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September 1, 2009

Fuggia Rules

Fug file:

Okay, Lindsay.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I am weary of you trying to tempt the world into giving you an impromptu pap smear. If you want to be naked that badly, just have a pool party. It's that simple.

And as for this:

Continue reading Fuggia Rules.

August 7, 2009

I Wanna Tell Her That I Fug Her, But the Point Is Probably Moot

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A Song for Rick Springfield: What Could Have Been And What Used to Be (A Composition to the Tune of Jesse's Girl):

Springfield is a friend.
Yeah, I know he's been
a good friend of mine
But lately something's changed
that ain't hard to define.
Rick's got himself an eyelift*
and it really is a crime.

And I'm watching him with those eyes
And I loved him with his old face,
You just know it
He could have held me
in his arms late,
late at night...

You know, I wish that he had his old face!
I wish that Rick has his old face!
Why did he butcher his hot face like that?

I play along with the charade.
There doesn't seem to be
an option for feedback.
You know, I feel so dirty
He used to be so cute.
I wanna tell him that I love him
Now the point is probably moot.

'Cuz look at him with those eyes!
And he's done something misguided to his body,
I just know it!
He could have held me
in his arms late, late, late at night...

JUST LOOK AT RIIIIIIIIIICK'S FAAAAAAAAACE!
I wish that he still had his old face!
Why did he screw with it like that?
Why did he mess with his face like that?

And he's lookin' in the mirror all the time,
Wondering how this sitch came to be.
Everyone was cool, people were cool with his lines
Ain't that the way aging's supposed to be?

TELL ME!

Why did he get an eyelift like that?
You know, I wish that he had his old face.
I wish that Rick had his old face.
I want his old faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.

Why did he get an eyelift like that?
Rick's old faaaaaaaaaaaace.
I wish that Rick had his old faaaaaaaaaaaace.
I wish...
I wish for Rick's old faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.

*ALLEGEDLY

April 21, 2009

Celebrity Terror Watch: Rupert Everett's Maybe-Surgery

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There has been much online to-do over actor Rupert Everett's alleged-maybe-probably plastic surgery. You may remember Rupert from such movies as My Best Friend's Wedding, where he played the dapper gay BFF of Julia Roberts' character, or from that movie he did with Madonna that nobody saw. Or even from St. Trinian's, when he dressed in drag to play the batty lady principal of a school of miscreants, and whose love interest in the movie was Colin Firth.

And Rupert probably, in your mind's eye, looks like this:

[Photo: WENN.com]

Or, you know, a bit younger. But the point is, that's a shot from his "before" era.

Here is the "after" shot currently making the rounds on the Intertubes:

Continue reading Celebrity Terror Watch: Rupert Everett's Maybe-Surgery.

October 23, 2008

Fug The Cover: Nicole Kidman

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Sigh. I got spoiled, guys. When Nicole Kidman was pregnant, she looked so much more like her normal, pre-Botox, To Die For self and I guess I hoped it would stay that way. Because I am naive.

Look at her back in April, though:

Seriously, is that a FACIAL EXPRESSION I detect? Traces of actual movement in her brow? SMILE LINES? I thought she'd blitzed those off her face completely.

Compare that with the RoboKidman on the cover of this month's Australian In Style:

Continue reading Fug The Cover: Nicole Kidman.

June 23, 2008

Daytime Emmy Fug Press Room: Jack Wagner

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When I first saw this picture, I said, "ooh, Jack Wagner!" Then I took a closer look and said, "OH. JACK WAGNER."

A velvet jacket? A quasi-mullet, blown out to womanly perfection? What looks like potentially (and ALLEGEDLY) excessive Botoxery? Let's go to the close-up:

Continue reading Daytime Emmy Fug Press Room: Jack Wagner.

May 5, 2008

The Fug Whisperer: Part A Lot

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Recent events on The Ghost Whisperer can not be ignored. No, I don't mean how they Rapidly Aged Camryn Manheim's son so that he can now date girls who have vindictive ghosts attached to them, or how Melinda seems to have abandoned the hilariously over-the-top nightgowns, bed-jackets and ballgowns of yore and now argues with the vindictive ghosts attached to the girlfriends of her employees while looking generally attractive and youthful and well-dressed-ish (for god's sake, please don't anyone actually LISTEN to us when we mock your beehives and bed-jackets. Don't you know by now that when I say, "Dude, she's WEARING a LACE NIGHTGOWN to BINGO with a BOX on her head and a CUCKOO CLOCK for a PURSE!" it actually means, "I love you"?). No, this time I am speaking of something that was brought to my attention by several readers and at least one close friend.

