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November 13, 2009

Delta Goodfug

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I can never remember if, as an American, I am SUPPOSED to know who Delta Goodrem is. You know what I mean. There are some celebrities -- like, say, any WAG but Posh -- who I know are truly famous only in the U.K. But then there are celebrities like Cat Deeley, who FEEL like they're only famous elsewhere but I only think that because I don't watch So You Think You Can Dance, and she's not out and about that much, and then I think about it and I realize that America totally knows who she is. But I am fairly sure that Ms Goodrem here is famous mostly in Australia, but CRAZILY SO there, as a super successful singer and someone who was on Neighbours. I rather wish she'd hit it bigger here in the States, because we'd see so much more of this:

It's like Peaches and Cream Barbie on top, C3P0 on the bottom. More of that CANNOT be a bad thing.

July 2, 2009

Fugs Aloud

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So, I guess it was recently Cheryl Cole's birthday. She's in the Brit girl group Girls Aloud and is an X Factor judge and married to dreamy footballer (did I just use that term correctly? "Footballer," I mean. I am quite confident in my use of the word "dreamy.") Ashley Cole. And while I am generally of the belief that you should wear WHATEVER YOU WANT on your birthday, I didn't exactly mean this:

[Photo: Splash News]

Um. Wow. Ashley looks so sharp, and Cheryl looks so... well, maybe I need to see it from another angle?

Continue reading Fugs Aloud.

June 17, 2009

Lynn Fugvins

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I've had the following conversation with myself about this Lynn Collins photo, in some form or another, pretty much since I saw it:

HEATHER: The hell? I don't even know what to say. She looks insane.

HEATHER'S BRAIN: TOP HAT.

HEATHER: Not sure I want to go with another Artful Dodger joke here...

HEATHER'S BRAIN: Top. Hat.

HEATHER: Maybe she's crabby because she left the rabbit in it before putting it on... nah, that's kind of tragically hacky...

HEATHER'S BRAIN: TOP HAT TOP HAT.

HEATHER: President of the Fred Astaire fan club?

HEATHER'S BRAIN: TOOOOP HAT.

HEATHER: Villainous wench about to collect the rent from her tenant or tie him to the train tracks?

HEATHER'S BRAIN: TOP HAAAATTTTT.

HEATHER: Keeper of a nice six-pack of beer in case she gets thirsty and the bar isn't open?

HEATHER'S BRAIN: TOPHATTOPHATTOPHAT.

HEATHER: Ack! I can't THINK clearly. Sometimes there just aren't words.

HEATHER'S BRAIN: I CAN THINK OF TWO.

June 1, 2009

MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Paris Hilton

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pastels

Dear Famewhores,

Just go ahead and do a backbend on the red carpet and get it over with. God.

Love,

Jessica

PS: I liked that dress better on my Peaches and Cream Barbie.

May 18, 2009

Cannes Well-Played Carpet: Abbie Cornish

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Given that Abbie Cornish historically has looked so severe and dreary and generally unremarkable, this is totally refreshing:

She's smiling! She looks happy and has well-applied makeup! Her dress is romantic and floaty and doesn't -- per her usual -- make me want to ask if she's auditioning for a role as a very severe German nanny in some horror flick called The Paddle Will Smack! Maybe now that all the tabloids have decided Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are one deep knee bend away from getting married, Abbie finally feels safe chilling out and relaxing and assuming nobody is going to throw tomatoes at her and call her a homewrecker for hooking up with Reese's ex. Which is good. It's long past time to exhale on that one, Abbie. Whether you should now start tensing up about the fact that you and Reese are both dating dudes who have rampant gay rumors swirling around them, and maybe call her and commisserate and arrange to go for donuts sometime... well, I leave that to you. I don't know your life. But I do know you look pretty.

November 21, 2008

Fug and Fab: Katy Perry

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It's much less lonely knowing I am not the only person out there who doesn't get the fuss over Katy Perry and her shouty singing voice and her addiction to satin hot pants. I still kind of want her to go away. But if she does, at least she'll have left me with an actual fond memory:

[Photo: WENN]

This is lovely. I still kind of want to hike the top up just a little, but otherwise, it's romantic and floaty and dreamy. I am pleased she went minimal with the accessories (except for that.... what, is it a Kleenex tourniquet on her right pointer finger? A ring from a crackerjack box?) and hair, too -- so often, she overdoes it to the point where you forget Katy Perry is a very pretty girl, but here she's letting her face carry it all, and as it turns out, her face is more than capable of being load-bearing. Which might be the strangest compliment I have ever written.

