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September 29, 2009

Fuglyoaks

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Loui Batley here is on the Brit soap Hollyoaks:

Rumor has it that she's leaving at the end of the year and will "go out with a bang." Bear in mind that, thus far, her character Sarah has: intentionally blown a change to swim at the Olympics so as to enact revenge on her mother, who slept with Sarah's boyfriend in an attempt to force Sarah to break up with him so that she could spend more time on her swimming; got back together with the dude who slept with her mom, and let him take naked photos of her, which he then showed to everyone they knew; got engaged to a gay guy who kind of tried to assault her and who ended their relationship by calling her a whore; forgave the assaulting whore-caller; became a model; saw her mother incarcerated in a mental institution; got back together with the dude who slept with her mom, but broke it off with him AGAIN after she found out he was just dating her to get over being in love with his own half-sister; caused a friend's nervous breakdown after he caught her sleeping with his physics professor in his bed; starting dating and subsequently was dumped by the dude who had the nervous breakdown; had a drunken, lesbian encounter with her own step-mother; was then disowned; dated her step-mother's brother until she found out he had a nasty habit of rating all his conquests in a book; and decided she is a lesbian, who then nearly immediately almost accidentally poisoned her new girlfriend.

So, several things.

This woman clearly has no time to worry about her clothing, leading to...this.
WHY DON'T WE GET HOLLYOAKS IN THE UNITED STATES?

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Victoria Rowell

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soap stars,
WTF

Okay. There is expressing excitement about and support for Barack Obama, and then there's this:

Does there have to be an Etsy store for everything?!? He's not a SOUVENIR. He's the PRESIDENT.

September 3, 2009

Lemondrop.com: Soap Star Fashion

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soap stars

Wondering what to wear if, as in the case of one Ms Erica Kane Martin Brent Cudahy Chandler Montgomery Montgomery Marrick Marrick Marrick Mongomery, you:

"...have been married twelve times -- many of them invalid -- and been to prison twice, kidnapped by Latin American terrorists, became disfigured in a car accident, and had an abortion that magically came back to life thirty years later."?

Have we ever let you down? Check out our latest column on Lemondrop about soapy situations and the outfits they led to at this past week's Daytime Emmys. If you're not in the middle of throwing someone down a mineshaft or impersonating your twin sister so as to steal her baby and sell it to mobsters to pay off your drug debts, that is. That could take awhile.

September 2, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Lesley-Anne Down

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It seems Lesley-Anne Down is using a headband to hide her weirdly delineated hair.

Fortunately, though, she is not hiding her Crazy.

She looks like she's posing for Mrs. Peacock on a new set of Clue cards. Parenthetically, I never did understand why Mrs. Peacock in the movie wore orange, because peacock generally refers to a shade of blue, yet Eileen Brennan was decked out in fall-foliage colors. Not that I would ever, EVER question that movie, because it is perfection. But I approve of this as a secondary option: It's costumey, it includes a purse that could conceal a gun one might use to shoot a singing-telegram girl, the gloves would leave no fingerprints, and all that ruching might ably hide the contours of a sinister wrench stuffed in a lady's underclothing. So, you know: Everything a girl needs for a rainy night out on the town in a mysterious house.

August 31, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Rachel Melvin

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Misunderstandings can be so uncomfortable.

For instance, this dress is clearly what happens when someone says, "Aw, send a corsage to the widow," and a minion accidentally hears, "Send a corset to the widow," and then all of a sudden some bereaved lady puts a dress on eBay that looks like she's wearing her grief on her chest, and a soap star smells a bargain. I call that story Not Without My Eulogy: Mother, May I Sleep With The Fishes?, and I am selling it to Lifetime, stat.

August 31, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Unfug It Up: Molly Burnett

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green,
soap stars

Ah, a girl's first Daytime Emmy Awards. Such a special, unforgettable time.

Special because she gets to go and mingle with industry luminaries -- and they DO EXIST, people; Susan Lucci does not get to be the personification of Awards Show Failure by being a dim light in entertainment -- and unforgettable because someday Molly will look at this photo and think, "Well. Whoever suggested I hide the dirt on my hem by pinning the outer layer to my underpants was an IDIOT." The poor kid also suffers from Boobs Akimbo Syndrome and its dastardly relative, Wonky Waist Detail Disease. I'll see her name-calling of the person who suggested this outfit, and raise her a serious finger wagging at whoever unlocked the limo doors.

What would you do to fix this, Fug Nation? I think the silly second hemline should be nixed, and then it needs refitting along the bust. I also might get rid of the studded waist, because it looks kind of like a cheap bracelet you'd buy at an open-air stand along a beach boardwalk. But that's just one idea. Put on your Rachel Zoe caftans and have your way with this outfit. You know the rules: Stay on topic, be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.

