heaven for the small mercy that this one does not appear to be. But the real issue is why Elizabeth left on the fur-lined clogs that she clearly only owns to be worn in secret, say, around the house when her feet are cold and/or she's catching up on FLASHFORWARD (which I am incapable of uttering without whispering slightly and doing jazz hands) on her DVR with a bag of Doritos before running out to put the garbage cans by the curb. If this were Kristen Stewart, we'd be inundated with e-mails from angry Twilight fans arguing that clogging is so hot right now and insisting that if you have ever stood within four feet of anyone who is on his or her feet all day for a living -- like a food-service professional, or a nurse, or a really unpopular hooker -- then your feet will hurt so badly in sympathy that you TOO will wear shoes like this all over town. But since Elizabeth Reaser is in the lesser category of Twilight stars -- the ones where you go, "Oh, RIGHT, I forgot about him/her," kind of like with Peter "Mr. Kelly Taylor" Facinelli -- then I think maybe a couple of them will just worry that she banged her head on an open kitchen cabinet and maybe start writing a concerned e-mail to her agent that they will forget to finish.
November 17, 2009
Better Played, Kristen Stewart
KRISTEN: TAYLOROHMYGOD.
TAYLOR: It's okay, we're in this together.
KRISTEN: I forgot how intense this is. I think some 40-year old mother just asked if she could feed my hair to her sick child.
TAYLOR: Where's Rob?
KRISTEN: I'm not doing photos with him tonight. It's too intense.
TAYLOR: What is? The pandemonium? Or the urge to rip off his clothes?
KRISTEN: EW. TAYLOR. Rob is like FAMILY to me.
TAYLOR: Sorry.
KRISTEN: The kind of distant-second-cousin family that it was okay to marry back in Elizabethan times.
TAYLOR: So...
KRISTEN: Just shut up and tell me I look pretty.
Continue reading Better Played, Kristen Stewart.
November 17, 2009
Twifught: New Fug
There are a lot of things going on here that I don't quite understand -- the skirt that gets shorter in front if the part of a lady she should want to hide the most; the pattern that looks like the tiled top of a small patio table -- but nothing is as confounding to me as Christian Serratos' mouth.
It was chilly last night in LA, but not THAT chilly. Did somebody give her a blueberry Popsicle in the limo? Is she about to turn completely blue and blow up the size of a planet and need to be rolled to Willy Wonka's juicing room? If not then I hope it's just a bad makeup choice, because if those lips have anything to do with the one soiled kneecap she appears to be rocking, I may quit on our nation's youth.
It was chilly last night in LA, but not THAT chilly. Did somebody give her a blueberry Popsicle in the limo? Is she about to turn completely blue and blow up the size of a planet and need to be rolled to Willy Wonka's juicing room? If not then I hope it's just a bad makeup choice, because if those lips have anything to do with the one soiled kneecap she appears to be rocking, I may quit on our nation's youth.
November 13, 2009
Fug or Fab Addendum/Unfug It Up: Kristen Stewart
This morning, when I Fug-or-Fabbed Kristen Stewart's interesting-if-mismatched-looking outfit, I was doing so without all the facts. Specifically, I thought she was clinging to Taylor Lautner for dear life simply because Robert Pattinson seemed interested in raining three-day-old odor down upon her while he snacked on her spleen. But as it turns out, she may have been nervously regretting her clothing choice. Because when she stalked offstage to maybe OR MAYBE NOT YOU DON'T KNOW HER LIFE sneak into R.Pattz's hotel room for some mopey and unwashed nooky, she revealed this:
Hola, panties.
I've heard of wanting a HOUSE with windows that let in a lot of natural light, but seeking a skirt with the same properties is baffling to me. Next she'll be shopping for a pair of pants with three bedrooms, central air, and stainless steel appliances.
The question now, which you can debate in the comments (which are now turned on... oops), are: Now that you're armed with all this information, what would you do to fix this outfit -- assuming you think it's broken -- and also:
Hola, panties.
I've heard of wanting a HOUSE with windows that let in a lot of natural light, but seeking a skirt with the same properties is baffling to me. Next she'll be shopping for a pair of pants with three bedrooms, central air, and stainless steel appliances.
The question now, which you can debate in the comments (which are now turned on... oops), are: Now that you're armed with all this information, what would you do to fix this outfit -- assuming you think it's broken -- and also:
November 13, 2009
R.Fuggz/Fug or Fab: Kristen Stewart
TAYLOR LAUTNER: I am going to be as clothed as I can be for the rest of this tour.
