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November 12, 2009

CMA Awards Fug Carpet: Kellie Pickler

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About ten minutes after I started working on this piece, a reader e-mail came through that enclosed this picture and was titled, "Kellie Pickler, Age 43."

And it's TRUE. This kid is 23, but you'd never know it. Now, I don't blame Kellie for wanting to distinguish herself from the cabal of country blondes -- Julianne Hough, Taylor Swift, Miranda Lambert, Carrie Underwood -- but the sedate hair plus the heavy dress, which looks like something a mature lady socialite would wear to a charity gala she's chairing, do nothing but add years to her.

Like, seriously, compare her to attendee Patricia Heaton, who is 51:

Continue reading CMA Awards Fug Carpet: Kellie Pickler.

October 20, 2009

Shutter Fugland

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OH EMILY WATSON NO.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NO. NO. NOOOO.

October 14, 2009

Unfug It Up: Vera Farmiga

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I don't know if you saw Orphan, but you should have. It was AWESOME. My friend Grant saw it like three times, and he wasn't wrong. I mean, sure, it wasn't exactly GOOD. But it was SO EXCELLENT in its terribleness. I mean, the evil child turned out to be SPOILER ALERT DON'T SEND ME AN EMAIL BLAMING ME FOR SPOILING ORPHAN FOR YOU JOIN US AFTER THE PHOTO IF YOU'RE STILL HOLDING ON TO THE ILLUSION THAT YOU MIGHT WATCH THIS THING a psychotic adult Eastern European prostitute with a glandular disorder. THAT is a REVEAL.

Welcome back, spoiler-phobes. Anyhoodle, Vera Farmiga here plays the mother in Orphan and she is seriously quite good it in and rather sexy. (Pursuant to that last point, the movie also features a fair amount of naked-ish Peter Saaaaarrrssssggggaaaaaaarrrrrddddd, which is never a bad thing.) Which is why I want to grab her here and shake her and then render some kind of, "Why, Miss Farmiga, you're BEAUTIFUL" moment where I take off the cardigan and hike up the skirt a wee bit and transform her from Musty Librarian to Sexy Librarian. It CAN be done. What would you do? Tell us in the comments.

October 13, 2009

Ugly Fugly and Fug or Fab, America Ferrera

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Well. America Ferrera looks fantastic from the neck up.

From the neck down, on the other hand, she looks like sgaeyqi0o8hy6YNHBBBBBBBBZPGIOJI3UUUUUUU 3RUtGXDHHHOoooooooqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq.

Excuse me. I'm so sorry. I just lost consciousness, due to FLAMING FIERY BOREDOM. I mean, sure, this is fine if you're going to court to contest a speeding ticket or to a meeting of your co-op board at which you will be questioned for hours regarding a loud and inappropriate Beer Pong party you may or may not have had, or to sign your will. If you are a twenty-four year old actress, and you are not in Halloween costume as Katie Couric, however, it is unacceptably SNOOZEVILLE. Plus, it is doing her youthful bod no favors.

Later, America changed into this:

Continue reading Ugly Fugly and Fug or Fab, America Ferrera.

August 10, 2009

Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Miley Cyrus

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So, when we got some emails from readers last night who were all, "MILEY CYRUS IS A POLE DANCER!!!" I really just thought they meant she was DRESSED like a pole dancer. You know, that it was a metaphor. But apparently, no. Girlfriend ACTUALLY DANCED WITH A POLE. At the Teen Choice Awards. Cyrus family, you continue to make the most interesting choices. (The teen girl in the background of that photo is making an incredibly apt facial expression. Seriously. Our expressions were like mirrors of one another at that moment.)

