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November 16, 2009

Love Fug

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I've just spent like twenty minutes staring at Chloe Sevigny here:

The only conclusion that I've reached is that I would have LOVED this outfit when I was eight years old. Smocking, AND glitter, AND puffed sleeves!?! (Like Anne Shirley, I found puffed sleeves to be the height of sophistication as a youth.) A color palette complimentary to my Lemon Meringue doll? A faint whiff of Figure Skater to the entire undertaking. Sold! Sold for two weeks worth of allowance and six Scratch 'n' Sniff stickers to 3rd Grade Jessica!

October 23, 2009

Miss Fugly

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"Hey guys,"

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry I'm late but you wouldn't BELIEVE what I had to go through to get here. First, so I'm leaving my apartment, right? And I'm waiting for the elevator and it gets to my floor and the door opens and I walk in and I fall right down the elevator shaft. The door just opened and the car wasn't there! But luckily I only fell like....I dunno....thirty feet? Right. So, I manage to shimmy up the wall of the elevator shaft and I haul myself up onto my floor and I decide, fine -- I'll take the stairs. So I take all forty flights of stairs and when I get outside, I realize I'm really running late, so I decide to cut through the park, okay? So I'm walking along minding my own business and the next thing you know, I swear to God, this cat the size of a goat FLIES out of a tree and onto my head. So I'm wrestling this feral cat for seriously I don't even know how long, like at least twenty minutes. And then once I ditched the cat, I had to run, you know, because I know I'm really late now, and of course it's dark, and I'm in these heels and then OF COURSE I tripped and I fell into a giant pile of brambles. I do NOT know what they were doing in the middle of the pathway, it must have been some kind of gardening miscommunicado, but it took me forever to extract myself from them, and, actually, I think some of them might have been on fire. And then just as I was leaving of the park, a gang of girl hoodlums jumped me and stole my bag and made fun of my ponytail, like all, 'Didn't you learn anything from The September Issue? Why is your dress all covered in holes and torn up at the bottom? We hated G.I. Joe,' and I was like, 'bitch, I just fell down an elevator shaft, wrestled a feral cat, was brutally attacked by flora, almost caught on fire, and had my bag stolen by hooligans. How do you EXPECT ME TO LOOK? I'VE HAD A LONG NIGHT.' And after that, they left me alone.

Anyway. That's why I'm late. And why my dress looks like it's just been through the third act of a Michael Bay film. So sorry. Can someone just direct me to the bar? Thanks."

October 23, 2009

Fugging Out: My Look, My Style, My Life

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Come on, guys.

What did you EXPECT Kate Price to wear to promote her new style guide, Standing Out: My Look, My Style, My Life? (I am devastated, by the way, by my assumption that said book will never be published on our American shores.) (Also, you need to see what she wore in the photos accompanying that article. IT IS...BIZARRE AND AMAZING. BIZMAZING.) Frankly, I can't believe she isn't out and about wearing, like, hotpants with her own face bedazzled onto them and pasties made of her book jacket. THAT is what I've come to expect from Katie Price. But an ensemble that appears to be the result of a Star Trek-themed challenge on Project Runway: Juniors (a show I just invented: tweens and teens making outfits! It will be both awesome and INSUFFERABLE)? BORING.

October 8, 2009

Lady Marmfuglade

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Happy Birthday, Mya!

We're THRILLED to see that NASA has accepted your application for astronaut training. However... I don't know how to tell you this, but your left breast has grown eyelashes. Let's all join hands and pray that Mammarial Mascara Syndrome is not a medical condition that would keep you on the ground. Personally, I don't see the harm in one of your boobs winking while you're floating around enjoying the lack of gravity, but then again, I'm not a rocket scientist.

September 29, 2009

Dita Von I Wish Dita Had More Credits For My Use In This Space

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I know girlfriend has a look.

But at this point, if I saw Dita von Teese somewhere wearing jeans, boots, and a tank top, I SWEAR TO GOD, I would go up to her and give her a nice crisp $20.

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Phoebe Price

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HOW IS SHE STILL GETTING TICKETS TO THIS THING?

It certainly isn't because of her contributions to our combined sartorial health and wellness.

September 3, 2009

Fug or Fab: Olivia Wilde

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grey,
shiny

I love Olivia Wilde, and not because she managed to slog her way through that somewhat poorly-executed Marissa Experiments With Lesbianism storyline on The OC without visibility rolling her eyes on camera.

