Results tagged “dumpy sacks” from GoFugYourself

November 10, 2009

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I have a lot to say about 2012. For one thing, when I saw the preview, it literally took me like the entire duration to realize that it was actually starring John Cusack and not Nicolas Cage. That movie SHOULD be starring Nic Cage, and goodness knows poor Nic could use the cash. (Those shrunken, possibly human heads don't buy themselves.) The other thing is, I wish I could have been in the meetings where they discussed which iconic American landmarks should crash into each other. "I know! The White House can crash into the Grand Canyon!" "That makes no sense, you FOOL. The Washington Monument should impale the Hollywood sign!" "That's RIDICULOUS! The Lincoln Memorial should smash into the Bellagio!" "Don't be INSANE. Mount Rushmore should crack over the Statue of Liberty's head!" What I'm saying is, the movie looks like lunacy, but it might secretly be terrible, unrealistic, scenery-chewing fun: after all, no one laughed harder or enjoyed herself more at Poseidon than did I. Anyway, the role of The Girl in this movie -- often taken by Emmy Rossum, as in the aforementioned Poseidon, and of course in Run! It's the Weather (aka, Day After Tomorrow) -- is being played by Amanda Peet, who for some reason has, thus far, appeared at both premieres wearing white. Either she's feeling real virginal lately or someone just learned about the magical powers of bleach. Behold:

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I mean, this is pretty. A bit boring and she kind of looks like an under-styled debutante but it's inoffensive at worst. I also enjoy that the car on display at this event has been styled to look as though it crashed through the wall. DRUNK-DRIVING WILL BE RAMPANT IN 2012!!! 

Being drunk might also explain THIS:

October 20, 2009

Fug Months

I've been staring at this for like twenty minutes and it's turning into a Fug Mad Libs in my head.

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Like: Julianne Moore is [COMPLIMENTARY ADJECTIVE] and I really loved her in [JULIANNE MOORE PROJECT THAT ISN'T EVOLUTION]. But this is [NEGATIVE ADJECTIVE] and makes her look like [ELEGANT PHRASE MEANING 'WEARING A CRUMPLED SACK]. This is a shame, because [MOORE-CENTRIC COMPLIMENT], but [AARON SPELLING REFERENCE]. On the other hand, [SWEET VALLEY HIGH] and [I MISS THE PELDON SISTERS].
October 1, 2009

Fugged to Death

Cheer up, Olivia Thirlby!

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I totally remember my mother wearing this back when I was a little girl,* and it didn't seem to do her any lasting harm. YOU'RE GOING TO BE OKAY.

*I have just received an email from my mother in which she claims she never would have worn such a thing and I must be thinking of someone else. I HEREBY RETRACT THIS STATEMENT IN THE NAME OF FAMILY HARMONY.
July 13, 2009

In Fugment

Two questions:

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1) For what heinous crime was Hope Davis exiled to the chain gang?
2) And since when does the chain gang issue nightgowns?

Okay. So Sophie Okonedo is so pretty. There is no question about that. But I do have some questions about this:

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Namely, from which hospital did she just escape, and why didn't she ask her getaway car driver to bring her a change of clothes?
June 10, 2009

Fug Practice

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TIM DALY: Hey, Kate.

KATE WALSH: What up?

TIM: Our show turned CRAZY this year, right?

KATE: Oh, did it? I didn't really notice.

TIM: Um, yeah. Whatshernuts from Felicity is stealing Judging Amy's baby! It's like Young and the Restless or whatever all of a sudden.

KATE: I had no idea. Taye Diggs is so mesmerizingly good-looking that I sort of go into a semi-coma every time we're at work. What is my character doing? Are WE hooking up?

TIM: No. You're having an affair with this dude who is like a total charisma vacuum. Apparently he infected your wardrobe.

KATE: Excuse me?

TIM: BORING.

KATE: Me?

TIM: It's like you look great from the thighs down and the neck up. Otherwise, SNORE. BOXY SNORE. BOXY SNORE YOU BOUGHT FROM CHICO'S.BOXY SNORE YOU BOUGHT FROM CHICOS THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A TUNIC. BOXY SNORE YOU --

KATE: Enough. I get it. God. You're so irritating.

TIM: But still rakishly rumpled and handsome, yes?

KATE: Just shut up.
May 7, 2009

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Everything had been going so well! I literally just said to someone that Jessica Stroup here has been looking so cute lately. And I was correct. But apparently I jinxed her. (Sorry, Jessica. I've also stopped watching your show. I know. I didn't think I could quit a 90210 franchise either, but the episode where Shenae and Tristan Wilds -- who deserves better -- went on a road trip and spent the ENTIRE TIME singing the praises of Dr Pepper broke me. I actually turned it off in the middle of one of their conversations and deleted the season pass. Literally, said converstion was like, "I love Dr. Pepper. Because you know what? It is not a road trip without Dr. Pepper. Dr Pepper is SUPER refreshing. Which is what I need on this road trip we're on: refreshment in the form of a cold Dr. Pepper." While prominently waving around a can of it. CLICK.) Anyway, look at her now:

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Oh, honey. No. You have lovely long legs. But not in this. In this, you look like you're about to fall over because those wee little stumps couldn't possibly hold up the rest of your body. And I do not think that's what you were going for. In fact, judging from the bow tie, Colonel Sanders of KFC has taken over sponsorship of 90210 and you're going to have to spend the next month talking about how much your character's angst has made you hungry for chicken, and at this event, you were simply going for a nice corporate tie-in. (No pun intended. Well, not entirely.) This is also not a good choice, by the way, but it doesn't REQUIRE you to look short. Just something to keep in mind.

April 30, 2009

We Own the Fug

Oh, honey.

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I don't know where your girlfriends were when you tried this on, but you needed their help. Surely, you have someone in your life who will tilt her head to the right and say, "hmmmm. I don't LOVE it," or, "I don't know. It does something weird to your waist," or "Oh GOD NO," because if you don't think some associate editor at some tabloid hasn't pulled this picture in hopes of running a story titled, "EVA'S BABY JOY" you are sadly mistaken.

Note: if you are, in fact, in the throes of BABY JOY, congrats, and now we all know. But if, in fact, you are merely in the throes of digesting a delicious sandwich, maybe next time try something with a bit more structure, don't you think? Excellent. I knew you would be reasonable about this.
Is Amber Valletta pregnant?

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No, I'm not being sarcastic. I am genuinely curious. Google refuses to tell me. If she IS, she certainly looks comfortable in this roomy gown, although I am concerned that the pattern may cause seizures in those around her. And if she's not, she herself may have a seizure of rage when she discovers that people are wondering if she is. Oh, roomy gowns. You're so comfortable...and yet so rife with the potential for hilarious baby-daddy misunderstandings.

"Hello. I'm Anne Hathaway:

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"Welcome to my one woman show! It's called Cream of Wheat: A Love Story, and it's about my life-long affair with warm breakfast cereals. This is my costume for Act I's closing number, a stirring song called 'Sowing My Quaker Oats' and -- oh, FINE. FINE. I JUST PICKED SOMETHING BLAND. IT HAPPENS. I'm not HAPPY about it. PLEASE don't take a picture of me next to Viola Davis. Have you SEEN HER?
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