Wow, Robin Wright Penn just cannot win: First, she divorces Sean Penn for like the FIFTIETH TIME and now she's got no neck and finds herself caught in a straitjacket of her own arms. If this is More, I feel like she might prefer less.
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Wow, Robin Wright Penn just cannot win: First, she divorces Sean Penn for like the FIFTIETH TIME and now she's got no neck and finds herself caught in a straitjacket of her own arms. If this is More, I feel like she might prefer less.
So, we got this cover shot several times from a variety of our lovely Australian readers, and I meant to get to it before now, but...I don't know what happened. You know how it goes. You're minding your own business, just standing in front of the fridge for hours and eating peanut butter from a spoon, and then before you know it, the week is out and you didn't get nearly as much done as you intended and your pants don't fit anymore. Here's the thing: Kate Hudson is as cute as a basket of babies. THIS GIRL is cute too, but she's much pointier and more neckless than K. Hud and, call me crazy, but do any of us take a photo in the hopes that we'll turn out with less neck? Generally, the answer is no. On the other hand, I clearly need to read about what guys think of my outfits. Right now, my guess is that they're thinking, "damn. That girl has peanut butter all down the front of her shirt."
Oops, Fashion magazine -- because if Mary-Kate really "can't stand looking like everybody else," then she's probably going to hate this cover, in which she looks like: a) a fairly generic, if still pretty, tousled blonde with dark eye makeup wearing a boring white sweater; b) the Joker before he's applied his makeup for his daily fear-mongering rampage; and c) an actress who's had so much collagen shot into the skin under her nose that one might assume a duck bill had been implanted in there surgically. Now, I realize the quote probably means she hates DRESSING like everyone else -- which means she must be irate that the likes of Shenae Grimes and flame-haired fame-whoring doofus Phoebe Price have taken to wearing shredded, homeless-looking leggings, since M-K gets credit for first plucking that style from Zoolander and turning it into a fug phenomenon -- but it's also still kind of a weird choice for the cover from a girl who has a near-clone as a twin. You know Ashley's going to run across this cover and think, "Wait, is THAT why she never gets up to watch Full House with me during the early-morning reruns? I always thought she just hated my popcorn," and then we might be barreling toward a massive miscommunication and subsequent twin estrangement that not even the soothing touch of John Stamos can mend, and then where will we be? LOOK WHAT YOU'VE MAYBE DONE, FASHION MAGAZINE. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF.
Uh, this is awkward. Where to begin? Well, as one of the readers who alerted us to this pointed out, Kate Hudson could NOT have been more awkwardly Photoshopped into this scenario. I'm not even sure if that's actually HER. It might just be a Kate Hudson look-a-like, or a Kate Hudson cardboard stand-up which someone stole from the marketing department of whatever movie studio is producing the film in which she, apparently, is starring as one of the Real Housewives of Orange County. That would also explain why Hathaway is giving us that knowing, "KILL ME NOW" smirk. Also, perhaps because after suffering The Break-Up Of The Year, the last thing she wants to do is talk about weddings. If I were her, I would be asking my publicist if I could pose on the cover of, like, Can We Stop Talking About My Break-Up Monthly, or Yes, I DID Handle That Well; Let's Talk About Global Warming Or Whatever Now Weekly or Probably Just Going To Be Single For a While, But Don't Worry About Me, I'm Cool Review. That magazine has great book reviews, by the way. In case you were wondering.
I was made aware of this particular cover thanks to our friends at Girl With a Satchel, and....oh, SJP. It almost seems as though her eyes are looking in two different directions. Neither of which are at us.She just looks so tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired. And I get it. Hasn't she been promoting Sex and the City in one way or another for the last fifteen years? And now they're all blah blah blah sequel blah blah blah prequel blah blah blah books blah blah blah LET IT GO. SAY GOOD-BYE. NOW MIGHT NOT BE THE TIME TO MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT $1200 SHOES, YOU KNOW, CULTURALLY SPEAKING. Let your super-spendy time-capsule franchise take a wee vacation. Like the one SJP looks like she needs here. Girl can't even rouse herself to do anything about those roots. On the other hand, at least her top provides ample room for snack-related bloatery. I can't complain about that.
