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October 22, 2009

Fug or Fab: Rachel Bilson

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This is the part where I talk about how cute Rachel Bilson is, and it's true. She IS really cute.

Oh, Rachel. I remember when you were on The O.C, and The O.C was good, and we were all so happy and young. Now I'm old, and you don't have a job. Which, by the way, is crazy: you're charming. You seriously should have a TV gig. In this outfit, actually, you look like you're on your way to the set of a TV version of Reality Bites -- because the 90s are ripe for a period piece nighttime soap -- in which you play, obviously, the Winona Ryder character. It's debatable whether or not I would still RELATE to the Winona Ryder character, as the last time I caught that movie on cable, I wanted to shake her and explain that dating the super hot slacker SEEMS like a good idea when you're 22, but it's actually NOT because that dude will flake on you for the remainder of your relationship and eventually maybe start hitting on your best friend. In fact, I just realized that I think the Ethan Hawke character in Reality Bites is essentially Justin-Bobby. DON'T DATE JUSTIN-BOBBY. It ends in tears.

Also debatable: the relative success of this 90s-inspired little get-up. I kinda like it, but it might just be nostalgia for the time when I didn't have gray hair. (I'm lying, you know. I had gray hair at 18. I've ALWAYS had gray hair.)

poll by twiigs.com

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Well Played: Chloe Sevigny

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polka dots,
yellow

You guys, I know this may rock you like a hurricane, but: I think The Sev might've been one of my favorites from last night.

Love the dots, like the yellow slip underneath that gives it an ethereal sheen, love the hip brooch... not sure what to make of the hair -- is it edgy, or just lazy? -- but at least it doesn't distract from her dress or look like a mangy rope of fake tresses borrowed from an old Star Trek movie (ahem, Blake Lively's Braid Thing).

And my good will is so robust that I might even be okay with this:

Continue reading Emmy Awards Well Played: Chloe Sevigny.

July 9, 2009

Unfug It Up: Emma Watson

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This one is fairly simple, Fug Nation -- or at least I think so -- but I am throwing it open to you anyway. Emma Watson is SO adorable and SO the anti-Lohan that I just want her to knock it out of the proverbial ball park every time; if I happen to be seated eating a hot dog and drinking bad beer out of a plastic cup when she does it, so much the better. Unfortunately, as much as I want to, I can't give this my full endorsement.

[Photo: Splash News]

It's like she wrapped a beach cover-up over a tank top, and then got drunk and went shoe-shopping. I'm not sure how else to explain those -- seriously, they are the color of those kidney-bean-shaped emesis basins that sit in hospital rooms, waiting for you to puke up the Jell-O you just ate. I am a little afraid she borrowed them from Daniel Radcliffe, who is clearly suffering from some kind of head injury that puts him on obedient auto-pilot anytime some dipshit with a toggle shows up at his front door.

The dress part has potential, but it's hard to see it when I'm being blinded by the rest. Clearly, I'd start a makeover with her feet: Avada Kedavra the hell out of those pink bastards and go with one of the chunky strappy sandals that all the kids love these days, or a cute pair of flats -- maybe even gold ones to play off her purse strap. And I'd like to see the dress without the tank, although I do so love Emma in color that I'd long for the chance to see if the polka-dot pattern worked even better in a hue. She's great in blue.

But what would you do? Get out your magic wands and wave them, although be careful if your co-workers are standing behind you trying to peek at what the hell is making you whip your arms around in the air like you just don't care. You don't want to maim anything except what's not working about this outfit.

You know the commenting rules: on-topic, no personal attacks, no Pepsi products, etc. Enjoy!

