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November 12, 2009

Abbey Clancfug

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Abbey Clancy here is a British celeb who has apparently been a very busy woman. She's engaged to British footballer Peter Crouch, after a rocky start to their relationship in which he dumped her in the middle of the 2006 World Cup via fax (!!!!!!!!) because he decided she was a cheating cokewhore (I paraphrase). He apparently ALSO issued a statement VIA HIS LAWYER that they'd broken up and he was never going to have anything to do with her again. THAT is way harsh. But anyhoodle, now they're engaged. In addition to dealing with all this dramz, it seems Abbey found time to be first runner-up on Britain's Top Model, do a modeling show with Janice Dickinson, be a contestant on Hell's Kitchen, model lingerie, and, it seems, live a busy and full life. Judging from this dress, she's also apparently a model for a secret version of Project Runway in which WAGS act as models for designers who happen to be legally blind:

That appears to be: a bra, some haphazard tulle, and a variety of ribbon belts woven together to create what I believe Heidi Klum would dub, "a big old mess." I don't know about you, but I suspect there's a designer somewhere that is about to receive a very agitated fax.

April 21, 2009

Random Fug (To Us): Claire Merry

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I'm sure Claire Merry thought it was really clever to show up to the Star Trek premiere dressed like a potential future super-villain -- or a new genre of love interest, like the Bond Girl of the new franchise. And I guess it worked on some level, because she's all over the Web this morning.

But then again, it also looks like she just didn't realize they already MADE the movie and don't need her unique services. All may not be lost, though -- Merry could make her mark in one of those Designer Imposter mock-off films, like Star Hike or Space Junket, where Captain Tirk and his compadres on the Spacecruiser Entrepreneur -- you know, the famously square-eared Dr. Block, and the Irish technician Blarney -- fight for the purity of the galaxy against enemies like the Stick-Ems and the Morg.

Sure, the actual parody Galaxy Quest did it best, but it used actual good actors so there's plenty of room for one shot on, like, a jiggly hand-held camera and released direct to video -- yes, not even to DVD. They might even have a craft-service table on-set, although it would probably be more like Kraft Service, filled with nothing but a place of individually wrapped cheese squares. So keep aiming high, Claire! You could still live the dream!

October 1, 2008

Wives and Fugfriends

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Behold Alex Curran/Gerrard, whom I know from reading Kickette is the wife of Liverpool football star Steven Gerrard.

And according to our best friend for semi-reliable information, Wikipedia, she is "the uber-WAG" and has not only been involved in a boyfriend swap but also was robbed by masked cat-burglars and has been arrested for assault. (This makes me miss Footballers Wives.) Apparently, in the midst of all this, she's also managed to find a formal version of Seinfeld's puffy shirt somewhere and is now wearing it as a dress. This girl needs to write a book, like, immediately.

April 7, 2008

Fugkette

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housekeeping,
WAGs

For our readers in foreign lands who may want to see the book but can't get it: Kickette is here to help. The dishy, snarky blog about England's footballers and their WAGs is giving away three copies, and you have until April 14 to enter.

We also did a guest take on a few of the infamously badly-dressed ladies.

Take, for example, Elen Rives and her unbelievably unflattering high-waisted, black satin corset-trousers, which come thoughtfully adorned with belt loops, in case you're the sort of OCD case who worries about flashing your crack even in a situation where your waistline is in intimate congress with your armpits.

They almost distract from her giant lips--almost.

Enjoy the rest of the WAGalicious fug, and enter to win one of three copies of the book, by clicking here to read the whole stinkin' piece.

February 21, 2008

Brit Awards Fug Carpet: Abi/Abigail/Abbey Clancy

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In light of this photograph, it shouldn't surprise you to learn that Ms. "Make Up Your Mind, Please" Clancy is: a) a former lingerie model; b) a runner-up of Britain's Next Top Model, dinged by the judges for being too "glamour," which is essentially UK modeling code for "soft-core porn"; c) a WAG, or more specifically, the on-off G of toothy giant Peter Crouch; d) was allegedly dumped once by Crouch via fax; and e) tried to solidify her career by allowing herself to be taken under the musty wing of professional exhibitionist and gold-plated nutter Janice Dickinson, purely for televisual purposes.

