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June 8, 2009

Tony Awards Fug/Well Played: Hope Davis and Marcia Gay Harden

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MARCIA GAY HARDEN: Let's be frank. I look kind of great tonight.

HOPE DAVIS: I...don't. Damn it.

MARCIA: Did you see me on Damages this last season? I was sort of really sexy, right? Even if my character did kind of drift off into nowhere. After all those cracks over the last few years about how I'm a "handsome" woman. I'm looking GOOD lately. I think it's the hair.

HOPE: The hair is kind of big tonight, don't you --

MARCIA: Shut up, Dowdy McFrumpsville. Don't you have a junior high school dance to chaperone?

HOPE: That seems unnecessary.

MARCIA: So are your shoes.

HOPE: God, Marcia. Looking hot makes you MEAN.

MARCIA: Sorry. You just look...not as good as you COULD look. That's all. I just want you to look better. Like I do.

HOPE: Can we just do this so I can go home?

MARCIA: And fire your stylist?

HOPE: ENOUGH OUT OF YOU.

MARCIA: Sorry. I'm just drunk on my own awesome.

HOPE: I wish I were drunk, PERIOD.

March 18, 2009

My So-Called Fug

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Oh my god, Claire Danes.

I know you're recently engaged, but there's nothing in the etiquette books dictating that you are personally obligated to give all the Mother of the Bride dresses a test run yourself. And if your mother-in-law-to-be told you otherwise....honey, you've got problems brewing. Also, I'd like her to call me. I think we'd get along.

March 11, 2009

The Fug.C.

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So, it's not like I honestly think poor Adam "Please Hire Me" Brody is at home, still pining over generally-cute-as-a-button-ex Rachel Bilson. But on the off chance that he IS wandering around his house, occasionally sighing and gazing off into space as he think about What Could Have Been and wishing he could have her back....I feel like this might help with that:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com ]

GIRL. WHAT. NO. HUH? I can't think of a BETTER outfit to wear if you're planning on running into your ex, and you want him to recoil and think, "THANK GOD I got out of THAT ONE." I don't think I have EVER wanted that to happen, but maybe now that she's engaged to Hayden Whatshisnuts, she's feeling charitable. You know, about this fictional scenario I've cooked up to excuse this whole thing.

January 9, 2009

Fug Men and Fug City 2

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JANUARY JONES: Phew. I made it.

JESSICA ALBA: Me too.

JANUARY: I ran all the way from the valet. Can you tell? I feel bedraggled.

JESSICA: Your hair is a little....yeah. I can tell.

JANUARY: Well, so's yours!

JESSICA: What on earth are you talking about?

JANUARY: The bangs...and the....rest of it. You sort of look like my first grade teacher, circa 1981. She made her own flax seeds.

JESSICA: IT'S FOR A PART.

JANUARY: Does that explain your dumb-ass pants?

JESSICA: You look like you got attacked by a beaver with a sleeve fetish!

JANUARY: I AM ON A VERY CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED TELEVISION SHOW.

JESSICA: I....okay. You win.

JANUARY: I hate it when we fight.

JESSICA: Let's go find the bar.

December 16, 2008

Can't Fug You Out Of My Head

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

It was a perfectly pleasant lunch until, five minutes later, an absent-minded photographer started rooting through Kylie's pillows for loose change before attempting to stretch out and take a nap on her skirt.

November 18, 2008

The Fughood of the Traveling Pants

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Remember Fashion Plates? It was this awesome toy during my childhood in the 80s where you could mix and match tops and bottoms to design fabulously over-the-top outfits, most of which were clearly inspired by the early works of Aaron Spelling and/or anything that a Judith Krantz character would wear. Blake Lively here looks like she's been patronizing a designer who got into his fashion plates with tragic results:

On top? Sexy and flattering. From the rib cage down, she's an extra on Little House on the Prairie. In case you were wondering, that is not a combination that ever happens in nature.

October 21, 2008

The Two Fuggers

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So, correct me if I'm wrong, but this is the first step in Gwynnie's attempt to take over Mary-Kate Olsen's identity, right?