I love her because when she was interviewed about being ranked Number One on Maxim's Hot 100 List over the summer, she was kind of hilarious, noting that she was "honored to be considered warmer than the average taco," saying that she stays so hot thanks to "fourteen tablespoons cayenne pepper in [her] VERY HOT coffee each morning," and she used the word "thrice." Anyone who uses the word "thrice" is automatically noted as A Friend of GFY. And she certainly is very pretty. But let's talk about her dress. Does it make me want to running screaming out into the yard and set the squirrels on fire with rage? Absolutely not. In fact, I think I might like it. And it looks comfortable. You guys know how I feel about clothing in which I feel that I could comfortably eat an enchilada platter or two: VERY pro. But I woke up this morning and thought it was Friday, so who knows if I'm on the right track.

poll by twiigs.com

August 27, 2009

Fugberly Wyatt

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I wonder if Nicole Scherzinger is trying to get out of the Pussycat Dolls again. You'd think after her terrible and poorly received solo album, she'd have abandoned dreams of Beyoncedom -- but given that Kimberly Wyatt here seems to be working overtime to get some face recognition lately, maybe she's being dispatched strategically so that if Nicole DOES leave, people will have a vague idea who one of the remaining band members is.

Certainly she is making herself unforgettable.

It takes balls to dress like you just covered yourself in glue and then shot yourself out of a confetti cannon. If Dolly Parton did the costumes for Where The Wild Things Are, they would look like this.

August 26, 2009

Fugstin Cavallarfug

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I have to say, even though you guys know I love drama, I can't muster up any enthusiasm for Kristin Cavallari being back on The Hills. If you're going to give a ton of interviews all about how you're just stirring up shit for the sake of the show, then it makes me totally uninterested in watching it -- like, at least with Spencer and Heidi, even as we sit through them pretending to go to couples therapy, they are actually married so there's always the hope she will throw a shoe at his nose and punch him in the douchebag and then walk out on him for good. And no matter what contrived situations exist to throw Heidi and Lauren into the same orbit, the hatred between her and Spencer is legit. But I just don't CARE about K.Cav swanning in there and dating people just because it will make a good act-out, like, say, riding off with Justin Bobby on his motorcycle so that we get a shot of Audrina staring off after them but not quite making actual eye contact with anything. Snore.

Now that I've got that off my chest, let's see what Kristin has put on hers. (Nice transition, eh?)

That thing is, like, two parts Tara Reid, and one part something a Williams sister is considering wearing to play tennis. It's got that special blend of impracticality and glitz that half the ladies' tour so cherishes these days. I'm all for cute workout clothes, but when your clothes feasibly could work or either kind of service -- the bottle OR ace variety -- then mayhap you have taken it too far. The U.S. Open is not played in Taradise, folks. Let's not try to clothe the world as if it is.

August 17, 2009

Unfug it Up: Danica McKellar

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I can't bring myself to be mean to Danica McKellar:

She's Winner Cooper. No one my age can really feel anything but affection for Winnie Cooper, even if sometimes you wanted to be like, "Kevin Arnold! Stop whining about Winnie Cooper! Something EXTREMELY POIGNANT is about to happen and you need to be present for it!"
She has a math theorem named after her. That is awesome. I can't even get a sandwich named after me.
We went to UCLA at the same time -- it was truly the golden age of Child Star Celebrity Students at UCLA, as at one point I was a student alongside Danica, Mayim Bialik (whom I once saw wearing a Girl Scout Uniform, with green hair, pulling her books in a little Red Wagon), Evie from Out of This World, and, best of all, URKEL. Although considering how much he rolled with the basketball team, I presume it was actually Stefan Urquelle.
However. Let us be honest. This was a bad idea, even if she did wear it to the premiere of Legally Blonde: The Musical. For one thing, she looks like a Pink Lady, and that's an entirely different production.
Can this be FIXED?
I kind of think not.
But you guys are often smarter than I am. Some of you may have theorems yourself. So pretend you're on Project Runway and you have to make something out of this. GO!

Results tagged “shiny” from GoFugYourself

Love Fug

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Miss Fugly

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Fugging Out: My Look, My Style, My Life

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Lady Marmfuglade

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Dita Von I Wish Dita Had More Credits For My Use In This Space

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Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Phoebe Price

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Fug or Fab: Olivia Wilde

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Fugberly Wyatt

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Fugstin Cavallarfug

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Unfug it Up: Danica McKellar

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