So, I was having my usual Monday night -- deep-conditioning my hair, watching Gossip Girl, eating delicacies wrapped in bacon, drinking heavily, worrying about my investments, thinking about boys, and catching up on my blog reading -- when I came across this particular delicacy (thanks to Girl With a Satchel). Cleo is an Australian magazine, and it looks rather entertaining, although I suspect I always think foreign magazines seem more entertaining than American ones just because I can't find them easily here and they therefore remind me of the kind of kicky vacation I cannot afford. That being said, I am pretty sure -- just from reading the cover! -- that I HAVE "shoppers dysmorphia," and also that I probably need to read about penis sprays, if only so that I can turn to my dining companions the next time I'm at brunch and go, "So I was reading this article about penis spray..." But we need to talk about J. Simp. Sweet merciful hot pants, I will give someone a dollar if they can get Jessica Simpson to appear on a magazine cover without looking like (a) someone just hit her on the head with a two-by-four or (b) as if she's a Fem-Bot whose settings are stuck on KILL WITH EXTREME BOREDOM. Really, a whole dollar. I know it's not much, but shouldn't we all be taking what we can get right now?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. Oh, god, I'm sorry. Just a second. Hang on. I have to catch my breath. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAH. Hee. Hee hee hee. Ahh. Hee. Oh, goodness. That was refreshing. A nice, hardy snicker first thing on a Friday morning. It does you some good. I really shouldn't laugh. But, "Ali Lohan is America's New Sweetheart"? Oh, that is rich. RICH, I tell you. If we love her so much, why are sitting back and allowing her to be strangled by a posse of rogue necklaces and her own hair? I ask you.
In the interest of starting on a positive note, I must admit that if Aussie magazine Shop 'Til You Drop were available here in the United States, I would totally be a subscriber. I am all about reading articles about fabulous bargains and what beauty editors are actually doing at home, and it goes without saying that I enjoy reading about the secrets of A List Hair (I suspect that in many cases, secret number one is: crazy expensive extensions). And if I were a subscriber, I can guarantee you that on the day I toddled downstairs to get my mail and pulled this out of the box, I would have said aloud to no one, "what is up with Rachel Bilson?" Because -- while I love me some Bilson and think she almost always looks adorable -- she truly could not look more perplexed here. Is the ginormo corset-belt impacting her ability to breath? Does she really hate that hat? Does she just want to get this over with and go home? Because that's how it looks.
On the other hand, I like her skirt. So she's got that going for her.
Results tagged “random-ass magazines” from GoFugYourself
August 19, 2009
Fug the Cover: Robin Wright Penn (?)
Wow, Robin Wright Penn just cannot win: First, she divorces Sean Penn for like the FIFTIETH TIME and now she's got no neck and finds herself caught in a straitjacket of her own arms. If this is More, I feel like she might prefer less.
June 19, 2009
Fug the Cover: Kate Hudson
March 12, 2009
Fug-or-Fab The Cover: SWINTON
This may be the best thing that's ever greeted me in the morning:
Yes, SWINTON. YES. Tyra Banks would drown in her own joyous slobber if one of the ANTM girls managed an angular, lean, high-fashion pose like that (instead, next cycle, she's picking only a bunch of short girls, presumably so she can then lament that none of them know how to look tall and then cut them for not growing). SWINTON is a skyscraper of a woman, but whatever optical illusion they're using -- a step-stool under the skirt? -- makes her look like a veritable beanstalk. Indeed, I wish this could be the Fug Madness statuette. If we kept an on-site metal-worker at GFY HQ, that person would be hard at work today as Intern George danced around clapping like a little girl at a Dora The Explorer festival.
Having said that, of course, it's definitely also a tiny bit freaky. Especially the way it looks like she's the love child of Max Headroom and one of the ashen, ethereal, bloodless Cullens (as described in the hideous Twilight book, as opposed to as depicted in the possibly even MORE hideous Twilight movie). But on the other hand, it's exactly the kind of cover styling one should use for SWINTON -- imagine how discordant it would feel if, say, she showed up on the cover of Redbook in a Talbot's floral smock and pastel lipstick. We'd all look up to make sure the sky wasn't falling, then run to confession just in case.
Yes, SWINTON. YES. Tyra Banks would drown in her own joyous slobber if one of the ANTM girls managed an angular, lean, high-fashion pose like that (instead, next cycle, she's picking only a bunch of short girls, presumably so she can then lament that none of them know how to look tall and then cut them for not growing). SWINTON is a skyscraper of a woman, but whatever optical illusion they're using -- a step-stool under the skirt? -- makes her look like a veritable beanstalk. Indeed, I wish this could be the Fug Madness statuette. If we kept an on-site metal-worker at GFY HQ, that person would be hard at work today as Intern George danced around clapping like a little girl at a Dora The Explorer festival.
Having said that, of course, it's definitely also a tiny bit freaky. Especially the way it looks like she's the love child of Max Headroom and one of the ashen, ethereal, bloodless Cullens (as described in the hideous Twilight book, as opposed to as depicted in the possibly even MORE hideous Twilight movie). But on the other hand, it's exactly the kind of cover styling one should use for SWINTON -- imagine how discordant it would feel if, say, she showed up on the cover of Redbook in a Talbot's floral smock and pastel lipstick. We'd all look up to make sure the sky wasn't falling, then run to confession just in case.
