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November 13, 2009

CMA Awards 'You The Jury' Fug: Carrie Underwood Omnibus

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It wouldn't be a country music awards gala if Carrie Underwood didn't wear eleventy-four different outfits through the course of the night. So, people of the jury, get comfortable in your chairs and prepare to sift through the evidence to determine whether a crime was committed. You may deliberate in the comments.

Exhibit A:

The prosecution frowns that this mirrored dress mostly eliminates her waist, and reflects the red carpet in such a way that it becomes an artistic interpretation of internal bleeding. The defense snorts that the prosecutors are all a bunch of Crabby McCrabbersons, and puts in a call to some wig vendors to see about replicating this coif, because it's cute, and so is she. The prosecution wonders if this would've been better at knee length, but quiets down when one of the defense attorneys tries to take a pair of scissors to her jeans in order to prove the point that not EVERYTHING needs to be knee-length, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Exhibit B:

Continue reading CMA Awards 'You The Jury' Fug: Carrie Underwood Omnibus.

November 13, 2009

Freaky Fug Friday: Juliette Lewis

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performances

It's your own fault, Fug Nation. You've proven so adept at every challenge we've thrown at you, we're going to get a little advanced on you this week. Yes, that's right. You heard me. It's time... for Juliette Lewis.

Remember, all submissions must be made in the comments section -- as in, NOT via e-mail -- by 10 p.m. California time on Sunday.

THE PICTURE:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

THE FUGEE: Actress and wannabe rocker Juliette Lewis.

THE EXTRA DETAILS: Juliette, formerly the lead singer of Juliette and the Licks, now fronts a band called The New Romantiques. You may also remember her from the time she wore corn rows in her hair at the Oscars, back when she was dating Brad Pitt. We have an extensive archive of her past transgressions, some of which mention her magical song lyrics. In this photo, she's performing in Munich.

THE CHALLENGE: Fug this outfit via an acrostic poem. "What is an acrostic poem?" you may wonder. I'm so glad you asked. An acrostic poem is one in which the first letter or syllable of each line itself conveys a message or spells a relevant word. For instance, the obvious one here would be to write an eight-line poem in which the first letters of each line combine to spell JULIETTE (well, okay, the obvious one might be a ten-line poem where the first letter of each line combine to spell CRAZYPANTS, but whatever). Here are some examples of acrostic poems, which may be helpful to you in figuring out how you want to do this. You don't have to make yours as long as some of those are; they're just good showcases for the format. Consider it like sending a coded message through verse. So really, we're acting just like an episode of Alias. JUST LIKE IT. (Actually, if you read that Wikipedia page, you'll learn that last month, Arnold Schwarzenegger reportedly used an acrostic to convey a rude message to the California State Assembly that rhymes with "Duck Fu." That is... hilarious.)

THE REMINDER:

Can you guys
Remember to post
All entries by 10 p.m. Sunday in the
Zesty comments section?
You guys know the drill.
Please keep it clean
And in the vein of the site itself.
Now, go forth this Friday the 13th and
Totally kick the ass of this
Sad acrostic message.

November 6, 2009

MTV European Music Awards Fug: Katy Perry's Other Outfits

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Katy Perry had a busy night in Germany: As the host of the MTV EMAs, she did what every awards-show emcee does, and wore seventy billion different outfits. I got tired just sifting through the photos, and I didn't have to change my pants every five minutes to do it -- although maybe next time I will, just to increase my empathy. That way, when, say, Eva Longoria Parker hosts the ALMAs again and dons 15 separate ensembles, and I fug them, and she calls me up (you know, as she's wont to do) and goes, "Bitch, you don't know my life," I can be like, "Oh yes I DO -- do you KNOW how many t-shirts I went through last night while I was surfing for photos?" And then we'll cry and hug it out and she'll give me a pair of Louboutins from her closet as a peace offering.

Anyway: Perry. Let's start with what she wore on the red carpet.

I don't mind this too much. From some angles, the black detail looks like a creeping skin disease, and I guess it is indenting on her left boob a little bit, and I am tired of fishtails... in fact, given all of that, why DOESN'T it bother me? I don't know. I actually think she looks pretty. And TINY. It's not that I ever thought Katy Perry wasn't super slender, but for whatever reason this drove it home.

Later, there was this:

It's fine. It fits her boobs better. It's fairly plain, but for the adornment on her chest that reminds me of what might happen if you ran over an Everlasting Gobstopper with your car.

