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November 16, 2009

Brangefugn...Zzzzzz...

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BRAD: This artwork is so... right here.

ANGELINA: If I look for ten more seconds, is that polite enough?

BRAD: Boring.

ANGELINA: Must remember to blink.

BRAD: I hope I didn't leave any dinner in my beard.

ANGELINA Thank God, I look sufficiently boring and skinny. No one's going to pay attention to me when Brad is growing goat hair on his face.

BRAD: This thing itches. I wonder if it's rude to scratch it.

ANGELINA: Shoot, did I leave my sex-swing on?

BRAD: And I have that Miley Cyrus song in my head. Resisting... urge... to sing...

ANGELINA: I hope I didn't forget to take my knives out from under my pillow.

BRAD: Hurry up, Angie, walk away so that I can, too.

ANGELINA: Come on, Brad, move along. I'm waiting.

BRANGELINA: YAWN.

April 22, 2009

R.Fug.M.

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I'm not sure what version of Michael Stipe I find stranger: The one of yore, where he painted his eyes Solange-style so that he had on a mask of bright makeup...

[Photo: WENN.com]

... or the one that looks like he wants to borrow Daniel Day-Lewis's hat so he can star in There Will Be Blood II: No Seriously, There Will Be So Much.

January 19, 2009

Fugquin Fugnix

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So, apparently, the folks over at Defamer are calling shenanigans on Joaquin Phoenix's retirement from acting to pursue a rap career: They think Casey Affleck's supposed interest in capturing this career suicide on tape is actually a giant hoax, which will result in a mockumentary being released. It's all rather bizarre and intriguing.

Personally, I want it to be true, and to end in grand fashion when his album is a runaway hit thanks to a rap single called "Jinx Put Max In Space" -- a loving and long-overdue homage to starring in Space Camp (the B-side, of course, being "Be My Shuttle Commander," a poignant ode to the hotness of co-star Lea Thompson). But the very absurdity of the entire conceit, coupled with some of the circumstances Defamer outlines, certainly smells fishier than a tuna milkshake. Regardless of what the truth is, SOMETHING weird is happening.

[Photo: WENN]

However, why ANY of it requires Joaquin Phoenix to reimagine himself as the Unabomber is totally beyond me.

December 17, 2008

My So-Called Fug

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Haikus For Jared Leto:

J. Catalano
Your comb-over makes me sad.
Dude, why so greasy?

You were so dreamy.
Somewhere, Angela Chase is
Totally appalled.

So you're in a band.
Some rock stars are very hot.
Resolve to bathe, 'kay?

Don't you understand?
Your hotness is, like, a gift.
Wasting it is rude.

November 26, 2008

Fuglock Holmes

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Guy Richie has got to be stopped. First he had Robert Downey, Jr., growing a mustache to play Sherlock Holmes, and now he's got his Dr. Watson, Jude Law, knitting a lip-sweater too:

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

Let's step back for a second: Though Jude Law's been looking a little skanky lately, the on-screen partnership of him and RDJ (as if he's a real-life Joey Potter, it seems I am only capable of calling him either by his full name or his intials) had the potential to be a smoking hot plate of rumpled Yes, with a side dish of deep-fried Sexy. But the unflattering mustaches... they are tough. You need either to be Sam Elliott -- possessed of an astoundingly robust facial topiary -- or Jim Broadbent in Moulin Rouge (waxed and curled at the ends), or else you are left in this rather large netherworld where it is difficult to look like anything but a socially awkward and slightly clammy geography master at a British boarding school, who always gets glued to his seat by his pupils and watches EastEnders every night over a bottle of brandy and some Cup-a-Noodles. I hope the good people at Gillette stuff his stocking this Christmas.

poll by twiigs.com

November 12, 2008

Fug, je t'aime

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[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

PETER SARSGAARD: Maggie. Maggie, Maggie, Maggie.

MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL: Yes, Dad? I mean, Peter?

