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November 18, 2009

Breakup Fugovers

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makeover madness

There's nothing like an irrational, anger-fueled trip to the salon after an ugly breakup -- it's the kind of experience where you end up with bangs you can't pull off, a pixie cut that makes your ears look the size of eggplants, or highlights that look like you just pulled out a Major Accent and colored them in yourself.

Neither of these makeovers is THAT severe, but because we love to put things to a vote on GFY, I figured I'd spotlight them anyway. First up: Ashlee Simpson. Now, Ashlee just got dumped rather unceremoniously by Melrose Place, because she can't act. (However, her character is supposed to be unhinged, so her complete lack of talent actually ended up working to make Violet seem MORE deranged, and therefore I'm totally bummed she got canned. Chin up, girl, at least you got to nail Michael Mancini before the door hit you on the way out.) And Ashlee coped with this parting-of-the-ways with a new dye job.

Here she is before:

[Photos of Ashlee: Splash News]

Note: I am not endorsing the hat or the overalls.

And here she is now:

Continue reading Breakup Fugovers.

September 17, 2009

Katharfug McPhee

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Have we talked about what a bad idea this is?

And I'm not talking about the dress -- although I could be, because girl, I can see things. Private things. And those private things, as bathed in the nosy light of the camera flashes, appear to be the same color as Katharine McPhee's dye job.

I can't figure out why she did it. If this is for a role, I will laugh, because I feel like if you are hiring Katharine McPhee for your movie, you're not doing it because she's a chameleonic actress of the highest caliber -- you're doing it because the nation fell in love with her on American Idol and wanted to invite her over to dinner. So having her not LOOK like Katharine McPhee is kind of a drawback.

Of course, Katharine McPhee might be sick of looking like Katharine McPhee, and I respect that. We all like a change every now and then. But generally don't we like to stick to flattering ones? That color and cut evoke nothing so much as Kelly Taylor: The Cult Years, when she got sucked in by one of her professors and Brandon and Dylan had to work together to get her out; and also, Kelly Taylor: Single White-Blond Female, during which time Kelly went to rehab for coke addiction and her roommate Tara became obsessed with her and came home one day with an identical hairstyle. Those were, dare I say it, extremely low points for our plucky heroine, and are very unfortunate visual associations for Katharine here. But I guess we can at least be thankful that she didn't go down Donna Martin Blvd. That girl changed her hair every six episodes and STILL never found a combination that worked.

poll by twiigs.com

August 12, 2009

Teen Choice Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Audrina Patridge

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This one has been brewing for a while now, but I keep forgetting to wax confused by it. Behold Audrina Patridge, having completed -- presumably -- her transformation into having more fun:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

It's not that she looks so terrible as a blonde, but... really? Did The Hills need another blonde? Granted, the only other brunettes on that show are Stacy The Bartender, who injected idiotic fake drama into the Speidi relationship with all the skill and enthusiasm of someone trying to shove a brick through a tennis racket, and the terminally drippy Jayde -- girlfriend of the terminally cheesy Brody Jenner. So I can't say I blame Audrina for wanting to distance herself from that aesthetic. But she was also THE brunette on the show for a long time, and there's no way anyone who watches is going to mistake her for either of those other two yokels, so why she felt the need to make herself just like everyone else on The Hills is beyond me. She doesn't even get to fall back on being The One With The Giant Fake Boobs, because Heidi got there first. Too bad, so sad.

While we're here: I can't even work up a criticism of the outfit because it's just sort of there. (Kind of like Audrina herself at times.) The shoes are fun and I like the bag, but maybe not together -- certainly not both of them with that fuchsia. And the dress is kind of sagging on her boob job, which in many respects defeats the purpose of getting a boob job -- and seriously, honey, if you're insistent on wearing a strapless dress, can't you at least get out the power sander and slough off those tan lines?

Huh. Turns out I could work up a criticism on the outfit. Who knew?

poll by twiigs.com

August 10, 2009

Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Various Kardashians

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KYLIE JENNER: Um, hello? Isn't anyone going to stop this?

KENDALL JENNER: Seriously. SOMEBODY dropped the ball here.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN: Security!

KIM KARDASHIAN: What do you mean?

KYLIE: Ew, it's TALKING to us!

KENDALL: I am FURIOUS that they let random fans just WALK UP TO US. Don't they know who we ARE?

KOURTNEY: Well, nobody knows who YOU are, honey.

KYLIE: Oh, please, most people don't know who you are either.

KIM: They know who I am!

KENDALL: The hell? Why would they know who you are, Random Stranger?

KIM: Guys, it's me. Kim.

KOURTNEY: No it's not. I would know my own sister.

KENDALL: You look nothing like Kim, you lying strumpet.

KIM: Dudes, for real, it's ME. I just got a breakup tan and the Audrina Patridge Special on my hair.

KYLIE: I don't believe you.

KOURTNEY: Well, hang on, Kim HAS been yakking on Twitter about changing her hair.

KIM: Right! And now that I'm single, IT'S ON! Where you AT, Tony Romo?

KOURTNEY: I'm not sure how I feel about it.

KIM: Well, I am not sure how I feel about your dress. Is it a magic carpet that you bought in Santa Fe?

KOURTNEY: Oooh, it's a bitch! Then it's DEFINITELY Kim.

