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November 20, 2009

How To Be Fugmous

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[Photo: PacificCoastOnline.com]

HEIDI: Come on, Spencer, pose for the photo with me. It'll be a wonderful thing to show our children.

SPENCER: Say WHAT, jive turkey?

HEIDI: Oh, please. You know this is coming. I've been fake-nagging you about it on The Hills all season, but you didn't think it wasn't going to HAPPEN, did you?

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Stay strong, Spencer. DO NOT PROCREATE.

SPENCER: Listen, little lady, nobody can pin me down. I'm Grease Lightning.

HEIDI: Don't you think it would be just ADORABLE to have a little girl I can dress in a tiny version of this outfit? She'll be so glamorous! Like Suri Cruise crossed with a prostitute!

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: This can't be allowed to happen, for the good of humankind.

SPENCER: Shut it down, woman. T-Birds like me need to fly free.

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Should I take out one of them? Is this my "What If" moment?

HEIDI: Spencer. Do you KNOW how much more rich and famous we'll be if I get pregnant? That's like seven months' worth of photo opportunities, plus baby-shower pictures we can sell, PLUS the birth photos and the first family photos, a guest-hosting spot on The View...

SPENCER: We'll be so rich we can pay someone else to raise it!

HEIDI: Exactly!

SPENCER: So let's do this thing. You're not as dumb as you look, baby girl.

HEIDI: I'm not as dumb as YOU look, either. Seriously, lose the greaser bouffant. And don't ever call me a "jive turkey" again or else I'll refuse to let us hire a nanny.

SPENCER: OH GOD NO. Consider it lost.

HEIDI: I thought so.

DUDE IN BACKGROUND: Please, God, let him be shooting blanks.

November 13, 2009

Fug City

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Every time I watch Olivia Palermo here on The City, I want to smack her. Whenever she's at her job for Elle, she acts like she's doing everyone there a favor by gracing them with her presence, AND she totally isn't backing that up with awesome work. Instead, she seems like she's completely half-assing that job and nothing makes me MORE ANNOYED than someone with a great job who just sort of does the bare minimum and then acts put upon when her coworkers are pissed that she's phoning it in. I've worked with people like her and they always made me want to whack them across the back of the head with a three-ring binder. (Although I must say that I think one of the reasons The City is more interesting to me than The Hills is that The City focuses much more on people's careers -- at least as much, if not more, than their relationships, whereas The Hills is SOLELY about people's almost completely scripted relationship dramas. Not that I'm not interested in relationship drama, trust me, but on these shows, said drama generally consists of people having UTTERLY OBLIQUE conversations that are nearly in code, and then staring blankly at the horizon. So watching Kelly Cutrone waltz into her office on The City like the head bitch in charge that she is, whipping everyone's lazy ass into shape and having no sympathy for their juvenile and possibly fictional issues, is totally satisfying. NO ONE on The Hills even GOES to work and therefore seemingly has no interest in doing ANYTHING with her life other than maybe hooking up with Brody and it's SO BORING. GET A GODDAMN JOB, GIRLS, as R. Kelly would say.) Anyway, where was I? Right. Olivia: a maddening coworker. BUT: she is insanely good-looking and has great hair and usually is beautifully pulled together. So THIS is particularly surprising:

Sweet sausage biscuits, what have we here? Sequined tap pants, an Asian-inspired belted vest, and granny's cardigan. This is the sort of thing that happens when you're picking out your ensemble after a bender of prescription muscle relaxers, boxed wine and deep-fried HoHos. I hope it goes without saying that my most fervent wish is for this kind of thing to become a habit for Olivia, so that I can look forward to seeing her on the finale of The City wearing, like, denim cut-offs, a Bedazzled coconut bra, an Elizabethan ruff and a cape.

November 9, 2009

Real Housefugs of New York

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Have I totally lost the plot, or is Kelly Bensimon walking down the street wearing her bath mat?

I'm serious. And this is honestly not even that surprising. Having watched many an episode of every Real Housewife franchise -- because I have no shame -- I can truthfully testify that Kelly Bensimon DOES seem to be the sort of person who might look down at her bathroom floor and think, "THIS. I'm going to wear THIS." I mean, she also jogs down 5th Avenue. THE STREET SECTION. NOT THE SIDEWALK. Wearing a bath mat probably seems neither bizarre nor questionable to the mind who doesn't see anything weird about forcing traffic to follow her at low speeds while she trots through the streets of New York. We should probably be glad it isn't her shower curtain.

November 6, 2009

The Fuglls

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Okay, Kristin, we see you. And we covet your abs. Mission accomplished.

November 5, 2009

Erin Fugcas

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Erin Lucas is doing a bang-up job getting herself on people's invitation lists, considering she only made it through one season of The City before ~~being deemed too boring to continue~~ deciding to leave. But she might want to try making a bit MORE out of those opportunities:

[Photo: WENN.com]

I mean, I'm pretty sure Erin got those slacks by aisle-jacking a flight attendant who is three inches shorter than she is. Come fly her fugly skies.

October 28, 2009

Fugdi Monfug

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[Photo: WENN.com]

AUDRINA: So what I'm saying is, Heidi, you totally look like a prostitute. I mean, an ACTUAL prostitute, not just a symbolic fame whore.

HEIDI: Really? Well, you look short.

AUDRINA: Only YOU would find those things equally offensive.

October 15, 2009

Lo Bosworfug

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I don't mind the trend of wearing boyfriend shirts, but there are better ways to do it than this:

[Photo: WENN.com]

That outfit right there is a walk of shame from your boss's limo. It's so half-assed. Put your WHOLE ass into it next time, please Lo.

October 13, 2009

Sheree Whitfug

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Sometimes, people ask us why we harp on jumpsuits so much.

This might be Exhibit A in defense of our position.

October 5, 2009

The Fugple Life

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[Photo: Splash News]

DOUG: Hey, Paris?

PARIS: Yes, Doug?

DOUG: What time is it?

PARIS: It's... hmm, let me see... Time To Stop Wearing Headbands O'Clock.

DOUG: Are you sure?

PARIS: Let me check again. It could ALSO be Crotch-Flash-Thirty.

DOUG: They BOTH sound right.

PARIS: Oh, no, wait, I can see -- it's actually a quarter past Our 15 Minutes Should Have Been Up Two Years Ago.

DOUG: I KNEW it.

October 2, 2009

Lauren Bfugworth

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I think what we have here is a problem of proportions.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

That's probably a perfectly cute bronze jacket, a relatively fine or at least unobtrusive black top, and a normal skirt. But together, as worn on the town for Lo's birthday, they hit her in too many different places: The shirt cinches under the boobs, then the jacket falls below that, then the shirt cuts her across the widest part of her hips, and then finally the skirt. They do not work in concert with one another. And personally, on MY birthday, I don't want to look like I'm hiding a baby bump unless I actually AM. IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO TELL US, LO?

Okay, probably not. In which case, Lo might want to take the $100,000 per episode that she makes just to stand around and look pissy and nod, and give it to a personal shopper.

Results tagged “reality TV” from GoFugYourself

How To Be Fugmous

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Fug City

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Real Housefugs of New York

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The Fuglls

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Erin Fugcas

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Fugdi Monfug

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Lo Bosworfug

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Sheree Whitfug

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The Fugple Life

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Lauren Bfugworth

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