Results tagged “pattern problems” from GoFugYourself

You might think I would object to this dress on the basis of the giant flower alone.

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[Photos: WENN.com]

Not true. There is potential in that flower. It has gumption. It would walk into a CEO's office, straight past the protesting assistant, and demand to be considered for a promotion. No, more than that, it would impersonate its boss while said boss is recovering from a broken leg sustained during a skiing accident, borrow liberally from the boss's wardrobe, arrange a major deal with Harrison Ford that involves crashing a dude's daughter's wedding just to convince him to take a meeting with you, get a horrendous haircut that's supposed to be more chic and professional than her teased-up ferry-proof hair, dump stupid cheating Alec Baldwin, and then win the day and an office of her own when the boss returns and tries to claim the brilliant deal idea as her own -- all while delivering its lines with the diction of a 13-year old girl who accidentally drank a glass of scotch. That flower has moxie.

But those shoes have a giant blackhead. And the blue print blossoms on the skirt are kind of distracting, like the dress fell down hard and bruised itself. Not to mention that Leighton's lank mane is kind of competing with the bloom that's growing from her torso. There is a lot going on here, and what I'm saying is, I don't think all blame can be pinned on the very dramatic chest flower.

In the interests of full disclosure, or at least as full as I can make it, here is a photo that shows the back:

October 22, 2009

Unfug It Up: Martha Plimpton

This is....intriguing.

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If I may be frank ("Hello, Frank!"), I kind of like the fabric, although I think I would rather have it on a series of throw pillows in my fictional pool cabana than on a dress, pillows perhaps to be found under my head whilst Josh Jackson massages my feet and explains that Diane Kruger is SO OKAY with him leaving her for me that she's sent me $10,000 worth of Louboutins as a congratulatory gift. And the dress itself feels reminiscent of Lucy Ricardo, getting up to some shenangians with Ethel while Ricky is very busy doing something with bongos at the Tropicana. And that something, of course, may turn out to be HILARIOUS, but is probably not going to be super ATTRACTIVE as it will more than likely involve a face plant into a pastry of some kind. Listen, Martha Plimpton, what I'm saying is: I want to see more skin. You were in The Goonies. Represent. 

But what do you think? Down here, in the comments, it's your time. Be excellent to one another.
October 15, 2009

Fug or Fab: Minnie Driver

So, I guess Minnie Driver is in this new movie, Motherhood, for which I just saw an trailer. It seems to be about a harried and somewhat downtrodden stay-at-home blogger/mom who runs errands in her nightgown and knows a lot of working mothers who are kind of mean to her. It is hard to tell from two and a half minutes, but I suspect this might annoy bloggers, stay-at-home mothers, mothers with jobs outside of the home, and women who are asked to believe that Uma Thurman is anything other than incredibly striking and youthful looking, by which I mean: all of us. But trailers can be misleading: Heather and I have a friend who once announced, based solely on the trailer, that if the Johnny Depp/Penelope Cruz movie Blow didn't sweep the Oscars, he was going to leave town forever. I believe he is in Burbank right now.

I don't think Motherhood is going to sweep anything, and I am equally unsure about this:

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SHE looks great -- like, as a person -- and I am easily amused by a saucy print. That being said....

October 8, 2009

Fugging Up In Fugas

I love the Muppets as much as anyone. I've watched The Muppet Show DVDs and plan to show them to my kids, I love their contributions to Sesame Street, I'm totally down with their movies (I mean, come on, Charles Grodin singing an operatic love song to Miss Piggy in The Great Muppet Caper is hilarious, as is The Baseball Diamond), and... look, the list is long. The Muppets rule. Puppets, on the other hand... that's a conversation for another day.

