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November 20, 2009

The Fuglight Saga: Fug Moon

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Dear Nikki Reed:

It's called "going up a size," and it's totally legal.

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Elisabeth Moss

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Well, this surely didn't go quite as planned.

There are aspects of this that I actually like. For one thing, it's refreshing to see Elisabeth Moss not having to wear her Mad Men bangs. WHY are they parted in the middle like curtains all the time? That may be period-appropriate, but I keep wanting to drag her into the Sterling Cooper Ladies Powder Room and brush them TOGETHER. Why hasn't Joan stepped in to resolve this incredibly important issue? And this color is kind of....intriguing? Sure, it's sort of the shade of the dark meat on a turkey, but it doesn't wash her out too terribly and could be sort of sophisticated. If it didn't look like she had it balled up in the bottom of her closet for six weeks prior to the event. Look, I understand that shit gets wrinkled, and sometimes you just go to an event knowing that you might be a wee bit creased. But this thing isn't just creased. It's CREASED. And this is the Emmys. And she's a nominee. So I guess what I'm saying is, if she insisted on wearing this Delicate Dark Meat Turkey Satin Number, why didn't she fully commit and lie down flat in the limo on the way over so as to preserve its integrity? That's all.

August 31, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Debbi Morgan

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I love Debbi Morgan. LOVE HER. I totally remember way back in the day, the first time she played Angie on All My Children, she and Jesse were this amazing super couple and then -- conveniently while I was home from school on summer vacation -- Jesse got shot and DIED and Angie totally cried over his dead body in this hospital and EVERYONE ELSE cried too, including my mother who -- if I remember correctly -- was doing some ironing at the time. It was even more upsetting than the time Jenny Gardner's jet ski exploded. So when she and Darnell Williams, who played Jesse, came back to AMC this year, I was very excited because I LOVE them, and then I sort of started watching All My Children again, which is great because I totally don't watch enough television. But despite my mad love for Debbi, I do wish she'd worn....something that wasn't this:

This looks like a parachute that didn't properly deploy. Which I honestly can't believe I haven't seen happen on MORE soaps. Flinging someone out of a plane with a non-working parachute is just as awesome as tossing them down an elevator shaft or locking them in an abandoned mine, but also, unfortunately for Debs, said parachutes are not very flattering.

I will, however, let it slide, mostly because talking about Debbi Morgan has allowed me to segue into a brief discussion about her other gig, which was acting as a judge on the DEEPLY MISSED SOAPnet reality series, I Wanna Be A Soap Star, which was possibly one of the most hilarious and amazing shows on TV and I'm actually not really being all that sarcastic. That show was insanely entertaining and I am sort of distraught that it seems to be no more. It was -- as perhaps you can imagine -- a reality show in which people competed for a thirteen week gig on a soap opera. Every week, contestants would be, like, throwing drinks in each other's faces or making out or pretending to be in an effective coma. And they all had to live, literally, in like a cell at CBS Radford or something and it was AWESOME. Some of the contestants actually went on to get legitimate daytime acting gigs, and then I just saw one of them in the background of an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker, so....the talent was varied, is what I am saying. And I really need them to bring it back. They can totally use my parachute plot point, for free.

July 23, 2009

Fugly the Spy

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Oh, TRACHTENBERG.

It's come to this? Posing in front of Guess watches in an unhemmed, wrinkled satin jumpsuit? Pull it together. You were in Ice Princess, for Christ's sake.

January 12, 2009

Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Rachel Griffiths

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This was just never going to work.

I'm not even necessarily talking about the fact that it's a shapeless tent-- it's not great, but if she's secretly pregnant again (not to rumor-monger, although I DO love to monger a good rumor), it's functional. No, I'm more referring to the fact that it's a shapeless tent made of gold satin that was never, ever NOT going to wrinkle like Bea Arthur in a bathtub. Hail Caesar -- at least that dude knew how to make a toga that didn't look like he'd just slept in it for two days on the Forum floor.

