Results tagged “bad shoes” from GoFugYourself

November 18, 2009

The Fug List

In high school I had a friend who one night forgot he was wearing these slippers, and showed up at a party without changing his shoes. I have a sneaking suspicion something similar happened to Elizabeth Reaser:

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Of course, she's also accidentally wearing a dress in a pattern I think was on sale at Limited Express in 1992, except it was a skort. Let us thank heaven for the small mercy that this one does not appear to be. But the real issue is why Elizabeth left on the fur-lined clogs that she clearly only owns to be worn in secret, say, around the house when her feet are cold and/or she's catching up on FLASHFORWARD (which I am incapable of uttering without whispering slightly and doing jazz hands) on her DVR with a bag of Doritos before running out to put the garbage cans by the curb. If this were Kristen Stewart, we'd be inundated with e-mails from angry Twilight fans arguing that clogging is so hot right now and insisting that if you have ever stood within four feet of anyone who is on his or her feet all day for a living -- like a food-service professional, or a nurse, or a really unpopular hooker -- then your feet will hurt so badly in sympathy that you TOO will wear shoes like this all over town. But since Elizabeth Reaser is in the lesser category of Twilight stars -- the ones where you go, "Oh, RIGHT, I forgot about him/her," kind of like with Peter "Mr. Kelly Taylor" Facinelli -- then I think maybe a couple of them will just worry that she banged her head on an open kitchen cabinet and maybe start writing a concerned e-mail to her agent that they will forget to finish.
October 20, 2009

Fug Months

I've been staring at this for like twenty minutes and it's turning into a Fug Mad Libs in my head.

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Like: Julianne Moore is [COMPLIMENTARY ADJECTIVE] and I really loved her in [JULIANNE MOORE PROJECT THAT ISN'T EVOLUTION]. But this is [NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE] and makes her look like [ELEGANT PHRASE MEANING 'WEARING A CRUMPLED SACK]. This is a shame, because [MOORE-CENTRIC COMPLIMENT], but [AARON SPELLING REFERENCE]. On the other hand, [SWEET VALLEY HIGH] and [I MISS THE PELDON SISTERS].
October 16, 2009

Fugdan

This is just so SUBTLE.

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So UNDERSTATED. Gosh, I hope people don't stop paying attention to her! What if no one SEES HER? What if no one NOTICES HER? THE HORROR.
October 13, 2009

Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

At first, I thought this photo was going to be of Blake Lively. You can probably guess why:

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Mountains of hair, low cut, lots of leg, and -- which you'll see after the jump -- an open back:

Hmm. This is a conundrum.

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It's tough to judge directly whether Posh wore this dress better, because she's Posh, so she simultaneously does things better and worse than I could ever imagine. Plus, this dress is probably being deployed in a more proper context by Sara Paxton, who is -- sorry, Victoria -- considerably younger and therefore looks less like she's trying so hard to be hip. But I do object rather strenuously to the disco clogs. I am not a clog fan. Clogs are for drains, not feet. Sara may look a bit fresher from the ankles up, but damn, I'd go with Posh's boots any time.

At least Leighton Meester keeps it interesting. At first you see the tousled hair and cute minidress and think that's all there is to see, and then... and THEN:

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Those shoes are many things -- aggressive, likely to cause unusual blisters, the footwear of choice for cocktail waitresses at King Tut's Falafel Pyramid -- but dull is not one of them. However, I don't particularly think the shoes and the dress work together: The patterns fight, and something about the height of the ankle cones cut off her leg at the worst point and makes you wonder if she's sprouted some cankles. (I am certain she hasn't. Blair Waldorf would never allow it.) Still, on a night where not much of interest happened that didn't involve Lady Gaga scaring the bejeesus out of me and Eminem, I applaud her for giving my fingers ample reason to pound on this keyboard. Otherwise, the bastards would be banging out the URL for eBay and searching on "Louboutin" and that might end badly.

September 4, 2009

Melfug Fugce

Remember the first season of Melrose Place, when there was an entire story arc based on whether Billy would give up his independence and take over the family carpet store?

