Note to socialite Birdie Bell:
If you're actually going to wear this, you at least have to PRETEND to be excited about it.
If you're actually going to wear this, you at least have to PRETEND to be excited about it.
1
"Hey guys. Yeah. Solange here. In the house. Whatever. I'm so bummed. I can't believe I didn't even make it to the final of Fug Madness. What's wrong with you people? I wore like the feathered output of an entire ostrich and it wasn't good enough. Nothing I ever do is good enough. Now I'm not as good as Beyonce OR Aubrey O'Day and she can't even sing. My album is supposed to actually be good, you guys. It's good and I spent all of last year trotting around in face paint and live animals like someone wearing the contents of an entire season of ANTM photo shoots at once and for what? Nothing. A whole lot of nothing. I give up. I'm just wearing jeans from now on. That's right. You didn't appreciate my hard work last year and now you don't get to have any fun with my crazy feathered bedazzeled outfits either. I hope you're happy. Goodbye. FOREVER.
PS: How terrible does Beyonce's movie with Ali Larter look? At last, big sister makes a mistake! I'M SO EXCITED. Okay, goodbye for real this time."
Results tagged “cheer up folks” from GoFugYourself
May 7, 2009
Fuggy Bell
May 4, 2009
Piper Fugabo
I just did a quick search on all our posts about Piper Perabo, and discovered that two of them entreat her to stop looking so crabby, one of them references the fact that she usually looks crabby, and one of them suggests she looks like she's about to vomit all over herself.
There is a theme there. So whip out your hands and put them together for Piper today, who has proven to be a model of consistency:
It's possible Piper is the happiest person alive, and is just a way better actress than I thought. But she sure comes off like someone who hates being seen -- which I can understand, given the weird satin flap on her shirt and a green skirt that photographs as if it is made of a pleated plastic tarp. But again, it all begs the question: If she's so displeased, why is she wearing any of it?
Piper, my suggestion is, if you're happy and you know it, burn that skirt. Or, if you're happy and you know it, trash that shirt. If you're happy and you know it and you'd like your face to show it, give your misery-inducing wardrobe to the poor and get a stylist whose last name rhymes with "skirt" and "shirt" so that I can complete this rhyme. Thanks.
There is a theme there. So whip out your hands and put them together for Piper today, who has proven to be a model of consistency:
It's possible Piper is the happiest person alive, and is just a way better actress than I thought. But she sure comes off like someone who hates being seen -- which I can understand, given the weird satin flap on her shirt and a green skirt that photographs as if it is made of a pleated plastic tarp. But again, it all begs the question: If she's so displeased, why is she wearing any of it?
Piper, my suggestion is, if you're happy and you know it, burn that skirt. Or, if you're happy and you know it, trash that shirt. If you're happy and you know it and you'd like your face to show it, give your misery-inducing wardrobe to the poor and get a stylist whose last name rhymes with "skirt" and "shirt" so that I can complete this rhyme. Thanks.
April 29, 2009
I Am Beautiful, No Matter What They Fug
If they ever remake The Warriors, I think they could give Christina Aguilera a cameo as the leader of a vicious Accessory Gang that rules its territory with an iron scarf.
It's not even that the outfit itself is so poisonous -- although there is a lot going on, from the admittedly killer shoes to the tight cuffed jeans artfully distressed, to the long tee and cropped blazer and scarf and rings and blue nail polish and lipstick as red as Ferris Bueller's Ferrari. No, what really caps this whole ensemble for me is the fact that Christina looks like she wants to punch us all in our innocent, vulnerable throats (once she's done backcombing her hair, that is). The general air of being aroused by her own animosity both scares me and sours me on the clothes, because all I can see is her grinning maniacally as she snaps that scarf between her hands and menaces some sad photographer who is just trying to get her to smile.
Also, maybe I spoke too soon:
Maybe the outfit IS poisonous. It's like my grandmother always would have said, had we ever discussed ths issue: "Bedazzled blazers tell no lies." She was wise.
It's not even that the outfit itself is so poisonous -- although there is a lot going on, from the admittedly killer shoes to the tight cuffed jeans artfully distressed, to the long tee and cropped blazer and scarf and rings and blue nail polish and lipstick as red as Ferris Bueller's Ferrari. No, what really caps this whole ensemble for me is the fact that Christina looks like she wants to punch us all in our innocent, vulnerable throats (once she's done backcombing her hair, that is). The general air of being aroused by her own animosity both scares me and sours me on the clothes, because all I can see is her grinning maniacally as she snaps that scarf between her hands and menaces some sad photographer who is just trying to get her to smile.
Also, maybe I spoke too soon:
Maybe the outfit IS poisonous. It's like my grandmother always would have said, had we ever discussed ths issue: "Bedazzled blazers tell no lies." She was wise.
April 20, 2009
Fugoes
Here we go again: Another red-carpet event, another opportunity for Dania Ramirez to pull her best J.Lo face and look like she wants to kill us all in a fit of contempt.
