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May 18, 2009

Possibly-Soon-To-Be-Less-Random Fug: Katerina Graham

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It's nice to see Katerina Graham -- first featured on Friday with this fug buffet, but well on her way to a Fug Madness berth if she can manage to keep getting invited places -- demonstrating such a keen sense of occasion.

[Photo: Splash News]

It's so moving to see that, at a benefit for the L.A. children's hospital, Katerina is honoring all the sick kids out there with a deeply sensitive strapless bra; a tender tank top that says "Dime Piece," and features a melting lipstick and salivating tongue, lest we miss the point that she is super hot and bang-worthy; and one of those earring-necklaces that Rihanna wore the other week. It's all just so sensitive. In fact, the most generous gift to the children of all is those leggings -- with those, she can teach the infirmed wee ones to spell. You know, things like "WTF," or "OMG," or "This dime piece is crazy," or, "Remind me to ask where she shops and then never go there."

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Helena Christensen

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So many things about this photo depress me.

1) That Helena Christensen, famed supermodel and -- thanks to Chris Isaak and that "Wicked Game" video -- once the hottest thing to frolic in the sand since Bo Derek, felt the need to show up to an event hosted by Anna Wintour in a dress that clumsily spells the name of her magazine, as if Helena is begging for a pat on the back from her master;

2) That Zac Posen, who allegedly designed the dress, felt the need to design a dress for an event hosted by Anna Wintour that clumsily spells the name of her magazine, as if Zac is begging for a pat on the back from his master;

3) That no one has yet written the ice dance, ballet, or pep dance-team routine that depicts the rise of A-Dubs and her various conquests along the way -- -- which is, as we noted yesterday for NY Mag, the ONLY appropriate context for this outfit -- and which includes a tender pas-de-deux between Anna and the dude playing Andre Leon Talley, who would wear a cape, moccasins, and a beret glued to his head;

4) That Zac didn't accidentally misspell Vogue, because that would have been hilarious. And a fitting punishment, methinks.

November 21, 2005

Tracy Fuggins

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important messages

Hey, y'all! Have you heard about TEAM TRACY?

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Hi! I'm actress Tracy Scoggins. You may have loved me on Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman, as the chick who wasn't Teri Hatcher but who oozed sex. You might also have enjoyed my work in The Colby's as Monica, the Colby who oozed sex, or in Demonic Toys, Babylon 5, Asylum of the Damned, and Jury Duty: A Comedy, as the __________ who had a bright smile. Oh, and who oozed sex.

And if you did enjoy me in any of those things, or if you intended to but never got around to it because the VCR ate your tape of that one episode where Lois and Clark flirted and I panted a lot and wore tight things, then this is a call to arms. I need you -- YOU -- to join TEAM TRACY. I'm bored of doing jazzercise. I'm tired of sitting at home BeDazzling my own pants pockets while hurling rhinestones at Desperate Housewives. And I am two face lifts away from being Joan Rivers. I need HELP. I need a comeback.

And there is no time like the present: I'm clearly still as young and fresh as ever. I mean, I dress like I'm 10. I look like I'm 10... ish. If I left this party and hopped on a pink bike with Laguna Beach trading cards in the spokes and long pink and silver streamers sticking out of the handles, you would not blink. You would simply think I am young at heart and FAR TOO OLD to be washed up. By FAR. Plus, I'm about to appear in some of the best work of my life -- The Cutter, which is not about tragic teen angst but in fact about a detective who helps a jeweller. And it stars... wait for it... CHUCK NORRIS. Yes. The star wattage around this movie is intense, so it's never too late to start the campaign for people to use this as a springboard into getting me parts in things that people actually watch without feeling kind of dirty afterward.

So, invest now in a TEAM TRACY shirt, which you can wear to black-tie events, spinning class, or even to my agent's house if you feel like standing outside the gate with an accompanying sign that says, "Longin' for Scoggin'...s," or"You Can't Spell 'OSCAR' Without Several Of The Letters In 'TRACY SCOGGINS' And Then Also An 'R.'" We need to get me back on the list of Hollywood hellcats (I was even in a movie called Mr. Hell, if that helps). It's time, darlings. Put the Scog back in your hearts."

October 20, 2005

Fugtown Julie Brown

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important messages

Well, it's not like I expect "Downtown" Julie Brown to show up looking all sedate and stuff, but dude:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb]

This is a bit...Lori Petty by way of Jocelyn Wildenstein crossed with Amelia Earhart and topped with a fedora for me.

September 22, 2005

Fugadise!

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Ever the mistress of subtlety, I present to you Miss Tara Reid:

If you have to write it on your ass, it might not be true.

July 27, 2005

Pauley Fugette

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important messages

I know most people don't know Pauley Perette, because -- to their credit -- none of them watched her in the Jennifer Love Hewitt mistake Time Of Your Life, and really, let's be honest here, nobody you know watches her in that JAG spinoff, either, no matter how well it's doing in the ratings. And if you did happen to catch her two-episode stint on Dawson's Creek as The Beek's therapist, you likely didn't get a good look at her face because you were so busy praying that she'd go literal for one second and actually shrink his head.

So, all that non-recognition just makes it more awkward when she shows up in a t-shirt with her name stamped on it:

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Making yourself into a walking ID badge at a media event... well, that's just a tiny bit misguided, don't you think? This doesn't say, "I'm in a cool bowling league when I'm not wowing you in that show I'm on -- you know, that show on CBS," nor is her name up there in a quaint "This is my old shirt from my days as a Sandwich Artist and I'm wearing it to prove that I remember my roots" kind of way. This is not a subtle, careless emblazoning. This is a billboard. And, at a network shindig pimping the new fall shows, it's also basically an embarrassing memory-aid. One thing I will credit Courtney Peldon with: When she shows up at an event at which she seems bizarrely out of place, she at least acts like everyone should know who she is and why she's there. She sells it. Pauley Perrette, I fear, looks like she is wearing a homemade cheat sheet.

Maybe there's another explanation. Perhaps she is an ardent fan of Jane Pauley, and is wearing this as part of a global fan-club effort to revive her cancelled talk show/reliable hour of naptime on the couch. Or, maybe she's a Pauly Shore devotee who can't spell. Or, and I think we've hit on it here, mayhap she simply worships the eerily skilled portrayal of "Pilot" by actress Jess Pauley in the hit film Stuff Stephanie In The Incinerator.

Because otherwise, she's just That Actress Who Wore Her Name On Her Shirt At TCAs, Assuming (Correctly) That We Wouldn't Remember Who She Is Or Why She's Invited, and that's sort of a depressing label.

May 4, 2005

My Fuggy Valentine

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Am I alone in wishing Camilla Parker-Bowles had chosen this for her royal wedding? The Queen would have fainted:

This foretells a glorious trend of Ad Space Couture -- the Gala Event equivalent of hiring a plane to fly over a football field with a banner. Picture it: Karolina Kurkova showing up at the daytime Emmys in a dress that says, "Hi Mom in Omaha! Love, Joe-Bob." Or at a Broadway opening wearing a cape in which Frank begs Martha, "Please keep it! We can get married!"

Or, better, at the Oscars, with a shimmering train made out of a satin down comforter similar to the one she's wearing now; one that reads, "We Hate What You're Wearing." Divine.

Results tagged “important messages” from GoFugYourself

Possibly-Soon-To-Be-Less-Random Fug: Katerina Graham

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Met Ball Fug Carpet: Helena Christensen

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Tracy Fuggins

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Fugtown Julie Brown

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Fugadise!

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Pauley Fugette

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My Fuggy Valentine

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