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But nowhere in my love of Muppets do I include, "I just want to put my ass on them!" Which is exactly what will happen to those sweet little faces when Katy Perry sits down at this event. Yes, I know, those aren't real three-dimensional Muppets she'd be squashing, but there's just something so off-putting about knowing she's about to go butt-cheek-to-jowl with Kermit and his crew.  Or that Russell Brand, Katy's new boyfriend, might later rip off the Muppet dress with his teeth before engaging in carnal activity the dress will have no choice but to witness. That's what it is: This dress is about to lose its innocence, and I am powerless to help it. DAMN YOU, PERRY.
October 8, 2009

Fugla Patton

Paula Patton wore this the day after she donned this recently fugged number, so clearly it was a very heady and crazy time for her. I look forward to the day her cheesy husband Robin Thicke writes an irritating slow jam all about watching her get dressed in crazy stuff and wanting to stop her.

Perhaps in person this was ravishing, and the photo doesn't do it justice, but when I saw it I shuddered:

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She looks thoroughly upholstered. Between the sleeve and the matching handbag****, it's a LOT of pattern. I'm going to start calling her Paula Pattern. HA. HILARITY. I will pause while you stitch back together your splitting sides.

**** Well, hot damn, my eyes deceived me, it IS a ruffle. I thought it was a clutch she was holding vertically. That ... well, it's still too much, like the dress has a floral tongue.

Maybe not much can be done that isn't pure fantasy, but I think the entire thing would be improved vastly without the sleeve and with a clutch that evokes the color of the shoes. Or even ANY solid color. I feel like the floral is salvageable, but she just needs it to be less aggressive on the left half of her body. After a while it starts to look a bit like cheerful gangrene.

What would you do? Add a second sleeve? Change the neckline altogether? Keep the mono-sleeve but change its shape? Nothing? Everything? Chat it up in the comments. Keep it on-topic, keep it clean, keep it friendly, keep the faith, love will keep us together.
October 7, 2009

Leifug Lezark

Well, I may have figured out what Leigh Lezark does for a living.

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It would appear she's starring in an interpretive dance production of Felix The Cat, in which  the titular character sells his soul to Satan and audience members are encouraged to huff superglue during intermission. Although, how any of that got her invited to Chanel's Spring 2010 show in Paris -- or why that show took place near a "Riding Off Into The Sunset" cowboy-themed senior prom photo backdrop -- is as yet unclear.

October 5, 2009

Fug, Where's My Car?

Surely, this dress Kristy Swanson is wearing stemmed from some kind of bet:

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Like, I can see two designers -- who perhaps went to FIT or Parsons together -- having a long-standing routine in which one calls the other and challenges her to create a seemingly impossible garment. Like Project Runway, but crazier and without the celebrity judges and product placement. This dress was clearly born when Designer One called Designer Two and said, "bet you can't make an armed-forces themed evening dress with a can-can influence in which you could be rendered invisible should a sand storm kick up, and get someone to wear it." GAME ON, DESIGNER ONE.
September 24, 2009

The Beautiful Life: WTF

Mischa Barton looks beautiful.

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[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

...from the neck up.

In fairness, the rest of her looks amazing if you're deeply obsessed with test patterns and/or self-hypnosis.There's something for everyone!

September 17, 2009

Cate Blanchfugtt

It's an admirable effort from a sassy lady, but no amount of vamping can change the fact that Cate Blanchett is wearing a throw somebody's grandmother crocheted in 1974 and which has lived on the basement sofa ever since.

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For real, there are probably several people out there reading this and going, "Hot damn, I lost my virginity on that dress." At least it appears Cate Blanchett is having more lasting fun with it than about 70 percent of those folks did.

August 25, 2009

Fugging the Distance

I THINK Drew Barrymore here is on the way to the set of her new movie? But it's hard to say if she's in costume here or what, since she is wearing stuff like this ALL THE TIME LATELY.

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[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Drew is a very smart woman and I suspect if you were stuck with her in an elevator, it would be totally fun: you could probably ask her all kinds of juicy questions, and you know she'd have gum in her purse. I am fond of her and just want her to be happy. Which is why I find it very perplexing that, of late, she's been dressing like she's late for work on the Venice boardwalk, where she and her psychic cat read auras. That's just not as lucrative a way to save for retirement as being a multi-hyphenate Hollywood powerhouse, you know?

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