Given all that, it may surprise you that she bothered wearing panties at all. Didn't Janice teach her better than that?

November 1, 2007

Footballers' Fugs

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WAGs

Alex Curran is, according to Wikipedia, an über-WAG -- meaning she, as the spouse of Liverpool's rather cute Steven Gerrard, is considered a Queen Bee of the wives and girlfriends of English footballers. And by that I mean soccer, which I am not clarifying because I think anyone out there does not realize this; rather, because whoever styled her for this photo shoot may have mistaken her as being involved with America's version of football:

[Photo: infdaily.com]

Many of our nation's linebackers would covet shoulder pads like those.

I think my favorite part of the photo, though, is the very FACT of it: that OK! magazine is pairing up with this woman to hawk a perfume. Have you ever read a tabloid and thought to yourself, "I would give any amount of money to smell like this publication's magic essence"? And what exactly would that smell like? Ink? Sex and drugs? Dirt, since that's what they're peddling?

Further, I'm unclear as to what her dress is doing in the front there -- it LOOKS, from this angle, as if it has formed a shelf onto which she can set the bottle of perfume when it becomes too heavy (or stow a football, or a baby, or a thermos full of cosmopolitans). It's like a built-in table. How handy would THAT be at cocktail parties? Maybe somebody should explore making this an actual party trend. Because sometimes you can't hold a drink AND eat your finger-food at the same time, and that is one of life's real tragedies that a dress-desk would ably address. Come on, Lagerfeld, let's get on this.

July 10, 2007

Fugballers' Wives

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WAGs

Here at GFY HQ, we love us some minor British celebrities -- chief among them the WAGs, a.k.a. wives and girlfriends of the country's footballers. They're covered like major celebrities but, with the exception of a few of the big dogs like Posh, have all the charisma and fashion sense of a Peldon.

One such WAG is Coleen McLoughlin, childhood sweetheart and fiance of phenom (and rumored brothel-lover, although we prefer to believe in wuv, twoo wuv) Wayne Rooney. According to Wikipedia -- and if you read it on the Internet, it HAS to be true -- Coleen has a column in a magazine of some kind, but mostly makes money off being a spokesperson, and is famous for shopping sprees and tanning and going on holiday. [And for forgiving Wayne for whatever indiscretion the tabloids claim he's committed. Which, let's face it, makes sense. The kid seems charming. A rake, yes, but charming. In his autobiography, Wayne Rooney: The Story So Far (which, despite the help of a writer, is kind of inept) he reveals that he knows all the words to every song in Oliver! and likes to sing it at top volume. Fun at parties!]

Ahem. Anyway. For somebody who's longed to be in fashion and own her fame, I'm surprised Coleen didn't dress a little more carefully at the unveiling of her eponymous perfume.

If you love shopping so much, Col, then grab Lily Allen and go with her -- she could've picked you out a nice girly dress for the occasion. I don't think I'm going out on a limb here saying that maybe, just maybe, that's not the most flattering tank top on her, and not just because it's giving us all a peek at her bra.

Although she did deflect some attention by gluing that bizarre wad of fabric scraps to her hip. It reminds me of those tissue-paper flowers that were popular arts-and-crafts projects in the 80s. What statement is this supposed to make, exactly? That her perfume smells like old fake flowers? That buying her scent is like having your very own floral hip tumor every single day? That she thinks Martha Stewart Living is a fashion magazine?

June 18, 2007

Wives and Girlfugs

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WAGs

Everyone knows that Heather and I love to read about the shenanigans of English's WAGS (the "wives and girlfriends" of various footballers). This particular WAG, Colleen McLoughlin, is affianced to Manchester United star Wayne Rooney, and, according to Wikipedia, "regularly appears in the English tabloids amidst accusations of doing nothing but shopping all day and frequently holidaying in sunny locations."

If only she had thought to buy a slip.

Results tagged “WAGs” from GoFugYourself

Abbey Clancfug

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Random Fug (To Us): Claire Merry

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Wives and Fugfriends

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Fugkette

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Brit Awards Fug Carpet: Abi/Abigail/Abbey Clancy

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Footballers' Fugs

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Fugballers' Wives

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Wives and Girlfugs

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