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November 10, 2009

20fug2

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I have a lot to say about 2012. For one thing, when I saw the preview, it literally took me like the entire duration to realize that it was actually starring John Cusack and not Nicolas Cage. That movie SHOULD be starring Nic Cage, and goodness knows poor Nic could use the cash. (Those shrunken, possibly human heads don't buy themselves.) The other thing is, I wish I could have been in the meetings where they discussed which iconic American landmarks should crash into each other. "I know! The White House can crash into the Grand Canyon!" "That makes no sense, you FOOL. The Washington Monument should impale the Hollywood sign!" "That's RIDICULOUS! The Lincoln Memorial should smash into the Bellagio!" "Don't be INSANE. Mount Rushmore should crack over the Statue of Liberty's head!" What I'm saying is, the movie looks like lunacy, but it might secretly be terrible, unrealistic, scenery-chewing fun: after all, no one laughed harder or enjoyed herself more at Poseidon than did I. Anyway, the role of The Girl in this movie -- often taken by Emmy Rossum, as in the aforementioned Poseidon, and of course in Run! It's the Weather (aka, Day After Tomorrow) -- is being played by Amanda Peet, who for some reason has, thus far, appeared at both premieres wearing white. Either she's feeling real virginal lately or someone just learned about the magical powers of bleach. Behold:

I mean, this is pretty. A bit boring and she kind of looks like an under-styled debutante but it's inoffensive at worst. I also enjoy that the car on display at this event has been styled to look as though it crashed through the wall. DRUNK-DRIVING WILL BE RAMPANT IN 2012!!!

Being drunk might also explain THIS:

Continue reading 20fug2.

October 30, 2009

Unfug It Up: Kerry Washington

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This one is tricky, right?

It's a gorgeous dress...if you're a kicky and/or child bride. Otherwise, I think it's kind of hard to pull off, no matter how ostensibly beautiful the dress (or you) are. Me, I'd....well, I'd start by giving the girl some different shoes. These are surely lovely, but they -- and the bag -- make her look like she's just trying this dress on and showing us all for our thoughts before changing into the outfit she REALLY wore outside. How woulod you fix this? Or are you into it, just as it is?

October 27, 2009

National Treasure: BOOK OF FUG

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Oh. Diane Kruger. I....don't think this was a good idea.

You know I love you -- as I love all things National Treasure, including Justin Bartha and Jon Voight's veneers -- but this is....not....good. I mean, have you seen you from the side?

Continue reading National Treasure: BOOK OF FUG.

September 16, 2009

Lady Fugda

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You want me to believe Minnie Mouse wore white on her wedding day? Girl, PLEASE.

June 29, 2009

BET Awards Fug: Beyonce

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I don't know about you.

But I just found my wedding dress. I spent my girlhood dreaming of a gown that would marry -- so to speak -- the aesthetics of Barbie with the "November Rain" video, and HERE IT IS. Now I just need to find an awesome dude wearing a top hat with his hair over his face to act as best man and track down Axl Rose and we're SET.

June 18, 2009

Fugches Geldof

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Last time Peaches Geldof made an appearance on this website, I later read that she had announced on her Twitter that she had been forced to wear that acid-washed mom-jumpsuit by Nylon Magazine and that said fashion decision HAD NOT been made of her own volition. Needless to say, I was very happy to hear that and I retract my comment about how she should have just worn a shirt that said, "I'm a jackass." Instead, clearly the shirt should have read, "Please send help!" At any rate, I am presuming that we're in some kind of similar situation here:

The dress is, ostensibly, pretty, but she's clearly just coming from a shoot for David's Bridal's fall marketing campaign, right? Honey, at least ask them to take off your headgear before you leave for the day. You've got to start making more demands, kid!

December 2, 2008

Pour Fug

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Other than the surprise transparency in the back, I did appreciate Diane Kruger's last homage to Grace Kelly. This one, however, leaves me cold:

For one thing, it's SO minimalist that it's desperately plain. She looks like she's on her way to her unassuming third wedding, possibly taking place at City Hall in front of a justice of the peace, with no witnesses except the doorman at her apartment building and a long-lost cousin -- and a honeymoon that consists of dinner at the local Italian joint and a really good book. Also, what's with the lumpy chestal region? If I didn't know better, I'd think she was either strapping them down with an Ace bandage or providing an example to girls everywhere of how NOT to stuff your bra with cotton.

