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August 7, 2009

Fug City

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I have to say, I am sort of looking forward to this season of The City. If only because I know at least once per Monday night, I will get to turn and ask a houseplant, "WHAT IS WHITNEY WEARING?"

Like when THIS shows up:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

For the love of sweet Italian sausages, tell me that is a joke. Tell me that old Whitney here got stuck overnight in a Chico's -- kind of like in Richard Peck's seminal 80s teen novel, Secrets of the Shopping Mall, but with potentially fewer zombies -- and was forced to fashion an appropriately youthful ensemble out of the sale rack before she was allowed to regain her freedom. Tell me she lost a bet. Tell me this is a terrible, terrible gag being played on her by someone at MTV who had to stoop to the use of hardcore, mind-altering drugs to pull it off. Tell me this season focuses on a surprisingly hard-hitting and grim storyline in which MTV decides Whitney must pay for her own apartment and clothing, and ergo she ends up homeless living in Central Park by episode three, forced to steal outfits from tourists she knocks out with an empty bottle while they're picnicking. TELL ME THIS WASN'T A CONSCIOUS DECISION ON HER PART.

July 3, 2009

Scrolldown Fug: Whitney Port

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I don't understand -- did Whitney think it was International From-The-Waist-Up Day? Or that Independence Day weekend meant freeing yourself from the itchy binds of well-matched outfits?

[Photo: Splash News]

I could handle how haphazard that belt is with the vest, because what she's trying to achieve is identifiable, but I'm not sure how to account for the fact that she's wearing her very favorite pajama shorts, unless this whole thing is actual, tangible proof that she's sleepwalking her way through shooting The City. But that's no excuse for being a walking variation on a mullet -- business up top, party everywhere else -- and it makes her look like she's going to set up Lucy Van Pelt-style booth of legal advice at some outdoor music festival. Which I would MAYBE give her a pass for if she promised to yank a football away from that idiotic Jonas/Bee Gee hybrid she fake-dated on the show, or even, nay especially, if she did it to Olivia Palermo. But ONLY then.

December 19, 2008

The Fug and the Fugless

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This holiday season, I am thankful for many things: My health, my family, my Dr. Murad zit-blasting face wash, the fact that it's cold enough in Los Angeles to wear coats, mulled wine, fondue, the Pittsburgh Steelers defense, the fact that the hideously, brain-searingly, stabby-makingly awful Sears ad with that Five For Fighting song is seasonal and should therefore go off the air soon... the list is long.

But on there, somewhere, is a note of gratitude that Michelle Stafford did not come upon this pattern in dress form:

For one thing, it's a rather ugly pattern, so the less of it assaulting my eyes, the better. But I'm also thankful she wore this outfit exactly as it is, because it's so AMUSING. I got a welcome laugh out of it this morning. It's ridiculous -- it's like wearing a turtleneck over your prom dress, or trying to repurpose your wedding gown by throwing on a t-shirt. She looks like a piece of furniture you'd find in the Titanic wreckage, right down to the presence of some mildew at the base. Oh, Phyllis. Why were you even AT the Valkyrie premiere? You just caught your husband making out with his ex-wife in Paris and your father-in-law VICTOR NEWMAN (whose name generally requires all-caps, as that's how everyone utters it on the show) is in prison for something he didn't do and your rich old friend is presumed dead but is actually suffering from the kind of amnesia that makes a girl color her hair and sling hash at a remote diner. You have PROBLEMS. You don't have TIME to waddle around in thigh-chafing baroque upholstery. I hope Santa puts some leg salve in your stocking.

Which segues us nicely to: Jessica and I will be taking a short Christmas break, so that we can fully concentrate on bribing Santa with brandy and cookies (EVERYONE looks nice after a few hot toddies), using way too much tape to wrap our presents, making merry with Intern George, and sleeping until noon. We will miss you, but frankly, it's not like you guys would be reading anyway. If you celebrate Christmas, your to-do list is probably a lot like the one we listed for ourselves, and if you don't, you're probably luxuriating in the fact that there's no traffic and probably very short lines in restaurants because everyone else is at home lazily lounging in front of their trees and refusing to change out of their pajamas. Barring the onset of unexpected holiday ennui, we're giving ourselves the weeks of Christmas and New Year's Eve to relax, meaning we'll be back with new posts in 2009.

Happy holidays, have a wonderful end to 2008, and as ever, thank you so much for all the love and support and occasionally deeply entertaining hate mail you've given us this year. We have the greatest readers in the world and we want nothing but the best for you all in 2009. Remember, Fug Madness is just around the corner....

XOXO,
Fugsip Girls

November 6, 2008

The Fug Sessions

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I've been staring at this photo for an hour now. Well, that's not entirely true -- someone on Facebook told me that my childhood home in the UK is for sale so I started Googling it to try and find the listing (but I can't; DO NOT FAIL ME, Google), and then I got sucked into 27 Dresses, which is truly terrible but does at least feature a clothing montage. Otherwise it's all about how Katherine Heigl is plain and overlooked because she has slightly brown hair, and oh my God, she and James Marsden just started singing "Benny and the Jets" at a bar while they received approving nods from all the people inside -- who would, in a real-life dive bar, be more likely to punch one of them in the face and/or roll their eyes and be like, "Dude, SOMEBODY forgot to eat dinner before drinking tequila."

