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November 20, 2009

How To Be Fugmous

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[Photo: PacificCoastOnline.com]

HEIDI: Come on, Spencer, pose for the photo with me. It'll be a wonderful thing to show our children.

SPENCER: Say WHAT, jive turkey?

HEIDI: Oh, please. You know this is coming. I've been fake-nagging you about it on The Hills all season, but you didn't think it wasn't going to HAPPEN, did you?

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Stay strong, Spencer. DO NOT PROCREATE.

SPENCER: Listen, little lady, nobody can pin me down. I'm Grease Lightning.

HEIDI: Don't you think it would be just ADORABLE to have a little girl I can dress in a tiny version of this outfit? She'll be so glamorous! Like Suri Cruise crossed with a prostitute!

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: This can't be allowed to happen, for the good of humankind.

SPENCER: Shut it down, woman. T-Birds like me need to fly free.

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Should I take out one of them? Is this my "What If" moment?

HEIDI: Spencer. Do you KNOW how much more rich and famous we'll be if I get pregnant? That's like seven months' worth of photo opportunities, plus baby-shower pictures we can sell, PLUS the birth photos and the first family photos, a guest-hosting spot on The View...

SPENCER: We'll be so rich we can pay someone else to raise it!

HEIDI: Exactly!

SPENCER: So let's do this thing. You're not as dumb as you look, baby girl.

HEIDI: I'm not as dumb as YOU look, either. Seriously, lose the greaser bouffant. And don't ever call me a "jive turkey" again or else I'll refuse to let us hire a nanny.

SPENCER: OH GOD NO. Consider it lost.

HEIDI: I thought so.

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Please, God, let him be shooting blanks.

November 18, 2009

Fuglo

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dialogue

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

BEYONCE: Jay! Jay, wait up!

JAY-Z: Security, please handle this groupie.

BEYONCE: Jay, I'm not a groupie, it's Beyonce.

JAY-Z: Nice try, random lady, but my wife would never go outside looking like she left on her old nightshirt.

BEYONCE: But...

JAY Z: And Beyonce washes her hair.

BEYONCE: I can't believe...

JAY-Z: Although, all that loud makeup on your face... you DO look a bit familiar...

BEYONCE: I'M TELLING YOU I'M...

JAY-Z: Solange! Is that you? In a bad wig? Why didn't you just SAY so?

BEYONCE: I give up.

November 18, 2009

Full Fugs/Fugsney Todd

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ASHLEY: So... you stole my coat.

MARY-KATE: What of it? We're twins. For all we know, you stole my FACE.

ASHLEY: I just... it looked more like a coat on me. And less like I was wearing rug from The Sims 3's line of bachelor-pad furnishings.

MARY-KATE: Okay, crabby.

ASHLEY: And did you recently work at an ice-cream parlor in a funeral home? Because if not, what is the deal with that hat?

MARY-KATE: Oh, whatever, you should just be glad it looks like I washed my face.

ASHLEY: I know, that IS a nice change. In fact, I... wait. Oh my God. She's HERE.

MARY-KATE: Who? Who's here?

ASHLEY: Your soulmate. Crap.

MARY-KATE: SHARON STONE IS HERE?

ASHLEY: Dude, in what universe is Sharon Stone your soulmate?

MARY-KATE: I'm wearing a giant coat and a WTF hat with dramatic lipstick. These are SUCH Sharon moves.

ASHLEY: Well, no. I'm not talking about Sharon Stone. THINK, Mary-Kate. Who is basically the grown-up version of you? Hot mess, all knots and tangles? Seems vaguely deranged?

MARY-KATE: Oh my GOD. You mean...

ASHLEY: YES.

Continue reading Full Fugs/Fugsney Todd.

November 17, 2009

Better Played, Kristen Stewart

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dialogue,
Twilight

KRISTEN: TAYLOROHMYGOD.

TAYLOR: It's okay, we're in this together.

KRISTEN: I forgot how intense this is. I think some 40-year old mother just asked if she could feed my hair to her sick child.

TAYLOR: Where's Rob?

KRISTEN: I'm not doing photos with him tonight. It's too intense.

TAYLOR: What is? The pandemonium? Or the urge to rip off his clothes?

KRISTEN: EW. TAYLOR. Rob is like FAMILY to me.

TAYLOR: Sorry.

KRISTEN: The kind of distant-second-cousin family that it was okay to marry back in Elizabethan times.

TAYLOR: So...

KRISTEN: Just shut up and tell me I look pretty.

Continue reading Better Played, Kristen Stewart.

November 16, 2009

Brangefugn...Zzzzzz...

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BRAD: This artwork is so... right here.

ANGELINA: If I look for ten more seconds, is that polite enough?

BRAD: Boring.

ANGELINA: Must remember to blink.

BRAD: I hope I didn't leave any dinner in my beard.

ANGELINA Thank God, I look sufficiently boring and skinny. No one's going to pay attention to me when Brad is growing goat hair on his face.

BRAD: This thing itches. I wonder if it's rude to scratch it.

ANGELINA: Shoot, did I leave my sex-swing on?

BRAD: And I have that Miley Cyrus song in my head. Resisting... urge... to sing...

