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October 5, 2009

Fug City

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LAUREN CONRAD: Hey, Whit. Thanks so much for coming out to support my new Kohl's line.

WHITNEY PORT: My pleasure!

LAUREN: And just in case anyone is wondering, nothing you are wearing comes from my line.

WHITNEY: What was that?

LAUREN: Oh, NOTHING! Nothing. Shall we get a better look at your outfit, that I didn't have anything to do with? That you didn't even call or text me about?

Continue reading Fug City.

September 10, 2009

Fug Fug You Fug Fug, XOXO, Fugsip Fug

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MISCHA BARTON: Hey, Taylor.

TAYLOR MOMSEN: Hi, Mischa. How are you feeling?

MISCHA: Well enough to wear unflattering formal shorts!

TAYLOR: Aha! So you're back to normal.

MISCHA: I thought I was off-limits for criticism due to my recent, very sad mental trauma.

TAYLOR: Oops. You are.

MISCHA: Thank you.

TAYLOR: Although now you're claiming it was wisdom-tooth pain and not any deep psychological pain, so maybe you're NOT off-limits after all.

MISCHA: Well, just to be safe, let's leave me alone for a while and focus on YOU. Because you have problems.

TAYLOR: I do?

MISCHA. HONEY.

TAYLOR: ... I guess I AM wearing a really expensive tube top. Like, REALLY expensive.

MISCHA: You look like a bad special effect in Twilight. Please pull yourself together before you, too, suffer from heinous wisdom-tooth pain.

TAYLOR: I'll think about it. But first, I HAVE to ask you one more thing.

MISCHA: Fire away.

TAYLOR: WHY is your new show called The Beautiful Life: TBL? What is that about?

MISCHA: Isn't it AMAZING? They should change your show to Gossip Girl: GG.

TAYLOR: Are you joking? It's like an extra-stupid reversal of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. I mean, hello, by the time we get to the colon, we all already know what "TBL" stands for.

MISCHA: We do?

TAYLOR: ... What did you think the colon-TBL was about?

MISCHA: I thought it was, like, the airport code for a REALLY EXCLUSIVE private airstrip in New York.

TAYLOR: ... Yeah, I think we're done here. Seriously, I'm glad you're okay. Stay strong.

MISCHA: Thanks.

August 24, 2009

Charfuglette Ronson

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With nearly every trend I bemoan on this website, there comes a point where I just throw up my hands and am all, "oh, fine. Fine! Wear your leggings/romper/jumpsuit. It's your funeral" and then I move on with my life. You know, the emotion transforms from aggressive-aggression to passive-aggression and it's better for everyone.

But I swear to you, here and now, that never never NEVER never NEVER NEVER never never never shall I shrug my shoulders over (p)leather pleated Mom shorts. They don't even make sense: leather and shorts do not go together. Just because one is a material and the other an article of clothing does not mean that they should unite. We aren't wearing rubber culottes, or lace hip-waders or chiffon bullet-proof vests (don't get any ideas). But more importantly: THESE ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE ON ANYONE. Not the skinny hipster, not the curvaceous bombshell, not the tomboy, not the drama queen, not the girl-next-door, not even Angelina Jolie. THEY. ARE. UNFLATTERING. THEY ARE A CRIME AGAINST YOUR THIGHS. WHAT THEY DO TO YOUR BELLY SHOULD BE CONSIDERED ARMED ASSAULT. And they -- like the swine flu -- are only mutating into a stronger trend, readers. FIGHT THEM. FIGHT THE PLEATHER PLEATED MOM SHORTS WITH ALL OF YOUR MIGHT. Do NOT look at them with a cocked brow and think, "maybe I should get these." NO. NO YOU SHOULD NOT. You will REGRET IT. You will look at photos of yourself wearing them and say, "WHAT WAS I THINKING?" and then you will cry. CRY! Wear your rompers, wear your leggings, jump around in your jumpsuits. RESIST THE PLEATHER PLEATED MOM SHORTS. I beg of you FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, SWEET READERS. RESIST!

Also, those shoes are terrible.