KRISTEN STEWART: My hair claw and I are going to stand as close to Taylor as we can for the rest of this tour.
ROBERT PATTINSON: I am going to use as many natural bodily fluids as I can to style my hair for the rest of this tour.
TAYLOR: I am more than a body, world! Don't objectify me!
KRISTEN: I am totally not rocking the bed mambo with that dude, world! Don't be grossed out by me!
ROBERT: I am filthy and rank, world! Don't stalk me!
November 10, 2009
Fug Moon/Better Played, Kristen Stewart
ROBERT PATTINSON: Come on, everyone. I DARE YOU.
KRISTEN STEWART: Dare them to what? Ask if we're sleeping together?
TAYLOR LAUTNER: Oh, please God, no. I so don't care if you're sleeping together.
K.STEW: Right? BORING. I'm not even interested in whether we're sleeping together, at this point.
R.PATTZ: I'm so bored of us that my boredom comes back around to being arousal.
K.STEW: Ew. Not mine.
R.PATTZ: No?
K.STEW: LOOK AT YOU. I am not sleeping with you again, by which I mean for the first time, until you shower and shave.
TAYLOR: THANK YOU. It had to be said.
R.PATTZ: Well, I'm not sleeping with YOU ever again, or for the first time, until you go back to wearing Converse and tight jeans and not brushing your hair. You look like you're playing dress-up in Zoe Saldana's closet.
K.STEW: I think I look nice. And clean. And event-appropriate. AND CLEAN.
R.PATTZ: No no, I like my girls to look troubled and ill-rested and as though they're still coated in the sweat from our fervent horizontal joyride. You know, like me.
TAYLOR: SERIOUSLY. PLEASE STOP SENDING ME TO THESE THINGS WITHOUT DAKOTA FANNING. I AM NOT JOKING.
November 4, 2009
Fug Moon
[Photo: Splash News]
TAYLOR LAUTNER: I'm so excited to be here to promote New Moon.
KRISTEN STEWART: New Moon? I thought we were here for a screening of Newsies.
TAYLOR: No.
KRISTEN: Are you sure? Why else would I be dressed as an urchin?
TAYLOR: Maybe you just want to pick a pocket or two.
KRISTEN: I kind of AM in the mood to rob a bitch. And then break into a totally spontaneous choreographed dance routine that ends with me picking my teeth with a tire iron, or something.
TAYLOR: I really wish they'd send me to these things with Dakota Fanning.
November 2, 2009
Happy Fugloween
You know, maybe I'm not giving the army of Hollywood Sexy Halloween Whatevers enough credit. Maybe it takes rather a LOT of creativity to go as a Sultry Fill-In-The-Blank that people can't entirely figure out; Sexy Pirate, for instance, is really simple. But Jessica Lowndes here wasn't content with an eye-patch and a stuffed parrot, so she hunted all around town for the proper striped socks and corset and sleep shorts, and came up with this:
[Photo: Splash News]
It's the PERFECT ensemble if you want to make bystanders wager martinis with each other over whether you're in costume as the referee at the Lingerie Bowl or you're an ACTUAL Keg Softball umpire who's just taking a dinner break.
This one was more confusing:
[Photo: Splash News]
It's the PERFECT ensemble if you want to make bystanders wager martinis with each other over whether you're in costume as the referee at the Lingerie Bowl or you're an ACTUAL Keg Softball umpire who's just taking a dinner break.
This one was more confusing:
Continue reading Happy Fugloween.
September 17, 2009
VMAs Fug Carpet: Ashley Greene
I'm not sure anyone in recent memory has enjoyed her rise to fame more than Ashley Greene. She hitched her wagon to exactly the right star: No one had ever heard of her before last November, and now she turns up EVERYWHERE. All over the world. She is the new Tara Reid, in the sense that she'd go to the opening of an eye if there was a swatch of red carpet within a two-mile radius. Good for her, I guess, but I wish she was doing more with it than this:
This is so half-hearted. I feel like, either go with a minidress, or go with a prom dress, but don't wear a tiny skirt with a top that looks like you cut off the business end of the wedding dress and then dyed the bodice black. Isn't her Twilight character supposed to be the clothes-conscious one?
This is so half-hearted. I feel like, either go with a minidress, or go with a prom dress, but don't wear a tiny skirt with a top that looks like you cut off the business end of the wedding dress and then dyed the bodice black. Isn't her Twilight character supposed to be the clothes-conscious one?
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