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October 27, 2009

Fughab

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I just wrote this whole post about a picture of Amy Winehouse, and then I realized I needed to put the photo itself after a jump because, in addition to not being safe for those of you with a sensitive aesthetic sensibility, nor is it safe for work.

BEWARE. DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU. (Also: you've seen worse so don't be TOO scared. I mean, a little fear is good. Invigorating, even. But we're not talking a trip to Downstairs Ladyville. It's not THAT NSFW. But it is PRETTY unsafe for...oh, just make sure your boss isn't standing behind you and look.)

Continue reading Fughab.

May 4, 2009

Fugke Shields

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Look, Brooke Shields, I really like you. And it seems like your children are adorable.

But maybe -- MAYBE -- you shouldn't let them dress you, because that's when you end up looking like a life-size Barbie who is about to show up at Ken's wedding to another woman right in the middle of the ceremony, making everyone turn around and gasp and wonder why you're wearing white TOO, and why you look like a reverse Smurf, and whether you're going to yell that you object or just sit there crossing and uncrossing your legs while Ken stammers through his vows.

She also went a little nuts at a Derby party:

Continue reading Fugke Shields.

March 19, 2009

Victoria's Secret Fugels

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Well, this is awkward:

I'm wearing this EXACT SAME THING RIGHT NOW. And let me tell you, my left boob is KILLING ME.

February 9, 2009

Grammy Awards Fug: M.I.A.

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KATY PERRY: Hey, MIA.

M.I.A.: Hey, Katy. You left out the periods in my name.

KATY: Yeah, they get boring to put in there over and over again.

MIA: Right you are, I'll give you a pass this time. Your dress is very... interesting. It's kind of like an old-movie gown with a giant napkin and some pink plastic edelweiss stapled to your navel.

KATY: Thank you. And you look.... pregnant.

MIA: I am pregnant. I'm due today. Got a problem with that? Is a knuckle sandwich going to be the first sandwich to pass your lips in eight months?

KATY: No, no, it's great and all, but... look, if Violet Beauregard rolled herself out of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory and started a fashion line, and Bjork became her main investor, your muumuu would be their first collaboration.

MIA: Oh, this old thing? This is NOTHING.

KATY: Well, yes, that's actually why I came over to talk to you. I need to thank you.

MIA: For what? Is it because you idolize my rap career? Because you can't believe I kept in this baby in time to perform? Because my nail polish makes you hungry for orange Starbursts?

KATY: Not exactly. I came to thank you for deflecting most of the attention off of me.

MIA: How so?

KATY: Like, the second you hit the stage, there was no way my ridiculous performance outfit would be the most-talked-about getup of the night.

Continue reading Grammy Awards Fug: M.I.A..

September 17, 2008

Fuggle Eye

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Let's start with the positives: I love the color of this dress. And Rosario has gorgeous skin.

But the cut is a bit unflattering to her abdomen, and... how to say this... I think the universe was trying to tell her something when it made sure she was photographed across the street from a very visible neon Hooters sign.

It's worse in the close-up:

Continue reading Fuggle Eye.

December 9, 2005

Fug Point

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It baffles me still that so many people in this town do not understand what to do with their breasts.

A chest of any size is a lovely thing to have. But it can't just do all the work by itself, unless you are blessed with anti-gravity mammary glands; no, generally speaking, breasts need to be propped up a little in order to be displayed to their best advantage. They should probably not, a la Dunst/Gyllenhaal, be allowed to drip so freely and flatly that, when you can't find your ironing board, you simply instruct one of them to lie on her back so you can use her torso for that purpose. Breasts deserve better; they deserve a little bounce.

But, the deployment of breast support can be taken to an extreme, as displayed in the following painful photograph of Scarlett Johanssen:

Ouch.

Those are pinched, propped, and pushed to within an inch of their lives (and, it seems, within an inch of her chin). That is not sexy, provocative cleavage; that is what happens when a stray ostrich wanders over and gives birth to twins in your bodice. Now, it's possible she only did this so she could carry around some appetizers and a drink without having to fill up her hands with cumbersome receptacles, but even being your own end table isn't worth trotting around all night looking like the victim of some unfortunate breasticular mutation. In this photo, she is Anna Nicole Smith's younger sister.

I fear Scarlett is lashing out at herself. In September, she abused herself by wearing Mom Jeans supplied to her by Imitation of Christ's imitation of design talent, Tara Subkoff; she was also once caught in a Sienna Miller-esque leggings fiasco that can only have been interpreted as a cry for help. And now this? Scarlett, why do you hate yourself? You have nice skin. Pretty coloring. And some people seem to want to watch you act. So why are you lashing out at your figure? Are you passive-aggressively blaming them for The Island being a terrible movie? Did your boyfriend decide he only likes women who can blow lines off their own hoisted cleavage? Are you embarrassed by your strange choice of shoe and thus trying to block your downward view of them?

Help us understand so that we can stage the right intervention.

May 3, 2005

Random Fug

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[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

I fear the top of actress/producer Julia Verdin's dress was gnawed off by whatever it is that attacked the bottom. As for the rest... well, she's on her own. But that thing around her waist is either the world's largest merit badge, or the World Embroidery Championships' title belt. Because it sure as hell doesn't belong attached to a metallic-silver bra and a BeDazzled skirt.

April 4, 2005

American Fugdol

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Paula Abdul seems to believe that simply attending the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards means that she needs to dress like one of the titular young voters:

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

This looks like something Snow White would wear on laundry day. Did I miss the memo that said the Nickelodeon voters were also picking out what the attendees would wear? Because this looks like the work of a pre-pubescent girl on a sugar high. Or maybe Laura Ingalls Wilder, if she were thinking of becoming a Vegas stripper but wanted to dive in slowly.

Even the woman behind her seems skeptical. Sneering, almost. As if to wonder what any poor pair of breasts did to deserve such shoddy treatment. Memo to Paula: Wearing a corset two sizes too small doesn't make them look pert; it makes them look perturbed.

January 17, 2005

2005 Golden Globes: Paula Abdul

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She seemed too strung out on the red carpet to put together a coherent thought, so maybe when she got dressed La Abdul was too zoned to notice that she grabbed her dress from the Juniors rack:

From the waist down... fine. Maybe a little bit like a stripper at the Aladdin in Las Vegas, but we'll tolerate it because of the more grievous atrocities occuring upstairs.

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Sweet Jesus. She has quadra-boob, she has armpit cleavage... Did no one tell her that she's not an A-cup? Did no one gently point out that breasts look nicer when they're not being smashed? Did no one have the nads to suggest that she wear a gown in her own size? Did no one explain that your breasts really shouldn't become one with your armpits?

And did no one take a brush to her hair?

This bodes badly for American Idol -- as if the commercials weren't disastrous enough.

Results tagged “ouch” from GoFugYourself

Fughab

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Fugke Shields

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Victoria's Secret Fugels

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Grammy Awards Fug: M.I.A.

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Fuggle Eye

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Fug Point

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Random Fug

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American Fugdol

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2005 Golden Globes: Paula Abdul

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