THEN I set my TiVo for Center Stage 2, which a friend notified me is airing this afternoon, and spent some time wishing that a kindly soul would edit together all Peter Gallagher's lines with all Rachel Griffith's bits from Step Up into some sort of uber-reel of douchey dance-school principals with a penchant for intoning their lines and resisting change. So it's been a really eventful morning. Clearly I am deeply busy, with lots of important things on my mind, and so I just don't have TIME to understand crazy Joss Stone and her tie-dyed cardigan.

[Photo: Splash News]

It's like half of her wanted to wear a nightshirt with her new pink maryjanes, and the other part couldn't take off her Weekend Sweater so she tied it in with a shoe of a different color. Which... you know what? The girl usually wanders around barefoot, looking like she just got done running through a meadow in a Massengil commercial. Mismatched shoes at least protect from foot fungus. For her, that's a step in the right direction.

July 2, 2008

Fuggy Washington

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So here's the thing: It's a little hard for me to be objective about Kerry Washington, because in the last year or two her face has been doing that off-putting tight-lipped Nelly Furtado thing where she always looks like she's smiling through root-canal pain, or as though she just realized she accidentally put on her Bog Of Eternal Stench-scented deodorant today. Ergo, I can't promise my opinion about Kerry-adjacent things, like her clothes, is going to be unbiased. But I am pretty sure I have a legitimate, non-stinkface-related cause for concern here.

Separately, these pieces might be lovely -- the skirt and shoes in particular seem kind of girly and romantic. But I don't think the two halves belong as a whole. The top is a gentle lemon sorbet, and the bottom is ice cream from a tub where you've been using the same scoop to dig into bins of five different flavors and so there's bits of them all contaminating each other's containers and melding together into a muddy Pistachio Chocolate Strawberry Vanilla Peach Melba Swirl flavor. You wouldn't put that accidental sundae in a dish and serve it as dessert, unless it was called Queasy Like Sundae Morning and came with a complimentary bucket.

June 12, 2008

Fug or Fab: Elettra Rossellini-Wiedemann

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Part of me totally digs the blue-and-silver motif of this dress.

The rest of me wants to applaud the Lady Jedi fashion committee for going all-out with their formal robes this year. The back-flap is an incredibly practical built-in hood in case there's a sudden deluge, or, say, someone sets off the fire-alarm sprinklers in the middle of your gala function. But otherwise it's just an excuse for some asshat to see how long it takes for you to notice he's been dumping pate and brie in your shoulder-pouch.

Also, although I love the blue croc shoes, the similar-but-different color fights with the dress -- kind of like when you want to wear a black shirt and black pants, but one of them has been through the wash seventeen more times than the other, so suddenly you're in two-tone hell and look like an incredibly depressed and dour rainbow.

So, apparently, I think those little flourishes shove it into Fug territory, but dammit, I started this thing with democratic intentions and I'm going to finish it that way.

poll by twiigs.com...

May 14, 2008

Fugvieve Fugs

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I just don't know, Genevieve.

[Photo: Splash News]

Except that's a lie, because I totally do know: YIKES. The shirt would've had a chance with different pants, but oh, MY, those trousers are a sad mess. Not only do they appear to be pleated around the stomach, but they look like expensive knockoffs -- a phrase, by the way, that is fundamentally plain wrong -- of the kind of elastic-waist track slacks that grandmothers wear back and forth to their water aerobics classes. There's even a weird dark patch around her groin that could work as a disturbing "before" shot in a Depends commercial. You were already the socialite people thought could be lying about her age and whose mysteriously gotten riches are the source of some curiosity; you don't want to add the word "incontinent" in there anywhere.

December 12, 2005

Electric Fug

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Oh, Debbie Gibson.

What the hell are you doing? Why are you so shiny? Why doesn't anything fit? What's with the bangles and the spangles and the beads? Is it because you suspect you might, at some point in the evening, get the urge to Shake Your Love, and, if so, you'd like Your Love to be sparkly? Because if that is your thought process, you are marching to a Foolish Beat INDEED.

October 26, 2005

Save The Last Fug

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[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Kerry Washington failed the fugculus portion of her SATs, it seems. Let's go over the multiple-choice question:

Two mismatched wrongs + one hideous sash make ______:

a) a right

b) my right eyeball twitch

c) a girl aware of her right to remain silent while the fashion cops arrest her, on charges of reckless behavior, being a menace to society, DUI (dressing under the influence of idiots), and mixing white and cream.

d) both b and c.

I think the answer is clear, but sadly, Kerry chose A.

October 17, 2005

The O Fug

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INT.MISCHA'S BEDROOM.EVENING

MISCHA BARTON, a young actress, stands in front of her closet.

MISCHA:

What should I wear to the Ivy tonight? What to wear....what to wear....? The Jaclyn Smith Women's Collection caftan? No, that's so Mary Kate, and no one's seen her out and about in ages. The argyle sweaterdress with the mukluks? No, too Ashlee Simpson. God forbid. I'd rather die. The gray twill jumpsuit? No, what if someone thinks I'm Maggie Gylllllenhallalalalll or whatever her name is? Like I would ever make a movie where I end up peeing myself just so some guy can spank me, or whatever happened at the end of that movie. God. I hate EVERYTHING I own. Everything! Except....

Yes! My BIKE SHORTS! I can even go to spinning class on the way to dinner. Excellent!

END SCENE.

Results tagged “total mismatch” from GoFugYourself

Fug City

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Scrolldown Fug: Whitney Port

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The Fug and the Fugless

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The Fug Sessions

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Fuggy Washington

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Fug or Fab: Elettra Rossellini-Wiedemann

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Fugvieve Fugs

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Electric Fug

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Save The Last Fug

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The O Fug

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