PETER: I don't look THAT old with this thing.

MAGGIE: Certainly not. But, just let me know if you want me to proofread your Gettysburg Address.

PETER: Oh, how interesting -- I didn't think cavepeople could read anything that wasn't scrawled on the wall in picture form. Congratulations.

MAGGIE: Touche, Tom Hanks. Give Wilson the volleyball my best.

PETER: I will! I would tell you to give my regards to Old Mrs. Henderson's beloved cats, but I suspect they have shuffled off this mortal coil. In related news, your hairy life preserver smells like Whiskas.

MAGGIE: God, all this passive-aggression is getting me hot.

PETER: Let's clasp hands and think about passion.

MAGGIE: And shaving.

PETER: Sure.

September 10, 2008

Celebrity Skeeve Watch: Adrien Brody

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"Dude, what? This isn't the 'Raid Ant-And-Roach-Killer Present: A Tribute To Vincent Gallo' party? DAMMIT. I AM SO GULLIBLE."

August 14, 2008

Iron Fug

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Okay, I've been ignoring this, in the hope that I would wake up and find out it was all a dream -- that the men's gymnastics all-around wasn't crazy sloppy, that my TiVo didn't forget to record Big Brother, and that Robert Downey, Jr., looks the same as he ever did. But alas, it's time to wake up and smell the mustache wax.

[Photo: Splash News]

Oh, you can try to smile, Robert, and you can try to charm your way back into my heart. And you will probably succeed, because let's face it, you are awesome. The entire reason I took to the whole Denny Duquette character on Grey's Anatomy, at least initially, is because Jeffrey Dean Morgan kind of resembles you, and if you two were to play brothers in something soon, the resulting fiery conflagration would be due to America's collective loins burning with approval.

No no, Robert, do not look so pleased with yourself. Because there is the matter of that thing on your lip. It's true that I tend to be predisposed against mustaches. I'm an anti-stacheite. There are exceptions -- Tom Selleck is an icon, and although I do not find this man attractive, Victor Newman on Y&R would be NOTHING to me if other characters could not refer to him derisively as The Mustache behind his back -- but for the most part I am always going to question the need for a lip sweater. And you, sir? You don't need one.

[Photo: Splash News]

Hang on, don't interrupt me -- let me finish. I realize the mustache might be for a role, or something. But unless you are playing a porn star, starring in The Young and the German: The Victor Newman Story, or WAY ahead in planning your very detailed Magnum P.I. Halloween costume, there are very few roles that would be worth it. It's like when Lindsay Lohan dyed all the awesome red out of her hair, never to be the same again; she did it for a very small role in Prairie Home Companion for which I think they could've found a work-around, but no, and now she's blonde and a tired-looking echo of her gross mother and it makes me sad.

So please, reconsider. Because I can't bear to see you like this any more:

Continue reading Iron Fug.

July 1, 2008

The Butler's In Fug

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So Patricia Arquette is off in Paris at the couture shows, looking arguably far fiercer than ever before (possibly because she's being dressed by people who know what they're doing):

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, her husband Thomas Jane has apparently taken the phrase "meanwhile, back at the ranch," FAR TOO LITERALLY:

Continue reading The Butler's In Fug.

May 2, 2008

Fugck

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Wait... somebody DID tell Zachary Levi that the strike ended, right?

Or he just getting an early jump on his SAG-walkout-beard? Because unless his character Chuck has quit the Buy More to live under the 101 Freeway, I'm pretty sure he'd never be on board with being just a few crazy gold medallions shy of Barry Gibb.

Results tagged “misguided facial hair” from GoFugYourself

Brangefugn...Zzzzzz...

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R.Fug.M.

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Fugquin Fugnix

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My So-Called Fug

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Fuglock Holmes

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Fug, je t'aime

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Celebrity Skeeve Watch: Adrien Brody

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Iron Fug

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The Butler's In Fug

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Fugck

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