May 12, 2009

Well Played, Jessica Biel

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I was looking at this picture this morning and trying to remember when it was that I decided I didn't like Jessica Biel:

Because she never really did anything all that egregious and yet I just don't care for her and I couldn't pinpoint why. I think it all started when she made a bit of a fuss about distancing herself from 7th Heaven. Not that I liked 7th Heaven, particularly, but there's always something distasteful when someone publicly rejects the thing that made them famous. But I think the real issue came a couple of years ago where suddenly the Hollywood media machine decided Jessica Biel was the Next Big Thing and that we were going to LOVE HER despite the fact that she'd done really nothing all that embraceable. (Other than having a really great body, which is nothing to sneeze at -- I covet her guns here.) Suddenly she was all over the place and it was totally inexplicable, remember? Like, at the Oscars for no reason at all and named like The Sexiest Sex Symbol In the Universe and whatnot? And it kind of didn't work -- after all, she's not really that much more famous now than she ever was, even if she is dating probably one of the most famous dudes in the world. It's the same thing happened that with Sienna Miller. For a while, the movie-going public was told that we were supposed to be SUPER INTO this person, but we were all like, "....no, thank you. No, seriously. No, thank you. NO THANK YOU SERIOUSLY NOW I HATE THIS GIRL PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THIS. GOD PLEASE SHUT UP WITH THE ENDLESS YAPPING ABOUT THIS PERSON." So I went through a long period of really wrinkling my nose at Jessica Biel, is what I'm saying. And having said that AT LENGTH, I am able to be objective enough to say that I think she looks kind of great here and I love her lipstick color and the dress is good and she looks pretty. FINE. SHE LOOKS REALLY NICE. Are you happy now, Hollywood, ARE YOU?

Phew. God, I actually feel so much better now. I'm really glad I was able to talk that out. Next, can we tackle my inexplicable and undying love for Mandy Moore? I haven't figured that out yet, but I know it's there!

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Victoria Beckham

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The fact that our girl Posh was not even close to being the weirdest-dressed Met Ball attendee almost makes me wonder if we're in some kind of alternate universe, where up is down, down is up, high-waisted pants are universally flattering, and Intern George has a blemish.

But she's still the leggy, over-tanned exhibitionist we know and love. Or hate, or just can't be bothered to feel ANYTHING about except a mild urge to pack her back to a life of obscurity. As for how I feel about THIS, I don't know. It has all the Posh hallmarks: huge shoes that don't look especially comfortable (is she en pointe in those things?), a tiny skirt that jettisons her thigh muscles from the unbearable prison of fabric, and an eruption of attempted drama. The minidress kind of reminds me of an old-school swimsuit -- the type of thing we'd call a Bathing Costume, with the merest hint of a snooty accent to remind us that it's from Olden Times. The cape? Maybe a matching cover-up.

But I don't know if it's interesting enough to scream either fug OR fab, yet it's also not dullsville, because it's Posh, and she IS strutting around like a polka-dotted peacock. And when you factor in my general feelings of affection for Her Campiness, it's probably best to let you guys be the voice of judgment.

poll by twiigs.com

April 20, 2009

Nipfugs

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For a woman whose book is allegedly titled Nipples AND who says she shot, directed, and starred in a movie called Nipples: Secrets of my Dreams, this outfit isn't focusing on the part of Bai Ling that I assumed it would:

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Bai still whipped out that fantastic royal-wedding-caliber hat and some serious leg acreage. But if she is going to get that book published -- and PLEASE let that happen, because I need a copy, like, yesterday -- you'd think Bai would be doing a little more aggressive promotional work.

Right?

Right:

Continue reading Nipfugs.

February 16, 2009

Fug of Honor

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I just sat here for twenty minutes trying to remember if I've seen Maid of Honor, the movie Michelle Monaghan was in with Patrick Dempsey a few years ago. You know the one I mean: they're besties, he decides he loves her just as she gets engaged (or directly thereafter, though that's less flattering to him, as it implies he only love her when he couldn't have her anymore), she asks him to be her maid of honor, stereotypes of wedding-crazed women ensue as he gambols with the rest of bridesmaids, and then -- presumably after a series of misunderstandings that could have been cleared up with a simple discussion -- love is declared, her fiance is shuttled, and MM marries McDreamy. Am I close? I don't think I have seen it, but it sure feels like it after approximately 30 years of being near a television set. And now I suspect that Michelle has come straight from the set of the sequel she's currently filming, Maid of Honor II: The Servant Has Become the Master, in which the most wedding-crazed of her non-Dempsey bridesmaids finally snags a man and makes all of her own bridesmaids wear THE WORLD'S MOST HORRIFIC BRIDESMAID'S DRESS:

Holy Jordan almonds. Trying picking up a cute groomsman in THAT thing. You'd have an easier time setting up a souffle in a hurricane.

