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September 10, 2009

Fug Fug You Fug Fug, XOXO, Fugsip Fug

Fug file:

MISCHA BARTON: Hey, Taylor.

TAYLOR MOMSEN: Hi, Mischa. How are you feeling?

MISCHA: Well enough to wear unflattering formal shorts!

TAYLOR: Aha! So you're back to normal.

MISCHA: I thought I was off-limits for criticism due to my recent, very sad mental trauma.

TAYLOR: Oops. You are.

MISCHA: Thank you.

TAYLOR: Although now you're claiming it was wisdom-tooth pain and not any deep psychological pain, so maybe you're NOT off-limits after all.

MISCHA: Well, just to be safe, let's leave me alone for a while and focus on YOU. Because you have problems.

TAYLOR: I do?

MISCHA. HONEY.

TAYLOR: ... I guess I AM wearing a really expensive tube top. Like, REALLY expensive.

MISCHA: You look like a bad special effect in Twilight. Please pull yourself together before you, too, suffer from heinous wisdom-tooth pain.

TAYLOR: I'll think about it. But first, I HAVE to ask you one more thing.

MISCHA: Fire away.

TAYLOR: WHY is your new show called The Beautiful Life: TBL? What is that about?

MISCHA: Isn't it AMAZING? They should change your show to Gossip Girl: GG.

TAYLOR: Are you joking? It's like an extra-stupid reversal of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. I mean, hello, by the time we get to the colon, we all already know what "TBL" stands for.

MISCHA: We do?

TAYLOR: ... What did you think the colon-TBL was about?

MISCHA: I thought it was, like, the airport code for a REALLY EXCLUSIVE private airstrip in New York.

TAYLOR: ... Yeah, I think we're done here. Seriously, I'm glad you're okay. Stay strong.

MISCHA: Thanks.

August 31, 2009

NBCFug Los Angeles

Fug file:

Oh, Local Newscaster Colleen Williams.

You are standing next to Chuck Henry's hair, which is going full Jimmy Johnson, and yet I'm not even paying attention because of your awkward boobs-on-a-satin-platter top and those gold harem trousers. HONEY. This is going to be so awkward. Because now every time I watch the news and you tell me about tragic evacuations in the wildfire-ravaged areas, all I will be thinking is, "You needed to be evacuated... FROM THOSE PANTS. And not in a sexy way."

July 16, 2009

Fugll and Fugson

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KRISTEN BELL: Heh-heh. Heh.

RACHEL BILSON: What? Why are you laughing like an idiot?

KRISTEN: Oh, uh, nothing. Never mind. Hee. HEE.

RACHEL: This is going to get real annoying, real fast.

KRISTEN: It's just... HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF? HA!

RACHEL: What's wrong with me?

KRISTEN: Oh, I don't know. Could it be that you're wearing cuffed bermuda shorts and a matching blazer in LAMÉ?!?

RACHEL: So? If anyone could pull this off, it's me.

KRISTEN: Julia Roberts wore that outfit in Pretty Woman, except it was in orange, it was culottes, and it was 1990, and she was a hooker who didn't know better.

RACHEL: Oh, come on, admit it -- you secretly think I am working this.

KRISTEN: NEVER. In fact, I think that's the outfit Doc Brown rejected before he went back to 1985 wearing that mustard-colored caftan.

RACHEL: Well, before you throw a stone, maybe look at yourself.

KRISTEN: What's wrong with ME?

RACHEL: You got suckered into wearing one of those messy-looking dresses that seems to be sewn to a tank top. And doesn't look like it fits.

KRISTEN: HA! That's all you've got? Oh, Bilson, I win this one.

RACHEL: Maybe this battle, yeah, but not the war. UNTIL NEXT TIME, Tank Girl.

KRISTEN: Bring it, Cuffs.

June 19, 2009

The Williams Fugsters

Fug file:

[Photo: WENN.com]

VENUS: Um, Serena?

SERENA: Um, Venus?

VENUS: So... you have your own fashion line, right?

SERENA: Yep.

VENUS: And therefore it's fair to say people want you to design clothes that will be sold for money?

SERENA: Hells yeah.

VENUS: And therefore it's ALSO fair to say that people must think you are stylish?

SERENA: Uh-huh.

VENUS: And yet you are wearing those pants?

SERENA: Damn skippy.

VENUS: ... Did you think that one through?

SERENA: Chill, sis -- you have a degree in fashion design, and you're wearing a satin dress with a built-in tuxedo bib.

VENUS: But I still look sort of fabulous, as opposed to you in your gold lame genie pants with a crotch so low it could hide the Wimbledon men's trophy in it if you wanted to smuggle it out.

SERENA: Oh, REALLY. Well. Tell you what -- let's have a wager. If I win the tournament by beating you in the final, you have to wear these pants around London for one full day.

