Results tagged “illusory baby bumps” from GoFugYourself

November 9, 2009

Fug and Grace

I really miss that terrible show Debra Messing was on last year. You remember. Judy Davis was using it to pay the rent. Vampire Bill was on it when it was a mini-series, as Debra's boyfriend, who happened to be both homeless AND a murderer but still was supposed to be seen as a legitimate catch, like I know it's hard to be single in Los Angeles but come on. And he was truly terrible, so bad that I think he must thank God every day that he landed on True Blood, where his slightly wooden affect works well for his uptight-yet-largely-nude vampire character. I can't remember what it was called, but I miss it, and clearly Debra has sunk into a deep depression regarding its cancellation, because what else could possibly explain...any of this?

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I mean, a secret pregnancy would explain the cut of the dress. But nothing save for depression/head injury/a misguided attempt to switch to lo-flow shower heads could possibly explain the styling. Sugarplum, ain't no shame in throwing up your hands and just wearing a ponytail. You feel me?

Penelope Cruz was all over the place this weekend -- drumming up early press for Nine, I guess.

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[Photo: Splash News]

Also, judging from this photo, doing an artful impression of some of the 1980s' most trendily-decorated breakfast rooms, all covered in white trellis and redolent of wicker and Morgan Fairchild and white wine spritzers. Someone somewhere is surely looking at her and thinking, "I can't wait to serve a quiche on that."

Luckily, she went out on Sunday night looking a bit less like somewhere you'd go for brunch with your grandma:

April 30, 2009

We Own the Fug

Oh, honey.

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I don't know where your girlfriends were when you tried this on, but you needed their help. Surely, you have someone in your life who will tilt her head to the right and say, "hmmmm. I don't LOVE it," or, "I don't know. It does something weird to your waist," or "Oh GOD NO," because if you don't think some associate editor at some tabloid hasn't pulled this picture in hopes of running a story titled, "EVA'S BABY JOY" you are sadly mistaken.

Note: if you are, in fact, in the throes of BABY JOY, congrats, and now we all know. But if, in fact, you are merely in the throes of digesting a delicious sandwich, maybe next time try something with a bit more structure, don't you think? Excellent. I knew you would be reasonable about this.
Is Amber Valletta pregnant?

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No, I'm not being sarcastic. I am genuinely curious. Google refuses to tell me. If she IS, she certainly looks comfortable in this roomy gown, although I am concerned that the pattern may cause seizures in those around her. And if she's not, she herself may have a seizure of rage when she discovers that people are wondering if she is. Oh, roomy gowns. You're so comfortable...and yet so rife with the potential for hilarious baby-daddy misunderstandings.

September 11, 2008

Come On Fug

So, because we're at Fashion Week and totally crazy, it is possible that I missed the explanation for why Jessica Simpson showed up on Today wearing...well, this:

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[Photo: Splash News]


So, that is...how to put this? Unflattering? Please tell me she's doing some skit in which she shoves a pillow under her dress to simulate pregnancy -- as I did as a child on occasion, much as I would use a towel on my head to simulate being a nun/being a bride/having long hair -- and not that she's chosen a dress that makes her look....well, more protrude-y than she actually is. Although, frankly, even when one is out shopping for a prankster gown in which to play mom-to-be to really put the fear of God in one's boyfriend, one can always pick something that didn't look like it fell off the back of the truck heading toward the Dress Barn outlet. Am I right?
August 19, 2008

The House Fuggy

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[Photo: Splash News]

ANNA FARIS: Hi Katharine! Congratulations! How exciting.

KATHARINE MCPHEE: Thanks! But, what for?

ANNA: The baby!

KATHARINE: Oh, I'm not pregnant. Those pictures going around are from a movie set. It's fake.

ANNA: What pictures? I'm talking about your shirt. Why the hell would you wear that shirt if you're not actually pregnant?

KATHARINE: I don't know. It's summer. Rumer, what do you think?

ANNA: Who is Rumer?

KATHARINE: The girl standing next to you. She was in the movie with us. Rumer Wil--

ANNA: I don't know what you mean. There is no one standing next to me.