First, the long, Goth-y, furry get-ups. Next, the center-parted blond hair. And finally, of course, the sort of sourly pursed lips. Expect soon to see her adopt the following, in no particular order: a Starbucks cup perm-attached to her right hand; a giant purse made of some kind of rare, fuzzy animal; a disregard for pants; a renewed affection for items with holes in them; a very similar -- but more cheerful-looking -- personal hanging around with her on occasion; and, finally, a DeLorean so that she can travel to the past, make a series of movies in which she plays twins who get into hilarious scrapes while on vacation with clueless but loving parents, and emerge a bazillionaire. It's not the worst plan I've ever heard.

October 7, 2008

Fug or Fab (Except Mostly Fug): Sarah Paulson

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I wanted to like this, I really did:

I don't know WHY. Maybe because it's a nice color, and there's something romantic about the filmy sleeves -- if Grace Farrell were to flit about her employer's mansion dancing with the gardener and crooning songs about adopting plucky orphan girls whom she enjoys taking to the movies, then she might do it today in something like the above. But I think it's kind of a disaster on Sarah. I can't tell if it's the design or her posture or both, but her shoulders look slouchy and saggy, like she is on the tail end of heaving a huge sigh. I can't tell where her boobs are. And, also potentially to do with the way she's standing and/or the cut of the sleeves, it makes her look vexingly emaciated in the torso region. Also, her blush is orange. And I don't think the haircut suits her face shape. Plus, she looks smug. Nobody associated with Studio 60 has a right to look that smug. in fact, because of that turd of a show, she and everyone else should be apologizing to the world for the next two years.

Hmm, apparently I have stronger negative feelings toward this whole affair than I thought. Well, I TRIED. I really did. But I'd still like to hear from you:

poll by twiigs.com

September 26, 2008

Fug Anything

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Pop quiz: You have tickets to Broadway's opening performance of Naked Daniel Radcliffe. You probably shouldn't be so excited, because there are horses involved, but you can't help it because little Harry Potter is all grown up now and he's pretty damn cute, and it's all legal, so everyone should just CHILL and enjoy the fine, fine acting.

Would you:

a) Try and look as cute as possible, because a night out on the town is worth some hot shoes;

b) Brush your hair and put on some mascara; or

c) Dress up like an ER nurse who, on her way to her night job at the soup kitchen, got cornered at one of those old-timey photo booths where they put a costume on you and then snap your picture in sepia-tones.

[Photo: WENN]

Well, I guess they do say that when in doubt, pick c.

September 19, 2008

How To Fug Friends And Alienate People

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I feel like the Dakota Fanning heads in those posters are glaring at Kirsten Dunst, all, "Oh, GREAT. Is THIS what I have to look forward to from my twenties?" Because as charming a person as Kirsten might be, this outfit just makes me depressed:

It's just so SAD. The shlumpy blue camisole, the little string suspenders attached to her sack skirt that doesn't appear to fit, those piffling white flats, no makeup, bangs in her face... seriously, "sad sack" is the phrase. If 80 percent of Paul Giamatti's resume could be interpreted sartorially, it would look like this. And it's confusing, because I thought Kirsten was dating Justin Long. Isn't he packing some kind of magic man-wand? Remember how glowy Drew Barrymore got while they were hot and heavy? I mean, he's freaking MAC, for God's sake. According to all those 30-second spots on my TV, everything he touches turns to happy. So what are you waiting for, man? TOUCH HER, JUSTIN. TOUCH HER LIKE YOU MEAN IT.

Results tagged “frumpathon” from GoFugYourself

Tony Awards Fug/Well Played: Hope Davis and Marcia Gay Harden

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My So-Called Fug

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The Fug.C.

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Fug Men and Fug City 2

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Can't Fug You Out Of My Head

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The Fughood of the Traveling Pants

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The Two Fuggers

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Fug or Fab (Except Mostly Fug): Sarah Paulson

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Fug Anything

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How To Fug Friends And Alienate People

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