Lindsay is sort of doing that thing to me that boys do, you know, when they want to break up with you but they don't really want to have to actually break up with you, so they act all weird to sort of goad you into breaking up with THEM. Like, okay, first of all, she's dating Brett Ratner? Linds. Honey. Look, I'm sure he's sort of fun and amusing, but it just doesn't look good for you to be dating him, can't you see that? Why don't you date someone more age appropriate? What about, like...say, Topher Grace? He's a good actor, he's handsome, he's never photographed out and about all drunk and disorderly, he's never slept with Paris Hilton -- as far as we know -- he seems to come from a very stable family, and I'm sure he can read. Doesn't that sound nice? Come on! Don't you want to be in a stable relationship, where you're not ENDLESSLY replaying your daddy issues? No? Okay, fine.
Then let's talk about the outfits.
The thing about this outfit is that almost -- I said almost -- every individual piece of it is fine. Working from the bottom up:
But together? All this together? It's so Crazy Destitute Nutjob With Great Shoes. THAT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT. Even the paparazzo behind you is all, "girl. PLEASE."
When did Kimberly Caldwell** turn into Pink?
[Photo by Daily Celeb.]
** You might also ask, "When did Kimberly Caldwell turn into somebody about whom I should care?" The answer is actually never -- she is on the TV Guide Channel now, I believe, having squeezed a wee globule of a career from her stint on season two of American Idol as Husky-Voiced Squinty Blonde With Crimping Habit And Overplucked Meg Ryan Arches, a.k.a. Carrie Underwood Without The Talent, a.k.a. The Kimberl(e)y From That Season Who Didn't Have The Voice To Go Anywhere But To A Local Biker Bar.
I know Simon erroneously and unfairly needled Caldwell about her weight, but I feel like starving herself into a clone of a tranny-esque singer -- and dieting off half of her sleeves, apparently -- was a bit of an extreme response.
Kimberly Stewart has really outdone herself here as far as embracing today's most fugly trends.
The skeezy, Britney Spears style unwashed mega-mini with the allegedly preppy tie as a belt? [Note: if we can almost see your girlie bits, it ain't that preppy. Just so you know.] Check. The no-longer-even-trendy trucker hat, cocked so jauntily that we can't even see your drugged out, spoiled little eyes? Check. The -- dear God, I can barely type it -- legwarmers? Check. The squirrelly lapdog, praying for the sweet escape of death as opposed to finding himself shoved into a handbag yet again? Check.
A book, huh? Is it just stuff you already put on the Web site?
Nope, we wrote the whole thing fresh, just for you.
Awesome. In that case, I want to read it!
Thank you! Click here to find out all the details!