Picture it: Southern California, 2008. I am wearing a box on my head, having just come home from bingo, and am settling in for a Sunday night marathon of all the episodes of Greek that have built up on my TiVo. Just innocently looking forward to spending some quality time with that delightful Spencer Grammar and some moonshine. Then I check our GFY email to find several missives regarding Nikki Cox's appearance on The Ghost Whisperer this week, which inspired the following from your fellow readers: several instances of "WTF??!!!?", a few folks wailing, "WHYY?!?! Right?", a brief but apt note opining, "IT'S LIKE THEY ATE HER HEAD," several comments indicating that the individual in question could neither look directly at her NOR look away, and one person who simply said, "OMG."

And I read these emails and I thought, "Nikki Cox is really cute! What's going on? And how bad could it be?"

Then I turned on the TV to this:

Continue reading The Fug Whisperer: Part A Lot.

January 18, 2008

Fugdi Montag

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So, the popular rumor now is that in addition to inserting softballs into her chest and shaving off part of her nose, Heidi Montag has started plumping up her lips. And I have to say, strange things do seem to be afoot on her face.

Observe:

Something isn't right. And I suspect it's the fact that her upper lip is all numb and swollen from whatever she shot up in there, and it hurts to smile. Somehow, the subtle stiffening almost renders her unrecognizable. It's like all this whittling, from the rhinoplasty to the booboplasty to the mouthoplasty, has taken a face that was distinctive and turned it into something ever more generic. She looks less like Heidi, The Two-Faced Hills Vixen With Crappy Taste In Men, and more like HeiDee, The Blonde Barbie With Crappy Taste In Men Who Has Decided That, At Age 21, She Is Too Washed-Up To Meet A Man On Her Own And Instead Needs To Go On The Bachelor.

Seriously, she looked slightly off all night.

Continue reading Fugdi Montag.

November 28, 2005

David Fuggelhoff

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I fear that something terrible has befallen ~~America's~~ Germany's Sweetheart.

I know, I know, even heroes have to age. But those aren't just the hollow cheeks of the chronologically damned; no, there's something around the eyes. Something tweaked. Something... Redford.

I curse the eye job that turned him from "Craggy But Still Hot" to "Craggy With Eyelids That Look Propped Open By The Power of Surgery." And I have a nagging suspicion that The Hoff has wandered down this same path -- this dangerous road of premature nips and tucks that somehow manage to expose your age rather than defy it.

Not long ago, Herr Hoffbrau looked like the Mitch Buchannon we fondly remember, albeit ever so gently kissed by Father Time and a fraction less likely to trot around in orange shorts.

He could still furrow his brow back then. He was... well, himself, and not the wax-figure version of himself that looks sort of soulless and plastic.

We miss your natural manscape, Hasselhoff. We certainly hope whatever happened is magically reversible.

August 5, 2005

Wild On Fug

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Okay, Tara Reid. Take a seat, baby, because we need to talk.

You do realize that you have a problem, right? That when your behavior and appearance makes Paris Hilton look like Grace Kelly, something has gone horribly, horribly wrong? Also, that your new fake boobs are really, really too big and, honestly, that smooshing them down like that is neither comfortable, nor flattering?

Do I have to be blunt here?

Okay.

You're THIRTY DAMN YEARS OLD. YOUR LIFE SHOULDN'T BE A GIRLS GONE WILD VIDEO TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAMN DAY. GET A GODDAMNED GRIP.

And buy a shirt that fits. Jeezy Chreezy. My boobs hurt just looking at you, kiddo.

July 28, 2005

Wanted: Fug Or Alive

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tragic (alleged) work

We're officially issuing an All Points Bulletin for whomever is responsible for the crimes perpetrated against Jessica Lange's face:

Sweet cracker sandwich. The woman is only 56 years old. Do you know who is the exact same age? Susan Motherf'ing Sarandon.

Compare and contrast, if you will:

Continue reading Wanted: Fug Or Alive.

Results tagged “tragic (alleged) work” from GoFugYourself

Fuggia Rules

Fug file:

I Wanna Tell Her That I Fug Her, But the Point Is Probably Moot

Fug file:

Celebrity Terror Watch: Rupert Everett's Maybe-Surgery

Fug file:

Fug The Cover: Nicole Kidman

Fug file:

Daytime Emmy Fug Press Room: Jack Wagner

Fug file:

The Fug Whisperer: Part A Lot

Fug file:

Fugdi Montag

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David Fuggelhoff

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Wild On Fug

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Wanted: Fug Or Alive

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