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October 14, 2009

Fugé Fugdashian

Fug file:

KHLOE: Lamar. Stand up straight. And stop smirking. We're INTERESTING now.

LAMAR ODOM: We are? Frankly, since I have an NBA ring, I thought I was already kind of interesting.

KHLOE: Duh, Lamar. No. You're not anything in this town until you con someone into paying for your quickie wedding. So, we're FASCINATING.

LAMAR: Huh. Really?

KHLOE: OBVIOUSLY. Why else would I wear a dress partly made of netting? If I'm interesting then so is my pelvis. And my boobs. Oh, and my thighs. And it's just not RIGHT to deny the world interesting things in these trying times.

LAMAR: Okay, Kourtney. Sure, honey.

KHLOE: I'm KHLOE.

LAMAR: You are? Hey, how about that.I guess I didn't need to send that apology letter to Reggie Bush.

KHLOE: That's ALSO not me, it's KIM.

LAMAR: Really? Wow. Which one did I get then?

KHLOE: ME YOU GOT ME I AM INTERESTING GOD DAMMIT.

LAMAR: Okay! Look, as long as the name's right on the pre-nup and the divorce papers, right?

KHLOE: Suddenly you are NOT so interesting.

October 13, 2009

Fug Open

Fug file:

Look, I love Serena Williams. I just do. During Outburstgate at the US Open, I just kind of wanted to grab her and ask her what she was thinking, point out that the only really advisable way to emulate John McEnroe is by playing excellent tennis, and then hug her and go take her out for a beer with Kim Clijsters, who also probably really needed one. HOWEVER. What I do not love is:

THAT is a SHIRT. Or -- and this just occurred to me -- it is a very formal tennis dress, in which case I cannot wait to see her play in those shoes.

July 17, 2009

ESPYs Fug Carpet: Vanessa Bryant

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athletes,
dialogue

DUDE: Whoa.

LADY: Right?

DUDE: Totally.

LADY: For REAL.

DUDE: Those are...

LADY: No kidding.

DUDE: It's like she's...

LADY: COMPLETELY.

DUDE: You'd think she could...

LADY: Seriously. It's, like...

DUDE: I don't even...

LADY: Kobe should really...

DUDE: And what's with the...

LADY: OH MY GOD, I KNOW.

DUDE: It's bad, is what I'm saying.

LADY: I feel you.

July 16, 2009

ESPYs Fug Carpet: Nastia Liukin

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At first, I thought this picture was of Stephanie Pratt. That's neither here nor there; it just struck me funny, because in general, I don't think gymnast and onetime sweetheart of our nation Nastia Liukin actually resembles the She-Pratt much at all.

ANYWAY:

It is a crying shame that a girl like Nastia, who's been a special guest in Fashion Week's front rows, got stuck with a dress that appears to have a built-in baby sling. Maybe she's trying to make some extra scratch as an on-site nanny: All the convenience of wearing your infant yourself, but with none of the back pain. Brilliant.

July 16, 2009

The ESPYS Fug Carpet/Well Played: The Williams Sisters

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VENUS WILLIAMS: Dude.

SERENA WILLIAMS: What?

VENUS: This isn't cool, Serena.

SERENA: What are you talking about?

VENUS: You look AMAZING.

SERENA: Thanks! The last few weeks have been AWESOME. I'm really happy!

VENUS: That's what I'm talking about. Right there. That.

SERENA: I'm not following.

VENUS: We had a DEAL.

SERENA: Which deal is that? We have many deals. My favorite is the one with Oreo, with that commercial where we're having that press conference trash-talk-off with the Manning brothers and they're all, "It's on like Donkey Kong." That turned out really well. It's a really cute ad.

VENUS: No. A deal. Between you and me. A sisterly deal.

SERENA: You're going to have to refresh my memory.

VENUS: YOU WON WIMBLEDON THIS YEAR.