The fact that Miley here actually DID dance with a pole kind of takes the wind out of the sails of any crack I might make about her being dressed as a stripper, though. It'd be like saying that Katherine Heigl was dressed like someone who was likely to say something ill-advised from a PR standpoint later in the evening, or that Diane Kruger was accessorized with a hot dude. As we used to say when I was a teen myself, "no duh." So maybe Ms Cyrus is just playing defense, of a sort -- anticipating what I am about to say about her outfit and then DOING IT so as to step on my joke. If that's the case, I admit, I do look forward to seeing how one dresses as Cog More Easily Replaced in Disney Machine Than Anticipated, or Billionaire Girl Unemployed Thanks to the Rise of Selena Gomez/Demi Lovato/A Player To Named Later (Presumably Named Something Like Selemi Govato Just So We're Even More Confused) And Her Own Confounding Behavior As Re: Her Fan Base, And, More Importantly, Their Parents, The People Who Buy The Backpacks With Her Face on Them.

August 4, 2009

Fugover

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ASHTON KUTCHER: Hey, Sara!

SARA PAXTON: Hey, Ashton. Sorry about your low-flow showerhead crisis.

ASHTON: Huh?

SARA: Oh, nothing.

ASHTON: You look cute tonight.

SARA: Aw, thanks!

ASHTON: Just like my grandma, all baggy and stumpy and cropped. So huggable! I want you to bring me cookies!

SARA: Damn you.

May 26, 2009

Dita Fug Teese

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Oh, DITA.

I feel like I've mentioned this before, but at some point in the last two years or so, I feel like Dita's look has slowly morphed from being Awesomely Retro into Prematurely Aging, and while I admire her devotion to her look, I am an even bigger fan of Not Accidentally Making Yourself Look Like Fifteen Years Older Than You Actually Are Just Because You're Really Into the 40s/50s. Puffed sleeves AND gloves AND a necklace that kind of recalls an Elizabethan ruff? Honey, come on. Even Dita herself looks a bit wistful here, like she realizes she has painted herself into a personal style corner. To which I say: sister, we always have a choice. And you can choose to back off the devotion to historical verisimilitude in the name of looking less like our grandmothers. It's called evolution, and sometimes you have to embrace it.

April 17, 2009

Fug or Fab: Michelle Trachtenberg

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Here's the thing: I mostly want to fug this dress outright.

It's kind of dumpy on her, right? But I also think it's a really bizarre choice for a premiere of a movie -- in which she co-stars -- about a father who wakes up in his teens again and lives it up before (I assume) learning a very important life lesson about how his Youth Is For The Young, But That Doesn't Mean You Can't Enjoy Your Life As It Is, Fool. I'd have expected her to show up in something a bit flirtier, maybe shorter, more playful. -- as opposed to a gown she'd wear to someone's grandmother's charity fundraiser.

But her skin does look incredible. And it's possible I'm biased against Michelle Trachtenberg a bit because every time I see her, I'm reminded of how much I am dreading her return appearance on Gossip Girl. To keep me honest, I'm putting this in your hands.

poll by twiigs.com

March 18, 2009

My So-Called Fug

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Oh my god, Claire Danes.

I know you're recently engaged, but there's nothing in the etiquette books dictating that you are personally obligated to give all the Mother of the Bride dresses a test run yourself. And if your mother-in-law-to-be told you otherwise....honey, you've got problems brewing. Also, I'd like her to call me. I think we'd get along.

March 5, 2009

Fug or Fab: Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton

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I don't know about this, Baby Spice:

[Photo: Splash News]

YOU are adorable. THIS is a bit...granny, no? Maybe it's the wee jacket? I'm not sure. I have a sinus infection and I think it might be reaching its claws into my brain. Nevertheless, something about it makes me feel as though you are about two minutes away from bursting into jazz hands.

poll by twiigs.com

Results tagged “old for her age” from GoFugYourself

CMA Awards Fug Carpet: Kellie Pickler

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Shutter Fugland

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Unfug It Up: Vera Farmiga

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Ugly Fugly and Fug or Fab, America Ferrera

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Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Miley Cyrus

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Fugover

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Dita Fug Teese

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Fug or Fab: Michelle Trachtenberg

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My So-Called Fug

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Fug or Fab: Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton

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