July 20, 2009

Fug Or Fab, Kate Walsh/Prifug Practice

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Kate Walsh has been all about the shorts lately -- which, if I had her legs, I probably would be too. I just read something about how her divorce is about to get really ugly because her ex's lawyer is allowed to depose ABC about her earnings potential at the network, and if that's true, then I guess divorce suits her because she's clearly working out all that aggression on her quads. Thanks in large part to them, I'm actually thinking mostly favorable thoughts about her formal-shorts ensemble here.

[All photos: WENN.com]

Don't misunderstand: It's still formal shorts, and I still find that concept a bit silly. But as far as seasonal whimsy goes, Kate looks kind of fabulous here -- the suit theme is playful, and the clutch and phenomenal gold wedges accessorize it really well without taking it over the top. It all makes me want to go sit outside somewhere fabulous and have a mojito, which is quite an achievement, considering it was 103 degrees in my back yard today and merely walking to the car felt like going into menopause.

poll by twiigs.com

However, I wish the hot California sun would've incinerated this little number:

Continue reading Fug Or Fab, Kate Walsh/Prifug Practice.

July 16, 2009

Fugll and Fugson

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KRISTEN BELL: Heh-heh. Heh.

RACHEL BILSON: What? Why are you laughing like an idiot?

KRISTEN: Oh, uh, nothing. Never mind. Hee. HEE.

RACHEL: This is going to get real annoying, real fast.

KRISTEN: It's just... HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF? HA!

RACHEL: What's wrong with me?

KRISTEN: Oh, I don't know. Could it be that you're wearing cuffed bermuda shorts and a matching blazer in LAMÉ?!?

RACHEL: So? If anyone could pull this off, it's me.

KRISTEN: Julia Roberts wore that outfit in Pretty Woman, except it was in orange, it was culottes, and it was 1990, and she was a hooker who didn't know better.

RACHEL: Oh, come on, admit it -- you secretly think I am working this.

KRISTEN: NEVER. In fact, I think that's the outfit Doc Brown rejected before he went back to 1985 wearing that mustard-colored caftan.

RACHEL: Well, before you throw a stone, maybe look at yourself.

KRISTEN: What's wrong with ME?

RACHEL: You got suckered into wearing one of those messy-looking dresses that seems to be sewn to a tank top. And doesn't look like it fits.

KRISTEN: HA! That's all you've got? Oh, Bilson, I win this one.

RACHEL: Maybe this battle, yeah, but not the war. UNTIL NEXT TIME, Tank Girl.

KRISTEN: Bring it, Cuffs.

July 3, 2009

Scrolldown Fug: Whitney Port

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I don't understand -- did Whitney think it was International From-The-Waist-Up Day? Or that Independence Day weekend meant freeing yourself from the itchy binds of well-matched outfits?

[Photo: Splash News]

I could handle how haphazard that belt is with the vest, because what she's trying to achieve is identifiable, but I'm not sure how to account for the fact that she's wearing her very favorite pajama shorts, unless this whole thing is actual, tangible proof that she's sleepwalking her way through shooting The City. But that's no excuse for being a walking variation on a mullet -- business up top, party everywhere else -- and it makes her look like she's going to set up Lucy Van Pelt-style booth of legal advice at some outdoor music festival. Which I would MAYBE give her a pass for if she promised to yank a football away from that idiotic Jonas/Bee Gee hybrid she fake-dated on the show, or even, nay especially, if she did it to Olivia Palermo. But ONLY then.

June 30, 2009

Fugloe Fugvigny

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I am experiencing some serious fugja-vu here, courtesy of Chloe Sevigny:

Aside from still having legs and a shoe closet to die for, Chloe apparently also has this ensemble in more than one shade of bland. Because you never know when you'll need TWO blazers with scalloped skirts that always catch in your crotch and either make people wonder if they're culottes or create unfortunate wrinkles that point right up your fun zone. I mean, it only makes sense: It's CLEARLY blasphemy to wear the ecru at night, so of course you'd keep one in your closet that's a more thrilling beige hue, or perhaps a daring latte-tinged flavor of khaki -- you know, a tan that really brings your new blood-orange colored lipstick and the kaleidoscope of sequins you've sewn to an old ballet leotard. I'm so pleased Chloe understands these kinds of nuances.

