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January 5, 2009

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You guys, I think I might be in love with 90210's AnnaLynne "Drunkface" McCord. I mean it. She BRINGS IT:

[Photo: Splash News]

And by "it," I mean "crazy outfits that you might be able to specify if you were, say, calling a highly customize-able escort service." Wigs! Trashy boots! Sultry expressions! It's like she's 2007 Britney, but more fun because I'm not stressed out about her mental health, nor do I care! It's so much fun! Thank you, Drunkface. I look forward to a long, fruitful '09 jam-packed with you showing up places in latex shorts and wigs salvaged from the dumpster outside of the Alias wardrobe department. I'm not even being sarcastic: I CAN'T WAIT.

September 17, 2008

90210: The Fug Class

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So, it's about time we addressed the giant, poorly acted, psychedelic (yet somehow still dull) elephant in the room: The 90210 reincarnation. It may not shock you to hear that Jessica and I cherish the old show, in that we-loved-it-in-its-prime/we-lovingly-mock-it-now/oh-my-God-Emily-Valentine-just-put-U4EA-in-Brandon's-drink-this-can't-end-well/please-David-stop-singing kind of way. But even the addition of Brenda and Kelly (and Jessica Walter playing Lucille Bluth on muscle-relaxants) cannot save the new class.

The show is SO BAD. Like, wow. Last week was about bowling. I'm not even kidding. NOTHING HAPPENS. All the characters are boring, and their conversations are excruciating. About a third of the scenes play out thusly: "Hey." "Hey." "Haven't seen you." "I've been around. How are you?" "Fine." "Well, uh, how's your brother?" "Good." It's like the most terrible, dry raw footage from the world's worst reality show, replete with as many local cultural references shoehorned in there as possible: "I've got tickets to Sea Wolf at Spaceland." "Remember when we were at the L.A. Zoo?" "So, Vampire Weekend is playing a secret show at the Avalon..." "Oh, they just finished renovating the Mark Taper Forum and it's really become a fantastic space." My husband turned to me during last night's episode and said, "It feels like this show is written by L.A. Weekly."

And the clothes. The CLOTHES. Maybe these people would have more interesting conversations if they weren't filled with obvious self-loathing about their wardrobes. Take, for instance, Naomi -- a.k.a. the character played by Drunkface, a.k.a. AnnaLynne McCord. (As always, apologies for the poor quality of the photos.) Now, Drunkface spends most of her time in these episodes stomping into rooms wearing ridiculous shorts and twitching while she plays the exact same story point over and over again.

Here, for example, she has donned her very best bloomers and French-Revolution Aristocrat In Prison shirt in order to tell her mother that Mr. Drunkface is having an affair. The ruffles spill forth from her chest like painful truths from her soul.

Contrast that with the scene in which she stomps into her mother's bedroom to whine about Mr. Drunkface's indiscretion -- a deeply emotional moment for which she chose to dress like a call girl:

Continue reading 90210: The Fug Class.

September 3, 2008

Fug the Cover: The (New) Girls of 90210

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Drunkface strikes again, and this time, she brought her best friend, Tweed. And Tweed went and brought his girlfriend, that bitch Cheap Accessories from Claire's. And she brought her mom, Lame Ass Partial-Fingered Glove. And she dragged her neighbor, High-Waisted Jodphurs, who insisted on bringing her cat, Mittens. And they were all chaperoned by the person who thought it would be an awesome idea if Nylon's cover models looked Scared, Stoned, and About to Sneeze, respectively.

August 25, 2008

9Fug21Fug

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I don't know what's in the water over at the 90210 set, but there was a lot of fake or seriously fake-looking hair at the premiere party.

Let's start with the latter, as spied on the head of Jessica Lowndes, who plays someone named Adrianna -- who Wikipedia describes as, "a theatre 'goddess' who is Naomi Clark's best friend and Ethan Ward's secret girlfriend; she suffers a serious drug addiction." Or in old-school terms, that's two cups of Brenda multiplied by a few tablespoons of season 6 Kelly Taylor, with a dash of the time Brandon slept with his professor's wife and tried to keep it a secret.

Anyway:

I have no idea if this is actually a wig. But doesn't it look like one? I don't think I've ever seen real hair that is as shiny as her bangs. I can't stop staring at it and thinking, "Maybe just the fringe is fake. But maybe it's real and just ridiculously healthy. But... maybe not? Also, she's wearing a ton of makeup. She kinda reminds me of Annie Potts in Pretty in Pink, with the heavy eyeliner and the dramatic wigs. And are those wedding shoes?"

Parenthetically, if this IS her hair for the show -- real or not -- it's a tad on-the-nose to make her the "theatre goddess" (which, isn't that just a polite way of saying "drama queen"?) and give her a coif with strong echoes of Brenda, when in fact in the course of her character's school play experience she will be DEALING with Brenda. Oh, new 90210, when will you give up on the young 'uns and make it all about the old favorites?