Unless Dania here is looking in a mirror, then I'm really not sure why she's so mad at US. SHE is the one wearing a silk top over knee-length leggings, the likes of which Lindsay Lohan would have worn in 2007 back when the fad of always being ready for a bike race to break out at any moment was actually NEW-ish. That is not my fault, and also... yawn. Next time she should find a way to do the blouse and shoes proper justice and not just treat them like jazzercise props.
Unless Dania here is looking in a mirror, then I'm really not sure why she's so mad at US. SHE is the one wearing a silk top over knee-length leggings, the likes of which Lindsay Lohan would have worn in 2007 back when the fad of always being ready for a bike race to break out at any moment was actually NEW-ish. That is not my fault, and also... yawn. Next time she should find a way to do the blouse and shoes proper justice and not just treat them like jazzercise props.
April 14, 2009
Downtroddenly Played, Solange
"Hey guys. Yeah. Solange here. In the house. Whatever. I'm so bummed. I can't believe I didn't even make it to the final of Fug Madness. What's wrong with you people? I wore like the feathered output of an entire ostrich and it wasn't good enough. Nothing I ever do is good enough. Now I'm not as good as Beyonce OR Aubrey O'Day and she can't even sing. My album is supposed to actually be good, you guys. It's good and I spent all of last year trotting around in face paint and live animals like someone wearing the contents of an entire season of ANTM photo shoots at once and for what? Nothing. A whole lot of nothing. I give up. I'm just wearing jeans from now on. That's right. You didn't appreciate my hard work last year and now you don't get to have any fun with my crazy feathered bedazzeled outfits either. I hope you're happy. Goodbye. FOREVER.
PS: How terrible does Beyonce's movie with Ali Larter look? At last, big sister makes a mistake! I'M SO EXCITED. Okay, goodbye for real this time."
March 16, 2009
Fug or Fab: Ginnifer Goodwin
From the waist up, and the knees down, I love this:
But I've been looking at it for ten minutes and I can't figure out why the middle part makes her look like a folded up umbrella. Ginnifer Goodwin is a petite little thing, so it's really beyond me why she looks so weirdly wide in the middle. Like...is there some pleating or bustling happening here that I just can't see in the picture? It is draped in a way that is fantastic in person, but doesn't translate to film? Does this dress have huge pockets, and she's got the New York Times shoved into her left one? Has her bottom half mysteriously expanded since the last time I saw her? (I've had days where I've felt like that myself.) The silhouette here is surely an optical illusion, right? Because I feel like this SHOULD be fabulous.
But I've been looking at it for ten minutes and I can't figure out why the middle part makes her look like a folded up umbrella. Ginnifer Goodwin is a petite little thing, so it's really beyond me why she looks so weirdly wide in the middle. Like...is there some pleating or bustling happening here that I just can't see in the picture? It is draped in a way that is fantastic in person, but doesn't translate to film? Does this dress have huge pockets, and she's got the New York Times shoved into her left one? Has her bottom half mysteriously expanded since the last time I saw her? (I've had days where I've felt like that myself.) The silhouette here is surely an optical illusion, right? Because I feel like this SHOULD be fabulous.
March 16, 2009
Fug Love With Tori and Dean
Oh, don't look so cranky, Tori:
[Photo: PacificCoast NewsOnline.com]
Surely, at the very least, your nightgown here is very COMFORTABLE, even if you do look a bit like a woman who's escaped from a burning building in the dead of night and is wearing the blazer of the maitre 'd of the restaurant downstairs, who loaned it to you because he was feeling guilty about how he's pretty sure the blaze started in his establishment, seeing as the management has neglected to get faulty wiring fixed. Much as happened in the seminal episode of 90210 in which Kelly ended up almost dying in a faulty-wiring-prompted party/rave because the jerky frat boy with whom Steve went into the Lame Rave Throwing business showed flagrant disregard for both fire safety and the way electricity works. And look on the bright side: if you can believe it, you actually look better in this than you did then. Well. Maybe not. But at least you're not dating Ray Pruit anymore. That douche was bad news. Just look at him:
Gross.
[Photo: PacificCoast NewsOnline.com]
Surely, at the very least, your nightgown here is very COMFORTABLE, even if you do look a bit like a woman who's escaped from a burning building in the dead of night and is wearing the blazer of the maitre 'd of the restaurant downstairs, who loaned it to you because he was feeling guilty about how he's pretty sure the blaze started in his establishment, seeing as the management has neglected to get faulty wiring fixed. Much as happened in the seminal episode of 90210 in which Kelly ended up almost dying in a faulty-wiring-prompted party/rave because the jerky frat boy with whom Steve went into the Lame Rave Throwing business showed flagrant disregard for both fire safety and the way electricity works. And look on the bright side: if you can believe it, you actually look better in this than you did then. Well. Maybe not. But at least you're not dating Ray Pruit anymore. That douche was bad news. Just look at him:
Gross.