January 9, 2009

Critics' Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Kristen Bell

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please buy a steamer

Kristen Bell has learned the hard way that aluminum foil is better used lining your baking sheets for easier cleanup than for fashion:

Next up: Trying to make sure she doesn't turn to cling film next. And hustling her out of there before anyone slaps a pork chop on her stomach and attempts to fold her into a very elaborate swan.

November 12, 2008

The Bourne Fugtimatum

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I wish Julia Stiles ever looked pleased to be anywhere.

She just looks as if she doesn't care -- as if, were you compelled to ask her where on Earth she found that disco frock, she would reply with a grunt and an offhand, "What, this old thing? In my Mom's attic, I think? I don't know. Nothing else was clean. Can I go?" In one sense, I should probably pat her on the back and laud her for ignoring The Establishment and doing her own thing, refusing to get all crazy-obsessive about this fame nonsense to the point where she dolls herself up in ways that make her uncomfortable (much as Alicia Keys may have done with the infamous leg hair -- sorry, Alicia, it just caught me by surprise; you stay happy and do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't involve more of those unfortunate Dove commercial-movies that used to air during The Hills).

But on the other side of the coin: Julia is not in the new Bond movie. She doesn't appear to be in any upcoming projects with any of the people who are in the new Bond movie. And yet, here she is at a red-carpet screening of the new Bond movie, looking like she's resisting her body's every urge to flee home and eat glass. So unless she mistakenly believed that a "quantum of solace" is something her bored soul might receive by showing up at this party -- or is being paid to show up, in which case, SMILE, kid; it's an easy gig -- there appears to be no good reason for her to attend if she doesn't want to be there. What gives, Julia? Listen, I just want you to enjoy yourself. Or, fake it just well enough that I stop worrying about you. You're an actress! You can do it.

October 15, 2008

Grindfug

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"Hmmmm," Rose McGowan seems to be thinking.

"Is it at all possible that this doesn't look as good as I thought it would look? I wonder. Surely not. It's a pillowcase I've repurposed as a dress. That's SO environmentally conscious of me and also terribly crafty. I'm certain all the supportive pats on the back and raised eyebrows I'm getting are just because people realize that I am awesome. Yes. Yes, of course that's it."

October 9, 2008

Byrdie Fug

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You guys, I have finally finished my correspondence course! Mind-Reading Through Photography 101! Just in time to interpret this photo of Socialite Byrdie Bell!

Okay, okay. I know I can do this. All right, let me focus in on the subject's eyes. Yes....yes....I'm getting something. She's thinking...."Take my picture, you foolish plebeian and stop looking at me." Uh, that's kind of rude. We could sort of tell that from her face, too, right? Um, let's see, I'm sensing something else... "My coat is awesome." True -- but a bit self-congratulatory. "My shoes f'ing rule, you loser." Yes, the shoes are good. But why so crabby, Socialite Byrdie Bell? "I'm also wearing my grandma's wrinkled old slip as a dress. So what? I can look like a cranky old bag with good taste in accessories crawling out to grab her copy of The National Enquirer before dawn breaks if I want to. Drop dead!" Hmm. Fair enough. It IS a free country. But there's no need to be such a crabapple! Just look down at those shoes, sugar plum. They ought to cheer anyone up.

September 24, 2008

Fug Hunter

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So, it seems Rachel Hunter has launched her own clothing line, like 87% of all celebrities currently living. And this is what she looked like promoting it:

[Photo: Splash]

Gosh, I can't IMAGINE why I haven't run out to buy it all. Girl, I get that those shoes hurt, but what did your hairbrush ever do to you?

Results tagged “please buy a steamer” from GoFugYourself

The Fuglight Saga: Fug Moon

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Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Elisabeth Moss

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Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Debbi Morgan

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Fugly the Spy

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Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Rachel Griffiths

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Critics' Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Kristen Bell

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The Bourne Fugtimatum

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Grindfug

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Byrdie Fug

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Fug Hunter

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