KIM: Very funny.

poll by twiigs.com

May 11, 2009

The Fugbournes: Reloaded

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Say what you will about Kelly Osbourne's usual Goth-ish look -- and we have -- I did actually LIKE the black hair on her. She has the most gorgeous porcelain skin, and when she didn't cake on the makeup like it was nourishing her inner aspect, GOOP-style, I think she looked rather lovely.

So this disappointed me:

I object to Kelly's hair bleach. For me, it takes what was unusual about her and makes it ordinary. Her skin is still pretty, but with her usual face paint and the hair that blends right into her face, she's less striking.

Not to mention: Kelly is 25. And yes, her fiance is younger, but together in this photograph they look like they're auditioning for The Amazing Race as a mother-and-son duo wherein the mom is a secretary at the American Rock Groupies Union and the boy is an elf who jumped out of a Tolkein novel. It's unsettling. I'm afraid Gollum is about to jump out of Kelly's handbag with Phil Keoghan so they can say, "WELCOME TO MORDOR, Kelly and Luke, you are Team Number ONE."

poll by twiigs.com

April 27, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kim Kardashian

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Spring is in the air, and with it, the requisite smell of hair bleach that indicates it's makeover season for anyone who's decided they have the winter doldrums.

Or in this case, it was Eau d'Whimsy: Kim Kardashian, probably terribly bored any time there aren't any fresh engagement rumors about her on the grapevine, decided to wear a honey-colored wig on the town this weekend and then Twitter about it being her new look before admitting it was a ruse. How original. How very Paris Hilton In Her Brunette Phase. Hell, even Marcia Cross did it not that long ago, causing heart attacks everywhere (read: in our respective houses) because the idea of her giving up that gorgeous red hair is deeply tragic.

Here was our girl Kim not so long ago:

[Photos: Splash News]

And here she was this weekend, pulling her "hilarious" "prank":

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Kim Kardashian.

February 19, 2009

Leighton Fugster

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At Proenza Schouler on Wednesday night, Leighton Meester debuted some brand spanking new bangs that I think we all need to discuss:

I feel a bit like I did when Rachel Bilson cut hers, which is to say, that the hair curtain is totally unnecessary and is kind of interfering with the rest of her face. I wonder if they're done filming Gossip Girl yet, because I have a hard time imagining Blair Waldorf would cut bangs unless she lost a bet with Chuck Bass or was going incognito as... well, as Rachel Bilson. I mean, for one thing, it's going to take a LOT of work to pin those suckers back under a headband without tons of spiky little flyaways poking up in the wrong direction.

But maybe I just hate change, and just as with Posh's myriad dramatic haircuts that shock and alarm me at first blush, I will grow to love the bangs and eventually become unable to imagine my life without them.

poll by twiigs.com

January 9, 2009

Critics' Choice Awards Well Played, Evan Rachel Wood

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makeover madness

Last time we saw Evan "Dita" Rachel "Von Teese" Wood, she had broken up with Marilyn Manson but was still piling on the makeup as if she were impersonating his ex. Except that Evan Rachel Wood is, like, barely 21, and needs a face full of slap about as much as I need to rub butter all over my face and then let it bake in the sun.

For a refresher, here is how she looked:

There is more where that came from -- but thankfully, that more did not come from last night. No, our girl showed up at the Critics' Choice Awards looking downright soft:

Continue reading Critics' Choice Awards Well Played, Evan Rachel Wood.

November 14, 2008

The Fug Guru

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I've been chewing on this for a while -- along with other incredibly important matters such as the economy, and my dental health, and why I have so many damn crickets getting into my house -- and I've finally decided to take a stance: I reject Jessica Alba's bangs.

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

Don't you think they're too heavy and too long for her features? I'd never have pegged her for the type who'd allow herself to be dominated, yet here she is, ceding a third of her head to an aggressive hair curtain. You can barely see her face. Of course, it also doesn't help that she appears to be wearing an ornate Best In Show medallion from a Tudor-era competition between handmaidens, to see who can polish the King's jousting stick to the most blinding shine. It's like EVERYTHING is fighting with her for attention.

poll by twiigs.com

November 11, 2008

Who The Fug...?

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Apparently, this person has worn this look out and about before, but I hadn't stumbled upon it myself -- so, without the caption on this photo from our image provider, I have no idea if I'd have figured out who this is.

I mean, PROBABLY. Especially with the help of the close-up. But she's evocative of several people -- in that vague, unsatisfying way, where I sit and stare and can't put my finger on what amalgam of celebrities she evokes, because she just looks vaguely familiar. Kind of like the time eight years ago when I saw a dude at my hotel in New York and was like, "Wait... I think I went to college with that guy! What was his name again? Shoot..." and then half an hour later I realized it was not an old school chum but in fact Giovanni Ribisi. Whom I have never met.

Many of you have probably already figured out who this is -- or saw one of her earlier appearances with the specs -- but here's a tighter shot to help anyone who's still wondering:

Continue reading Who The Fug...?.

Results tagged “makeover madness” from GoFugYourself

Breakup Fugovers

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Katharfug McPhee

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Teen Choice Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Audrina Patridge

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Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Various Kardashians

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The Fugbournes: Reloaded

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Fug or Fab: Kim Kardashian

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Leighton Fugster

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Critics' Choice Awards Well Played, Evan Rachel Wood

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The Fug Guru

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Who The Fug...?

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