KATHARINE: But...

ANNA: NO ONE. Anyway. Maybe if you stood up straight, it would help. Are you SURE you're not pregnant?

KATHARINE: Yep. See? Check me out later:
June 19, 2008

My New BFFug

There is something mildly hilarious to me about Paris Hilton's latest ploy for attention, by which I mean the way she's clearly trying to seduce us all into believe that she is with child:

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[Photo: INFDaily.com]

Since she was recently spied whooping it up and drinking heavily, I assume Benji Madden's seed has not yet found purchase in her womb. And yet no one in the world could convince me that Paris isn't trying to make us suspect otherwise with this particular choice of outfit -- and posture. The top itself is actually rather cute (though the leather jacket is a bit heavy on it), but I guarantee you that it was chosen for Maximum Bump-ability. Paris is the only non-pregnant woman in the world who would welcome people wondering when she is due, rather than frantically making plans to hit the gym, thanks to her own desperate need for attention. You know you're frantic to steal the spotlight when you put on a top and say, "does this make me look kind of pregnant? AWESOME." And yet I confess that I hope this turns into a full-on faux pregnancy -- complete with a bag of flour strapped to her belly and beatific smiles for the paparazzi as they catch her skipping out of the OBGYN -- if only because it will be so amusing when her scam is revealed. Can't you see the cover of US Weekly? Faking a pregnancy is even juicier than going to jail!
February 7, 2008

A Fugly Heart

So, either Angelina Jolie is pregnant or she isn't, but regardless, she has got to stop with the glorified muumuus. Brad can't even look at her.


[Photo: Splash News]

Seriously, when Blanche Deveraux meets an attractive man -- who, almost invariably, has an unsightly mustache and/or is so old that all the sex jokes they make about her become incredibly ooky -- this is the type of thing she wears to dinner with him before she runs home and gets the girls together to talk about something shocking about him (he's married! He's blind! He eats babies!) that was revealed at the end of Act One. And listen, I know we bring up The  Golden Girls a lot; I hear that. But lest we forget, that show is one of society's greatest touchstones and giver of precious insights into the dietary and clothing preferences of the aged. The other afternoon, while we furiously blogged about some fashion show Sophia Bush was probably at, we caught part of an episode in which Dorothy wore a sweater and a button-down WITH A TIE over sweatpants, and then followed it up with wearing three different sweaters layered over one another and paired with a long skirt. Magical. And there was cheesecake involved.

Back to the point. The thing is, Angie, it doesn't matter to us whether you are stoked-and-wowed McConaughey-style about the life or lives growing in your womb, or you're just really into eating salt from the container and can't fight the ensuing bloat. It's all good. But you are ANGELINA JOLIE. You can dress better than this, no matter what the truth of your waistline is.

Whether or not Angelina Jolie is actually pregnant, she sure knows how to make sure the rumors are swirling like the chocolate-vanilla soft-serve cone she might be dipping pickles and cheese into:

And Brad knows how to feed into rumors that he is in need of a three-day nap. But Angelina... I have to say, she really can wear almost anything and look fantastic. I still find myself wishing it were, say, blood red -- you know, since she doesn't have to worry about it being too matchy with her vial of Type AB or whatever --  but on the whole you could pleat a Hefty bag and Angelina would work it. Of course, if she's NOT pregnant, then this choice is a little more confusing. Surely she is be-fetused, though, right? It's Angie. She's not going to veer off the freeway at the Caftan City exit, past the Cheesecake Factory at the Rue McClanahan Rest Stop and Service Plaza, unless she's playing coy with the contents of her womb.

January 12, 2006

The Whole Fug Yards

The Amanda Peet waistwatch continues.

Is she pregnant? Again, hard to tell, but she is certainly favoring clothes that make her look pear-shaped. I mean, there's a whole pear tree under there.

Of course, she's also favoring clothes that make her look like she walked out of Express in 1991 -- except even then, we knew not to wear thick black tights and loafers -- so maybe she's not pregnant, and simply stuck in a scary wayback-machine style rut.

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