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November 12, 2009

Fug Fug Fug Fugged Fug

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These Lindsay Lohan pieces are starting to write themselves.

It all starts with a gallery of pictures on pretty much any site, called something like, "Lindsay Lohan [insert variation on "staggers"] out of [insert name of Hollywood club] looking [insert synonym for deranged, sad, or 'the worse for wear.']"

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Then comes the part where I throw up my hands and decry her lack of pants, and how she looks rumpled and tragic -- here, because she looks like she just bedded a pirate and then stole his wardrobe for the walk of shame.

Next up, of course, is the obligatory jump to a closer look at her face:

Continue reading Fug Fug Fug Fugged Fug.

November 10, 2009

Fug Moon/Better Played, Kristen Stewart

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ROBERT PATTINSON: Come on, everyone. I DARE YOU.

KRISTEN STEWART: Dare them to what? Ask if we're sleeping together?

TAYLOR LAUTNER: Oh, please God, no. I so don't care if you're sleeping together.

K.STEW: Right? BORING. I'm not even interested in whether we're sleeping together, at this point.

R.PATTZ: I'm so bored of us that my boredom comes back around to being arousal.

K.STEW: Ew. Not mine.

R.PATTZ: No?

K.STEW: LOOK AT YOU. I am not sleeping with you again, by which I mean for the first time, until you shower and shave.

TAYLOR: THANK YOU. It had to be said.

R.PATTZ: Well, I'm not sleeping with YOU ever again, or for the first time, until you go back to wearing Converse and tight jeans and not brushing your hair. You look like you're playing dress-up in Zoe Saldana's closet.

K.STEW: I think I look nice. And clean. And event-appropriate. AND CLEAN.

R.PATTZ: No no, I like my girls to look troubled and ill-rested and as though they're still coated in the sweat from our fervent horizontal joyride. You know, like me.

TAYLOR: SERIOUSLY. PLEASE STOP SENDING ME TO THESE THINGS WITHOUT DAKOTA FANNING. I AM NOT JOKING.

October 16, 2009

Fugdan

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This is just so SUBTLE.

So UNDERSTATED. Gosh, I hope people don't stop paying attention to her! What if no one SEES HER? What if no one NOTICES HER? THE HORROR.

October 15, 2009

Fuga Palmer-Tomkinson

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Tara Palmer-Tomkinson is known primarily on this side of the pond as being That British Lady Who Needs To Eat And Doesn't Do Anything Except Be Tan And Naked.

And, for the moment, That British Lady Whose Photo Is Not Safe For Work:

Continue reading Fuga Palmer-Tomkinson.

October 12, 2009

Fugly and FugJ

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[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

AJ MICHALKA: Excuse me?

ALY MICHALKA: What, did you hear something?

AJ: I could've sworn I heard someone behind us laughing.

ALY: You probably did. I know I am laughing at you.

AJ: Wait, at ME?

ALY: Hello, honey, you're wearing really tight pants and a shirt that hits your butt in the WEIRDEST place.

AJ: HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR TIGHTS?

ALY: They're not tights, honey, they're pights. Half pants, half tights.

AJ: Did you just not bother to shave the backs of your legs today?

ALY: Don't judge. It makes showering SO MUCH faster. I may not do it ever again. This is the new revolution, sweetie. Ride the wave.

AJ: It's okay. I'll let you surf it as far away from me as possible.

October 2, 2009

Fuggaback Girl

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I know that whatever a woman wears to take her kids on a hike is her own private business, generally speaking. But... you guys, I just had to make sure I am not hallucinating these pants.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

You're seeing tie-dyed harem leggings too, right? Are those even actually TECHNICALLY harem pants? What is the term for pants that are tight on the legs but have enough room in the crotch to hide Gwen's other child? Why do we live in a world where such a noun is necessary? Crotch-slings? Knee bags? Pantaballoons?

Also: Whenever I see anyone in pantaballoons like these, I wonder how they do not drive themselves insane wearing them. They're built to replicate the feeling of having your pants fall off as you're walking. Incidentally, I saw that happen to a guy on Ventura Blvd. He was strolling along with low-rider pants, and with each step they sank lower and lower until they finally fell off his ass and started flopping toward his knees, exposing his boxers. He kept right on going as if nothing had happened. Maybe HE'S the guy who pioneered pantaballoons.

September 30, 2009

612fug

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This photo comes courtesy of the Twitter feed for Lindsay Lohan's "lifestyle brand," 6126.

This is allegedly one of the publicity shots for her newest batch of leggings and leggings-related items.

I will give you a moment.

Yes. Yes, she appears to be warming up for her appearance in a Whitesnake video. Or perhaps for a performance in a Whitesnake cover band -- let's call them Darklizard. Or perhaps for her TURN ON THE POLE. Jesus, lady. Do you EVER want to be taken seriously EVER AGAIN?

No? Okay, then, carry on. You're doing an AMAZING job, in that case. We're all so, so proud. Between this, and the fact that you're in debt to the man behind the film Oragami So Horny and you're suspected of potentially orchestrating a burglary of your own home, then at the very least, I think we can all agree that the E! True Hollywood Story of your life set to be produced in approximately 2025 will be one hell of a barn-burner. So thanks for that, in advance, and try not to wear that thing out on any street corners. I think you know why.

September 18, 2009

Every Fug You Take

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ew,
I'm Scared

This is Sting's daugher, Coco, who is apparently a musician, model, and actress in England.

She is also the president of the Joker's fan club, hasn't slept in 5 years, and may want to sup on your blood. Hope that's okay.

August 6, 2009

Superfugs

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ew,
metallics

Joanne Krupa here is a Maxim model, who appeared on that show Superstars that no one watched. You know, the one where you'd be minding your own business watching Grey's or whatever, and they'd run an ad featuring some blonde chick you totally didn't recognize yelling at Terrell Owens over some kind of competitive misunderstanding, and you'd be all like, "am I supposed to know her? This is what's passing for a celebrity these days? Sad. I wonder where I put my ice cream sandwich." It appears she's making the rounds:

[Photo: Splash News]

Because going out for sushi dressed as though you're on dinner break from the Cinemax soft-core porn you're filming -- about an innocent maiden who was sold into a harem (WITH SEXY RESULTS, of course) as costumed by Play-Tex (the cheap and cheesy latex and leather shop I just decided I'm going to open on Melrose) -- is totally STAR-MAKING behavior. If you've graduated at the top of your class from Phoebe Price's University of Being (Not Really All That) Famous for Nothing.

July 13, 2009

Maria Menoufugs

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I hate being lulled into a false sense of security.

[Photo: Apega/WENN.com]

For instance, looking at this much of Maria Menounos, you might think to yourself, "She's pretty. It's a black dress. Nothing to see here."

But you'd be wrong:

Continue reading Maria Menoufugs.

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Fug Moon/Better Played, Kristen Stewart

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Fugly and FugJ

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Fuggaback Girl

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Every Fug You Take

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