June 2, 2009

Big Fug

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THIS IS SO EXCITING. No, I mean it. Chloe Sevigny isn't out and about as much as she used to be, and I started to miss her. She's reliable -- either she looks CRAZY or she looks AMAZING, and that's all I really ask for. Something really wretched and terrible, something utterly batshit crazy, or FABULOUSNESS. Or the trifecta of all three at once. This doesn't quite hit all points, but it IS delightful in its own way:

Who else would come out of the house looking like Mary Poppins from the waist up, and Leggs McGee from the way down? I mean, as far as I recall, there is NOT a scene in Mary Poppins where she goes out for a date with Bert in a rather scandalous -- yet still demure -- shorts suit, but maybe Chloe here is angling for an updated version. In her iteration of the Disney classic, "A Spoonful of Sugar" is mashed up with "Pour Some Sugar On Me" while Mary cavorts on top of a horse and buggy, and "Jolly Holiday" is actually remixed with Madonna's "Holiday" while Mary takes Jane and Michael out to buy cone bras. I can almost read my angry letter now.

June 2, 2009

Greefug

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SCOTT MICHAEL FOSTER: Hi, Spencer. I see you're wearing another pair of semi-high-waisted, fairly tight and tiny shorts.

SPENCER GRAMMER: Yes. Yes I am.

SMF: And a tank top.

SPENCER: Yup.

SMF: And a blazer, which... I don't hate on you, actually, but I just can't figure out why you look like you're headed off for a day of sailing on the S.S. Some Kind Of Wonderful.

SPENCER: Your point?

SMF: Wouldn't a skirt have been CUTER? And less... confining-looking? As usual? Do you just have a skirt allergy?

SPENCER: Well. Thank you, Mr. Fashion Plate, but I don't think I am the problem here at all.

SMF: Oh really?

SPENCER: I know your hair is always sort of... like that. And it works for your character. But is it just me, or are you going WAY more old-school David Cassidy than usual?

SMF: Well, Ms. Smarty Shorts, why don't we ask him? He's here.

DAVID CASSIDY: Hi, Scott. It's true, son. You ARE headed down Young David Cassidy Boulevard.

SMF: Does that have to be a bad thing?

SPENCER: It's just kind of distract--

DAVID: HELL NO, son! Do you have any idea how many women threw themselves at me back then? I could've gotten more ass than a sorority house toilet seat. So you GO. You grow. You cultivate the hell out of that thing and live the dream.

SMF: I am in a MUCH better mood now. I'm so glad we checked with him.

SPENCER: And I'm kind of wishing I didn't always wear things that make me look boxy.

SMF: Maybe if YOU had David Cassidy Hair, it wouldn't matter so much. I think I love it, so what are YOU so afraid of?

SPENCER: GREAT advice. Thanks.

May 4, 2009

Rumer Fuggis

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As you all know, we used to find Rumer Willis really frustrating, as one of the primary examples of celebuspawn who often act they're entitled to their own slice of the fame pie just because they are genetically tied to people we HAVE embraced. But you probably also know -- and if not, well, I'm mentioning it now -- that we can't help feeling some sympathy for the kid, too, because Demi Moore is her mother. And Demi Moore, whether with constant help or just a little here and there or just a lot of sex with her young stallion husband, appears to get hotter every time she leaves the house. So what went from annoyance at Rumer trying to bait the paps into photographing her at Kitson kind of morphed into us rooting for the kid, as she got parts in The House Bunny and tried to make it work as an actual actress who receives paychecks and might get her face on DVD packaging someday.

So let's start off with some pros: Rumer is figuring out something nice to do with her hair. And she's not wearing a dress that's hell-bent on dropping off or drooping to the side and exposing her braless boobs. These are all major advances.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

But her nice tailored suit jacket would've looked SO MUCH BETTER with something other than high-waisted hot pants that sag at the crotch, creating either the world's saddest and least manly polterwang, or the illusion that her pelvis is smirking.

Results tagged “formal shorts” from GoFugYourself

Fug City

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Fug Fug You Fug Fug, XOXO, Fugsip Fug

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Charfuglette Ronson

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Fug Or Fab, Kate Walsh/Prifug Practice

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Fugll and Fugson

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Scrolldown Fug: Whitney Port

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Fugloe Fugvigny

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Big Fug

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Greefug

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Rumer Fuggis

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