VENUS: Since I'm the one who has won Wimbledon FIVE TIMES, including the last two and in fact beating YOU in 2008 to take it home, I will take that bet. And if I win again, you have grant me three wishes AND burn the pants.

SERENA: Shut up, fool. I'm in.

VENUS: It's ON.

June 10, 2009

Dancing with the Fugs

Fug file:

Dear Lil' Kim:

Please never change. I mean that metaphorically. At some point, you should probably take this off before you get a yeast infection.

May 6, 2009

Fug AND Fab: Kate Hudson

Fug file:

Ooooh, so close.

These pants are doing us all the great service of illustrating how easily an unflattering cut can add like ten pounds to your body, even if you are in like crazy great celebrity shape obtained only through the magical combination of three hour work-outs and magical genes. I'm not quite sure what happened here, but, first of all, I think Kate's pants are a little too short. Add that to the shiny white fabric, the cut of the leg, and the place on her body where that boxy blazer hits, and somehow she looks like she gained whole bunch of weight overnight -- which I think is unlikely, although I have felt that way myself after a particularly vigorous go at the hot wings and beer. (Sometimes, the only thing that can save a rough week is some wings, you know?) I am not sure how I would fix this, other than not wearing the jacket and the pants together EVER EVER again. Because I feel like the jacket could be cute with a skirt that shows some leg, and the pants might be okay with a different shoe and a more body conscious top. OR -- here's a great idea -- maybe she should just wear this again:

Continue reading Fug AND Fab: Kate Hudson.

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Molly Sims

Fug file:

I have to think that some of the Met Ball attendees misunderstood the "Models As Muse" theme and thought it was, "Models AMUSE."

Because former model Molly Sims is cracking me up here. She looks like she's wearing Blake Carrington's living room sofa. Bless.

February 2, 2009

DGA Awards Fug Carpet: Virginia Madsen

Fug file:

So, when I was a young girl, I had a subscription to Seventeen and also, of course, to Sassy. Can I just take a minute and reflect on how much I loved Sassy? I wish I'd kept all my issues of it, but obviously I was not to know that fifteen years later I would think to myself, "I really wish I still had that issue of Sassy where they mentioned that hitting yourself in the mouth with a brick is not a good substitute for collagen injections, or the one where Evan Dando gives his recipe for tacos, or the one where Tori Spelling gives the writer a tour of her condo and the writer is like clearly really kind of unimpressed by how dumb Tori is, but then grudgingly admits she seems kind of nice." But this is not about Sassy. It is about how when I was, say, fifteen -- which seems to be the ideal age to READ Seventeen, at least then -- one of the spring issues of Seventeen would be devoted entirely to the prom, and it would come complete with like SERIOUSLY FIFTEEN PAGES of an ad buy from some large-scale purveyor of prom dresses. This was stuck in the middle of the magazine almost like a little catalog. It was AWESOME, in part because many of the dresses were CRAZY. They were all very shiny, for one thing -- often overlaid with black lace -- and there was ALWAYS at least two that came with a hoop skirt. And I am pretty sure that probably long-dead Promatorium provided Virginia Madsen's dress here:

If only she had a matching parasol, then I would be POSITIVE.

October 15, 2008

Dirty Fugly Money

Fug file:

It's nice to see that Tamara Feldman is getting herself some interesting work. I mean, she went from guest roles on Dirty Sexy Money and Gossip Girl...

... to a starring turn as Joan of Arc in the traveling production of Ice Crusades. I hear the scene where God speaks to her during a triple toe-loop is stirring.

October 1, 2008

The Fuggy

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How apt that I stumbled across a Nicholle Tom photo JUST as I was watching her deeply important turn as Sue Scanlon on Beverly Hills, 90210: The Original And Still The Best. Poor little Sue -- the baby sister of Dead Scott -- desperately wanted to break off a piece of that storied David Silver ass, and made a freshman splash at West Beverly by running to the bathrooms right as she arrived at school to swap her mother-approved prairie dress for leggings and miniskirts, tight shirts and/or things that showed her bra, and crimson lipstick.

[Photo: WENN]

So my question is: Now, more than 15 years later, does Nicholle ALSO still change back into some Laura Ingalls clothes before she leaves the party? Because if she bumps into the lady who played Mrs. Scanlon at Whole Foods, she's gonna be so grounded.

Results tagged “lamé” from GoFugYourself

Fug Fug You Fug Fug, XOXO, Fugsip Fug

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The Williams Fugsters

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Dancing with the Fugs

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Fug AND Fab: Kate Hudson

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Met Ball Fug Carpet: Molly Sims

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DGA Awards Fug Carpet: Virginia Madsen

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Dirty Fugly Money

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