August 31, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Debbi Morgan

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I love Debbi Morgan. LOVE HER. I totally remember way back in the day, the first time she played Angie on All My Children, she and Jesse were this amazing super couple and then -- conveniently while I was home from school on summer vacation -- Jesse got shot and DIED and Angie totally cried over his dead body in this hospital and EVERYONE ELSE cried too, including my mother who -- if I remember correctly -- was doing some ironing at the time. It was even more upsetting than the time Jenny Gardner's jet ski exploded. So when she and Darnell Williams, who played Jesse, came back to AMC this year, I was very excited because I LOVE them, and then I sort of started watching All My Children again, which is great because I totally don't watch enough television. But despite my mad love for Debbi, I do wish she'd worn....something that wasn't this:

This looks like a parachute that didn't properly deploy. Which I honestly can't believe I haven't seen happen on MORE soaps. Flinging someone out of a plane with a non-working parachute is just as awesome as tossing them down an elevator shaft or locking them in an abandoned mine, but also, unfortunately for Debs, said parachutes are not very flattering.

I will, however, let it slide, mostly because talking about Debbi Morgan has allowed me to segue into a brief discussion about her other gig, which was acting as a judge on the DEEPLY MISSED SOAPnet reality series, I Wanna Be A Soap Star, which was possibly one of the most hilarious and amazing shows on TV and I'm actually not really being all that sarcastic. That show was insanely entertaining and I am sort of distraught that it seems to be no more. It was -- as perhaps you can imagine -- a reality show in which people competed for a thirteen week gig on a soap opera. Every week, contestants would be, like, throwing drinks in each other's faces or making out or pretending to be in an effective coma. And they all had to live, literally, in like a cell at CBS Radford or something and it was AWESOME. Some of the contestants actually went on to get legitimate daytime acting gigs, and then I just saw one of them in the background of an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker, so....the talent was varied, is what I am saying. And I really need them to bring it back. They can totally use my parachute plot point, for free.

August 31, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Winsor Harmon

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Listen, Winsor. I'm sorry you've had no screen time lately except to disapprove of your father's relationship with a really young blonde (which, also, get over it, Thorne Forrester: your father lives for sleeping with young blondes, one of whom both he and your brother married and whom you also slept with, an act which forced your ex into a presumed death [she was not dead; she came back to life later, only to be killed for real by a falling chandelier]). But lack of attention from your bosses is no excuse for this:

Wearing a suit that shiny is NOT going to convince the writers that your character's future is so bright, they have to wear shades. Instead, they're going to turn their heads, wince, and possibly run away every time they see you coming, because the sheer amount of light bouncing off that thing is headache-inducing.

You'd have been better off doing this:

Continue reading Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Winsor Harmon.

August 31, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Bree Williamson

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purple,
soap stars

Bree Williamson plays a character on One Life To Live who has multiple personalities. What I didn't know is that she herself has a few alter-egos. One is that of a soap actress...

... and one is that of a woman who runs the Renaissance Faire's most popular food stands, Francis Bacon-Wrapped Hot Dogs, Ferdinand Magell-O Shots, and of course the nationally renowned Hieronymus Borscht.

August 31, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fug or Fab: Stacy Haiduk

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Sweet Mary Jane, I love the Daytime Emmys. For one, I love soaps, and for another, it gives all these people who work tirelessly to make sure that we can still watch characters coming back from the dead, or marrying their way through an entire extended family, or trying to make themselves temporarily blind by injecting Botox into their [WORD REDACTED TO AVOID CAUSING ME SEVERE MENTAL TRAUMA].

And speaking of Mary Jane, this lady -- Stacy Haiduk -- plays a character on The Young and the Restless by that name.

Now, Mary Jane is really Patty Williams, who had good old-fashioned face-changing surgery so she could skulk into town pretending to be someone else and wreak havoc on her enemies, and also executed a good old-fashioned "drug a dude so he'll think you're someone else, sleep with you, and get you pregnant" scheme. And so even if I hate what she's wearing, this is probably the perfect thing for Ms. Haiduk's character: We can see her villainous nipple shields, and she's wearing truly evil semi-detached beaded sleeves, all of which make her look like a classic overdramatic soap villainess who likes to throw gala parties at which everyone drinks punch spiked with hormones and a dead body falls out of a cake (so, you know, your typical Labor Day barbecue).

But in aligning fashion and fiction, I'm thinking maybe Stacy shouldn't have gone QUITE so far. For instance, she brought her co-star:

Continue reading Daytime Emmy Awards Fug or Fab: Stacy Haiduk.

Results tagged “soap stars” from GoFugYourself

Fuglyoaks

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Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Victoria Rowell

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Lemondrop.com: Soap Star Fashion

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Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Lesley-Anne Down

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Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Rachel Melvin

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Daytime Emmy Awards Unfug It Up: Molly Burnett

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Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Debbi Morgan

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Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Winsor Harmon

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Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Bree Williamson

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Daytime Emmy Awards Fug or Fab: Stacy Haiduk

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