My bigger objection, though, is Diane's apparently raging case of stumpophrenia. Grace Kelly at least managed to look like something of a gazelle in just about everything -- fluid, floaty, willowy even if she wasn't. By contrast, Diane Kruger merely looks like she might be living a life without knees. Kind of like a Peanuts or South Park character, but without the benefit of being fake and having someone who can draw you onto a chair, or whose simple pen-stroke can make you bop along the street without needing to bend your leg. It's tragic. If I didn't know she had killer gams buried under there, I'd be begging you to give generously so this poor soul could realize her dream of knee implants. Maybe Intern George, Ph.D., should counsel her through the tough times. I can see it now: Diane would say, "George, I dream of being able to do Tae Bo!", and he'd be all, "Maybe your destiny is to be a conqueror of the HEART!", and she'd reply, "George, you're so wise!", and he'd quip witlessly, "You wouldn't say that if you saw my roundhouse kick!" And we'd be left wondering why everyone only speaks in exclamation points, and why humor seems to have gone the way of her knees.

August 12, 2008

Fug or Fab: Amy Adams

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bridal

I feel like Amy Adams has this tendency to occasionally dress up like she's a very expensive gift that's been wrapped by one of those professional giftwrappers who are always trying to stick silk flowers and raffia and pussywillows and whatnot onto your presents. This is no exception:

Sorry, she didn't feel up to giving us the full frontal view - here's hoping AA isn't morphing into Elizabeth Berkeley and will now only allow us to view her from one pre-determined side. And my goodness, isn't she pleased with herself? As for me, I don't know. Certainly, she is pretty, and I am sure the dress itself is lovely, albeit surely too much for a premiere of a movie like Tropic Thunder, which she isn't even in. And yet something about it feels rather Fussy Mumsy Plays Ava Gardner to me. But what do you think?

poll by twiigs.com

December 5, 2005

Fugoirs of a Geisha

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bridal

Zhang Ziyi (or Ziyi Zhang... I've seen it both ways in publications, and no one can decide which is correct and which is Anglicized, so... I'll call her Z) looks beautiful, she is wearing a lovely dress, and she's a fine actress with an amazing body of work. I can't pretend that stuff isn't true.

But... this seems to lack perspective. I mean, this is a movie premiere. It is not her wedding. Unless I have missed out on a fresh interpretation of the "Oops, Did I Not Mention It's My Wedding Day?" hook that has so captivated celebrities, from Julia Roberts to Britney "If I Don't Tell You About It, You Can't Stop It, And Also, Mom, I Gave Him The Keys To Your Lexus" Spears.

So, I understand that this movie is a big deal for Ms. Z, and it's an Oscar hopeful and all that, and I'm very pleased for her. I am. I have an OPI toenail polish called "I'm Not Really A Waitress" that would look very nice with that red lipstick she's wearing in the posters, if she'd like to hear about it. First, though, the cathedral-length drama ought to get toned down a tad. It's very Mariah Carey, and no, I haven't yet figured out a way to make that comparison complimentary.

January 24, 2005

Nice Day For A Fug Wedding

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Congratulations to Melania Knauss, now Trump, who by all reports made it down the aisle in the above dress without anyone trying to suspend her from a curtain rod, and without her needing to be towed from place to place. Happily for her, Trump was allegedly still able to navigate around the pounds of fabric and ruffle, and through the swath of mosquito netting around her face, so that he could smooch her three times at the altar.

And so, in honor of overwrought celebrity wedding fugliness, we bring you a flashback photo to one of my personal favorite -- by which I mean, least favorite -- wedding dresses in history: The bejewelled meringue sported by Celine Dion the first time she swapped vows with her old, portly manager whom she met when she was twelve.

That's not a veil; that's a headdress.

Results tagged “bridal” from GoFugYourself

20fug2

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Unfug It Up: Kerry Washington

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National Treasure: BOOK OF FUG

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Lady Fugda

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BET Awards Fug: Beyonce

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Fugches Geldof

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Pour Fug

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Fug or Fab: Amy Adams

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Fugoirs of a Geisha

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Nice Day For A Fug Wedding

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