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November 20, 2009

The Fuglight Saga: Fug Moon

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Dear Nikki Reed:

It's called "going up a size," and it's totally legal.

November 17, 2009

I feel like this dress will be worn all over the world by a certain subset of ladies to holiday parties -- some of them accessorizing it with light-up earrings in the form of trees -- and by a couple of women who work for the Tournament of Roses and are extremely committed to the concept of thematic dressing. And while it will be IDEAL for those specific ladies, I don't know that this whole Ruched Sleeves Ahoy look is going to set the night on fire for the rest of us.

October 23, 2009

Evan Fugchel Wood

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Apparently, Dita Von Teese and her skull-raping pearl galaxy were at the same event as Evan Rachel Wood -- a.k.a. I Dated Marilyn Manson Right After Dita Did And Kind Of Turned Myself Into Her. Awkward.

I hope they bumped into each other. I imagine if they had, Evan might have said, "I'm interested to hear if your headpiece thinks Pluto should be a planet," and then Dita probably said, "How nice that you obviously bought your caftan from someone's Etsy store."

[Photos: Splash News]

And then Evan would be all, "Like I care what you think, ANDROMEDA," and Dita would say, "If I tug your cord, does a butler come running to bring us tea?" Evan would stick her nose up in the air and say, "It worked with our ex-boyfriend," and then Dita would be like, "Oh, no you did NOT, pipsqueak -- you do NOT get to insult me when you are wearing this much fringe," and then Evan would turn around:

Continue reading Evan Fugchel Wood.

October 19, 2009

Unfug It Up: Christina Ricci

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Christina Ricci is as cute as the proverbial button. And I feel like this little dress is ALMOST as cute as she deserves.

But there's something about it that just doesn't quite work for me. It feels like what you'd get if you decided to make a saucy nightgown for the goth-enthusiast who REALLY hates her arms. If it were sleeveless, and had a better defined waist, we might be in business. Or if we chopped two feet off the bottom and wore it with jeans, she might skate by. Or....well, you tell me in the comments. As Elvis once said, don't be cruel. Also, please try the peanut butter, banana and bacon sandwiches. They're DELICIOUS.

October 12, 2009

Fug and Fug or Fab: Penelope Cruz

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Penelope Cruz was all over the place this weekend -- drumming up early press for Nine, I guess.

[Photo: Splash News]

Also, judging from this photo, doing an artful impression of some of the 1980s' most trendily-decorated breakfast rooms, all covered in white trellis and redolent of wicker and Morgan Fairchild and white wine spritzers. Someone somewhere is surely looking at her and thinking, "I can't wait to serve a quiche on that."

Luckily, she went out on Sunday night looking a bit less like somewhere you'd go for brunch with your grandma:

Continue reading Fug and Fug or Fab: Penelope Cruz.

October 7, 2009

Fugcretary

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[Photo: Splash News]

PETER SAAAAAARSGAAAAARD:Maggie.

MAGGIE GYLLLLLENHAAAAL: Peter.

PETER: A word?

MAGGIE: Does it use the letter 'a'? Because our surnames may have already used up our daily quota.

PETER: No. The word is, "Yikes."

MAGGIE: I don't like that word.

PETER: How about "criminy"?

MAGGIE: That word sounds like it should be a type of fish.

PETER: "Jeepers"?

MAGGIE: An accessory to an off-roading vehicle.

PETER: Well, what word would you use to say, "Honey, that jumpsuit you're wearing is heinous and doesn't even fit you that well and it's rather unflattering and I could lose an entire bottle of Dom in the depth of the wrinkles from when you sat down in the limo"?

MAGGIE: Maybe just drop to your knees, wave your fist at the sky, and shout, "NOOOOOOOOOO."

PETER: Thanks. I'll try that next time.

October 5, 2009

Fug it to Lamas

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When we were live-blogging the Emmys red carpet on E!, Heather and I first became aware that Shayne Lamas -- who was the last woman standing on the Bachelor season featuring Hot British Dude Matt Grant -- has gotten herself a new gig: LEAVE IT TO LAMAS, featuring the rest of her family and their -- I presume -- hilariously Kardashian-esque shenanigans. Which means, I fear, that we will see much more of this in the future:

I do not understand why every time we see Shayne Lamas, she's dressed like the pre-adolescent heroine of a Noel Streatfeild novel. Her waistless satin frock with a giant neck bow is IDEAL if you're an 11 year old theatrical prodigy about to charm the producers of London's most famous pantomime circa 1938, or if you're a plucky orphan/ballet dancer whose sisters recently nearly died of the influenza and you must land a well-paying role in order to even light the drawing room fire. If you are, on the other hand, a grown-ass modern woman who sprang from the loins of a man most recently known for being gross as a judge on Are You Hot?, then it's just a weird, off-putting disconnect.

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Elisabeth Moss

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Well, this surely didn't go quite as planned.

There are aspects of this that I actually like. For one thing, it's refreshing to see Elisabeth Moss not having to wear her Mad Men bangs. WHY are they parted in the middle like curtains all the time? That may be period-appropriate, but I keep wanting to drag her into the Sterling Cooper Ladies Powder Room and brush them TOGETHER. Why hasn't Joan stepped in to resolve this incredibly important issue? And this color is kind of....intriguing? Sure, it's sort of the shade of the dark meat on a turkey, but it doesn't wash her out too terribly and could be sort of sophisticated. If it didn't look like she had it balled up in the bottom of her closet for six weeks prior to the event. Look, I understand that shit gets wrinkled, and sometimes you just go to an event knowing that you might be a wee bit creased. But this thing isn't just creased. It's CREASED. And this is the Emmys. And she's a nominee. So I guess what I'm saying is, if she insisted on wearing this Delicate Dark Meat Turkey Satin Number, why didn't she fully commit and lie down flat in the limo on the way over so as to preserve its integrity? That's all.

August 27, 2009

Fugging Jordan

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Apart from not being able to figure out what Jill Hennessy is up to these days that she's getting asked to ring the NYSE bell...

.. I am ALSO wondering why she purloined a dress from a wardrobe shed that contains everything ever worn in the movie 9 to 5. Although, considering it's a festival of satin and more modest than a chastity belt, it's actually not as frightening as it could be -- nor as wrinkled. But it is still musty and dated to me -- like, even 9 to 5 feels more fresh than this, and totally more lively. Perhaps it's the presence of Dolly Parton that does it. Note to Jill: Next time you wear this, consider pinning a brooch in the image of Dolly's face to your chest. Just for some zest.

August 24, 2009

Home Fug Hollywood

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Oh, Tori. I just don't know.

Actually, I do know: this kind of looks like the satin tablecloth that covers the dressing room vanity in a fabulously glamorous old movie wherein the heroine does a lot of swishing around in peignoirs, lighting cigarettes with giant jewel-encrusted lighters and waving her martini glass about insouciantly, while denying to everyone -- ESPECIALLY HERSELF -- that she's in love with the dapper leading man, who is never seen without a tie. Which is AWESOME. But a piece of advice: dress like the WOMAN, not the TABLE. It's sort of Fashion 101.

Results tagged “the evils of satin” from GoFugYourself

The Fuglight Saga: Fug Moon

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Fugerate Housewives

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Evan Fugchel Wood

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Unfug It Up: Christina Ricci

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Fug and Fug or Fab: Penelope Cruz

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Fugcretary

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Fug it to Lamas

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Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Elisabeth Moss

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Fugging Jordan

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Home Fug Hollywood

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