Once Katy got on stage, though, things took their usual turn:

Continue reading MTV European Music Awards Fug: Katy Perry's Other Outfits.

November 6, 2009

MTV European Music Awards Fug: Beyonce AND Leona Lewis

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I always speak too soon. I put up photos of people on the red carpet -- like Beyonce yesterday, and Leona today -- and then I see that they changed their clothes for the performance portion of the evening. It happens ALL THE TIME and yet I always forget. I am like Jessica Simpson with boys who are guaranteed to break her heart: I NEVER LEARN.

First up: Beyonce's stage attire.

You know, it's... well, it's Beyonce in lingerie. It's not the weirdest thing she's ever worn, nor is it particularly inspired. I guess I just wish she weren't being quite so Christina Aguilera about it all. We've been there. We've seen that. It was dirrrrty. Move along.

Leona Lewis went much bigger for her performance:

Continue reading MTV European Music Awards Fug: Beyonce AND Leona Lewis.

October 22, 2009

Fugkira

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performances

I was less prolific in my coffee-shop exile because I was so concerned that the blinding light would lead me to write all about what a heinous orange suit someone is wearing, and then a reader will e-mail me to point out that it's actually a white cardigan. Fortunately, a) my home Internet is working -- thank you, AT&T; we are in love again -- and b) I saw Shakira's Saturday Night Live performance outfit on my home TV, with unscorched retinas, and I can confirm that yes, it DOES seem like she glued giant shoulder pads to her hips:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

GLITTERING shoulder pads, no less. Maybe her hips started lying, after all, and so she's desperately trying to hide that fact from from America's eagle eyes. All I know is, I'm laying 3-1 odds on Johnny Weir wearing this exact outfit at the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

September 28, 2009

Fugliette and the Fugs

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So, I've never heard Juliette (Lewis) and the Licks perform, but I did decide to look up some of their song titles -- I mean, any woman who gets up on stage looking like this has to be crooning some doozies:

[Photo: WENN.com]

And indeed, in the stirring "Death of a Whore," Juliette sings, "I felt like nothing was real all tattered and blue like a gutted sheep. And oh, I'm having visions again." That's kind of close to how I felt when I saw this picture. It felt like a hallucinatory dream caused by falling asleep atop copies of Lord of the Flies and Where The Wild Things Are.

Just for kicks, let's check out the rest of the outfit:

Continue reading Fugliette and the Fugs.

September 16, 2009

Fug Fug Pow

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If the Pussycat Dolls ever came out with a line of swimwear, I think Fergie's getup here would be among the first items to hit stores.

Seriously, this is what you wear to the beach if you are blind. Or you really, REALLY trust your sunscreen-application skills.

Also, it really says something about the state of famewhorey artists today that I can look at Fergie in this outfit and be like, "Yeah, but where is your prosthetic udder and mask made of cheese?"

August 24, 2009

Lily Fuglen

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Okay then:

[Photo: Splash News]

Your move, Lady Gaga.

July 28, 2009

Poker Fug

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Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time.

[Photo: Splash News]

After performing in Ibiza in this incredibly well-thought-out bra and panty set, which is clearly made to fit a child prostitute and looks like she made it out of Ace bandages and a purloined chandelier, our girl Gaga finally slipped her nips.

It's actually starting to happen in the above picture, but the following is a bit less safe-for-work -- although only a bit:

Continue reading Poker Fug.

July 13, 2009

Fug You

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I'm sure it's very difficult these days for some singers to compete with the likes of Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, for whom every appearance on-stage -- and off, usually, also -- is an excuse to dress like they've been using crack rock as ice cubes in their diet sodas before licking the backs of South American cane toads and sniffing glue.

So it's really nice to see Lily Allen refusing to pander.

[Photo: Splash News]

I mean, you can't even SEE her crotch! It's practically prude!

Results tagged “performances” from GoFugYourself

CMA Awards 'You The Jury' Fug: Carrie Underwood Omnibus

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Freaky Fug Friday: Juliette Lewis

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MTV European Music Awards Fug: Katy Perry's Other Outfits

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MTV European Music Awards Fug: Beyonce AND Leona Lewis

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Fugkira

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Fugliette and the Fugs

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Fug Fug Pow

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Lily Fuglen

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Poker Fug

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Fug You

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