SERENA: Wasn't that AWESOME? Well. Maybe not totally for you. But then we won the doubles match! Again! And you won Wimbledon in 2007 AND 2008, so how steamed can you be, really, Venus? We're awesome TOGETHER! I'm just...awesomer this year. That's all.

VENUS: You're being deliberately obtuse. Whoever wins Wimbledon has to wear the caftan. AND YOU LOOK GREAT AND I'M WEARING THE CAFTAN. I'm the LOSER in a CAFTAN and that WAS NOT THE DEAL. And you KNOW IT.

SERENA: But seriously, considering that it's a caftan, you actually look really pretty cute. I mean it. I like that caftan.

VENUS: Then why aren't you WEARING IT?

SERENA: Oh, look, there's Andy Roddick! Gotta go!

VENUS: I am going to kill her when we get home.

June 19, 2009

The Williams Fugsters

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[Photo: WENN.com]

VENUS: Um, Serena?

SERENA: Um, Venus?

VENUS: So... you have your own fashion line, right?

SERENA: Yep.

VENUS: And therefore it's fair to say people want you to design clothes that will be sold for money?

SERENA: Hells yeah.

VENUS: And therefore it's ALSO fair to say that people must think you are stylish?

SERENA: Uh-huh.

VENUS: And yet you are wearing those pants?

SERENA: Damn skippy.

VENUS: ... Did you think that one through?

SERENA: Chill, sis -- you have a degree in fashion design, and you're wearing a satin dress with a built-in tuxedo bib.

VENUS: But I still look sort of fabulous, as opposed to you in your gold lame genie pants with a crotch so low it could hide the Wimbledon men's trophy in it if you wanted to smuggle it out.

SERENA: Oh, REALLY. Well. Tell you what -- let's have a wager. If I win the tournament by beating you in the final, you have to wear these pants around London for one full day.

VENUS: Since I'm the one who has won Wimbledon FIVE TIMES, including the last two and in fact beating YOU in 2008 to take it home, I will take that bet. And if I win again, you have grant me three wishes AND burn the pants.

SERENA: Shut up, fool. I'm in.

VENUS: It's ON.

April 13, 2009

Fugsica Simpson

Fug file:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

JESSICA: Ugh.

TONY: What's up, babe?

JESSICA: Yuck.

TONY: Speak up, babe.

JESSICA: Everything always seems like such a good idea when I'm at home.

TONY: Word, babe.

JESSICA: And now that I'm out, and there are photographers, like, of COURSE I feel like this stupid dress makes me look like a giant sofa cushion from that furniture sitting on Aunt Edna's lanai in Palm Beach.

TONY: Too true, babe.

JESSICA: And I... wait, what?

TONY: I hear you, babe.

JESSICA: You don't. You're just saying stuff. You're not even listening to my pain. WHY DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO MY PAIN?

TONY: Dude, babe.

JESSICA: I hate today.

September 7, 2008

New York Fugshion Week: Day Two

Fug file:

AND WE HAVE LOHAN:

And Ronson, too. Photo by Heather, who managed to get much closer than I did. Lindsay was NOT wearing leggings -- or even any leggings-esque jeans -- which is probably good because who knows what we would have said to her if we could have gotten her attention. Oh, let's be honest: it probably would have been something like, "Your shoes are awesome." The crush of paparazzi around the lovebirds was a sight to behold. You can read all about it here.

What else did we do today, other than stalk Lindsay Lohan, you ask? We swam through a tropical storm, took shelter in many of Manhattan's finest bars, and:

-- Observed a way-cranky Andy Roddick, whose post-US Open loss funk could not be lifted even by Chuck Bass-esque menswear at Lacoste.

-- Decided we saw Evangeline Lilly in ugly pants at Rosa Cha. Now we're not sure it was her. But it might have been. Oh, eyesight. Why have you forshaken us? Also at the same event, we managed not to run over to Zoe Saldana and scream, "I'm the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy. Who the hell are you?"