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Apparently they're going down that avenue again, except this time, Katie Cassidy is going to run her own Mexican food franchise called Nacho Mama, where for an extra $5 you can eat your food out of her hat. And for an extra $20, you'll get a bottle of Colt 45 in her shoes. That might seem expensive to most of us, but for foot fetishists it's probably a real bargain.

August 27, 2009

All About Fug

Things I Know About Sandra Bullock:

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  1. She seems awesome and normal in interviews and hardly ever does annoying celebrity shit like talk about how we'd all feel better if we only ate foods that are blue, or how we should buy a $5000 pilates machine for our home gyms, because it's an investment in ourselves.
  2. She's in amazing shape in The Proposal.
  3. How fun is Speed? Come on, you guys! If the bus slows down, it'll explode! Crazy!
  4. She is SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.
  5. Seriously. This sucks. Sometimes I hate an outfit, but I can see how some people would love it, or at least be convinced that they ought to love it, and sometimes I love stuff that other people hate, or I allow myself to be convinced. But:
  6. NO.
  7. To the point that I wonder if she's wearing this as a gag.
  8. Because her hair looks like it was by someone ON speed (see what I did there?).
  9. And the frock looks like two cocktail dresses glued together by a Project Runway contestant who picked the wrong week to start sniffing said glue.
  10. Like, seriously. Did she pull that skirt on OVER another dress?
  11. No, I really am asking.
  12. The shoes, Sandy. Not tonight. Not ever, really. But really not tonight. Maybe with...no.
  13. I can see in your eyes that you feel it, too -- your hot messitude. It's okay, girl. You can go home and wipe your tears on $100 bills and then, because you're charmingly normal, you'll just set them on the bedside table to dry so you can still use them.
  14. Maybe to buy another dress? Just think about it.


August 25, 2009

Google Fug

Wikipedia is a FONT of information for us today. I just looked up Teyana Taylor here, and I learned so much:

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She is apparently officially "an American singer, rapper, and dancer." I would add, "an unabashed lover of trends who is NOT AFRAID to wear them ALL AT ONCE!"  That being said, I actually love the red jacket, and she's super young so I feel like she pulls off the tee shirt, but the overall effect is that her upper half has written a check that her bottom half can not cash. Her pants, with the help of those shoes, have BOUNCED that check. Her metaphorical checking account is OVERDRAWN!  Her fashion APR is about to SKYROCKET! She is totally going to get hit with major early withdrawal fees from her sartorial...IRA? I don't know. You just witnessed that metaphor crash and burn, my friends. You're welcome.

August 24, 2009

Charfuglette Ronson

With nearly every trend I bemoan on this website, there comes a point where I just throw up my hands and am all, "oh, fine. Fine! Wear your leggings/romper/jumpsuit. It's your funeral" and then I move on with my life. You know, the emotion transforms from aggressive-aggression to passive-aggression and it's better for everyone.

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But I swear to you, here and now, that never never NEVER never NEVER NEVER never never never shall I shrug my shoulders over (p)leather pleated Mom shorts. They don't even make sense: leather and shorts do not go together. Just because one is a material and the other an article of clothing does not mean that they should unite. We aren't wearing rubber culottes, or lace hip-waders or chiffon bullet-proof vests (don't get any ideas). But more importantly: THESE ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE ON ANYONE. Not the skinny hipster, not the curvaceous bombshell, not the tomboy, not the drama queen, not the girl-next-door, not even Angelina Jolie. THEY. ARE. UNFLATTERING. THEY ARE A CRIME AGAINST YOUR THIGHS. WHAT THEY DO TO YOUR BELLY SHOULD BE CONSIDERED ARMED ASSAULT. And they -- like the swine flu -- are only mutating into a stronger trend, readers. FIGHT THEM. FIGHT THE PLEATHER PLEATED MOM SHORTS WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT. Do NOT look at them with a cocked brow and think, "maybe I should get these." NO. NO YOU SHOULD NOT. You will REGRET IT. You will look at photos of yourself wearing them and say, "WHAT WAS I THINKING?" and then you will cry. CRY! Wear your rompers, wear your leggings, jump around in your jumpsuits. RESIST THE PLEATHER PLEATED MOM SHORTS. I beg of you FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, SWEET READERS. RESIST!

Also, those shoes are terrible.
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