March 4, 2009
Fug the Cover: Mary-Kate Olsen
Oops, Fashion magazine -- because if Mary-Kate really "can't stand looking like everybody else," then she's probably going to hate this cover, in which she looks like: a) a fairly generic, if still pretty, tousled blonde with dark eye makeup wearing a boring white sweater; b) the Joker before he's applied his makeup for his daily fear-mongering rampage; and c) an actress who's had so much collagen shot into the skin under her nose that one might assume a duck bill had been implanted in there surgically. Now, I realize the quote probably means she hates DRESSING like everyone else -- which means she must be irate that the likes of Shenae Grimes and flame-haired fame-whoring doofus Phoebe Price have taken to wearing shredded, homeless-looking leggings, since M-K gets credit for first plucking that style from Zoolander and turning it into a fug phenomenon -- but it's also still kind of a weird choice for the cover from a girl who has a near-clone as a twin. You know Ashley's going to run across this cover and think, "Wait, is THAT why she never gets up to watch Full House with me during the early-morning reruns? I always thought she just hated my popcorn," and then we might be barreling toward a massive miscommunication and subsequent twin estrangement that not even the soothing touch of John Stamos can mend, and then where will we be? LOOK WHAT YOU'VE MAYBE DONE, FASHION MAGAZINE. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF.
December 19, 2008
Fug the Cover: Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway
Uh, this is awkward. Where to begin? Well, as one of the readers who alerted us to this pointed out, Kate Hudson could NOT have been more awkwardly Photoshopped into this scenario. I'm not even sure if that's actually HER. It might just be a Kate Hudson look-a-like, or a Kate Hudson cardboard stand-up which someone stole from the marketing department of whatever movie studio is producing the film in which she, apparently, is starring as one of the Real Housewives of Orange County. That would also explain why Hathaway is giving us that knowing, "KILL ME NOW" smirk. Also, perhaps because after suffering The Break-Up Of The Year, the last thing she wants to do is talk about weddings. If I were her, I would be asking my publicist if I could pose on the cover of, like, Can We Stop Talking About My Break-Up Monthly, or Yes, I DID Handle That Well; Let's Talk About Global Warming Or Whatever Now Weekly or Probably Just Going To Be Single For a While, But Don't Worry About Me, I'm Cool Review. That magazine has great book reviews, by the way. In case you were wondering.
October 16, 2008
Fug the Cover: Sarah Jessica Parker
September 30, 2008
Fug the Cover: Jessica Simpson
So, I was having my usual Monday night -- deep-conditioning my hair, watching Gossip Girl, eating delicacies wrapped in bacon, drinking heavily, worrying about my investments, thinking about boys, and catching up on my blog reading -- when I came across this particular delicacy (thanks to Girl With a Satchel). Cleo is an Australian magazine, and it looks rather entertaining, although I suspect I always think foreign magazines seem more entertaining than American ones just because I can't find them easily here and they therefore remind me of the kind of kicky vacation I cannot afford. That being said, I am pretty sure -- just from reading the cover! -- that I HAVE "shoppers dysmorphia," and also that I probably need to read about penis sprays, if only so that I can turn to my dining companions the next time I'm at brunch and go, "So I was reading this article about penis spray..." But we need to talk about J. Simp. Sweet merciful hot pants, I will give someone a dollar if they can get Jessica Simpson to appear on a magazine cover without looking like (a) someone just hit her on the head with a two-by-four or (b) as if she's a Fem-Bot whose settings are stuck on KILL WITH EXTREME BOREDOM. Really, a whole dollar. I know it's not much, but shouldn't we all be taking what we can get right now?
August 29, 2008
Fug the Cover: Ali Lohan
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. Oh, god, I'm sorry. Just a second. Hang on. I have to catch my breath. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAH. Hee. Hee hee hee. Ahh. Hee. Oh, goodness. That was refreshing. A nice, hardy snicker first thing on a Friday morning. It does you some good. I really shouldn't laugh. But, "Ali Lohan is America's New Sweetheart"? Oh, that is rich. RICH, I tell you. If we love her so much, why are sitting back and allowing her to be strangled by a posse of rogue necklaces and her own hair? I ask you.
July 24, 2008
Fug the Cover: Rachel Bilson
In the interest of starting on a positive note, I must admit that if Aussie magazine Shop 'Til You Drop were available here in the United States, I would totally be a subscriber. I am all about reading articles about fabulous bargains and what beauty editors are actually doing at home, and it goes without saying that I enjoy reading about the secrets of A List Hair (I suspect that in many cases, secret number one is: crazy expensive extensions). And if I were a subscriber, I can guarantee you that on the day I toddled downstairs to get my mail and pulled this out of the box, I would have said aloud to no one, "what is up with Rachel Bilson?" Because -- while I love me some Bilson and think she almost always looks adorable -- she truly could not look more perplexed here. Is the ginormo corset-belt impacting her ability to breath? Does she really hate that hat? Does she just want to get this over with and go home? Because that's how it looks.
On the other hand, I like her skirt. So she's got that going for her.
May 8, 2008
Fug the Cover: Scarlett Johansson
I guess none of ScarJo's "Five Dads" taught her to avoid looking like a bizarrely coiffed alien on the cover of magazines? Huh. You'd think one of them would have covered that.
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