I'm less enchanted by what she wore on stage:

Continue reading Fug and Fab: Katy Perry.

November 6, 2008

The Fug Sessions

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I've been staring at this photo for an hour now. Well, that's not entirely true -- someone on Facebook told me that my childhood home in the UK is for sale so I started Googling it to try and find the listing (but I can't; DO NOT FAIL ME, Google), and then I got sucked into 27 Dresses, which is truly terrible but does at least feature a clothing montage. Otherwise it's all about how Katherine Heigl is plain and overlooked because she has slightly brown hair, and oh my God, she and James Marsden just started singing "Benny and the Jets" at a bar while they received approving nods from all the people inside -- who would, in a real-life dive bar, be more likely to punch one of them in the face and/or roll their eyes and be like, "Dude, SOMEBODY forgot to eat dinner before drinking tequila."

THEN I set my TiVo for Center Stage 2, which a friend notified me is airing this afternoon, and spent some time wishing that a kindly soul would edit together all Peter Gallagher's lines with all Rachel Griffith's bits from Step Up into some sort of uber-reel of douchey dance-school principals with a penchant for intoning their lines and resisting change. So it's been a really eventful morning. Clearly I am deeply busy, with lots of important things on my mind, and so I just don't have TIME to understand crazy Joss Stone and her tie-dyed cardigan.

[Photo: Splash News]

It's like half of her wanted to wear a nightshirt with her new pink maryjanes, and the other part couldn't take off her Weekend Sweater so she tied it in with a shoe of a different color. Which... you know what? The girl usually wanders around barefoot, looking like she just got done running through a meadow in a Massengil commercial. Mismatched shoes at least protect from foot fungus. For her, that's a step in the right direction.

November 5, 2008

Fug Kissed A Girl And It Didn't Really Care For Her

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pastels,
WTF

I am confused:

What IS that? Is it...a ruler, in case she needs to measure something when she's out and about? Is it....one of those flat wooden paint stirrers, to be used in the instance that she just happens to stumble upon the opportunity for some impromptu room painting? Is it the swizzle stick for like a REALLY GIGANTIC cocktail? Is she going to use it to rap the knuckles of people who criticize her music/ensembles? (Sorry, Katy. Please don't hit me with your wallpaper-covered mini-paddle.) And, more importantly, just how uncomfortable IS it?

August 21, 2008

I Kissed A Fug

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I don't even know any more.

[Photo: INFDaily.com]

The face of the woman in that revolving door pretty much says it all. Put yourself in Katy Perry's shoes: You wake up, you know you have some sort of public appearance today, so you go stand in front of your closet and try and figure out what would look best on you. Then, you VOLUNTARILY pull out a pair of purple acid-wash jeans -- which you had to expend considerable effort even to LOCATE, including phoning every Goodwill store within a ten-mile radius -- and slowly step into them.

I've already lost most of you, right? You're already like, "Forget it -- I am not high." And I haven't even GOTTEN to the part where you strap on tight Velcro high-tops, a starry tank top, and a sweatshirt that is an incomplete tribute to Hershey's Miniatures. Which no human being should ever do, because in addition to looking like a screen shot from a really old Sesame Street segment brought to you by the letters L, S, and D, it ALSO violates the sanctity of that bag of candy by totally forgetting the Krackel. Seriously, Katy, WHITHER THE KRACKEL? Do not dis the Krackel.

So... I give up on Katy. I'm forced to conclude that she just wants her picture taken -- just like all the other boring starlets and singers in this business. All that effort to try and stand out -- to be quirky for the sake of quirky -- and in the end, she's still just like the rest of them.

July 23, 2008

A Hero Fugs In You

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Bless Mariah Carey. She so wants us to believe this is effortless casualwear -- like she was out buying Lemon Pledge and Swiffer wipes and decided to pop by TRL just to say hi.

[Photo: WENN]

It's all very PTA Car Wash Barbie. Does that make Nick Cannon her Ken? It would at least explain the shocking -- SHOCKING! -- rumors of discord in their storied union. I wonder if "anatomically incorrect" is covered under "irreconcilable differences."

Results tagged “pastels” from GoFugYourself

Delta Goodfug

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Fugs Aloud

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Lynn Fugvins

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MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Paris Hilton

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Cannes Well-Played Carpet: Abbie Cornish

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Fug and Fab: Katy Perry

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The Fug Sessions

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Fug Kissed A Girl And It Didn't Really Care For Her

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I Kissed A Fug

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A Hero Fugs In You

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