-- Had our first glimpse of A Dubs, who was wearing a sweater and a coat in 135-degree heat and 100% humidity and yet never broke a sweat, because she has ice water in her veins.

-- Underwent tragic umbrella-stealage and less-tragic Becki Newton-stalkage at Vena Cava.

-- And finally, we ogled the boys from Gossip Girl and floated a theory as to why Mary-Kate Olsen suddenly looks....well, really cute and totally clean.

September 2, 2008

Fugging Up With the Kardashians: Part Thank God I Had to Look Up The Name of That Show and Didn't Know It Offhand

Fug file:

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

KIM KARDASHIAN: Why are you looking at me like that?

REGGIE BUSH: Like what, baby? I wasn't looking at you funny. I swear to God. I was just thinking. About..football. Yes. I was thinking about football.

KIM: You keep looking at my shorts.

REGGIE: Oh. That. Those. Yeah. I'm not looking at them. Seriously. I'm....looking at your butt! It's so fine. Let's talk about that!

KIM: But you look so perplexed. Why would my butt perplex you?

REGGIE: That is a good question. Did you inherit some cross-examining skills from your Dad? Hey, let's talk about OJ!

KIM: You didn't answer my question. Don't you like my super tight silver lamé shorts?

REGGIE: Truthfully, I'd have to tell you that I am...awestruck by them.

KIM: I guess that'll have to do.

August 22, 2008

Fug-or-Fab The Cover: Michael Phelps

Fug file:

All righty, you asked for it -- and I do mean that; we got a boatload of e-mails begging us to address this -- and because it's almost the weekend, I'm going to give the people what they want.

Apparently this pose is an homage to a similar cover Mark Spitz posed for after he won his seven gold medals. But I haven't seen that cover**, so I can only judge whether I think this one works. And, bless Phelpsie's proficient soul, I don't believe it does. For starters, all that red is making my head hurt; plus, with the medals laid out that way, whenever it catches my eye I think he's wearing a halter top.

Let's not ignore the gold-adorned elephant in the room, though: It's not... the best photo of Michael Phelps. And I generally dig the endearingly goofy thing in guys, but he's exponentially goofier-looking here -- and, in fact, in that shaggy-haired Olympic headshot NBC kept using -- than when you see him in motion. Which is probably as it should be; the kid's job is to train, eat, swim, win, not be a pin-up-quality dreamboat. I personally think he's perfectly cute and he just seems sort of uncomfortable in this shot, but it also doesn't even do justice to his remarkable physique. Which ought to be like shooting fish in a barrel, especially since Sports Illustrated is known for its top-notch photography -- you'd think they could've massaged something slightly better out of this idea. I mean, hey, every year they put out a thick, loving tribute to boobs and asses in bikinis; if they'd just devote that much TLC to Phelps, I think SI's female readers (and yes, we are out there) would be hiding this cover in our office drawers so that we could look at it on a rough day and be reminded of all that is good in the world. Sigh. Maybe ESPN's magazine will do it better.

** Aha, here's the Spitz cover. I think it's better -- helped by the thin medal chains. Although he does look a tiny bit like he wants to eat my face, but all that muscle oil is working for him. I guess it's only fair that Spitz should come out ahead here in SOME way.

poll by twiigs.com

Results tagged “athletes” from GoFugYourself

Fugé Fugdashian

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Fug Open

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ESPYs Fug Carpet: Vanessa Bryant

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ESPYs Fug Carpet: Nastia Liukin

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The ESPYS Fug Carpet/Well Played: The Williams Sisters

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The Williams Fugsters

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Fugsica Simpson

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New York Fugshion Week: Day Two

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Fugging Up With the Kardashians: Part Thank God I Had to Look Up The Name of That Show and Didn't Know It Offhand

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Fug-or-Fab The Cover: Michael Phelps

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