Back on-topic: Another reason this amused me is that "Adrianna" is tight with the Naomi character, played by everyone's emerging-favorite drunkfaced starlet AnnaLynne McCord -- who, the last time we saw her, had long, flowing curly locks and was struggling to keep her goodies in the cupboard. This time, though, AnnaLynne appears to have stolen an idea from her on-screen BFF:

Continue reading 9Fug21Fug.

July 21, 2008

90210: The Fug Generation

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The new 90210 hasn't even started and yet I already cherish it deeply. As you can imagine, the news that Shannen Doherty would be back as Brenda Walsh was met with great rejoicing here at GFY HQ. We sent Intern George out for bellinis and wheels of cheese immediately. Part of what is so delectable about the return of half the original cast is that you know the New Generation is kind of worried that they're five minutes away from being downgraded to tertiary characters who get minimal screen time while Kelly and Brenda wrestle in the West Beverly High swimming pool and argue some more about Dylan. Which could actually probably happen. Like, who has time to worry about the random problems of some girl who used to be on Degrassi when we've got the possible demise of Donna's marriage to David to consider AND then an hour later (or whatever), we need to concentrate on Chuck and Blair? But I have to say, I want to take one of the Extra Crispy Recipe cast members and crush her to my bosom with joy, because I can already tell she is going to be amusing. I speak of AnnaLynne McCord:

Why do I treasure her, you ask? Because she is almost always about 6 seconds away from flashing her nipple -- but hasn't -- and although she may well be living on wheatgrass juice and artisanal waters from a well she dug herself, she always looks hammered. And maybe this is just the way her face is, but I like to think that she woke up and thought to herself, "that bitch Doherty is not taking any time away from me, and if I have to tease America with nipples and carousing, damn it, I WILL."

Also, what is up with this:

Continue reading 90210: The Fug Generation.

January 4, 2008

National Lampoon's Fug This!

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Remember last year -- so long ago! -- when Paris went to prison, and when she came out she vowed to completely change her life by eschewing all that embarrassing public partying and club-crawling, in favor of abandoning her dumb-skank reputation and using her fortune and notoriety to make the world a better place?

[Photo: Splash News]

I wonder how that's going for her.

Continue reading National Lampoon's Fug This!.

October 23, 2007

Why Did I Get Fugspray?

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ZAC EFRON: I feel...so strange right now.

JANET JACKSON: My weight loss/gain cycle IS amazing, isn't it? But I believe the word you're looking for right now to describe me is HOT. Do you like my veneers? Take a real close look if you want!

JOHN TRAVOLTA: Yes, my shirt IS gingham. Wanna make something of it?

ZAC: Seriously. I need to sit down. I hope no one spiked my drink. I just saw something about that on Lifetime. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to lie down? I want to take off my tie.

JANET: God, this is SO MUCH BETTER than the time Star Magazine was saying I bought out the House of Pies. Which was a LIE, by the way. Can't a girl eat a pie now and then in this town, anyway? Am I right?

JOHN: Nothing wrong with a smart little check, is what I'm saying.

ZAC: Are there TWO Janet Jacksons next to me? I'm scared. I think my skinny tie is talking to me. It just said, "Zac! I'm anorexic!" That doesn't make any SENSE! Maybe I shouldn't have mixed my Benadryl with those four martinis. But I'm thirsty, AND I have allergies! What was I supposed to do?

JANET: I feel so happy right now, I'll even answer questions about my secret marriage! Yes! Ask away!

JOHN: My shirt matches one of Kelly's aprons. Gingham rocks!

ZAC: This party is weird.

August 11, 2005

Herbie: Fugly, Loaded.

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Lindsay Lohan is at peace. Because when she finally becomes the strung-out, washed up 49-year old we all know she's destined to be -- clinging to cultural relevance almost as tightly as Ted Casablanca clings to the English language -- she can at least recycle this frumpy shirt, because it will finally be age-appropriate.

In fact, I expect this entire photo, right down to the ... er, "tired"... look in her eyes, will be recreated at that time -- probably at the premiere of some summer extravaganza starring a Peldon spawn and little Maddox Jolie.

February 15, 2005

Let's Get It Fugging

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[Photos by Daily Celeb.]

Fergie looks a bit like an intoxicated Girl Scout wearing a uniform redone by Project Runway...

... and selling cookies redone by Snoop Dogg, if you know what I mean, and I think you do...

... I'm talking about pot. In the Tagalongs.

Results tagged “drunkface” from GoFugYourself

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90210: The Fug Class

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Fug the Cover: The (New) Girls of 90210

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9Fug21Fug

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90210: The Fug Generation

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National Lampoon's Fug This!

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Why Did I Get Fugspray?

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Herbie: Fugly, Loaded.

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Let's Get It Fugging

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