ANGELINA: I hope I didn't forget to take my knives out from under my pillow.

BRAD: Hurry up, Angie, walk away so that I can, too.

ANGELINA: Come on, Brad, move along. I'm waiting.

BRANGELINA: YAWN.

November 13, 2009

R.Fuggz/Fug or Fab: Kristen Stewart

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dialogue,
Twilight

TAYLOR LAUTNER: I am going to be as clothed as I can be for the rest of this tour.

KRISTEN STEWART: My hair claw and I are going to stand as close to Taylor as we can for the rest of this tour.

ROBERT PATTINSON: I am going to use as many natural bodily fluids as I can to style my hair for the rest of this tour.

TAYLOR: I am more than a body, world! Don't objectify me!

KRISTEN: I am totally not rocking the bed mambo with that dude, world! Don't be grossed out by me!

ROBERT: I am filthy and rank, world! Don't stalk me!

poll by twiigs.com

November 11, 2009

Well Played, Nicole Kidman

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dialogue,
red

NICOLE KIDMAN: That's right, bitches! THE RED HAIR IS BACK.

KEITH URBAN: Can't see from my facial expression how relieved I am by this development?

NICOLE: Can't you see from MY facial expression that I know how HOT I look? And please, can it with all the "you don't HAVE facial expressions, Nicole" comments. I'M JUST SERENE IN MY TITIAN HOTNESS.

KEITH: Can't you see from my facial expression that I'm stoked that tonight's outfit didn't require chestal-waxing?

NICOLE: Can't we stop talking about you? And focus on ME?

KEITH: Yes, honey. Trust me, we're all glad you're back.

November 10, 2009

Fug Moon/Better Played, Kristen Stewart

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ROBERT PATTINSON: Come on, everyone. I DARE YOU.

KRISTEN STEWART: Dare them to what? Ask if we're sleeping together?

TAYLOR LAUTNER: Oh, please God, no. I so don't care if you're sleeping together.

K.STEW: Right? BORING. I'm not even interested in whether we're sleeping together, at this point.

R.PATTZ: I'm so bored of us that my boredom comes back around to being arousal.

K.STEW: Ew. Not mine.

R.PATTZ: No?

K.STEW: LOOK AT YOU. I am not sleeping with you again, by which I mean for the first time, until you shower and shave.

TAYLOR: THANK YOU. It had to be said.

R.PATTZ: Well, I'm not sleeping with YOU ever again, or for the first time, until you go back to wearing Converse and tight jeans and not brushing your hair. You look like you're playing dress-up in Zoe Saldana's closet.

K.STEW: I think I look nice. And clean. And event-appropriate. AND CLEAN.

R.PATTZ: No no, I like my girls to look troubled and ill-rested and as though they're still coated in the sweat from our fervent horizontal joyride. You know, like me.

TAYLOR: SERIOUSLY. PLEASE STOP SENDING ME TO THESE THINGS WITHOUT DAKOTA FANNING. I AM NOT JOKING.

November 9, 2009

Kenzie Fugton

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[Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY: Kenzie. Don't look up. Stare at the ground.

KENZIE DALTON: Why, Chad?

CHAD MM: Because.

KENZIE: That's a bad reason. If I stare at the ground, no one will see my face, and then I'll never get in Us Weekly and our whole mystifying 4-year engagement will be for NAUGHT.

CMM: Look, everyone already thinks I'm a douche, okay? I just don't want them to think I am in any way associated with those pants. Or that refried Carrie Bradshaw flower on your coat.

KENZIE: You're being annoying. Am I old enough to drink yet? Because I need one.

CMMMMMMMMM: Just hurry, okay, before anyone recognizes us.

KENZIE: No, Chad. Stop. You're denying America your special gift. Do you really want to skulk anonymously through the night, just because it looks like a small child ran with scissors directly at my pants? Do you? Is THAT the kind of man I'm marrying?

CM-SQUARED: Well, but we're never ACTUALLY getting married, are we?

KENZIE: LOOK UP AND DO WHAT YOU WERE BORN TO DO, or else I will wear these pants every day.

C-DOUBLE-M: FINE. I'll do it.

Continue reading Kenzie Fugton.

November 4, 2009

Fug Moon

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[Photo: Splash News]

TAYLOR LAUTNER: I'm so excited to be here to promote New Moon.

KRISTEN STEWART: New Moon? I thought we were here for a screening of Newsies.

TAYLOR: No.

KRISTEN: Are you sure? Why else would I be dressed as an urchin?

TAYLOR: Maybe you just want to pick a pocket or two.

KRISTEN: I kind of AM in the mood to rob a bitch. And then break into a totally spontaneous choreographed dance routine that ends with me picking my teeth with a tire iron, or something.

TAYLOR: I really wish they'd send me to these things with Dakota Fanning.

Results tagged “dialogue” from GoFugYourself

How To Be Fugmous

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Fuglo

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Full Fugs/Fugsney Todd

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Better Played, Kristen Stewart

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Brangefugn...Zzzzzz...

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R.Fuggz/Fug or Fab: Kristen Stewart

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Well Played, Nicole Kidman

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Fug Moon/Better Played, Kristen Stewart

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Kenzie Fugton

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Fug Moon

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