Oh, RACHEL WEISZ. She's normally so pretty, but this weekend...well, we had some issues. Let's start with her look for the Vanity Fair party, AKA Night of A Million Networking Moments:
I saw this on the runway like two days before she wore it -- this sounds so glamorous, but please believe me when I tell you that seeing it on the runway was book-ended by, like, spilling coffee all down the front of my Gap turtleneck and being serenaded for twenty minutes on the subway by a man who seemed to specialize in soft, yoga-inspired flute-jazz that did not, in fact, make me want to find my deepest chakras but actually brought me to the brink of flute-inspired MURDER -- and it looked much better there than it did on her, even with the white tights and shoes. I've been trying to figure out why for like the last three days, and I think it might be HER shoes. I love the dress, but I think the cut of the skirt is fighting with the strappy strappiness of the shoes, and, as that ancient proverb taught us, when your lower body can't agree, truly fugly you might be.
And then we had the ensemble she threw together for the Independent Spirit Awards:
I saw this on the runway like two days before she wore it -- this sounds so glamorous, but please believe me when I tell you that seeing it on the runway was book-ended by, like, spilling coffee all down the front of my Gap turtleneck and being serenaded for twenty minutes on the subway by a man who seemed to specialize in soft, yoga-inspired flute-jazz that did not, in fact, make me want to find my deepest chakras but actually brought me to the brink of flute-inspired MURDER -- and it looked much better there than it did on her, even with the white tights and shoes. I've been trying to figure out why for like the last three days, and I think it might be HER shoes. I love the dress, but I think the cut of the skirt is fighting with the strappy strappiness of the shoes, and, as that ancient proverb taught us, when your lower body can't agree, truly fugly you might be.
And then we had the ensemble she threw together for the Independent Spirit Awards:
February 24, 2009
Oscar Post-Party Fug: Rose Byrne
Having just seen Rose Byrne looking perfectly happy at rag & bone's show during Fashion Week, I can't figure out why she always seems to be dying inside whenever the cameras are trained on her. It's possible that she's just secretly in love with Jimmy Fallon, with whom she arm-wrestled and giggled at in the front row, and whenever she's not in his orbit her soul feels cracked and broken.
But I guess she could just be depressed that everyone keeps checking his or her makeup in her crotch. I imagine the last thing you want is for Mickey Rourke to see himself in your nethers.
But I guess she could just be depressed that everyone keeps checking his or her makeup in her crotch. I imagine the last thing you want is for Mickey Rourke to see himself in your nethers.
February 16, 2009
You Fug You Love Me
OH GOD MOMSEN:
This dress is lovely; WHY ARE YOU SO GLUM? Also, seriously....who is doing your face and hair? Who? And why are you letting them do this to you? Remember, a few weeks ago, when Eric Van Der Woodsen complimented you for losing the raccoon eyes, and you were all, "I know, right?" APPLY HIS CRITIQUE TO YOUR REAL LIFE. You're so very young. Even if you ARE strung out, you shouldn't LOOK strung out. It's like the best part of being young: the ability to string yourself out and still look delish. Not that I think you're actually strung out. You know what I'm saying. But you HAVE inspired me. It occured to me, looking at this photo, that VH1 would be well-served to start a new show, along the times of Rock of Celebrity Tools Rehab Academy, or whatever those shows are all called, in which a variety of troubled starlets have to live together in a ginormous mansion and improve themselves whilst occasionally having catfights and pouring beers into one another's weaves. Momsen could be there to have some stern taskmaster wash her face and cheer her up; Miley Cyrus could learn that she needs to never pose for photos, ever (seriously, I feel like she's had about nine scandals over various snaps in the last six months); Lilo can be there as a cautionary tale; and so forth. God, I want to set my Tivo for that RIGHT NOW.
This dress is lovely; WHY ARE YOU SO GLUM? Also, seriously....who is doing your face and hair? Who? And why are you letting them do this to you? Remember, a few weeks ago, when Eric Van Der Woodsen complimented you for losing the raccoon eyes, and you were all, "I know, right?" APPLY HIS CRITIQUE TO YOUR REAL LIFE. You're so very young. Even if you ARE strung out, you shouldn't LOOK strung out. It's like the best part of being young: the ability to string yourself out and still look delish. Not that I think you're actually strung out. You know what I'm saying. But you HAVE inspired me. It occured to me, looking at this photo, that VH1 would be well-served to start a new show, along the times of Rock of Celebrity Tools Rehab Academy, or whatever those shows are all called, in which a variety of troubled starlets have to live together in a ginormous mansion and improve themselves whilst occasionally having catfights and pouring beers into one another's weaves. Momsen could be there to have some stern taskmaster wash her face and cheer her up; Miley Cyrus could learn that she needs to never pose for photos, ever (seriously, I feel like she's had about nine scandals over various snaps in the last six months); Lilo can be there as a cautionary tale; and so forth. God, I want to set my Tivo for that RIGHT NOW.
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