Results tagged “so very loud” from GoFugYourself

November 13, 2009

Fug City

Every time I watch Olivia Palermo here on The City, I want to smack her. Whenever she's at her job for Elle, she acts like she's doing everyone there a favor by gracing them with her presence, AND she totally isn't backing that up with awesome work. Instead, she seems like she's completely half-assing that job and nothing makes me MORE ANNOYED than someone with a great job who just sort of does the bare minimum and then acts put upon when her coworkers are pissed that she's phoning it in. I've worked with people like her and they always made me want to whack them across the back of the head with a three-ring binder. (Although I must say that I think one of the reasons The City is more interesting to me than The Hills is that The City focuses much more on people's careers -- at least as much, if not more, than their relationships, whereas The Hills is SOLELY about people's almost completely scripted relationship dramas. Not that I'm not interested in relationship drama, trust me, but on these shows, said drama generally consists of people having UTTERLY OBLIQUE conversations that are nearly in code, and then staring blankly at the horizon. So watching Kelly Cutrone waltz into her office on The City like the head bitch in charge that she is, whipping everyone's lazy ass into shape and having no sympathy for their juvenile and possibly fictional issues, is totally satisfying. NO ONE on The Hills even GOES to work and therefore seemingly has no interest in doing ANYTHING with her life other than maybe hooking up with Brody and it's SO BORING. GET A GODDAMN JOB, GIRLS, as R. Kelly would say.) Anyway, where was I? Right. Olivia: a maddening coworker. BUT: she is insanely good-looking and has great hair and usually is beautifully pulled together. So THIS is particularly surprising:


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Sweet sausage biscuits, what have we here? Sequined tap pants, an Asian-inspired belted vest, and granny's cardigan. This is the sort of thing that happens when you're picking out your ensemble after a bender of prescription muscle relaxers, boxed wine and deep-fried HoHos. I hope it goes without saying that my most fervent wish is for this kind of thing to become a habit for Olivia, so that I can look forward to seeing her on the finale of The City wearing, like, denim cut-offs, a Bedazzled coconut bra, an Elizabethan ruff and a cape.

Oh, Beyonce, you coy little mistress of mischief.

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I can't be positive, but I have a sneaking suspicion that dress is secretly an abstract painting of a flamingo done entirely in oils and sequins, from Monet's lesser-known "psychic"delic period -- you know, where he'd abuse drugs in order to hallucinate the future and create things for Linda Evans to wear as blouses. They don't teach it much in art history, but trust me, it came right between his drag era and the time he gave up painting altogether to become a cobbler who specialized in turning Easter baskets into wedge sandals.
June 12, 2009

Fugsin Murphy

Oh, hooray. I was getting worried that, after inducting Roisin Murphy into the ranks of Fug Madness contenders, she'd go and drop off the face of the planet, thus denying us that which we so crave from her. But not so.

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And while this certainly isn't up to -- down to? -- her usual standards of wackitude, it DOES feel like she threw a loud caftan, a flight attendant's uniform, and some kitchen wallpaper into the washing machine with her favorite white housedress, ran the cycle on hot, and waited for it all to bleed into a pattern. Bless.

June 12, 2009

Waking Up In Fugas

I'm starting to wonder if Grease was actually a documentary, and Katy Perry's costumer/personal shopper is one of the former Pink Ladies.

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[Photo: WENN.com]

Here's hoping it's at LEAST one of the crew from Grease 2 that she's working with -- yes, Rizzo was awesome, but those idiots from the sequel seemed like way more fun. Bursting into song while bowling, learning about plant reproduction, attempting to get it on in an old bomb shelter, AND at gas stations? Running around shouting the correct spelling of "Cool Rider" to nobody in particular? YES. For sheer lunacy that beats a choreographed number at the lunch tables any day.
June 8, 2009

Fugtie Fugce

Often, we've entreated Katie Price to cover up, or put various things away.