December 10, 2008

The Fuggit

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SCARJO: Well well, Eva. We meet again.

EVA MENDES: Can you believe we're both in this shitty-looking movie? The trailer is terrible.

SAMUEL L. JACKSON: I MOTHERF*&%ING LOVE IT.

SCARJO: Aren't you going to compliment my outfit, Eva? Don't I look better? Older?

EVA: Oh, sweetie. No. I mean, again, it's FINE, but... red lipstick doesn't make you look adult if you pair it with that hemline and that severe hair. Are you three feet tall? Is this your seventh-grade spring formal?

SAMUEL L.: GET THAT MOTHERF*&%ING HEMLINE OFF YOUR MOTHERF*&%ING SHINS.

SCARJO: Really? Dammit. There is no pleasing you people. At least the rest of it doesn't look like a spotted bedsheet...

EVA: Well, I just knew I wouldn't have to try that hard, because you'd do something weird and Samuel L. would wear velvet pants and I'd be the big winner no matter what. Plus, my shoes are amazing.

SAMUEL L: THOSE MOTHERF*&%ING SHOES SAVE THE WHOLE MOTHERF*&%ING OUTFIT. I AM MOTHERF*&%ING FEELING IT.

EVA: See?

SCARJO: I hate you all.

August 16, 2005

Teen Choice Fug: Hilary Duff

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Hilary Duff, in one swoop, is becoming the unwitting master of the scrolldown fug. During her hosting gig at the Teen Choice awards, she seemed to have significant trouble finishing what she started -- by which I mean, her dresses all look like relatively normal, fluffy, girly confections, until you scan her whole body and realize the outfits have whipped themselves into a fugly frenzy somewhere in the vicinity of her thighs.

Exhibit A: The red carpet dress. Perfectly cute bodice, and the color works on her...

[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

And then... bloomers. Or the effect of them, anyway; in an offbeat twist, I think it's actually just that her skirt is elasticized so that it bunches and billows around her bum. That ruffle is just irresponsible. I'm not sure which is actually worse -- real bloomers, or the yen to recreate the effect of bloomers by turning a dress into a drawstring sack. Is she stashing something up there? Is that where her she keeps her whitening trays? Did something bite her in the behind, causing it to swell to such insane proportions that only a pear-shaped outfit could cover it?

The whole thing is alarmingly, "Hilary Duff stars as Little Orphan Annie in the hotly anticipated sequel, Annie Warbucks: Betting Her Bottom Dollar, about the puckish sprite's adulthood as a surprise temptress."

Exhibit B: During the show.

I am not in love with the polka dots. Nor am I terribly enamored of Rob Schneider and his cuffed jeans-aloha shirt combo, but that's neither here nor there. No, my main beef is with the shredded and torn bottom of La Duff's frock, once again an outfit that started off just fine -- if a bit precious -- and tragically devolved into The Dog Ate My Wet Seal Dress.

She has the footwear down pat. Now if she could just attend to her mid-thigh region, we might be off and running toward an unfugging.

Might.

August 11, 2005

Herbie: Fugly, Loaded.

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Lindsay Lohan is at peace. Because when she finally becomes the strung-out, washed up 49-year old we all know she's destined to be -- clinging to cultural relevance almost as tightly as Ted Casablanca clings to the English language -- she can at least recycle this frumpy shirt, because it will finally be age-appropriate.

In fact, I expect this entire photo, right down to the ... er, "tired"... look in her eyes, will be recreated at that time -- probably at the premiere of some summer extravaganza starring a Peldon spawn and little Maddox Jolie.

Results tagged “polka dots” from GoFugYourself

Fug or Fab: Rachel Bilson

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Emmy Awards Well Played: Chloe Sevigny

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Unfug It Up: Emma Watson

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Well Played, Jessica Biel

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Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Victoria Beckham

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Nipfugs

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Fug of Honor

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The Fuggit

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Teen Choice Fug: Hilary Duff

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Herbie: Fugly, Loaded.

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