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But an unflattering $10 rhinestone-studded mini-caftan in a subtle shade of Violent Sunburn is not exactly the solution I envisioned. Which may be for the best -- after all, I did always assume that the day Katie Price's tastes and mine dovetail into beautiful alignment would be the day I leave the house in legwarmers over leggings and a shirt made of Ruffles bags. So, you know, we've got at least a few weeks to go yet.
June 5, 2009

Fugison Fugfrapp

Having just discussed (via Spencer Grammer) that I appreciate when celebrities have a favorite piece they pull out on multiple occasions, along comes Alison Goldfrapp with this little beauty:

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She's totally revisiting a shirt she wore two years and one week ago, when I first confessed my profound fascination with her surname. To Alison's credit, her hair doesn't look quite as goldfrapped in this picture, although her pants look like they got royally goldfrapped in the limo on the way over to the party.

On the whole, while her enthusiasm for sequins is appreciated, I'm not sure it was advisable to dip her nib back into this particular sparkly inkwell. Unless she's headed to a business meeting at which she's pitching Xanadu-meets-The Office, then she should've left this shirt -- WAIT FOR IT -- Suspended In Time.

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to IKEA to buy a very sensibly designed GOLDFRÃ…P bookshelf.

April 15, 2009

Fuggles

Things of Which You Should Make a Note:

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1) Bai Ling may be the only person in the world who could show up somewhere in taxicab yellow short shorts and an aggressively colored/patterned shiny button down and my reaction would be, "aw, Bai Ling looks cute!" This is the consequence of living a life wherein you become known for wearing, like, coconut shell bras and Saran wrap pants. You show up in something that is the loud/crotchtacular version of Palm Beach As Interpreted Via Clothing and I think you look kind of secretly adorable.

2) How cute is Bai when she's all smiley? I feel like for the last four years, I've only ever seen her make CRAZY faces or SEXY faces and her smiley face is really rather charming. Yes, years of exposure to me have made me sort of love her. It's basically Stockholm Syndrome.

3) OKAY. This is the important part. According to our friends at the San Francisco Chronicle, Bai Ling's forthcoming book is called....seriously, I hope you're reading this sitting down....NIPPLES. 

YES.

(PS: You need to read that interview, by the way. It is kind of amazing. [OMG, so is this one. Please treat yourself.])

I can not, of course, find anywhere to buy NIPPLES or pre-order NIPPLES or check NIPPLES out from some kind of intergalactic library. But I hope it goes without saying that I NEED TO READ THIS BOOK. RIGHT NOW.
April 8, 2009

Fug N Cold

My EYES. SWEET SAUSAGE SANDWICH, my EYES!

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[Photo: Splash News]

This is a mind-bending satin collage of every sample picture that has ever come pre-loaded on any computer -- like having a hallucination involving marine life living inside a book of fabric swatches. I don't know whether to call my doctor or change my desktop background.

Apparently, one of the things Katy Perry did in this outfit was go bowling. I will ONLY accept that as logical if her date was this man:
I'm starting to feel like almost every post about Posh should be a Fug or Fab, because I am usually torn between the part of me that loves it when she's cuckoo and the part of me that thinks like a rational human being -- or the part of me that can't tell whether she's NOT being crazy at all, or if I just THINK she's not being crazy because what she's wearing isn't AS crazy as it usually is. Does that make ME crazy? As Gnarls Barkley once mused: possibly.

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

So here, one part of my brain thinks, "That is an awesomely bold color, and the outfit is practically demure considering this is a person who once wore a strapless corset and hot pants to a Glamour party celebrating fashionable women. And she kind of pulls it off. I might love it. I might wish I could own it in a hue slightly less turned-up-to-eleven. I might want to know how much boob tape she's using. She might need to lay off the bronzer. I wonder if she's growing out that haircut. Wow, you could use her cheekbones to serve dip at a cocktail party. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, the dress. I STILL might like it."

And then the other part chimes in with, "Yeah, but are you REALLY ready to embrace a dress that looks like the marriage between a giant blazer and a tennis skirt?"



Sweet, sweet Bai Ling. After all that relatively staid formal wear, THIS is more like it:

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For, see, you ARE a gift. You are the proverbial enigma filled with a mystery dipped in a candy-coated puzzle, topped with a shredded pile of Care Bears, drizzled in melted My Little Pony toys, and then all wrapped up in a giant ribbon hanging over your privates as though they are the Lexus that mysteriously appeared in front of your house in Christmas morning. Never leave me.

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